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Argon -- Editor

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Zach feeling better

Zach the human with a couple mouse and squirrel parts, had real trouble this week when Morticon the wallaby for some reason stole the caring right out of him, but things got better when he got back a magic lemur coin from Morticon that just had to be filled up with good feelings again so he could put it in the Wishing Well of Care-A-Lot and fix everything again.

So for it Zach had to go find people who still cared and ask them to share their feelings, which make the coin brighter and shinier. He already got some of the feelings back from people talking about him, but was scared if he didn't get to feeling normal all again he'd have to leave so as not to hurt anybody by being insensitive to them.

Anyway I tried talking about what I like about Zach, and it's a lot because I really like him and thought he was a grownup when we met and I think he's still really bright, and clever, and before long it was shining and sparkling and glowing really bright.

Zach thinks that's fixed the problem now but still wanted to get Beltrami the balloon kangaroo now and Austin's feelings too before giving the coin to the Wishing Well.

Bear's picnic turns sour


Ba'ar, local bear, is considering legal action against the Spindizzy Forest Service. He was enjoying a picnic recently with his son Jason when a forest ranger came by and, thinking that their picnic basket was stolen, took it away from them. "This is discrimination of the lowest form . It's a stereotype that all bears steal peoples' picnic baskets." Ba'ar is quoted as saying. "Besides, what message does that send to my son not to mention other cubs about forest rangers not respecting us bears?"

Representatives of the Spindizzy Forest Service could not be reached for comment.

Violet's being a better goat

Violet who used to be a cartoon skunk-centaur says she's getting used to being a goat now, and even has some fun too. She got turned into a goat by accident when Mrs Beltrami got turned into a kangaroo balloon a couple weeks ago and she hasn't been able to get back yet. She said there's tradeoffs but it's not so bad as she used to think it was. Violet's being a better goatShe said the best part about being a goat was how much easier it was eating now. "Fer the most part, I just nibble on grass, uhm an the occasional book or two." She's been eating better stories now too. Violet's being a better goatBut there's still things she didn't get used to yet. "Not havin hands is kinda difficult ta deal with. An it's a lot harder ta do a few things. I've gotten used ta eatin' grass an' greens, but I miss eating more fun stuff like pizza." She can eat pizza, but she has to be careful. "As long as it's veggies an' cheese it's okay, but meat makes me feel all ill..."

She said the most surprising thing was, "Well, bein' a lot smaller fer one. I'm kinda short this way. An' the bleatin' too at first, not ta mention havin't ta get used to havin' just four hooves an' no paws. Plus I get all odd when I get petted an' stuff now...it feels good, but it kinda fuzzles my thinkin' a little."

It doesn't feel bad, she means, " I just end up feeling uh..hmm I guess domesticated is a good word." Also like doing tricks, and she showed one off, where she stood up on her hindlegs to dance around in a little circle on her hooves while jingling her bell.

Morticon turned into a goat

Violet the cartoon goat said after she got turned into a goat and tried getting turned back, Morticon the wallaby got turned into a goat too! She said, "Beltrami was tryin ta fix my box thingie, but I swallowed the crystal that makes it work and she used this thingie ta err, separate my head from me so they could try an get the crystal. Morti came along and started tryin' ta use my head as a puppet then put it on like a mask...which was just weird ta have happen. Then his fur turned all different an he changed ta a goat."

She's not sure what happened to Morticon. "He ate some grass and then dashed off. But they got the crystal thingie out an' fixed the box sorta. I guess Morti ended up eatin' all sorts of things..."

Zach said Morticon started eating everything "and producing anvils and buckets. In fact if you check the junkyard you'll find a lot of things missing."

Beltrami got Violet's head off to start with "they used this thing ta take it off then Beltrami put it back on me an zipped it..it was somethin' like that at least. I'm not sure how it was exactly done. At least it didn't hurt. It was odd. My body kinda walked around on it's own an I could still talk, but I couldn'd move other than my ears an nose an stuff like that."

Her body just trotted in a circle in the garden when it didn't have her head on. Her head felt really weird being used like a puppet. "It was like my head was all hollow an, the paw was moving my mouth around." Moving his paw around didn't make him talk though, "I could still talk, he couldn't make me say stuff, though when he put my head on as a mask he could talk with my voice."

She got her head back, Zach said, when "Everybody got it off of Morticon and put it back on her." Lamar the bunny said "This is why you should take out unexpected transformation insurance." Violet said, "It was really strange at the time, but lookin back it was nothin' serious. So I guess it was even kinda fun, in its own way." She doesn't know if everybody should try being a puppet sometime, but it was interesting.

Zach knew how Morticon got turned back into a wallaby too. He was eating everything everywhere and they were trying to get him to something that eats less. So Zach and a bunch of his friends (not me) took him to Sanogan the body-changer's place. Sanogan asked for how to change Morticon back and they suggested he should be made cuter and cuddlier, but anogan wanted to make him more muscular and monstrous. So he's a wallaby again, although he also got some horns and spikes that can pop out his back. Anyway Morticon was probably scared by this because when he came to the Rose Garden Saturday morning he saw Violet there and ran away right away. 30

Zach's my cousin!

Zach says he's been adopted now by Nikon O'Black the miniature raccoon and mother of the Coonlective. Since Nikon's my auntie that makes me Zach's cousin.

In step with: Gilead


This week, we sit down and have a chat with Gilead, another local Spindizzy otter.

Gilead has arrived.

Ba'ar growls, "Hey gilead...Thanks for consenting to this interview."

Gilead nuzzles. "You're welcome."

Ba'ar smiles "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"

Gilead chirps, "Since I was a little cub, I think. It was dark in the holt, but I don't remember any swirling vortices that would indicate I went elsewhere from the holt to here."

Ba'ar growls, "What brought you to Spindizzy? "

Gilead chirps, "I guess there were fish to eat, and a good habitat, and some nice critters who became friends. Though the friends are more the reason I stay. Even if not all of them are here any more. :-("

Ba'ar nods "Our readers are familiar with those horrid puns. Where do they come from?"

Gilead chirps, "Oh. They just make sense. Like how otters are always so hyper, my brain's going six ways at once, and then the six ways interact again. So if, say, I'm thinking about a bear, then one part thinks about a grizzly, and one about a polar bear, and one about how it sounds like bare, and one about "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear" which then goes to Fuzzy Wuzzy soap I had as a cub. So I could ask, "What did the Grizzly do before hopping in the shower to bathe with Fuzzy Wuzzy soap? He got bare.""

Ba'ar growls, "Is punning a skill that you otters as a group tend to cultivate? I know you're normally very playful creatures."

Gilead chirps, "There aren't all that many otters here, unfortunately. :-( So we don't have that much of a group. But we otters do all have a great sense of humor."

Ba'ar nods "What's a typical day like for you? " Gilead chirps, "I wake up, mark my territory, go fishing, mark my territory, sleep, wake up, mark my territory, go fishing, hang out in the Rose Garden with lots of friends, go home, go fishing, mark my territory, and sleep again. o/~ I'm an otter, can't you see, that I live in a stream. *chirIIIRP* I'm an otter. o/~"

Ba'ar nods "I understand that in addition to an otter you're also a raven or 'sky otter'. How did you learn to change forms?"

Gilead chirps, "Well, I think Natasha taught me how. I was helping rescue her from being buried alive in plaster, and in the process, we wound up with a mold of her. And in getting her out, I fell in the resulting mold, and got squished into a co-otter-mundi. Fortunately I was feeling playful at the time, so it wasn't lethal."

Ba'ar growls, "What's your favorite form? "

Gilead chirps, "Oh, I like being an otter best. It's what I'm good at."

Gilead chirps, "Otherwise, my favorite would be either a seal or a co-otter-mundi, depending on how I'm feeling."

Ba'ar nods "What are the advantages of both forms? Disadvantages? "

Gilead chirps, "Well, I can climb better as a co-otter-mundi. And although my nose doesn't close for diving like it normally does, it's a bit better as a snorkel this way. And my paws are much better for stomping on scorpions, and I can eat vegetables and actually gain nutrients from them, which I can't do as an otter."

Gilead chirps, "But as an otter, I'm better at catching fish, staying warm, and swimming in general. And I'm a lot stronger."

Ba'ar growls, "It's rumored that the sweet treat Otter Pops are made from real otters. What's your theory on this?"

Gilead eeps!

Ba'ar growls, "Mind you, it's only a rumor."

Gilead chirps, "They're made by otters, not out of them. Each otter consumes a specific color of fish they like, and kind of how flamingos turn pink from eating pink shrimp..."

Gilead chirps, "Actually, you have to figure, we're among the best insulated animals in the world. It'd be almost impossible to freeze us."

Ba'ar nods "I'd hate to see you and Tarka as frozen treats."

Ba'ar growls, "What part of Spindizzy would you change if you could? "

Gilead chirps, "I'd eliminate sweeping without permission."

Ba'ar nods "Who do you admire the most? "

Ba'ar smiles "Otter or otherwise."

Gilead chirps, "I think still Butterfluff. I miss Butterfluff."

Ba'ar nods "I miss hir too. Can't believe it's been a year since shi passed on."

Gilead nods. :-(

Ba'ar growls, "Do you have any plans for the future?"

Gilead chirps, "I'm going to catch more fish I think."

Ba'ar nods "What secret fact or desire about you would surprise our readers?"

Gilead's ears blush!!!

Ba'ar grins "Or if you told me would you have to kill me?"

Gilead scritches his head with a hindpaw and ponders. "I guess it would surprise a lot of folks that I like to eat venison. Otters hunt deer in the winter when the streams freeze over."

Gilead chirps, "Not that I have to deal with that nowadays."

Ba'ar growls, "I love venison jerky myself...now then...one more question..""

Ba'ar growls, "In closing, do you have any words of wisdom for our readers?"

Gilead chirps, "If you can't laugh at yourself, there's always an otter somewhere willing to laugh at you instead."

Ba'ar nods "That concludes our interview. Thanks alot for doing this Gilead."

Gilead nuzzles Ba'ar!

Gilead chirps, "Thanks for asking me."

Ba'ar smiles "My pleasure."

Zach's Quoted Quote Question

Can you guess where the quote was said and who said it. See the bottom of the paper for the answer...

"Well, put him back like you found him Morty"

This week in history

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Just as a note, this makes a full year @Action News has been showing our circulation numbers. Yay!

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Bearing Up

Bearing Up logo.

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
How do I stop a bear?
- H. Unter

Dear H. Unter:
You can't. Bears are unstoppable.

Dear Bearing Up:
As the old song goes 'Davy Crockett Killed a BA'AR when he was only three'. Are you of any relation to that unfortunate creature?
- D. Boone

Dear D. Boone:
Absolutely not!

Dear Bearing Up:
I watch too many soap operas. What should I do?
- S. Spectra

Dear S. Spectra:
Start reading the Weekly World News. That'll help you break the habit.

Dear Bearing Up:
Is it true that Otter Pops are made from real otters?
- Mudge

Dear Mudge:
There is no truth to that. It is true that they're made BY real otters though.

Dear Bearing Up:
Do you think that bears that are performing in circuses and the like are being exploited?

Dear Peta:
It isn't exploitation as long as they're pampered and treated like the kings they are!

Dear Bearing Up:
Help! Every night when I sleep, I have dreams of dancing hippos and ostriches. Why is this?
- Dreamer

Dear Dreamer:
There's a reason. You're O Ding on Fantasia.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon is asking, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is,"What commercial on TV do you dislike the most? (If it's on line someplace share the link to it please.)

  • Georgia - "Anything to do with Enzyte."
  • Findra - McDonalds 'I'm loving' it' slogan. It's annoying, completely information free, and relies entirely on peer pressure - Eat McDonalds, because these fake cool people do.
  • Zach - The Toyota one with the bratty kids, saying "Do it again!", to the car engineer that say It's Desert Sand Micah (You little monsters, I ought to put you into one of these cars.)
  • Ba'ar = Regarding the survey. One set of commercials that I utterly LOATHE are those Cortislim commercials.
  • Eliahn yips, "Oh, the horrible one for Quiznos with that hellish abomination of the . . . .thing. . . that sang aboud having a pepper bar and not getting a papercut and. . . "
  • Gunnlod hehs, "Put the lime in the coke you nut, and drink it all up... for Lime Coke"
  • Vassily says, "The one where the Burger King is at that guys window, very creepy."
  • Eliahn yips, "I like the one where the guy wakes up and the Burger King is in his bed, too."
  • Andrew says, "Any burger king commercial with that creepy king guy."
  • Mouser hisses, "The absolute worst commercial I've ever seen was the pyroflatulence one Budweiser put on during the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. You know, for my money, nothing says 'flaming horse (flatulance)' like the taste of an ice cold Bud..."
  • Bigears yrfs, "I dislike almost all of them. It'd be easier to think up the ones I like."
  • Eurydacie dislikes those Sylvan Learning Center commercials, the music is most annoying.
  • Shady_Raccoony wuzzuuuuuuups!
  • Eliahn yips, "I always liked the one about MTV, where they say "I always talk like I'm wigged out on Quaaludes!" and "My job is to help destroy what's left of your imagination. . . ""

Zach's Quoted Quote Answer

Zach's Quoted Quote Answer

J. Raccoony Recovery Services, for anything you may have lost we can find it for you, money back guaranteed. Tell our service represenative "shiny" for a discount on your first order.

Today's location takes us to, The French Quarter, yes another places that is now getting some regular action, check it out sometime soon. Our quote comes from the rifle bearing two toed sloth known as Vassily.

Congratulation to all of you that guessed right!


A despicable thought goes out to Morticon for doing a quite foul deed, may he have a wonderful vacation, though may it be as cold as his heart. ;) Really folks Morticon deserves both admiration and fear for what he did. If only I could put it in words, maybe next week.

And also a very heart-felt special thanks goes out to Andrew, Austin, Beltrami, Nikon, Shady Raccoony, Tzolkin and Vassily among others for all their help, in caring about my plight and making sure the quotes will go on for at least another hundred connections.

Congratulation to all of you that guessed right!

The Doze Garden

Why the shininess of finishes at car shows make raccoons poor judges.

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, Carl or SDN about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News