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Happy 2008 from @Action News!

Morticon and Portia host engagement party

Morticon and Portia.Morticon, local wallaby and Portia, local red panda, hosted a party celebrating their engagement this week. Although there was some mystery and confusion along the way.

The party was held in Morticon and Porti's home in their backyard. Strangely, if you would go in with a group of folks, about half of them never seemed to make it into the area you were in. It turns out, both Morticon and Portia were hosting two sets of guests in what seemed to be different areas at the same time.

One was a nicely decorated garden surrounded by hedges resembling Portia's home world, Gaea. Portia served food from there. Not at all strange or alien, it was mostly vegitable and fruit dishes, which you'd expect from a planet of red pandas, and quite tasty. The area was tasteful and restrained, much like Portia and reminicent of her past.

Another area was more like Morticon and his history. The hedges here were not as well cared for and the food was more reminicent of usual SpinDizzy party food. The area was decorated like a laboratory with tables and equipment from a science lab. So much so that drinks were served in laboratory beakers. What was really strange was that both Morticon and Portia were acting as host and hostess in both places at the same time. No one seems to be able to explain how this was possible.

As the party was going along the hedges in both rooms began to rustle and move. Unlike Ents, which rarely interfere in the affairs of those who are not trees, these hedges began squeezing the crowd into another area where both sets of guests were finally gathered into one pleasant area.

Once everyone finished scratching their heads and settling down, Morticon offered a toast saying, "Please raise your glass to Portia and I and to many years of getting what I want!"

Pathfinder, local red panda, grinned "More like raise your glass for Portia keeping Morticon in check."

Portia lilted, "Well, we both would like to thank you all for coming. I hope you all will take the time to talk about your experiences for we wanted to share with you all."

Morticon then said, "There's no one else in the whole world I'd rather be with every day of my life than Portia." He then nosed his red panda girl, "And you?"

Portia lilted, "And I've never known anyone so commanding in presence as Morticon. He is very handsome, caring, very loving as well. It takes quite the male to break down my walls and unlock the doors to my heart and soul. I wasn't looking for love, but love found me and I'm glad he did. And now, for the real toast. My dear?" Morticon nodded, he grabbed a glass of juice from the table and raised it. "To Portia and I. May our hearts remain tied together until the end of time."

Portia responded with a grin and said, "Here here!" and raised her glass and clinked her glass with Morticon's.

The party ended on a pleasant note, and the mystery of how there were two sets of Morticon and Portia, and two parties is still being pondered throughout SpinDizzy. Requests by @Action News for an explanation of how they managed to be in two places at once were not answered by press time.

Santapaws Issues Apology

Santapaws.Santapaws' holiday spirit was shocked when he learned about his neglecting Leslie, local fae rabbit, and not giving her a chance to tell him what he wanted for Christmas (See last week's issue for details). "Cubs and kits everywhere look up to me." he is quoted as saying. "I'm their hero, and yet I let one of them down."

Big hearted elf that he is, Santa tried to make things right. "I stopped by The Rose Garden a few times on Christrmas Eve wanting to see if Leslie would like to have a ride on my sleigh but she wasn't there.." he said. "Still, I did leave a big gift box by her house and I hope she forgives me."

The Christmas bear was firm. "I don't have an excuse for this because there IS no excuse for hurting even ONE cub or kit." he said. "I assure little Leslie, as well as all the other cubs and kits (and cubs and kits at heart) of Spindizzy that from now on I will take as much time as I need with them. " Santapaws closed his vow by adding that, "Dr. Seuss said it best...'A person's a person...no matter how small."

Airborn chooses name for pet

Maxwell.Last saturday, local biplane, Airborn, announced the results of the vote for the name of his pet miniature pick-up truck. The results of the vote were:

  • Huzzah 1
  • Lil' Wheeler 1
  • Lister 3
  • Maxwell 5

Airborn happily anounced the name of his pet was going to be Maxwell.

Shortly thereafter he presented Maxwell to the public. This event happened inside his private hangar at the SpinDizzy Airport.

Argon,local centaur, Jake, local cybernetic kangaroo-rat, Royce, local raccoon and Patashu, local Steamtech Mecha Dragon, joined in and were able to participate.

Maxwell at first was rather shy, but gained courage after eeing touched by the guests. As time progressed he became more and more active. Airborn and Maxwell seemed to be quite happy and it's hoped we'll see more of them both.

Faster than light systems

U. S. S. Enterprise NCC 1701 - A.(Jero, local snow lord vulpirean, is working with Andros, local fox, on their fleet of spacecraft. I asked Jero about the physics of faster than light movement and how it was done. He responded with the following - Argon, Editor)

There are a few different FTL or Faster Than Light drive systems, but three stand out:

  • Space Warping Drive
  • Extra Dimensional Drive
  • Sub-Ether/Hyperspace Drive

The First Space Warping Drive to gain popular use is the Cochran Drive, its speeds typical gauged in Warp numbers. The Cochran Drive is a relatively efficient system for very large space craft, however it loses much of its efficacy when applied to a smaller vehicle. The primary working principles of the Cochran Drive are the Core which powers it, the Warp field emitters (Typically mounted on pylons called Nacelles), and the navigational computer. Unfortunately, a vast amount of processing power, not to mention core power is needed for more powerful Cochran Drives, thus their limited capacity within small craft.

Extra Dimensional Drives are exotic and expensive units and are not to be mistaken for the Sub-Ether/Hyperspace Drive. They are primarily used for instantaneous transmission across vast stretches of space and are often the sole engine of a vehicle as they are capable of placing a vehicle safely, a relative term, anywhere the pilot deems necessary. They are extremely complicated, require cosmic amounts of power, and unparalleled processing power for their navigation systems, thus they are used by only the wealthiest and advanced races.

Sub-Ether/Hyperspace Drives, particularly the Maunchausen-type Drive, are the work horses of the interstellar races of the universe. These drives are simplest in principle, they merely make use of the space outside normal space. However that doesn't mean Mr. Joe Schmoe is qualified to repair one. The Maunchausen-type Drive requires calibration of its sub-ether/hyperspace barrier disruption field generator, as well as the ever important navigational computer, however, the navcomp needn't be extremely hi-end to reach a desirable result, as the gravitational fields of stars are the primary means of targeting and plowing into Sub-Ether/Hyperspace, and exiting again.

Holidays from Home

'Shougatsu'. Japanese New Year.Hajimemashite, minna-san! This is Rin Yukidama from Neopolis, first-time editorialist for this paper. This year, I'll be taking all of you readers on a trip through the holidays of Japan, from New Years to New Years Eve. I hope everyone will find it all interesting, and maybe some of you will even like to celebrate a few of these holidays! I'll give you all a heads-up on the upcoming holidays before it actually rolls around (well... except for perhaps New Years), so if you'd like to add a few new celebrations to your year, feel free!

First up is the Japanese New Year, which we call 'Shougatsu'. For us, it's a pretty big deal, and undoubtedly one of the most important holidays of the year. The way most of you out there likely send cards to each other on Christmas, we send specific kinds of postcards, referred to as 'nenga-jou', to people we don't get to meet very often. This way, everyone knows we're still around and doing alright! It's a bit late for everyone to be sending those around this year, though, so maybe you can prepare a really, really good one for next year instead. Also like Christmas cards, we have a few generic-use nenga-jou greetings. Here are a few...

'Kotoshi mo, yoroshiku o-negai-shimasu!' ...Translated, this is pretty much, 'Please remain my friend for this upcoming year!'

'Akemashite-omedetou gozaimasu!' Which is a more or less direct statement: 'Happy new year!'

Sushi's a pretty popular dish on Shougatsu, and we eat all kinds of specific things during our celebration. The most popular is 'o-zouni', though I don't expect most of you to really be drooling over it, considering the ingredients. Here's a hint: It's made with tofu, seaweed, and sweet potatoes... Anyway, children look forward to Shougatsu just that extra little bit, as it's traditional to give 'em a little money! Don't you adults worry, though. One of the more popular ways to start the holiday is to find a nice, scenic spot to watch the first sunrise, maybe with a special someone...

Also, since this is as fast as I can warn you all ahead of time, there's another holiday happening just next Monday! We really know how to party, don't we? It's going to be 'Seijin no Hi', the Coming-of-Age Day! Anyone turning 20 this year might be interested in this one...

But I think I've written a big enough novel this week. Hopefully, everyone found it interesting! I'll have another ready next week, so...

Jikai made, sayounara!

Don't forget to submit articles!

Stop the presses!Again, my request for help with @Action News worked. We have a fair paper this week with some interesting news articles, and I wrote one of them! But we can do better!

So keep your eyes open and send in articles and observations and little stories about the things going on here. Thanks to all who sent in articles and don't forget to send in more to newspaper@spindizzy.org!

Caption Contest

Caption this!

Meow! Lots of folks had a comment for this picture, and some of the felines even wanted copies! These hot cats brought the following captions.

Next week, we'll find another picture and give this another try. Thanks to all who responded. If you have a picture that needs captioning, send it to @Action News at newspaper@spindizzy.org and we'll see what folks say about it!

  • Austin says, "That flamingo chose some odd lawn ornaments."
  • LAROU buzzes, "You're sure this is gonna get us more tummy scritches?"
  • PatchO'Black mews, "The cover of Cats Illustrated's swimsuit issue?"
  • Findra says, "The Discovery Channel reveals plans to compete with ABC's 'Deperate Housewives'."
  • DTF smiles "Orange: "Does this bikini make me look fat?" Brown: "Just shut up and enjoy the sun. You're skinner than I am and we could be back in Vermont."
  • WhyteShadow says, "'Victoria's Secret gets more and more disturbing each year...'
  • Kit_Skyfire says, "Brown to Orange: Are you completely sure this is how Morris got his start?"
  • WhyteShadow says, "Hmmm...wait a minute! That gives me an awesome idea! Let's all go outside and play golf. I just got these new suits in, we'll look so cool..."
Four-Kolor Kitty: Looking To The Coming Year

Supercat - Patch O'Black (Art by Chanspot).Welcome, readers, to our last Four-Kolor Kitty of 2007. This time, we will be looking at what to expect in the coming year. It appears to be a mixed bag, but that is no surprise. Let's get out the old crystal ball and gaze into the future.

First, let us take a look at DC Comics. The big event is something that is being called "Final Crisis", a rather ominous if presumptuous title. The tag line being used in the advertisements is "Heroes Die. Legends Live Forever", so one might guess that they plan to kill off some big-name heroes. While I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest, I don't hold high hopes in this series. Under DC's current leadership, the major crossover events, while attempting to shake things up, have done little to endear themselves to longtime fans. They may have tried to "shake things up", but there is a difference between creating a new blend of ingredients into something that is a coherent whole and throwing things into a big pile, kicking it about, and getting something that lacks a sense of balance. Still, perhaps the Final Crisis will surprise me and turn things around.

119.jpgThere are some things to look forward to in the DC universe, though. First, following the introduction of the Sinestro Corps, which was more or less defeated recently, there will be an introduction of new Corps in all the colors of the rainbow, literally, each based on a different emotion or mental state. DC already has shown that, in addition to the Green Lanterns (willpower) and yellow Sinestro Corps (fear), the alien females responsible for the super-villianess Star Sapphire are creating their own power rings and batteries of a violet hue to spread the emotion of love. Two of the Guardians of the Galaxy, who have been more or less exiled from that group, have started creating blue power rings and batteries, which utilize hope. The remaining colors have yet to come about, but have been described as follows: Red is hate or rage, orange is greed or avarice, and indigo for compassion. Apparently, there is a prophecy that all these will be harnessed and used, and there will be a great war. DC is also advertising that there will be a Black Lantern Corps, and will be made up of the dead. I must admit, this sounds rather interesting.

228.jpgOther things to look for is The Justice Society, which will revisit the world shown in The Kingdom mini-series, the Flash and his family, and Superman continuing to visit a dark future of the Silver Age Legion of Super-Heroes.

Meanwhile, over in the offices of Marvel, they have their own plans for the new year. Following up on the events of this year's big bang known as the Civil War, they will unleash a little something they call the "Secret Invasion". While there have not been much in the way of details, it appears that the shape shifting aliens known as the Skrulls will once again attempt to take over the world. However, this time, instead of doing it mainly by force, they are attempt to undermine the super-hero community through guile by replacing various heroes and villains. It looks to be an interesting game of "Guess who is a skrull".

326.jpgSpeaking of the Civil War, Marvel will continue with the shakedown of The Initiative, which refers to the fact that now super-heroes in the U.S. must registered and pass rigorous testing and training to legally operate, as well as placing a team of super-heroes in each state. The new heroes being trained are going to have new problems in the form of what appears to be a dead hero-in-training coming back to life and going after his former friends.

422.jpgWhile DC adds colors of Lanterns, Marvel will be adding a new color of Hulk. Previously, the Hulk came in ether green or gray. It appears they will be adding a red version. No details yet as to why, but I doubt it will lead to a gentler, kinder Hulk.

517.jpgOne curious item going into 2008 comes from the pages of Spider-Man. Late in 2007, Aunt May was struck by an assassin's bullet, and laid dying in a hospital as Peter Parker looked desperately for someone who could save his aunt. That is when the devilish Mephisto appeared and offered the webslinger this offer: He will save Aunt May's life, but only if he is allowed to erase Peter's marriage to the lovely Mary-Jane. In the last issue of 2007, Mary-Jane urges Peter to take the deal, saying that, while the villain may erase the original events that caused them to be married, no power was great enough to keep them apart. The issue ended with Mephisto taunting them with the image of the daughter they might have had if they had not sacrificed their marriage before erasing their pervious life (and memories) of married life, then showing the new life of Peter and M.J. Apparently, something happened in this new version of their life that drove a wedge between the two,612.jpg though what it was is yet to be revealed. How long they will be apart is hard to say, but I am hoping that the Powers That Be resolve it in short fashion, as I liked the interplay of hero husband and famous wife.

Well, that's enough future-gazing for now. Remember, send ideas for future column and questions regarding comics to me, PatchO'Black via page #mail. We've really been lacking reader feedback for a while. Here's hoping your New Year is a good one. Till next time, I'll see you in the funny pages!

Gilead's Howling-Good Puns

Q: What do you call a half-dozen wolves?
A: A six-pack.

Q: Why do such wolves do lots of sit-ups?
A: So they can have six-pack abs.

Q: What do you call 24 wolves?
A: A case.

Q: what do you call 10 packs of wolves together?
A: A carton.

Q: What do you call it when a wolf gets kicked out of his social group every 24 hours because he smokes too much?
A: A pack-a-day habit.

Q: What do you call artificial large canines?
A: Polyesterves.

Q: what do you call a small wolf playing hard to get?
A: A coy ote.

Q: How do wolves greet each other?
A: "Howl do you do?"

Q: How did the wolf parents know when their cub wasn't feeling well.
A: At mealtimes, he just humaned down his food.

Q: What does a "river wolf" call his family members?
A1: His Fotter.
A2: His Motter.
A3: His Brotter.
A4: His Dotter.
A5: And of course sons, nieces, uncles, aunts, wives, ...

Q: Why did the alpha wolf grab all the other wolves and move them over a bit?
A: He was adjusting his pack-age.

Q: What kind of wolf choreographs the howling?
A: A timbre wolf.

Q: What has fluffy fur, a bushy tail, a big muzzle, and huge black eyes, and abducts Earthlings to probe their hindquarters?
A: A Grey wolf.

Q: What's grey, swims in the sea in packs, and howls?
A: Wolfins.

Q: Why did the she-wolf leave her mate?
A: She caught him dressing in sheep's clothing a little too often...

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal wolf?
A: He really liked to pack it in.

Weekly Survey
Ba'ar doing the survey.Greetings all, Ba'ar here with your Spindizzy @Action News survey for this week. This week's question, suggested by Santapaws,is this...With money no object, what would you most want for Christmas this year?
  • Gilead chirps, "Everything."
  • Terry puffs, "Um... a more stable world economy."
  • Aurora decides to pass. "Other penguins" just doesn't sound appropriate.
  • Ba'ar says, "It's true that I'm getting a lot of stuff this year from friends and family, but what I want the most is to spend a few days with 'mia oso hermanito' (my little brother bear) Tolstoy.
  • Ami says, "A perpetually staffed, supplied and funded James Bond-style space station lair, with somebody else overseeing the nuts-and-bolts operations so I can just doodle around with all the nifty gadgety stuff. That, or one of the new Dodge Challengers with a traditional six-speed (Autostick bleagh) and somebody else paying for gas, insurance and upkeep."
  • Argon says, "Oh I got my present a while back. The lovely Mavra by my side!"
  • Astra squeaks, "Tell him that I want Invader Zim back on the air, then. I guess I can wait another year."
  • Andros yips, "Both IC and OOCly, I want my mate by my side every second of every day."
  • PatchO'Black mews, "A trip to Walt Disney World for next Christmas."
  • Dingo says, "A bonecookie, a Lamborghini and a scarf."
  • Borris Gruffs, "An Aircraft Carrier that I could convert into a House."
  • Jackpot contemplates "My health back."
  • DTF smiles "My own place to live and no limits to the nonsapient fuzzbutts I can keep.
  • Toledo says, "I want peace on earth, and good will toward man."
Doze Garden Cartoon

The Doze Garden Cartoon.
Want to contribute to @Action News?

Got something that You'd like to contribute to @Action News, but aren't sure if You should, or how to do it? Just get in touch with Argon, Skyler, or Findra, and they'll be happy to help! Here are some basic guidelines, though.

Contributing a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org, or qmail/pagemail Argon, Findra, or Skyler, with Your article!

  • @Action News is published weekly sometime on Sunday.
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  • The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does,) but make sure You don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have.

These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.


Editor - @Action News