The Rose Garden became both gladiatorial arena and theater of the absurd earlier this week, when it hosted an unscheduled confrontation between the forces of Good and Evil. SED leader and evil wallaby Morticon, and buck-toothed swashbuckler and archer porcupine Sunshine, pulled the plug on chivalry and sportsmanship by engaging in what can only be described as a roaring avalanche of sissy blows and awkward banter.
It started innocuously enough. Morticon had just entered the Rose Garden, and Sunshine greeted the newcomer. Unacquainted with the terror-turned-flesh that now loomed before her, Sunshine innocently asked Morticon if there were any crimes bothering him. After Morticon had recovered from the surprise, and had assessed Sunshine as 'another would be hero', Morticon proceeded to taunt Sunshine in the finest Monty Python tradition.
Morticon says, "Well, I did help steal some items from Barter's cart
yesterday."
Morticon smirks
Sunshine says, "Um... you did?"
Morticon says, "Yup"
Sunshine grins.
Morticon says, "What'cha gonna do about it?"
Sunshine narroweyes, and grins. "So you're the local villain?"
Morticon smirks back, "I am."
Morticon says, "I suppose you're the local Sonic lookalike?"
Morticon says, "What're you gonna do, shoot your gelled fur at me?
Oh me oh my, I'm doomed!"
Morticon pretends to be scared.
Hostilities escalated as Morticon called upon his Legions of Terror, otherwise known as Mouser, for backup. Mouser's affiliation to Morticon seemed to surprise Sunshine, who had apparently come to believe that Mouser was rather nice.
Morticon says, "Mouser?"
Sunshine says, "Mouser?"
Morticon circles around Sunshine.
Morticon says, "Hopefully my trusty minion will wake up."
Sunshine says, "You know this... ah... felon, Mouser?"
Mouser hisses, "Eh?"
Morticon says, "Mouser? I need some help, here..."
Morticon comes back around to Sunshine's front
Mouser hisses, "Sure, what's the matter, boss?"
Morticon says, "It's time for a game of discourage the would-be hero."
Sunshine says, "Oh, I'm sure I'm no match for you, Mr. Kangaroo."
Morticon grrs, "I'm a -wallaby-"
Sunshine says, "Oh. Oh! I thought you were just iodine-deficient."
Morticon . o O ( Well, if she' no match, then she'd make good super-hero
bait. )
Mouser looks around. "Hero? Where?"
Witnesses could do nothing but stare in horror as the opposing parties stood there trading yet more pointless banter.
Morticon smirks at Sunshine, "I thought you said you were some kinda
hero"
Sunshine says, "Well, I am!"
Morticon does keep his distance from Sunshine, even if she is fairly
close to his size.
Morticon says, "But what good is that if you're no match for me? hmmm?"
Sunshine says, "What good indeed!"
Brenda smirks "Maybe if she wanted help from someone like me..."
Morticon says, "Well, Mouser, show her who's boss around here."
Mouser shows Sunshine his last pay-stub.
Morticon says, "Sunshine needs no help, Brenda. Why don't you go move
rocks."
Sunshine gives Mouser a sweet, large, gentle, and bucktoothed smile.
Pandamonia zooms in and screetches to a halt. Street luging.
Pandamonia has arrived.
Brenda giggles "if you say so, Morty..."
Sunshine says, "Hey, a panda! Hello!"
Mouser studies Sunshine's quills.
Brenda causes a small rock to fly towards Morty's back, not enough
to do any damage or anything.
Morticon yeeps!
Sunshine says, "Ouch!"
Sunshine says, "You okay, wallaby?"
Morticon growls, "I'm -fine-."
Sunshine says, "Are you sure? We could take a breather if you want."
Brenda giggles some more "I think we're off on a rocky start here..."
Morticon says, "What kind of hero are you, Sunshine? The wimpy
kind?"
Sunshine singsongs, wickedly. "Maaaaaybe." ;)
Morticon says, "I'd say so. I bet you wouldn't hurt a fly, even if
it was doing something evil."
But such is the alchemy of war. The assasination of Archduke Ferdinand. The bombing of Pearl Harbor. Sometimes, a single spark is all it takes to tip the dominoes over. Err... to blow them over. You know what I mean. Ahem...
Morticon goes right up to Sunshine, and ::plinks:: her on the nose.
He then steps back a foot
Sunshine says, "Hey!"
Sunshine rubs her nose!
Morticon crosses his arms. "See? Watch and learn, Mouser"
KevMan ahhhhs "This should be good."
Pandamonia says, "Sunshine, that's not how you're supposed to react.
If Morticon flicks you in the nose, this is what you do. You make a mean
face, and dunk him in the fountain."
Brenda looks back over at Sunshine "careful if you do fight Morty.
He doesn't fight fair."
But Sunshine then displayed new levels of diplomatic skills...
Sunshine grabs the edge of Morti's pouch, and pulls it over his head!
>;)
KevMan whinces.
Morticon stands there a moment, pouchflipped. He twitches.
Brenda then prrfs "okay, nevermind..." =o.o=
And the lights went out all over SpinDizzy. And Arcadian Innocence was forever lost to the Rose Garden...
Morticon's pouch snaps back into position. He looks rather unhappy.
"Sic her, Mouser!"
Sunshine yays! and assumes a fighting pose!
Mouser ers, and waves back and forth, trying to find a place he can
pounce with out turning himself into fursnake-kebab.
Morticon hmms. "Those quills area problem..."
Sunshine says, "Oh yeah! You wouldn't believe how many pillows
I've lost in there."
Morticon says, "Pillows... Pillows...."
Sunshine reaches into the thorny depths of her quills, and extracts
a short wooden bow.
Morticon says, "That's it!"
Morticon whistles
The SED Blimp bounces off a rogue sputnik and into the Rose Garden.
The SED Blimp has arrived.
Sunshine says, "Oh my! A big balloon!"
KevMan says, "Ohh great."
Brenda looks up at the Blimp...
Sunshine says, "What's a girl to do? What, what what?"
The SED Blimp drops an industrial hotel-strength pillow
Morticon holds the pillow menacingly. "Aha! Now I've got
you!"
Sunshine eeps!
Morticon pillow-bops Sunshine!!
Sunshine disappears under the feathery juggernaut!
Morticon buahahas
Morticon says, "So much for THAT super hero!"
Mouser sneezes from all the fleathers flying about.
Holy Porcu-Pillows! Has the Quill Clad Crusader been lost to the world? How can civilization as we know it continue without the matriarchal supervision of our beloved Erethizon Amazon? Do we stoically accept the oncoming collapse of our culture in this final chapter of humanoid history? Or do we learn to look past our differences, and join together in the loving absolution of Universal Siblinghood, bravely facing the dangers that be, together?
( A ripping sound is heard... )
( A pair of razor sharp yellow buckteeth protrude from the pillow's
surface! )
Morticon lets go! "Ack! What's this?"
Brenda watches with interest.
Morticon says, "I didn't know Rodents had such sharp teeth!"
( A long tear is made in the pillow. )
Brenda says, "you'd be surprised, Morty..."
Morticon says, "Quiet, cat."
Brenda smirks "if I wasn't enjoying the show, I wouldn't be quiet..."
Sunshine emerges! Her hair looks like a humongous featheduster!
Mouser hisses, "Umm, I could've told you that, boss..."
Sunshine skakes a little and eyes at her new feathery crest.
"Wow. Big Chief Sunshine is angry!";)
Morticon says, "What the...?"
Sunshine takes aim!
Morticon says, "Uhh...? Mouser??? Do something!"
Mouser continues sneezing, being lost in the feather-storm around Sunshine.
But the shining beacon of hope born from Sunshine's miraculous escape was soon to fade. For the Enemy has many weapons, and was soon to produce... another bed assessory!
The SED Blimp drops a blanket on Sunshine!
Sunshine's muffled voice is heard from under the blanket. "Remind
me not to fight Morticon on laundry day again."
Morticon walks over, and casually trips the blinded Sunshine.
Morticon says, "Whoopsy daisy!"
Sunshine eeps!
Morticon snickers. "Well, I think that about does it. Surely
you realize it is foolish to go up against me and my army of minions!"
Sunshine pounces the Wallaby! Blanket and all!
Morticon gasps! "Whh--- !!" And hits the ground, trying
to get away from the spiked hero! "Ouch!"
Sunshine ties up the wallaby in a sack!
Mouser slithers on top of the blanket and tries to coil around Sunshine,
trying to use it as a quill-guard.
Morticon mmphs!
Rei walks over to Morticon and Sunshine, staring absently
Sunshine takes off her headband, and uses it to tie the blanket shut.
Sunshine says, "Ta da!"
Morticon: Wallaby-in-a-sack.
Pandamonia says, "Sunshine, I'll give you a dollar for him."
But the tables soon turned, as Morticon revealed what could very well be the crown jewel among his arsenal of talents. Plagerizing other people's strategies!
Morticon's teeth are soon visible however, as are his claws.... ::RIP::
Sunshine says, "Oh, darn..."
Brenda says, "huh...didn't realize Morty was a rodent..."
Mouser slithers out from the rip in the blanket-sack.
Brenda says, "though that doesn't surprise me...".
Morticon is soon free. "Clever, but not clever enough!"
And in a plot twist so brutal it pretty much twisted the plot into a pretzel...
Morticon whistles
Sunshine uhos...
The SED Blimp drops... a 10 pack of Lee Press On Nails.
Sunshine blinks?
Morticon sticks them on.. and soon he has a 10 foot reach!
Brenda says, "this is a pressing situation..."
Morticon says, "They say something about a 10 foot poll, but how about
nails?"
Sunshine says, "Oh brother... ;)"
Morticon manipulates his newfound nails to grab Sunshine's bow!
Sunshine grins. "Wanna see how many feet of reach my bow has?"
>;)
Sunshine just flips round, shoving a bunch of quills in Morti's way.
Morticon drats... his nails clicking against some quills. He
does manage to dislodge a few of the older ones, though.
Morticon circles Sunshine to try again. "Stay still!"
Finally, Sunshine took the opportunity to put her bow to good use...
Sunshine takes aim... and fires at the chandelier just above Morti's
head!
Morticon wonders what Chandelier?
Sunshine says, "Oh dear... was that a chandelier, or a fruitbat with
a lot of earrings?"
Morticon says, "I hate fruitbats! I hope it was one."
( A glittery fruitbat crashes over Morti's head! )
Morticon's nails try and grab the bow again!
KevMan says, "That must be why we don't get along."
Brenda is glad Kinsor isn't here.
Mouser cools as he watches the boss do the evil Chinese sorceror routine
with the giant nails.
Aware the odds were now against him, Morticon tried a desperate, and successful maneuver!
Sunshine sorries at the fruitbat, looking embarassed, "Well, ready to admit defeat, Mortimer?"
Morticon slips the bow out of Sunshine's grasp, "No?"
Sunshine eeps!
Sunshine slowly backs away...
Morticon buahahas! "You are helpless without the bow!"
Morticon tries to manipulate the nails so the bow moves closer to him..
but.. ::SNAP:: he breaks a nail! The bow falls.
Sunshine yays!
Sunshine grabs the bow!
Morticon uh-ohs!
Morticon discards the nails, littering.
Morticon says, "Now now!"
Sunshine finally decided to wrap things up...
Sunshine grabs the blanket again, and flips it upwards!
Morticon says, "Careful with that thing!"
Sunshine fires her bow!
Sunshine's shot sends the blanket flying! The quill embeds on
a treetrunk, just above Morticon's head...
Sunshine's blanket drapes over Morticon...
Morticon mmphs! He tries to run away, tripping!
Sunshine sends a volley of arrows flying! They pierce the blanket,
and bury into the treetrunk...
Sunshine's quills nail the blanket onto the tree, with Morti inside.
Morticon struggles helplessly, pinned!
Sunshine says, "Victory is mine!"
But Morticon proved resourceful yet again...
Morticon fumbles about in the Ancient Oak and grabs a fudgesicle.
Morticon ponders how he can use a fudgesicle to get free
Sunshine says, "Hope your next robbery can afford you better fake nails."
Morticon ahas!
Brenda.oO(Morty the new MacGyver?)
Mouser slithers over to the tree and tries to work the quills out to
free Morticon.
Morticon tears a hole in the blanket, and tosses a melting fudgesicle
at Sunshine! Ants begins to get in her quills to eat the sweet sugary
stuff.
Sunshine eeps!
Sunshine jumps into the fountain!
Morticon uses the distraction to get free
Morticon says, "That was close!"
Sunshine climbs out of the Fountain.
Sunshine says, "Wow. You're a great villain, Mortimer!"
Morticon says, "I'll be back! And a gov'ner!"
Morticon leaves for The Sandcastle Apartments (S1 E0) ([S]outh).
Morticon has left.
Thus ended the first encounter between Morticon and Sunshine. But is this truly the end? When asked for comments on the fight, Morticon was quick to state:
Morticon says, ""If I see that rodent again, I'll pull out all her quills
and sell them as writing utensils!"
Morticon says, "Got that, sun? :)"
Sunshine's reply was no less promising;
Sunshine says, "Okay, got it! And you should be glad to hear I'll be only too glad to send all of my quills over to you. Really fast!
Morticon says, "Eeep!"
As for Mouser, when asked for his opinion on the new hero, he refered to an incident that folloed the fight, when Sunshine tried to hug him...
Mouser says, Well, Sunshine's more dangerous when she's friendly than when I'm fighting her..."