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Earlier this week, Morticon, local wallaby and alleged leader of the SED (Society of Evil Doers,) along with Portia, local red panda. arrived in the Rose Garden.

After a few comments to Morticon and greetings to Portia, it was noticed that Portia didn't look so well. She wasn't her usual perky pert self and just seemed to be acting strange. WHEN ASKED, Portia licked her lips a bitand said,"I'm... feeling.. hungry. Strangly, Mortion asked, "Portia? Didn't you feed today already?"

This caused some raised eyebrows as Portia got off her bench. The crowd moved back suspecting what Portia had become. Portia said in a slightly deeper, serious tone,"No.. no I haven't fed much at all." She looked up at Morticon and walked slowly toward the wallaby.

Morticon said, "But... the garden... I mean... with the recent article and all...." to which Portia replied by whimpering slightly and saying,"But Morticon.. I'm sooooo hungry." She then moved behind Morticon, and continued, "And I like the way you taste."

Portia then gave her condition away and bit Morticon on the neck her arms wrapped about his body and her tail flicking making softly as she apparently "fed" on Morticon.

Morticon's eyes widened as did those of most of the witnesses as blood dribbles down a bit on his black fur, easily standing out. Portia then stopped licking the trickle of blood and then actually seemed to float above the Rose Garden to who knows where?

There was some conversation concerning what to do, but Than, local lion cub and Westly, local human took him home and made sure he was ok. Than seemed to think he wouldn't become a vampire.

As news spread, Gilead, local otter noted, "Morticon doesn't look much like bamboo. Was he in costume? Maybe she's really a bamboopire. And Morticon was rolling in the leaves or something."

Pathfinder, another local red panda (but as far as is known at press time not a vampire,) asked, "But what did you DO with him? Did you lock him up, post guard to watch over him in case Portia comes back to finish what she started?"

Than shook her head saying, "Nuh uh, he jus' sleepin' at home." You say, "Than seems to think he won't turn into one."

Pathfinder shook his head and said, "You best go lock him up, then have someone study him to see just what type of vampire he might be turning into. Depending on the type you might be able to save him.

Argon, local centaur said, "I would think it more important to get Portia."

Mavra nodded and said. "She should be given some antiwallabiotics."

Pathfinder said, "It important to get BOTH. At best Morti is her slave that she can control at a distance, at worst he a vampire that going to wake up and bite someone else and spread the problem around."

As the problem was discussed it was wondered what the AntiRaccoon, who sent @Action News a warning about a vampire last week and the additional vampire information printed below.

I know that there is at least one vampire in SpinDizzy. I know I'm right. There is no need for warning, and no need for a hunt...

These "creatures", as Anti calls them, are as normal as Unka Patchy and Unka Argon. These are not 'monsters', these are not scary, there is nothing wrong with vampires. Some vampires could even be... The cutest in SpinDizzy.

Yes, I, Thanny, am among one of the 'embraced'. I'm sorry I've been hiding it from you, from the very first day I arrived here in SpinDizzy, I have been a vampire for six years, which is why my last birthday party was my twelfth birthday, but I'm still six.

I hope everyone, after knowing this, doesn't think any less about me, which has been one of the reasons for the secret to be kept, and still finds me the cutest in SpinDizzy.

For some time now, Spindizzians have celebrated other nations' national days. I think we should have one of our own. I propose that the Official Spindizzy National Holidays should fall each year on that weekend which is closest to July 2-3. It should be a two day holiday, with the celebrations consisting of standing on gourds (or Horses, for those who have them to stand on) for the first day, and blowing stuff up for the second day.

O Spindizzy!
Our round and spinny home!
You fly though space,
Amidst the stars you roam!

With thoughtful brains we think of you!
With lookish eyes we see!
With footly feet, O Spindizzy,
We stand on gourds* for thee!

Now our song is done!
We've sung it songfully!

O Spindizzy, we stand on gourds* for thee!
O Spindizzy, we stand on gourds* for thee!

* Or Horses, as appropriate

Editor's Note
A: Suri is confused and cannot tell the difference between centaurs and horses. Most centaurs forgive Suri because of her "special" mental circumstances.

Canadia Day - A favourite Lemur Holiday, celebrated by standing on gourds.

Christmas Wallaby - A popular holiday custom amongst Lemurs is to capture and decorate a Wallaby for Christmas.

Cork Snoofing - a minor Lemurish sport in which the nostrils are plugged with corks, and snoofed at targets or for distance.

Cretumbrous Age - When Lemurs Ruled the Earth.

Cretumbrousness - Cretumbrousness is a quality which is highly pleasing to Lemurs. Its nature is intuitively obvious to Lemurs, yet has never been defined to the satisfaction of outside observers.

Dinosaurs - Dinosaurs are not Lemurs. Dinosaurs are neither round nor pointy.

Hanukkah Harmonica - The Hanukkah Harmonica is traditionally given to the youngest Lemur in the family each Hanukkah. At first, all of the holes but one are plugged with corks, so that only one note can be played. With each passing day, another hole is uncovered. Old Hanukkah Harmonicas are considered quite collectible, as most become lost or broken before the eight days are up.

Horses - Horses are warm, and comfortable to stand on.

Lemur Essence - The substance that keeps Lemurs from reverting to Dinosaurs. Zinc is necessary for the existence of Lemur Essence. Some time back Morticon depleted Suri's Lemur Essence, and she was a Dinosaur for a few weeks.

Macro-Lemurs - See "Micro-Lemurs".

Micro-Lemurs - Lemurs do not have brains. Instead they have control rooms staffed by Micro-Lemurs. The Micro-Lemurs, in turn, have even smaller Lemurs controlling them, in an infinite recursion. Suri is an example of the currently largest size of Lemur. In the future, during the Second Cretumbrous Age, there are expected to be Macro-Lemurs, whose control rooms will be staffed by Lemurs Suri's size.

Oy Cretumbro! - An exclamation used when finding some unexpected cretumbrous thing; also the Motto of the Secret Lemur Civilization. When the initial paperwork for the Secret Lemur Civilization was being filled out, several of the Lemurs cheerfully exclaimed "Oy Cretumbro!" upon finding that they would be allowed to pick a national motto. By the time the confusion was straightened out, the blank had already been filled out in ink, so "Oy Cretumbro!" became the motto.

Pointiness - One of the two Essential Qualities. Arrrgh is a Pointy Lemur. q.v. "Roundness".

Prrbl - A sound expressing mild curiousity.

Prunkle - A sound made by a satisfied Lemur, often in response to a cretumbrous situation or object.

Roundness - One of the two Essential Qualities. Suri is a Round, Round Lemur. q.v. "Pointiness".

Snoof - A questioning sound, or less often, a sound of surprise. "Snoof?" or "Snoof!" The sound is made by rapidly exhaling through the nostrils. q.v. "Cork Snoofing"

The Lemur - The most common last name among Lemurs, shared by more than 98% of the population. Suri's full name is Suri the Lemur. Some other names are Prunkling-Smythe, Fruiteating-Jones, and Von Lemurmeier. Suri's cousin Phoobia is named Phoobia Prunkling-Smythe.

Universal Lemur Theory - The idea that all forms of life apart from Dinosaurs are a type of Lemur.

Uranium - Second most cretumbrous of the metals, often used for decorative items.

Whirr - A contented sound.

Zerda - Lemurs hold the Zerda, or Fennec Fox, in superstitious regard. Under most circumstances, it would be bad luck to refuse the request of a Zerda. Most of the exceptions to the rule involve zinc.

Zinc - Most cretumbrous of all the metals. A complete explanation of the relationship between zinc, roundness and pointiness, the Cretumbrous Age, Dinosaurs and the Universal Lemur Theory is outside the scope of this document.

Zoof - A greeting sound. "Zoof!"

Zoofle - A series of fast, quiet zoofs that run together. A noncommital sound.

Q: What are the best two things about springtime in Japan?
A: Chestnuts and squirrels.

Q: What is the world's smallest rodent?
A: The Capillarybara.

Q:Why is it called "laundry" when it's really "launwet" until the end of the very last step?

Q: What do you call a haughty ringtail?
A: A cockymistle.

Q: What is also the world's biggest rodent?
A: A Copybara.

Q: What did the Billy and the Nanny name their Kid just to be cruel to him?
A: Se.

Q: What plays music in parades and will tear you a new one with little provocation?
A: A Marching Badger.

Q: What do Grizzlys take for headaches when they wake up in spring after hibernating in a bad position all winter?
A: Bear Aspirin.

Q: What believes in a worker's revolution, and eats bamboo?
A: A Red panda.

Q: What's red and white and black and cute, and drives a hybrid?
A: A Green Panda.

Q: What slips on ice, looks really cute, and stings?
A: A Bam-bee.

Q: How would you describe a fish who skeletonized a few too many carcasses?
A: A Pear-shaped-anha.

Q: What do giant vixens do with redwood trees?
A: Tend and water them, so they'll eventually have something to look up at.

Q: Why did the plumber take so long repairing the female fox's sink?
A: He was having too much fun Vixin' it to ever want to finish.

Q: What smells of bacon and has a genius IQ?
A: Albert Ein Schwein.

This week we have a chat with Sasha, local fox puppet.

Sasha has arrived.

Ba'ar smiles. "Hello Sasha and thanks for helping me out with the interview."

Ba'ar growls, "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"

Sasha says, "Not quite sure, I think a couple of years anyway."

Ba'ar nods, "What brought you to Spindizzy?"

Sasha says, "There aren't too many places where a puppet can feel at home, and this place seems to welcome nearly everyone, so I felt it would be a good fit."

Ba'ar nods. "I take it you were born as a puppet?"

Sasha says, "Well, I have had several forms here, but kind of developed the puppet form, and it seems to have taken over."

Ba'ar cocks his head, "Oh? What made the puppet form so appealing?"

Sasha says, "Just the fact my player likes puppets, and you rarely see any nicely done fox puppets. Plus, it was a chance to be different."

Ba'ar nods, "I see you're a marionette. Can you move by yourself or do you move only when your puppeteer, as it were, 'pulls the strings'?"

Sasha says, "Has to pull the strings, but my performer seems to know exactly what I need to do at any given time."

Ba'ar nods, "What's your take on Pinocchio? Do you consider him to be a brother puppet?"

Sasha says, "All puppets share a common kinship, not always a direct lineage, but there is always a feeling all belong to the same family."

Ba'ar nods, "So, that brings us to my next question. Would you want to become 'a real fox' ?"

Sasha says, "I can actually morph into one, thanks to the miracle of SD technology."

Ba'ar grins. "I see, so what's a typical day like for you-or is there one?"

Sasha says, "There really isn't one, but a good day is one where I'm out and around the muck residents, I'm happiest when making others happy."

Ba'ar grins, "'Making Others Happy'? I take it you puppets have a natural bent and/or desire to entertain folks?"

Sasha says, "Yep, most do, I'd guess."

Ba'ar growls, "If there was one thing you could change about Spindizzy, what would it be?"

Sasha says, "Maybe have a puppet stage in the middle of the Rose Garden all the time for all the puppets here."

Ba'ar growls, "Who do you admire the most-puppet or otherwise?"

Sasha says, "I admire anyone who can make marionettes come alive, as they are the most difficult of puppets to master. There are some masters out there, and I admire what they do."

Ba'ar nods, "It's not the kind of puppetry you find much nowadays."

Sasha says, "It's a lost art, a good reason I now exist RL."

Ba'ar nods, "So conversely who do you admire the least - again puppet or otherwise (I'm thinking that irritating red ball of fur known as Elmo m'self ;-D)?"

Sasha says, "He is high on my list. Hard to think of another more annoying right now.
"

Ba'ar growls, "So other than making more people happy, what are your plans for the future?"

Sasha says, "Hopefully to make more people aware of marionettes, and appreciate them more. With luck, maybe more will get to see them performed."

Ba'ar growls, "As a puppet yourself, what puppet or puppeteer do you admire the most?"

Sasha says, "One who really sticks in my mind is Albrecht Roser, an Austrian marionette master I got to see live back in 1994. His performance was jaw dropping, simply amazing. Bil Baird is another one, he got quite famous performing marionettes, and raised the level of the art form."

Ba'ar nods, "Is there a secret fact or desire about you that would surprise our readers?"

Sasha says, "Maybe the fact I now exist rl, not sure many know that."

Ba'ar nods, "In closing, do you have any words of wisdom for our readers?"

Sasha says, "Just to keep an eye out for puppets, don't step on us, and don't try to operate us without asking our performers first. Remember, puppets are people too. "

Ba'ar smiles. "Good advice that. With that in mind, that concludes our interview. Again Sasha, thanks."

Sasha says, "Any time."

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up
I hear that the new Pirates of the Carribean movie will do well at the box office. What's your take?
- Roger Ebert

Dear Roger Ebert
Aye lad. It be makin' a real treasure chest o' gold at the box office!

Dear Bearing Up
Where does a 300 lb gorilla stay for the night?
Leakey

Dear Leakey
Anywhere he wants to!

Dear Bearing Up
When's the best time to go to a circus?
- Bozo

Dear Bozo
A week after it has left town!

Dear Bearing Up
My dog ran away during the July 4th fireworks show because he was scared of the fireworks. How do I prevent this in the future?
- PETA

Dear PETA
Get a dog that can't hear fireworks!

Dear Bearing Up
What's the best wine to buy?
- Gourmand

Dear Gourmand
Any cheap wine that comes out of a box!

Greetings all, Ba'ar here with your Spindizzy @Action News survey for this week. If you were given the time and resources to run your own MUCK/MUSH, what would it be called and what would it be like?

• Argon says, "D'uh! Centaurus Muck, of course!"
• Ba'ar growls, "Mine would be Zaftig City MUCK, a place where all the fat furs would hang out (no pun intended)."
• Cora growls, "Mine would be Carnival MUCK. It would be themed around a traveling show and of course surprises would be lurking around every corner."
• Gina_Doberman says, "Gina's Music Muck. Would center on furry rock groups!"
• PatchO'Black mews, "Not sure what it would be called, but it would be Jellicle!"
• Christie says, "The Warren -- a cute, quiet, haven for bunnies an anyone else that's bunny friendly! (well, since hat's what it /IS/ after all
  A:)"
• Than ummmmms... "My own other world.... It'd be like Candyland!!! Like Unka Patchy's Jellicle Fields, but lots more candy!!!"
• Tanuki barks, "Either it'd be just like here, to a point that there'd be no reason to create it in the first place, or it'd be so small-scale that I can't get my friends to log into it. ^_^"
• Gilead chirps, "I'd have a very natural MUCK, where everyone was whatever they normally were, like bears and otters, and we'd all be friends, and nobody would poke or hit me if I said something. Maybe I'd call it Raking MUCK. Or some other horrible pun."

THIS WEEK'S CAPTION

• I am become Grey. I stand between the darkness and the light. Between the Pixie Stix and the excessive camera flash glare. - Gilead
• Apparently, Patchy is a one-man band now. How long do you think it'll be until he gets to Shea Stadium? - Scribbles
• The PAWS that have Pixy Sticks are the PAWS that REFRESH - Ba'ar.

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

• One Year Ago - / Centaur Con well attended
• Three Years Ago - / Unusual Ancestry

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, or Ba'ar about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12
A:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News

Thanks! Ba'ar, Associate Editor @Action News