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The Lemurs (from 101 Cretumbrous Poems)

Once upon an evening boring, naught to do and nearly snoring,
Pond'ring whether I should make rice krispie treats, or s'mores,
Suddenly there came a zoofling, and the sound of small paws stealthily loosening
The hinges of my zinc-clad door.
"'tis some Lemur", I grimbled, "covetting my zinc-clad door.
He shall not have it!" Thus I swore.

Oy Cretumbro! I remember, it was in the half-Octember,
When larcenous bands of Lemurs swarmed our land from hills to shore.
All not-nailed-down were they a'stealing? Silver, gold and gems appealing?
Nay! Zinc's what Lemurs covet, zinc's the thing that they adore!
That grey, cretumbrous metal that the Lemurs all long for -
Only zinc, and nothing more!

Anxious then I crossed my chamber, eager to confront the danger,
Lest gossips claim that Horselike, I did dwell without a door.
Throwing wide my zincy portal, I gave voice to a cry bzortal,
A challenge to the villain who was crouched there on the floor,
Unscrewing ev'ry hinge that did secure my zinc-clad door.
I took a breath. 'twas time to roar!

"Scoundrel!" cried I, "Rotten Lemur! You plot to steal my zincen portal!
Unhand you now my hinges! Get you forthwith from my door!"
"Gasp!" he gasped, his plan uncovered, turned around, then off kerschlundled,
Pausing but to snatch the gold hoofscraper from beside my door.
The solid-gold hoofscraper that had graced my zincen door.
The Lemur had it. How I swore!

I gave voice to threats most dire, and gave chase too, lest it transpire,
By a Lemur I'd be bested at the step of my front door.
Close behind I chased the villain, promising a painful killin',
He'd pay dear for that ornament that late had graced my door!
The solid gold hoofscraper that belonged at my front door,
He dropped and ran... T'was mine once more!

"Whew!", I whewed, with deep emotion, knowing it had been a close one,
But my solid gold hoofscraper reposed in my hand once more.
Returning to my domicile, 'twas then I 'scried that crime most vile!
'twas then I saw my entryway was not now as before.
Empty gaped the doorframe where had stood my zinc-clad door.
I had been duped. You bet I swore!

Turning then, I saw the Lemurs, kerschlundling on their Lemurs' femurs,
Trundling to the forest with the burden that they bore.
Too far away to think of chasing, my sole chance of their crime erasing:
Appealing to their honesty (though it never worked before...)
"Bring that back!" I shouted", "That's MY zinc-clad door!"
Quoth the Lemurs, "Not no more!"

"Mammal Stacking" Reaches New Heights

Suri, local lemur, known for her facination with all things zinc, occaisionally demonstrates an interest in an activity she has named "Mammal Stacking. This consists of finding a cooperative centaur and jumping upon his or her equine back. Suri then finds an unaware someone, whom she wears as a hat. This "stack" of three, centaur, lemur, and someone worn as a hat is displayed as a "Mammal Stack" by Suri.

This week in the Rose Garden, Suri jumped on Argon's equine back wearing Lou, local civet. Although centaurs sometimes don't take kindly to folks jumping on their backs without an invitation, Argon has offered an open invitation to Suri to do so at will. This open invitation has also been extended to Portia, local red panda, Than, local lion cub, and Patch O'Black, local Jellicle cat among others. It is considered rude to jump on a centaur and dig one's heels in his or her sides and yell, "Giddy-up," as though a centaur were a horse. Argon and other centaurs do not consider themselves horses and will usually take offense at being treated as such, however those named among several other have been offered the invitation to these folks listed above.

On this occaision, Suri's centaur, lemur, civet stack was increased with the addition of Natastsa, local coati, who placed Pathfinder, local red panda on her head as a hat. This resulted in a "Mammal Stack" of five mammals, Argon, Suri, Lou, Natasha, and Pathfinder. Suri seemed quite happy with the result of this "stack" and proclaimed it a record. The rest of the folks in the stack seemed quite comfortable and no one disputed Suri's claim.

It is unknown if this was a world record, but it was certainly a Rose Garden record as far as the recent history of the Rose Garden was known. The record's standing had not been exceded as of press time.

Gilead's Spooky Puns

Q: Why have there been more and more vampires lately?
A: As P.T. Barnum said, there's a sucker born every minute.

Q: Who do ghosts see to solve an unmurder?
A: The police in-spectre.

Q: What do really rich ghosts drive?
A: A Rolls-Royce Silver Living Soul.

Q: What's the hardest sort of undead to outrun?
A: A zoombie.

Q: Besides a mummy, what's the easiest?
A: A worn-out-wolf.

Q: What did the scarab do when it got scared?
A: Ran home crying to its mummy.

Q: What's the best sort of lab assistant for an otter mad scientist?
A: An Igor Beaver.

Q: What hides in the closets of little children and comes out to dance when the lights go out?
A: The get-down-and-boogie man.

Q: Why did the evil rabbi sneak a golem to his enemies by parcel post?
A: Nobody ever believes it when you tell them the Czech is in the mail.

Q: What book should you never read to cubs?
A: Triffid, The Big Red Man-eating Plant.

Q: Why did all the hard of hearing sorceress's helpers avoid her between midnight and 1am?
A: She didn't quite hear "witching hour"" exactly right.

Q: Why shouldn't you listen to Italian chiroptera?
A: They're-a little bats.

Caption Contest

Hammy and RJ

This week's picture idea for the caption contest is provided by Findra. Do you have a good caption? Send your suggestions to Findra via page #mail!

If you'd like to suggest a picture for the caption contest, please page #mail Argon, Findra, Ba'ar, or Skyler, or e-mail newspaper@spindizzy.org.

The "Eventlist" Crystal Ball

Each week @Action News will print the "Eventlist" notices here. This list will be accurate as of press time, but be sure and check it during the week. Activities and events can be proposed, rescheduled or event cancelled for all sorts of reasons. So stay "in the know" by checking Eventlist often.

To get a list with details as shown here, enter eventlist #week #long.

Halloween Party!
From: Tue 10/31/06 07:00 PM To: Tue 10/31/06 10:00 PM
Location: Midnight Meadows in Jellicle Fields
Event Owner: PatchO'Black

It is the annual SpinDizzy Halloween Party! Come dressed in a costume and get ready for a frightfully fun time! A good time for everyone!

Weekly Survey

Ba'ar Here's the Spindizzy @Action News Survey for this week ... What's your favorite Halloween candy?

  • Argon says, "Why, Mavra, of course! She's the sweetest thing I know!"
  • Ba'ar says, "I love those 'chocolate mini bars' of all kinds. I can't get enough of them and I can never eat just one."
  • Vixie says, "Anything with chocolate, of course."
  • Borris likes Candy Corn!
  • Than ohs! "My favorite Halloween candy is... cute little bat shaped Reese's!"
  • Angel_bear says,"Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bars. Semi-sweet chocolate."
The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden

Want to contribute to @Action News?

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Contributing a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org, or qmail/pagemail Argon, Findra, Skyler, or Ba'ar with your article!

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