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The Lemurs (from 101 Cretumbrous Poems)

Lemur and Raven.Editor's Note: Being the Halloween issue, it seems only fitting that @Action News lead off with this spooky tail told to little lemur children on Halloween. (Reprinted from the 10/28/2006 issue of @Action News. My thanks to Suri for sharing this Madagascarian folk tale.)

Once upon an evening boring, naught to do and nearly snoring,
Pond'ring whether I should make rice krispie treats, or s'mores,
Suddenly there came a zoofling, and the sound of small paws stealthily loosening
The hinges of my zinc-clad door.
"'Tis some Lemur", I grimbled, "covetting my zinc-clad door.
He shall not have it!" Thus I swore.

Oy Cretumbro! I remember, it was in the half-Octember,
When larcenous bands of Lemurs swarmed our land from hills to shore.
All not-nailed-down were they a'stealing? Silver, gold and gems appealing?
Nay! Zinc's what Lemurs covet, zinc's the thing that they adore!
That grey, cretumbrous metal that the Lemurs all long for -
Only zinc, and nothing more!

Anxious then I crossed my chamber, eager to confront the danger,
Lest gossips claim that Horselike, I did dwell without a door.
Throwing wide my zincy portal, I gave voice to a cry bzortal,
A challenge to the villain who was crouched there on the floor,
Unscrewing ev'ry hinge that did secure my zinc-clad door.
I took a breath. 'twas time to roar!

"Scoundrel!" cried I, "Rotten Lemur! You plot to steal my zincen portal!
Unhand you now my hinges! Get you forthwith from my door!"
"Gasp!" he gasped, his plan uncovered, turned around, then off kerschlundled,
Pausing but to snatch the gold hoofscraper from beside my door.
The solid-gold hoofscraper that had graced my zincen door.
The Lemur had it. How I swore!

I gave voice to threats most dire, and gave chase too, lest it transpire,
By a Lemur I'd be bested at the step of my front door.
Close behind I chased the villain, promising a painful killin',
He'd pay dear for that ornament that late had graced my door!
The solid gold hoofscraper that belonged at my front door,
He dropped and ran... T'was mine once more!

"Whew!", I whewed, with deep emotion, knowing it had been a close one,
But my solid gold hoofscraper reposed in my hand once more.
Returning to my domicile, 'twas then I 'scried that crime most vile!
'twas then I saw my entryway was not now as before.
Empty gaped the doorframe where had stood my zinc-clad door.
I had been duped. You bet I swore!

Turning then, I saw the Lemurs, kerschlundling on their Lemurs' femurs,
Trundling to the forest with the burden that they bore.
Too far away to think of chasing, my sole chance of their crime erasing:
Appealing to their honesty (though it never worked before...)
"Bring that back!" I shouted", "That's MY zinc-clad door!"
Quoth the Lemurs, "Not no more!"

Local Fox Announces Bid for Mayor

Eliahn.Last week it was reported that Beltrami, local balloon dragon, had put in a bit for the mayor's office. It seems she isn't the only one with a bid. Eliahn, local fox, has, as it were, thrown his hat into the ring as well.

When reached for comment on this, Eliahn confirmed his bid for mayor, saying that ""I thought it would be fun. And I'm an expert on colorful, shiny things, being one myself. I think such expertise would be quite valuable in the position.'"

Moreover Eliahan thinks he's the best one for the job, pointing out he has very firm priorities, yet was flexible,.loved to see people smile and "wag their tails" and,"has all the honesty that foxes have been known for throughout history.

As far as improvements were concerned, Elihan would take his quest to the citizens of Spindizzy, saying that "I'd try to find which ones people thought we were most in need of and pursue them with all the vigour I'd apply when chasing down a bunnyrabbit. "

Moreover Eliahan thinks that candy is important to a content and functional society and was quoted as saying. " I would at least try to make sure everyone gets a healthy dose every day."

As many readers know, the Society of Evil Doers has been a major problem in the past. When asked what he would do about this, Eliahn would tell the SEDers to behave themselves, adding that if they didn't, a police force would be set up to ensure order. "We wouldn't need THAT many police, and they could get really fast, flying cars with bright lights on them and drive them overhead in quite pretty patterns when going places." he is quoted as saying.

In his closing remarks Eliahn proved that if elected he'd be a friend to all, saying that " I promise that if I'm mayor I'll hug anyone who asks (providing they aren't all covered in spikes or carry a strong electrical charge or are in some other way unhealthy to hug) and tell at least one story a week of such is desired."

Portia Runs for Mayor (Press release)


Portia Lee, red panda, has announced her intentions to run for Mayor. Portia wishes to run because she feels the mayor needs to be intelligent, remain neutral, and be able to see things from the citizens' point of view.

Portia feels she is qualified for the position because she's a good listener, well studied in many subjects, and has experience in solving social problems.

While mayor, Portia intends to make SpinDizzy more beautiful both in environment and society. She plans to establish such a project and create a council composed of members from each species to foster interspecies comradery. Portia will also have an open door policy, where anyone can see her and discuss an issue. She will also create and have official celebrations for SpinDizzy holidays, obscure or not.

While some may feel Morticon is pulling the strings behind the scenes, Portia is entirely independent from the wallaby and has demonstrated this many times. Once the campaign is over, Morticon's role will end.

Remember.... Please vote for Portia Lee. The red panda who will get it done.

Weapon of war used in Rose Garden


Borris, local polar bear, expressed his pride in his Scottish ancestry this week, by playing his bagpipes in the Rose Garden.

As Borris began playing Wallop the Cat, a song recorded by The Wicked Tinkers and one of his favorites, (A copy of the song, along with a cute video is available on You Tube,) Argon, local centaur joked about how Borris' playing sounded like cats being walloped. Borris responded by ceasing his performance and noting, "Bagpipes are Weapon of War!"

The centaur asked, "So they're supposed to sound like that?" Borris chuckled and began playing, Black Bear on the pipes.

Argon grinned and said, "So the enemy covers their ears and runs away faster than folks run when I give my 'Horse-like but not like a horse' speech, eh? "

Borris chuckled which caused the Pipes to squeek and squawk, this had Darius, local mink, initiate his "slink drive. Borris then followed Darius playing his bag pipes. Argon, with the "weapon of war" blasting, retreated as Borris switched to playing, The Black Bear (Note, this is an amature video and its playback is iffy. A Google search for "bagpipes black bear" lists it third under the heading MusicMoz if the link doesn't work.)

The centaur turned to Patch O'Black, local Jellicle cat who, for Halloween was in his persona as superhero Patch Of Hearts and asked him to help. Patch took the plea for assistance to heart and went to Borris and began following the polar bear playing the flute!

As the pipes of war now with a flute continued following the slinking Darius, Argon noted the mink's slink and noted he was grateful no one was using him as an accordian.

Austin, local coati / rabbit / etc, suggested MSTing Borris' playing. Although not everyone joined in, Borris, Patch, and Argon came up with the following:

DTF (local wolf,) has disconnected.
Borris stops playing and chuckles.
Borris Gruffs, "Blew DTF right off."
Argon says, "Look out for that iceberg!"
PatchO'Black looks out for the iceberg!
Borris Gives an Iceberg Shattering Blast on the Bagpipes!
Argon says, "The Titanic is saved! But Leornard Dicapro's acting talent has blown away!

At this point, Mortimer, local otter and new SpinDizzy resident arrived, and Borris put his bagpipes away. With the "weapon of war" no longer in use, the conversation turned to why long play records are called "LP"s.

"Fake Object" mystery solved

Fake fireplace.Recently, a number of objects which the muck's data base sees as "fake" have been handed out. A few folks have found themselves unable to drop or recycle these items. A bit of research using "cread" has shown how "fake" objects can indeed be recycled or disposed of.

Fake objects are legitimate items, but to be handed one, you have to set yourself to accept them. The default for each character when created is to not accept fake items. Just as you have to set yourself to be able to fly or be handed items (Which can be done most easily through the "editplayer" command,) being able to accept a fake item is easy.

All that's required is that you type
hand #fok
and then hit enter.

"Fake" objects can't be disposed of by the usual @recycle command. Disposal of a fake item is a bit more complicated. To dispose of a fake item, enter
@set me=_fake/fake item/:
with the name of the fake item in place of fake item in the above command.

Further information about fake objects can be found on the "Command Bulletin Board" which can be scanned by entering cread. cread 21 will show Austin's explanation and directions on how to utilise the wide variety of abilities the "fake objects" program will allow.

Fall Back!

Clock.Starting in 2007, daylight time begins in the United States on the second Sunday in March and ends on the first Sunday in November. On the second Sunday in March, clocks are set ahead one hour at 2:00 a.m. local standard time, which becomes 3:00 a.m. local daylight time. On the first Sunday in November, clocks are set back one hour at 2:00 a.m. local daylight time, which becomes 1:00 a.m. local standard time. These dates were established by the Energy Policy Act of 2005, Pub. L. no. 109-58, 119 Stat 594 (2005), if you care.

Not all places in the U.S. observe daylight time. In particular, Hawaii and most of Arizona do not use it. Indiana adopted its use beginning in 2006.

In 2008, daylight time begins on March 9 and ends on November 2. Many other countries observe some form of "summer time", but they do not necessarily change their clocks on the same dates as the U.S. So if you're not in the U. S. check the Internets to see what time you change time so you're on time.

Ray's Hallowe'en Shindig!

Pumpkins.Ray. local mancheetah and Elizabeth, local panther hosted a Halloween party this week.

Held at the Kenyer es Sor room of the Hegy Falu Inn near their home, (don't ask me for a translation,) a sizable group of SpinDizzians arrived. Although the path to the Inn confused some, most everyone made it without trouble.

Many of the guests arrived in costume and everyone ooo'ed and ahh'ed at the creativity of one another. With some folks it was hard to tell who was under the masks, makeup or canvas bags, but in spite of not always knowing who was who, everyone had a good time.

Clarenth, local human and Ray and Elizabeth's butler, did a fine job serving fine food and drink to the guests, and was quite an interesting individual himself. He keep everyones' plates and glasses full, provided interesting conversation, and as Suri, local lemur, was a guest, kept the zinc items hidden much to her dismay.

Although this reporter left somewhat early, reports are the party continued well into the night and a fun time was had by all.

Halloween Short Story Circle

Story Circle.

When: From: Wed 10/31/07 - 07:30 PM To: Wed 10/31/07 09:00 PM
Location: luge S1 E1
Age: All
Event Owner: Morticon

Join us for a short story circle, halloween style! By short, we mean short. There will only be an hour and a half to create a spooky story of some sort! You are welcome to join late or simply observe. But if you are participating, please try and stay responsive when its your turn. When the time is up, the story will end, so some speed is important. It's good practice on thinking on your feet.

Hope to see you there!

Caption Contest

Caption image.Results of the Caption Challangee

Mama dog had only one puppy, and three tiger kitten cubs at the zoo had no mama at all. So mama dog is looking after the cubs. What caption should go with this picture?

Didn't get so many answers this go round. Maybe a tough picture to caption. None the less, I got a few and so, here they are.

I'll find another picture for the next issue of @Action News and we'll give it another try!

  • Borris Gruffs, "Cats and Dogs, Living Togather, Mass Hysteria!"
  • Ray purrs, "Tiger cub: Well, I'll be an S. O. B!
  • Leowulf says, " 'Are you SURE you know who the father is???"
  • Andros yips, "Aww, they're out of Pepsi."
  • Austin says, "'The three cats, she could understand, but the dog was really confused by the black guinea pig on the right.'"

Four-Kolor Kitty: pardon me, but BOO!

Supercat - Patch O'Black (Art by Chanspot).Welcome, foolish mortals, to another visitation to the other-side of the comic book pages. As Halloween is upon us, we will be looking today at an upper-class spectral villain. In life, he was known as James Craddock. However, the heroes of the DC universe would come to know him as “The Gentleman Ghost”!

113.Young Jim Craddock was the son of an English gentleman who abandoned both son and his mother, forcing Jim to grow up in poverty. Jim Craddock turns to theft, and became a highwayman and robber in the 1800s. He gained the nickname “Gentleman Jim”, as he professed his, unfortunately, unprovible claims of his father being well to do. Gentleman Jim, however, would come to an end of his mortal life when he decided to take a trip to the U.S.

While plying his criminal trade in the Wild West, he unfortunately, found himself facing two gunslingers by the name of Nighthawk and Cinnamon. Captured by the man and woman team, he was put up on the gallows and hung. It was then that Jim, much to his surprise, found himself to have slipped his mortal coil, but not this world. His mother’s spirit visited him and let him know that his spirit would not leave this plane of existence until the spirit of his killer had done so first. Normally, this would not be too big a problem, except for one thing: Nighthawk and Cinnamon were actually the reincarnations of two former Egyptian royals, who would later become the original Hawkman and Hawkgirl. In other words, their souls weren’t passing on to the other side any time soon.

222.Jim’s spirit form took on the garb of a cultured Victorian fellow, with top hat, monocle, cape, spats, the whole nine-yards. He also gained a host of paranormal powers. He could turn invisible, as well as incorporeal. Most of the time, his head is not visible, with his top hat and monocle floating in air above the ruffled collar of his shirt. Anyone he touches or who touches him feels the icy cold of the grave. He is sometime shown to be able to move objects at a distance. He could also summon forth vintage weapons befitting a gentleman, such as flintlock pistols or a cane that shoots flames from its tip.

The Gentleman Ghost had crossed paths with several super-heroes; most often members of the 1940’s premiere super team, The Justice Society of America. However, it was at the hands of the modern day revival of the team that the sinister specter met his final end, or at least as final as a super-villain can have.320. It was discovered that, before Jim had his date with the hangman’s noose, a gypsy prophosised that he would be able to escape death and regain his living form by fighting and killing his greatest enemies on English soil. His mother’s spirit, over the century, spends her time recruiting the ghosts of despots to fight for her son. The phantom army besieges the JSA, and it looks like the Gentleman Ghost will regain his life. Unfortunately, that’s when things go wrong for the high-class spirit.

First, The Gentleman Ghost picks the wrong spot in England to take on the JSA as it was the base for knights over the years. This causes his next problem, as it is discovered that the Society’s working-class fighting champ, Wildcat, is actually a descendent of the Royal House of England. This allows him to, due to the mystical forces inherent to the area, call forth the spirits of the knights and soldier to fight on the good guy’s side. Lastly, one of the youngest members of the Society, the teen Stargirl, could not be hurt by her spooky foes as she was… how can I put this?.... pure and untouched. Thus, as his chance for renewed life dashed, The Gentleman Ghost disappeared, apparently into the Limbo of Seldom-Used Comic Villains.

And I think we will let this column rest in peace for this week. Remember, if you are haunted by a comic book question, or find a topic frighteningly interesting, page #mail PatchO’Black. Until next time, see you in the funny pages!

Gilead's Frighteningly Bad Halloween Puns 2007

Q: What kinds of undead mustelidae should you fear this Wednesday, October 31?
A1: Skunkeletons.
A2: Zombeasels.
A3: Hauntybadgers.
A4: Lost Weasouls.
A5: Ferretstein's Monsters.
A6: Nosferretu.
A7: Various Otterrors of the Night.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who was bitten on the moors and caught both lycanthropy and mange?
A: He became a barewolf!

Q: What did his wife do to make him feel better?
A: She became a Nairwolf! So they'd match.

Q: Or the lycanthrope who was captured by a carnival sideshow?
A: He became a fairewolf!

Q: Who carries a dead water rodent to his grave?
A: His chosen pallbeavers.

Q: Where should you bury a dead rodent?
A: In a mouseoleum.

Q: Who's the funniest video game monster?
A: Red Skelton XIII.

Q: Why did the witch strike up a conversation with a cat?
A: He seemed familiar.

Q: What do you get when you reanimate a dead cheetah?
A: A zoombie.

Q: What do you call a bloodsucking undead cheetah?
A: A VROOOOMmmmpire.

Q: What did the fly sing to the spider?
A: You Spin Right 'Round Me (Baby Right 'Round).

Q: What do you get when you combine random parts of various unidentified dead animals, and zap them?
A: A Frankfurter Monster.

Q: What do you get when you carve a pumpkin into a donkey?
A: A Jackass lantern.

Q: Why did the vulture put on a scarf before circling?
A: So he didn't get a soar throat.

Q: Where should you hang your spiders to dry?
A: On a rack nid.

Q: Why did the belfry get voted MVP?
A: It was batting over 1000.

Q: Why did the vampire fire his Jamaican chauffeur?
A: 'e drove 'im bats, mon!

Q: What do you call a vampire chicken?
A: ...figure it out yourselves. ;-)

Q: What do you call the reanimated remains of an elephant?
A: A ten-ton skeleton.

Q: Why did the giant squid keep getting hired back at the otter comedy club?
A: He was always kraken them up.

Q: Why did the demon curse out the neighborhood teens the night before Halloween?
A: They'd deviled egged his house.

Q: Where's the best place to bite a skeleton?
A: The prime rib.

Q: What kind of bones tipped over Fred Flintstone's car?
A: Primitive rib.

Q: Why did the black cat stop on the side of the road to give birth?
A: The sign said, "Fine For Littering."

Q: Why did the black cat lick her kittens when she went to the park?
A: The sign said, "Clean Up Your Litter."

Q: What do you call black cats that have been run over by a car?
A: Neko Wafers." to you.

Weekly Survey
Ba'ar doing the survey. Hi there, Ba'ar here with the latest Spindizzy @Action News Survey. This week's (suggested by Aleph) is."What is the fake name you use when ordering pizza?
  • PatchO'Black mews, "Um...I don't order pizza?"
  • Borris Gruffs, "Hart, James A. One each!"
  • Austin says, "Yeah, why wouldn't you just use your own name?"
  • Ba'ar says, "I just use my real name. What's the problem?"
  • Dolly says, "I'd say 'Balloon'. Just to hear the delivery guy ask for a Balloon."
  • Niran growfs,"Sam *****" my rl brother's name in case I can't show up."
  • Raphael murrs, "My real name is my fake name, so..."
  • Toledo says, "Undefined."
  • Argon says, "Oh, I use the name Austin Dern."
Doze Garden Cartoon
The Doze Garden Cartoon.
Want to contribute to @Action News?

Got something that You'd like to contribute to @Action News, but aren't sure if You should, or how to do it? Just get in touch with Argon, Skyler, or Findra, and they'll be happy to help! Here are some basic guidelines, though.

Contributing a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org, or qmail/pagemail Argon, Findra, or Skyler, with Your article!

  • @Action News is published weekly sometime on Sunday.
  • Articles received after midnight Pacific time on Saturday may be held and published in the next edition of @Action News.
  • Most any type of story or article of interest to SpinDizzy's newspaper readers will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy.
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  • The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does,) but make sure You don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have.

These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.


Editor - @Action News