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Change Has Gone Unnoticed For Months

Austin Dern, local elastic coati, looks a little different these days. Ceralor, local dragon, used his magic and attempted to 'melt' Austin into dragon shape. But as is usual among most magic use in SpinDizzy, it didn't work out as planned, and Austin was left slightly transparent with milky shapes in his interior. His appearence now resembles that of an ice cube.

Alhough still elastic, Austin's unusual shape had gone unnoticed by this reporter for months. When making inquiries for this article, it was found that many SpinDizzy residents were also unaware of this hardly unnoticable change in the mild mannered coati. Although occuring several months ago, Austin has taken to his new appearance well. Never one to complain, he has used it to entertain his friends.

When asked for a comment, Austin replied, "I haven't noticed any particular ill effects. Now and then I feel a bit stretchier than I did before, but that actually doesn't matter much for a lot of my day-to-day activities. Flutterz likes it, though; I think she enjoys bathing in the filtered sunlight passing through me. It does make shadow puppets harder to do."

When asking for comments from other SpinDizzy residents concerning Austin's change, this reporter was surprized to learn that it had hardly been noticed. Responses ranged from, "Austin isn't a coati anymore?", "I haven't looked at him since I first met him.", to, "There's a way to look at others?", and "Who is Austin?"

Further updates on Austin's appearance will be announced in @Action News upon the chance that someone actually happens to enter, 'look Austin'. If anyone looks at anyone else and notices a change in appearance, @Action News will report that too.

The Rose Garden became both gladiatorial arena and theater of the absurd earlier this week, when it hosted an unscheduled confrontation between the forces of Good and Evil. SED leader and evil wallaby Morticon, and buck-toothed swashbuckler and archer porcupine Sunshine, pulled the plug on chivalry and sportsmanship by engaging in what can only be described as a roaring avalanche of sissy blows and awkward banter.

It started innocuously enough. Morticon had just entered the Rose Garden, and Sunshine greeted the newcomer. Unacquainted with the terror-turned-flesh that now loomed before her, Sunshine innocently asked Morticon if there were any crimes bothering him. After Morticon had recovered from the surprise, and had assessed Sunshine as ‘another would be hero’, Morticon proceeded to taunt Sunshine in the finest Monty Python tradition.

Hostilities escalated as Morticon called upon his Legions of Terror, otherwise known as Mouser, for backup. Unfortunately, with no method of long range attack, and no possibility of directly striking the pesky pincushion, Mouser’s contribution to the battle was less than stellar. However, the tragic Mouser-Morticon, Mouser-Mouser’s skin integrity love triangle was intriguing enough to make for a delightful subplot to this little drama.

Still, it wasn’t until Morticon decided to risk actual physical aggression that things started to get interesting. A single ::plink:: on Sunshine’s nose, and what had barely been a contest of snappy comebacks became a veritable onslaugh of frontal wedgies and pillow fights. Four foot quills and twenty foot press-on nails clashed together in what had to be the weirdest fencing lesson seen by mortal eyes. After skillfully disarming Sunshine, Morticon seemed to have victory within his artificially extended grasp. Fate can be cruel however, and one broken press-on nail later, Sunshine had rearmed herself, and Morticon was blanket-wrapped and quill-stapled to a tree. Never one to go quietly, Morticon achieved his escape by means of a treacherous fudgesickle, skillfully tossed towards Sunshine, with sticky results. Too busy avoiding ants, Sunshine was unable to keep Morticon and Mouser from making a hasty retreat.

We can almost certainly expect further clashes between the two characters.

Read the complete story here

Jack, local Raccoon and technician of The Mechwarrior Lance (Alliance?), found himself looking up to other visitors to the Rose Garden Sunday night. After engaging Morticon, local wallaby and alledged leader of the SED (Society of Evil Doers) in a battle of wits and skill, he found himself being defeated.

After several exchanges of lightning bolts and witty reparte, Morticon, in his usual style of battle, ordered his minion, Lilahfae, local Pixie 'Puss-in-Boots', to use her shrinking dust on the raccoon. The experience of many battles and strange weapons, Jack was unready for shrinking dust that followed him as he retreated from the Rose Garden. AS he returned in an attempt to defeat Morticon, he was surprised to find his was very tiny! As one observer put it, "...about the size of an atom."

For some reason, Jack's cybernetic equipment failed to notify him of his change in stature, and he immeadiately attempted to stab Morticon with a sword, and then, realizing his size, set Morticon's foot on fire. Morticon's reponse, thinking the wisp of smoke was a cigarette, was to stomp it out. Jack luckily was able to beat a hasty retreat. to a park bench.

Observing Jack through a magnifying glass, Leowulf, local wolf-lion, observed that Jack was, "...really tiny!" This gave Argon, local centaur the idea that Jack could make a fortune writing people's names on grains of rice. When Argon asked Jack to do so, Jack replied, ""ARGHJ!! I GIVE UP."

Argon reminded Jack that his name was spelled A-r-g-o-n, and to give it another try. At that point, Jack caused a black skull to appear behind Lilahfae which rudely bit her wings off! Lilahfae using her magic caused them to return.

At this point, Jack retreated, seeing that he couldn't win the battle with the others 'closing ranks'. It would seem certain that as Lilafae's shrinking dust wears off, Jack will return to battle Morticon and the evil minions of the SED.

Do you find yourself getting excited and reverting to the old standards of LOL or brb?

Here's a way to type just as fast, but be more esthetically pleasing to your observors.

First, we are going to create an action called lol.
@action lol=me
@link lol=$nothing
@succ lol=You laugh out loud.
@osucc lol=laughs out loud.

Try it! all you have to do to use it is typo lol.

You can do the same thing with brb.
@action brb=me
@link brb=$nothing
@succ brb=You'll be right back.
@osucc brb=will be right back.

To use this one, just type brb.

If you use other abbreviations like these a lot, you might consider making actions for them, too.

Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
Last week, you said that I could find a magical pot of beans in a magical bean field. Yet, I can't find any! Did someone eat them all up? There is a large cloud growing above the Rose Garden.
- Casimir

Dear Casimir:
It's obvious to me that those magic beans have all been harvested and have been planted. Soon I expect a beanstalk will appear where the cloud is. That will be the gateway to a giant. When the beanstalk does appear, go see the giant as he's a great source for beans.

Dear Bearing Up,
My representitive in Congress refuses to consider a bill giving raccoons the right to vote. The city is planning to privatize garbage collection, and install those automatic, raccoon proof trash containers. This is an insult to raccoons and a barrier to a source of food for raccoon families. With voting rights, raccoons could let their feelings be known, and with a voting block of 5 million of us in the state, Congress would have to take our requests seriously. What do you suggest we do?
Signed, Scott the Scavenger.

Dear Scott The Scavenger:
It most certianly is unfair that Raccoons don't have the right to vote. Drastic times call for drastic measures. My recommendation to you is to get your local PETA club involved to see if they can help you out.

Dear bearing up,
Someone has a voo-doo doll of me, and they make me do things against my will! What can I do to correct this situation?
--Voodooed out

Dear voodooed out:
Get a voo doo doll of them and threaten to use it if they don't give up their voodoo doll.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions, please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

This week, Argon asked folks, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, ' 'If they made a movie about your character, what would it be called?''

• Morticon -- The title would be simple: Wallaby.
• Butterfluff -- The movie of my life.... _The Fluff of La Mancha_
• Jack says, "Lesee, Jack the Samurai Vs. Evil./"
• Alicia says, "Eternal Kitsune Queen Alicia Vulpnine - The Colony Wars."
• Wind-Dancer -- The movie would probably be called 'Hurricane Windy'. With music from The Association.
• Brongaar -- Brongaar, Stallion of the Altoid Mint
• Smoke says, "'Love on the rocks' >.>"
• Fenris growls, "Oh, how about "Red Death" *smirk*"
• Mouser hisses, "Dangeresque II...this time, it's not Dangeresque !"
• Cye says, "The gaint Vixen of Scoctland?"
• Kai says, "Mine was: 'When Annoying, Overrated Actors are Shoved Off of Really Tall Buildings: The Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts Story."
• Carlos says, "My character's movie would be "The Bat Whispers, Pages, Poses, Far-Commands, and Wingwraps!"
• Boki squalls, "Boki will have The Tasty Fisher King!"
• Suri -- "The Thirtieth Element":)
• Ba'ar growls, "Mine, Argon, would be called 'A Honey of a Life'"
• Fiona purrs quietly, "my movie would be FurWatch"
• Brenda is: The Incredible Growing Jedi from a Planet Near Kashyyyk! =^.^=

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Monday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News