@ Action News

Argon -- Editor

Please don't forget to read the bulletin board. Enter +read from anywhere.
Please also enjoy The spindizzy_muck LiveJournal community, open to one, all, and others.

Rose Garden covered in feathers

Visitors to the Rose Garden this week found themselves surrounded and cuddled by feathers. The whole place was like a big featherbed, with goose feather pillows, only without the cloth.

The nice soft bed like covering made a number of visitors quite sleepy. In fact, Morticon, local wallaby was so sleepy and comfortable he was quite open to suggestions by Portia, local red panda. Portia, however was also sleepy so nothing more than signs and murmurs of contentment were made.

It was suggested but not confirmed that the feathers were a plot by the SED tied to the anniversary (September 9th) of the Legion of Doom's debut on the first episode of "Challenge of the Superfriends

As of press time, the Rose Garden was still like a nice soft bed. All that was missing were snuggly teddy bears, but that problem was solved when Grumpy Bear, local Care Bear visited.

Austin's physic abilities fail

Austin, local coati / bunny, made the assumption that SpinDizzy was also down after Furtoonia had crashed. Austin explained that muck crashes seem to come in waves and with Furtoonia down, he assumed SpinDizzy was down too.

SpinDizzians who were awake at the time, did notice a few anomalies, but with no connection having been made or attempted by Mozdoc, ex SpinDizzy resident and Wingeresque anatomically correct alicentaur, it was assumed to be just normal bumps in the system.

Austin's theory of the cycle of muck crashes was coincidentally confirmed when a day later, Furrymuck went down. No evidence of Mozdoc as the cause has been found but it has not been ruled out.

Nimble Adopted

Aushae, local silver dragonness, and Austin, local elastic coati-rabbit, brought a new balloon into their family with the adoption of Nimble, local Care Bear squirrel. The adoption was formalized in a brief ceremony Wednesday morning with Austin, Aushae, Beltrami,local balloonie kangaroo, and Wulphe,local wolftaur, in attendance.

Aushae asked of Nimble, ``Do you, of your own free will and love, take our family to be yours from now on, and give yourself into our love and care...?"

Nimble smiled, with hir internal heart balloon glowing, and answered, "I do."

The other participants in the ceremony were similarly asked if they, of their own free will and love, took Nimble into the family, their love, and their care; all were quite happy to. With that, Aushae pronounced, "I, Aushae Technodragon, do take Nimble, of my own free will and love, to be my daughter from now on, and give myself to loving and caring for her to my best ability ... Welcome home, daughterlove."

Nimble and Beltrami were then cupped between Aushae's wings, rubbed together with a prominent squeaking noise, and static-clung together. They're expected to be rather successful sisters, assuming Nimble to be more girl than boy.

@Action News Found to be Trashy Tabloid!

Note, this news release was sent to @Action News and other media outlets. Because @Action News does not engage in censorship and is open to divergent points of view, we have included it and the next story about the red panda population. Note that @Action News cannot confirm these statements and assume no responsabilty for their accuracy.

Morticon, leader of the SED and future world ruler, exposed @Action News for what it really is in a recent press conference. "@Action News is basically a trashy tabloid, the kind you buy at the supermarket checkout counter. It is highly opinionated and no longer represents the facts. I recommend the police raid and shut it down! Or maybe I'll do it myself, again."

Not wishing to make baseless accusations, Morticon brilliantly cited the latest edition, where Argon interviewed Portia. "Argon, rather than sticking to the facts like a real interviewer would, veered off into questionable territory when he tried to accuse her of joining out of love for me! What is this, a soap opera?!" Morticon then reiterated what Portia had previously, "We are just friends."

Morticon's next point involved Argon's questions, "Clearly, Argon was being biased and had an agenda, trying to sway Portia back to his side of 'good', whatever that is. How can you deliver an accurate article when you are trying to reach a certain conclusion?"

Morticon concluded, "Centaurs do not make good interviewers because they are filled with righteousness. Next time, he should ask for an official, unbiased, and accurate SED press release rather than make up such nonsense."

SED Has Monopoly on Red Panda Population

Research conducted after the hiring of Portia, red panda, reveals that the SED has under contract 66% of the red panda population. This means the SED practically controls the important red panda market and "will for years to come", Morticon, future world ruler and head of the SED, claims. Morticon did not elaborate on what the red panda market is, precisely.

In Step With: Georgia


This week, we sit down to talk with Georgia, local zebracorn. Georgia has arrived.

Georgia has arrived.

Ba'ar smiles "Hello Georgia...and thanks for helping me out."

Georgia speaks softly, "No problem, Ba'ar."

You growl, "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"

Georgia speaks softly, "On and off, roughly less than half a year. Not long, really, and business outside the realm has me travelling far."

You growl, "What business may I ask?"

Georgia speaks softly, "Some large-scale engineering, mostly mine and salvage operations."

You growl, "Interesting, so what brought you to Spindizzy? "

Georgia speaks softly, "Word of mouth advertizing attracted my curiosity."

You growl, "Were you part of Toons Fur and Fluff before it shut down?"

Georgia speaks softly, "No, I'm afraid not."

Ba'ar nods "Many were...many were not...now then."

You growl, "I understand you're a 'taur'. Were you born that way or were you changed?"

Georgia speaks softly, "I was altered. One of my experiments went awry. You might say I did it to myself. Oh well, no regrets."

You growl, "May I ask how this came about?"

Georgia speaks softly, "A bit of magic, some rare elements, a stable point singulrity - or it was stable before I began..." She waves her cybernetic hand, "...and salvaged Borg technolegy."

You growl, "So what's a typical day like for you?"

You growl, "Or is there such a thing? *smiles*"

Georgia speaks softly, "When I'm here on Spindizzy, I can usually be found in the garden, dispensing my brand of random wisecracks. otherwise, i'm involved with scientific research of one kind or another."

Ba'ar nods

You growl, "Do you work with any scientists on Spindizzy ?"

Georgia speaks softly, "No. Since some of the things I do is risky, I prefer to work in isolation."

You growl, "So who do you admire the most?"

Georgia hmms... "Tough question. Truely, there's none I place any admiration upon."

You growl, "SED or otherwise?"

Georgia snorts. "The SED are a source of amusement. Nothing really there to admire."

You growl, "I see...so if you didn't live in Spindizzy..where would like to live?"

Georgia speaks softly, "Oh, I don't know. Nowhere so underpopulated that there's vast espances of none for miles, yet nowhere so overpopulated that one gwets thier toes trod upon."

Ba'ar nods "Do you have any plans for the future?"

Georgia speaks softly, "No, not really. Perhaps settle down with a companion at some point in the uture. But for now, i live from one day to the other."

You growl, "If you were given the opportunity to change back to the form you were, would you?"

Georgia speaks softly, "No. No regrets; this form is stable."

You growl, "What secret fact or desire about you would surprise our readers?"

Georgia speaks softly, "Well, it's no secret, but somehow it gets overlooked. I have no interest in the male would-be suitors that constantly attempt to get my attention. I take this oppertunity to clear that up once and for all."

You Growl, "In closing, do you have any words of wisdom for our readers?"

Georgia speaks softly, "Yes. Beware of point singularities. They're not as stable as you think they are."

You growl, "That concludes our interview. Thanks alot!"

Georgia speaks softly, "You're welcome."

Gilead's Disastrous Puns

(Because as bad as it is, it's still better if you can laugh.)

Q: What is the most destructive feline?
A: A Cat-trina.

Q: Why was it so bad?
A: It was a Cat 5.

Q: What two rodent cities are under water?
A: Ratlantis, and Gnaw Orleans.

Q: What do you call the denizens of LiveJournal arguing about current events based on nth-hand information as if they had a personal stake in it?
A: Dramatis Personae.

Q: What disaster is most feared by platyhelminths?
A: An earthwormquake.

Q: Who swims around in filthy water, taking TVs and jewlery?
A: Lootters.

Q: What did the commander of the otter law enforcement squad say after catching a lootter?
A: Ready! Aim! WATER!

Q: Why did the city get wet after the giant vixen arrived from a long trip with no rest stops?
A: Her Levis failed due to heavy flooding.

Q: What drives baby cows through trees?
A: Tornadoes of veal.

Q: What rumbles, then covers a huge area with fieldmice?
A: A vole-cano.

Q: What walks into Asian cities, wreaking destruction as it makes jokes?
A: Godsilly.

Q: Why did the incompetent nurse grab an enema bag when the hospital caught fire?
A: The doctor told her to evacuate all the patients, STAT.

Q: Why did the dinosaurs rule the land for hundreds of millions of years.
A: They were smart enough never to negotiate with pterosaurs.

Q: What gives birth to giant waves?
A: A Tsumommy.

This week in history

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Just as a note, this makes a full year @Action News has been showing our circulation numbers. Yay!

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Bearing Up

Bearing Up logo.

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
I understand that Argon does his banking at a credit union. Why is this?
- Chiron

Dear Chiron:
Because it's BANKLIKE but NOT A BANK!

Dear Bearing Up:
Why are Centaurs so biased
- Morticon

Dear Morticon:
They aren't biased. You're biased and that's why you think they are.

Dear Bearing Up:
How long should horses be rode?
- Trigger

Dear Trigger:
Long horses should be rode the same as short ones.

Dear Bearing Up:
I'm a fat fox and my friends are making fun of my girth. What to do?
- Metalfox

Dear Metalfox:
Give 'em a big hug, they'll be smothered in your girth and they won't bother you again.

Dear Bearing Up:
I'm an Ebay.com addict. What to do about it?
- Bidder

Dear Bidder:
Switch to Ubid.com.

Dear Bearing Up:
Are Swiss watches really made in Switzerland
- Watch

Dear Watch:
Sure they are...just as surely as London Fog trench coats are made in New Jersey.

Dear Bearing Up:
What's a Zebracorn?
- Georgia

Dear Georgia
- It's a Zebra loaded with sweet yellow corn.

Dear Bearing Up:
I've heard that compromise is good for keeping a marriage intact. Why is this?
- Henpecked

Dear Henpecked: Things work out better if both agree that the man is always wrong and the woman is always right.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to baar.bear@gmail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week, suggested by Mavra is, "Robots are made to perform dangerous or boring tasks. What would you have your robot do?"

  • Randy_panda - None...Ninjas aren't afraid of the dark.
  • Andrew says, "None, if they screwed in the bulb, they'd be seen."
  • Tuttamek [OOC] Ah, but what if it was a burnt out bulb?
  • Mouser hisses, "I'd tell you, Argon, but Mort'd make me kill you afterwards."
  • Gilead chirps, "Two. But they have to be really tiny ninjas to fit in the bulb."
  • Shoe talkss, "1-3?"
  • Rown Hmmms. I'd say that if they're Morti's ninjas they'd need a battalion of them for one bulb. I figure by the time they all screw up one of them will accidently screw it in right.
  • Leowulf says, "OK, fine, my answer then - 6, one to hold the light bulb, and 5 to turn the ladder."
  • Ba'ar whispers, "My answer to the survey is....5...3 to do the actual deed and 2 to report back to Morticon and steal the credit.
  • Austin - Oh, yes, for the survey: 'How large is the light bulb?'
  • Portia - The answer cannot be computed since you never see them.
  • Tuttamek says, "10?"
  • Georgia speaks softly, "Considering the known incompetence of the SED.... ALL of them. Plus professional help.
  • Crystal thinks zero, as they probably aren't smart enough to know what a light bulb is.
  • Morticon - Two, I should know, having my own ninja army and all. One to do the job, the other to shut the other lights off so it's done in darkness, as ninjas only work at night. And they fight and stuff."
  • Pa'hti - Prolly pi.
  • Tanuki pages, "I thought their job was to put the light bulb out?
  • Austin - For the survey, I'd like a robot that took care of making sure I had any idea what page-conversation I was in at the moment. Also I'd like one to jot down notes of what's going on in the Rose Garden or the Balloon Park to make a newspaper article.
  • Nogitsune - I'd have my robot take out those pesky Quantum Gunners and Void Stalkers.
  • Windwhistler - I'd have my robot be my personal groomer.

The Doze Garden

Vixie disagrees with an assesment of what is the cutest.

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, Carl or SDN about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News