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Argon -- Editor

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Friday The Thirteenth Passes Without Incident

Calendar page.In spite of all the predictions of doom, Friday 13, 2002 came and went without the collapse of civilization. Computer systems, electrical grids, water and other public utilities remained on-line, and no massive problems were reported.

For quite a while, a few 'experts' expressed concern that a few older computer systems might have minor difficulty when this date arrived. They hinted there there might be a slight chance that folks could be led unawares into walking under ladders, having black Cats cross their paths, or not be aware that they were about to step on a crack. These incidences, minor in themselves, were thought to possibly lead to a cascading effect leading to a domino effect of harsher and more dangerous events with the collapse of civilization being the final result.

Although these aformentioned experts were simply discussing a slight possibility, some folks happening across this TV program while switching from COPS to Jerry Springer, missed the 'Slighty possible, highly remote' part of the discussion and began proclaiming that on Friday the Thirteenth, the world was going to end. Sales of survival equipment, and Spam rose sharply. The fear of this ignorant few spread like wildfire and soon many were convinced that once the calenders were turned to Friday the Thirteenth, the end of the world was nigh. This of course, turned out not to be the case.

As of press time, the world has not ended and folks in Mad Max cars aren't roaring over the Austrailian out back in anarchy. Further information on the rumors surrounding this date can be found here.

Guest Describes New Character, Doesn't Notice It Being Mocked

Twinkie.Guest1, visiting Spindizzy for the first time this week, announced plans for a new character which were roundly and viciously mocked by those listening, but remained oblivious to the insults delivered. The guest noted disdain for its female volleybunny shape, expressing a vast preference for the chosen male fox-based creature it hoped to become.

The guest noted its character was a "fiftythree [sic] thousand year old warlock with magick over fire and ice making and twentytwo [sic] tails." Austin noted it was a good thing he was keeping busy so late into retirement. Enthused by this display of sardonic interest, the guest explained, "nono [sic] i cant retire or it upset [sic] the balance of the world!!!" The left half of the Skyler slippers then noted, "I remember the last time he took a day off, we all shuddered to the right."

Continuing the discussion, the guest noted that despite its incredible power, it had to leave its homeworld lest the "leakage" of its massive displays of power result in unpleasant side effects. This prompted Skyler's right half to mention there are many fine absorbent undergarments that are perfectly acceptable for elderly persons to wear. The guest explained it was not that simple, as they would need to be absorbent in multidimensional polyphasic spaces including the magick dimensions. Austin agreed those would be prohibitavely expensive given a life-span of length approaching infinity.

Oblivious to the lack of respect shown from the highest authorities on Spindizzy, Guest1 continued to explain the many hardships and responsibilities that its incredible potency carried. Peppermint asked if that included the difficulty in finding pants which would fit a humanoid figure with almost two dozen tails; the guest explained its electro-resonant fabrics formed a structure which sculpted itself to perfect fitness around its body no matter what pose he had, and which furthermore could be ionized to become an impenetrable barrier. Guest1 further explained, responding to the right half of Skyler's questions, that this impenetrable barrier did not avoid the "magick [sic] leaks" which forced its self-imposed exile.

Asked about the guest's skill in "magick," the Guest explained "magick is much more powerful than ordinary magic," at which feeble might the creature sneered. Austin nodded, explaining that such powers as the Guest clearly had "went all the way up to eleven," which prompted the Guest to ask if Austin was measuring magical powers by some abilities of his own. Austin was in fact alluding to the classic Rob Reiner comedy "This Is Spinal Tap," and not to any magical powers of his own.

Guest1 had to leave, due to its player's parents being about, but promised a swift return to add this land to its domain. Both Skylers promised they would be watching carefully for such an event.

Maxl Gives Up Death

Maxl not dead.Maxl, noted deceased badger, this week gave up his career as a dead creature, citing a continuing state of boredom during his lack of life. While his complete lack of metabolic functions did not impair his social schedule, including his life of explicitly not dating ghostly bat Eris, he found the state to be a dreary continuation of an undifferentiated state, without variety or hope infusing daily activities -- "Not," he noted, "unlike watching the Tampa Bay Devil Rays."

In returning from the grave, Maxl took up life again as a young adult badger. While it is the norm for any characters on a muck to be young adults, the return to a badger plane of existence raises questions regarding how personal karma affects reincarnation, and whether it may be the case that once one becomes a badger, it becomes difficult to impossible for one to behave in any manner which returns one to a non-badger existence.

This does not serve in any way to make Maxl's lauded Sonic the Hedgehog fan fictions "Jaded Views" or "72 Hours" in any way comprehensible.

Roadrunner 'Always On' Isn't

Argon gets ready to make Roadrunner ISP Soup. As has been observed by many, my Internet connection has been very poor this last week or so. After two 'service calls' from Time Warner's highly trained technical specialists to my home, I am still experiencing intermittent connectivity.

The first visit was from a nice young Vixen, who looked at the lights blinking on the modem, hooked a device up to the cable and proclaimed, 'Everything seems to be all right." When I reminded her that it was as intermittent connection, she reported that, 'They fixed a loose wire and that ought to take care of it." After asking me a few of the usual 'What's it like being a Centaur' questions, she left. within an hour, my connection began flipping off and on again.

I called Time Warner. Again. I intended show them why the word Customer starts with Cuss, but figured I'g get more cooperation with sugar than salt and politely explained that although the tech had done what she could, the problem had not been solved, and perhaps they needed to place a Senior Tech on the problem, as it was obviously something wrong further up the line. This statement was met with the usual, 'Well, we can send a tch out next month between the first and 15th.' I answered that a tech was just there and found everything at my house to be in good working order and the problem was obviously further up the line but this wasn't good enough, and they could have a tech out next week some time. I then invoked the most powerful curse available to me, 'Let me speak to your supervisor please.' I then again explained the problem and was assured that someone would be at my house between 8am and 11am. Because I work at night, the idea of getting up at 8am for a cable tech wasn't too inviting, but I figured I'd go along.

So, after getting up at 8am the next morning, the tech arrives at 10:30am. He was a young Skunk, who again, looked at the lights, hooked up his meter and told me, "Your connection is fine." After stepping back so I wouldn't deck him,snd he was a Skunk after all, I again explained it was an intermittent problem, and that it was further down the line. He assured me he'd check it out and left. Without a tip, I might add. He too asked the usual 'What's it like being a Centaur?' series of questions. In fact, he seemed more interested in my form than he did my problem. I refrained from commenting that Time Warner's tech support stunk.

Miraculously, the connection seemed to stabilize. For a while. Again, I called Time Warner tech support and was assured that a 'Senior Technical Supervisior' would be at my home the next morning. Bright and early at 10:00am, I answered my door and saw a Bear wearing a toolbelt and a smile. He asked where the computer was, looked at it a moment and said, "I'll be back in a few minutes. He went outside, hopped in his truck and drove off. As promised, he returned in a few minutes and reported, "I climbed the pole and found that the line to your house had been chewed by Squirrels. I repaired the damage. Your Internet connection should be fine now." And so far, he's been right. As an added bonus, my cable TV picture has improved too.

So it turns out that it wasn't the Roadrunner after all, but the Squirrels. And to think after feeding them, this is how they repay me. I sent Wile E. Coyote a letter suggesting he chase Squirrels rather than Roadrunners.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked folks, "I'm doing a survey suggested by Suri to be published in @Action News. 'What cartoon would you like to see made into a live action movie?'

  • Suri -- "My Little Pony."
  • Cye says, "none."
  • Austin says, "None, ever, anytime, and I would like to begin a class-action lawsuit on behalf of everyone who has seen any cartoon that was turned into a live-action movie."
  • Scruffy -- regarding the survey : Fritz the Cat. gnarararrr.
  • Myrla (Today at 6:26:00PM) -- What cartoon would I like to see made in a live action movie? I'd love to see a cartoon about my mate, Tenshi and I, and then see that made into a live action movie! :)
  • Angel_Bear -- Survey! I'd like to see /The Jetsons/ made into a live action movie. Brent Spiner might make a good George Jetson, but one thing I'm positive about -- Danny DeVito IS Mr. Spacely.
  • Drake says, "Hmmm. I wish they'd made the live action Jetsons they discussed years ago, Argon. Or perhaps 'Time Squad'. :)"
  • Gilead ponders. "Not "Fritz the Cat." Hmm, maybe "Lord of the Rings" but they're already doing that. "The Raccoons" would suck in live action, unless they used trained raccuties. Maybe "Princess Mononoke." That'd be so spectacular you could sink the Titanic, Lusitania, and Edmund Fitzgerald, and drown Leonardo DiCaprio three times, and nobody would care any more.
  • Twohart says, "Mulan, maybe?"
  • Peppermint sez, "The New Shmoo Adventures. :^>"
  • Ark says, "Johnnie Quest, totally."
  • Vixie says, "None of them, doing so is proving to be a waste of time and film."
  • Carlos says, "If they could get the old pulp comic look right, Jonny Quest."
  • Argon would like to see a live action version of Fantasia.

Letters To The Editor

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,

As areguler reeder I wanted to tell U how much i liek you paper. It is always intresting and fun to read. the news is funny sometimes. Id like to no how you get all the storys you put in the paper? Do people send them to you in the male, or in email. Do you have ICQ or Instint meassenger? How many reporters work for at actoin news?

I wanted to tell U that, you need to chek the speling in your paper more better. Some times you acesentally leave in a mistake. Ecsept fer that it is a good paper. Plese keep up the good werk. There are many peoples like me who like reading it, and sepesially enjoy the cartoons.

You faitfull reader,

Rafeal Esposidopolisoulouse

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News