@ Action News

Argon -- Editor
Ba'ar -- Associate Editor

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Polar bear re-animates centaur

Borris, local polar bear, used his many and varied skills this week to revive Kefan after he dropped dead.

While visiting Patch O'Black, local Jellicle cat's beach area (which is located in the cat's expansive Jellicle Fields area, a great place to visit and explore. If you go to Centaur Square by entering CS and then go to the Glade by entering Glade, you'll find a passage to one part of the area, Patch's Snack Shack. From there you can explore around and enjoy the rest of the area.) Patch, Borris, Gilead, local otter, Argon and Kefan, local centaurs, and others, were enjoying a visit. Argon mentioned finding DVDs of The He-Man She-Ra Christmas Special being offered. This caused Kefan to faint dead away. Argon, having no smelling salts, attempted to revive the fallen centaur by waving a copy of The Star Wars Christmas Special under his nose.

Rather than reviving Kefan, this caused him to actually die! Borris had a portable defibrilator, and setting it to 3000, applied the paddles to Kefan's chest (One paddle on the chest of his torso and one on his equine chest,) and shouting, "Clear!" pressed the switch.

The voltage coursed through Kefan's body. He jumped, but did not revive. Borris raised the voltage to 3500 and tried again. Kefan was still deceased after this effort. Not wanting to have to carry Kefan to have him buried, and not wanting to just cover him with beach sand, the always prepared Borris found a large syringe with some glowing green fluid in it (Remember The Reanimator?) and injects Kefan with it.

The fluid has an immediate reaction as Kefan jumps to his hooves and seemed to be completely revived and conscious. However only a few moments pass as Kefan's hooves began to take root in the ground and he began prouting leaves! The centaur cried out, "I'm becoming a plant!" Imagine this image by Boris Vallejo but male, with no spear and hooves. As Kefan became more plant-like but not like a centaur, the resourceful Borris pulled out another syringe filled with a glowing pink fluid and injected the centaur-plant with it.

Soon, Kefan shed his leaves and returned to "normal". As of press time, Kefan felt fine and exibited no plant-like attributes.

Great line from old cartoon

As noted in the article above, Argon, local centaur, used a copy of The He-Man She-Ra Christmas Special in an attempt to revive Kefan, another local centaur. Mention of the He Man, She Ra series triggered a memory of Gilead, local otter.

Gilead noted that he thought She-Ra had one of the best lines ever in a kids' cartoon, "Hordak to She-Ra's flying horse: 'I'm going to lock you away in the deepest, darkest dungeon in my castle...there, you will be chained up, where you will never feel the wind, nor the warmth of the sun. Your wings will wither from lack of use...and you will never, ever see She-Ra again."

Gilead continued, "It was like, "Wow! They said that in a kids' cartoon? And one for girls, to boot? Wow!" Gilead was impressed.

Christie, local Kitsune agreed and noted the horse's name was Swift Wind.

Argon said, "Well, young girls have this facination with horses," to which Gilead replied, And when they meet a horse with a fascination for young girls, hilarity ensues."

With that, attention returned to Kefan, local (at the time,) deceased centaur.

Local ies


Cute competition

Vixie, local fox, and self proclaimed "cutest", has had her cuteness challanged by Trance, local cybernetic felitaur.

Vixie seems unconcerned about Trance's claim. Although her cuteness is undisputed by Vixie, it has been compared to the cuteness of bunnies, kittens and even baby raccoons. The fox remains confident that she is cuter than anything.

As the "battle" continues, @Action News will keep its readers informed.

Puns list!

Why did the bat become a doctor? A: He wanted to spend more time with fruitcakes in the nut house!

Q: Then why did the doctor bat leave the belfry? A: He won the no bell prize!

Q: Why did Mouser buy a Mauser? A: He wanted the rat-tat-tat-tat.

Q: Would a secret agent have Austin martinized?

Q: Why are two wallabies worse than one? A: Good pair of under-roo's are hard to find!

Q: Why couldn't the coati save the world? A: He left his Austin powers at home!

Q: Why where the bunny slippers always correcting people? A: They liked to split hares!

Q: Why do rodents chew on cables? A: They have a very different concept of "power lunch."

Q: Why did the otter go to Egypt? A: For the fish and Cheops.

Q: How did the peeping tom get caught? A: An overdose of Citri sill.

DTF andagement


Gilead's Fishin' for Last-Minute Puns

Q: Why did the sea otter move to a protected inlet?
A: There was too much surfering among the waves for him to bear.

In Step With: Europa


This week, we chat with Europa, local winged fennec.

Europa has arrived.

Europa smiles.

Ba'ar smiles and gives the fennec a hug. "Hello Europa and thanks for helping me out this week."

Europa says, "Sure, you're welcome."

Ba'ar smiles, "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"

Europa smiles bashfully. "Oh, not too long. Several months I believe."

Ba'ar nods, "I see. What brought you to Spindizzy?"

Europa looks thoughtful, her inquisitive eyes looking up and over a bit, "Not sure really, I don't remember much before then. Just my simple den and my warm nest....and sleeping. Then here I was."

Ba'ar growls, "Do you have any memory of where you came from?"

Ba'ar cocks his head "Europa?"

Europa tries to think, her brow furrows. "....I remember trees. Lots of them, and they where huge. There where three worlds, I think, yeah...." Europa feels pretty certian this was the way things where. "There was a realm above the trees, in the trees, and below the trees. I don't remember much about it accept it was cool and dark below the leaves save for the patches of warm amber sunlight...."

Ba'ar growls, "I see you have wings. Were you born with them or did you acquire them by other means?"

Europa ruffles them instictively. "I've had them for as long as I can remember." She pauses at the irony of the thought, "I was born with them I believe."

Ba'ar nods "So what are the advantages of having wings?"

Europa says, "Well, I can fly....aside from that they help keep me warm." Europa drapes them about herself a little, "Oh, can fan myself with them when it's hot too."

Ba'ar smiles and nods "So any disadvantages of having wings?"

Europa thinks, "Umm well, you have to be careful not to break them," she extends one out at length, "and learning to fly is scary." :3

Ba'ar nods "Plus I'll bet you have to be very careful at close quarters or you might knock something over."

Europa nods and smiles, "Yeah, I can be clumsy. But they do fold up nicely on my back." Europa's wings settle back to their usual position.

Ba'ar nods "So if there was one thing you'd like to change about Spindizzy what would it be?"

Europa furrows her brow again, "Hmm, that's a good question. I haven't been around much but are there some nice forrests here? I do miss the trees. Maybe a nice park full of 'em?" Europa smiles bright eyed at another thought and bounces a little, "Or maybe a huge nest full of interesting places to tunnel!" She giggles at that.

Ba'ar nods. "So what do you like best about Spindizzy?"

Europa smiles again, "I like the diversity. And there's always something interesting." Europa purrs and wraps her poofy tail about herself. "And everyone's so friendly!"

Ba'ar growls, "So what do you like the least about Spindizzy?"

Europa says, "Hmm, I guess that would be the same thing as what I would change. Aside from that I can't think of anything that bothers me so."

Ba'ar growls, "So who do you admire the most?"

Europa smiles and purrs, "Oh it's not so much someone that I admire but the atmosphere everyone here generates. Though I will say Patch'OBlack had a smashing St. Hallow's Eve party last year."

Ba'ar nods "I agree. I was there, too Patchy did his usual great job."

Ba'ar growls, "Do you have any plans for the future?"

Europa smiles and nods. "I must find myself a new home soon. Perhaps to build something new."

Ba'ar growls, "New home? Surely you're not leaving Spindizzy?"

Europa shakes her head. "Oh no, I ment a new nesting place here!"

Ba'ar nods "That's good. We'd hate to lose you. Now then. What secret fact or desire about you would surprise our readers?"

Europa smiles secretivly, "Mmm, where to begin!" She thinks for something, "I can breathe fire, though that's not something I think many folks are comfortable with." Europa sways a little. "Maybe a chance to find my parents again, and some old friends. I don't remember much of them or my past. I don't even remember if I had a mate." Europa smiles again, though somewhat distant as if in thought.

Ba'ar nods "One more question before we go Europa. Are there any words of wisdom that you'd like to give to our readers?"

Europa nods, "Yes! Don't let the wishes of youth become the regrets of maturaty. Follow your heart, but don't forsake your mind. Your wants, your desires you will find.....if you simply try."

Ba'ar nods "Good advice that. That's our last question. Again Europa Thanks."

Ba'ar gives the Fennec a warm hug.

Europa hugs Ba'ar, "Thank you, that was fun." :3

Bearing Up

Bearing Up logo.

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
How many lemurs does it take to mine a ton of zinc?
- P.Lutonium

Dear P.Lutonium:
None, they let centaurs do all the work!

Dear Bearing Up:
I heard you like honey and salmon. If you were on a desert island and could have only one or the other, what would you choose?
- P. Basket

Dear P. Basket:
I'd have honey flavored salmon.

Dear Bearing Up:
What causes 'Con Crud' (The Blorch)?
- Conops

Dear Conops:
Too many fanboys at the con.

Dear Bearing Up:
Should I buy a plasma or an LCD high definition TV?
- Argon

Dear Argon:
Neither! Buy a radio.

Dear Bearing Up:
Why isn't Hollywood making any good movies these days?
- D. Veedee

Dear D. Veedee:
Because centaurs don't run the show!

Dear Bearing Up:
My blood pressure is too high. What to do about it?
- B. Boiler

Dear B. Boiler:
Stop listening to the 'nutrition Nazis' and your blood pressure will go down.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to baar.bear@gmail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Ba'ar Greetings all! Ba'ar here with this week's @Action News Survey (suggested by Argon). What movie should be remade starring lemurs?

  • Argon says, "For the survey, "I have to say, 'The Lemur the Witch and the Wardrobe. Lemurs and centaurs seem to go together well."
  • Trance mrps, "Tron!"
  • Gina_Doberman says, "Lemurs Run! (Logans Run)"
  • Andrew says, "Zinc Trek."
  • The_Antiraccoon chirps, "Three words. Full. Metal. Jacket."
  • DTF ponders. "Hm.... Batteries Not Included."
  • Lou thinks Lemur of the Rings.
  • Kefan says, "2001: A Space Lemur!"
  • Mouser hisses, "For a Few Doll Lemurs..."
  • Swiftheart says, "Star Wars: The Lemur Menace!"
  • Portia says, "I'll say,"Gone with the Wind"... She grins,"Frankly my dear, I don't.. Oooh shiny!"
  • Swiftheart says, "Attack of the 50 Foot Lemur."
  • Andrew says, "ANalyze Zinc."
  • PatchO'Black mews, "Lemur Hill?"
  • Felina mews, "Resident Lemur?"
  • Christie says, "My little lemur! *giggle*"
  • Borris says, "Around the Lemur in 80 Days"
  • Gilead's ears blush at the survey!! "What movie shouldn't be remade with lemurs? Though pretty much anything that ever starred Ron Jeremy should definitely get highest priority."

This week in History

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

The "Eventlist" Crystal Ball

Each week @Action News will print the "Eventlist" notices here. This list will be accurate as of press time, but be sure and check it during the week. Activities and events can be proposed, rescheduled or event cancelled for all sorts of reasons. So stay "in the know" by checking Eventlist often.

To get a list with details as shown here, enter eventlist #week #long.

SpinDizzy Event List

The following events are scheduled within the next 7 days:

+Number: 1
+Title: Invention Exchange
+From: Fri 02/03/06 07:00 AM +To: Fri 02/03/06 08:00 AM
+Location: N10 W5
+Age: All
+Event Owner: Austin
+RSVPs (0): RSVPing on this event is disabled

Share your inventions! Ever created something that never was before, but that could have been? Or should have been? Bring it out and show it off to all the other inventors out there. Devices should be amusing and/or useful in tone. See the Invention Exchanges so common to Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the sorts of devices to be worked out.

+Number: 2
+Title: Movie Night
+From: Sat 02/04/06 07:00 AM +To: Sat 02/04/06 09:00 AM
+Location: N10 W5, T
+Age: All
+Event Owner: Austin
+RSVPs (0): RSVPing on this event is disabled

Movie night! It's the second part of the Stephen Ratliff Marrissa-Verse "Star Trek: The Next Generation" spinoff fan fiction "Endeavour's Beginning." We'll watch a little, read a little, laugh a little, and take in the wonders of Marrissa Picard's first days as captain of her very own starship.

Familiarity with the Stephen Ratliff Marrissa-Verse
, http://trekiverse.us/stephen/
and the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment thereof,
and the concept overall,
is quite useful.

The Doze Garden

What if Darius and Gina Doberman had children?

Doze Garden Cartoon

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, or Ba'ar about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News

Thanks! Ba'ar, Associate Editor @Action News