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Argon -- Editor

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Skyler lasts nearly two days as red panda, becomes slippers again

Skyler, cartoon rabbit, recently transformed into a cartoon red panda, lasted less than two days in his new form before he was accosted by a team of dragons and transformed again into a pair of slippers. While all apparently admired his new procyonid-like form, Beltrami, balloon half-dragon, and Aushae, silver dragon, saw comfortable footwear in Skyler's future.

Aushae, calling on her live-weaving skills, took and split Skyler down his center, growing him into twin red pandas. Each of the two was then shrunk, and given a silken sleeve in its back, and changed from cartoon 'flesh' into plush fabric. Before long they were fit over Aushae's flexing toes and had become the first known pair of red panda slippers.

Reaction to the slipper Skylers has been mixed. Some, including Aushae, elastic coati-bunny Austin, Beltrami, and fairy faux-bunny Leslie, have quickly worn the new pair. Others, such as Nikon the miniature raccoon, have ducked into just one of the slippers and curled up. Still others were unaware he had stopped being bunny slippers several months ago.

Skyler regard themselves as happy to be a pair again, and are happy to be worn by those appropriately large, or to be cozy carriers for the smaller. Giants and hooved creatures are asked to give advance notice before wearing them. Skyler does not guarantee any magical side-effects from the wearing, but may be talked into them. There is no need to panic.

Skyler becomes a red panda
Leslie's view

Monday night NeverNever was showing off how she can be a cartoon bunny just like how Skyler was and how I'd be if I was a cartoon too. Only she only had black and white in her, no colors at all. So I got a little jar of red paint from Roofus_roo the kangaroo's pouch and a brush too and tried painting her, only the red paint turned black again after a couple seconds.

Nevernever said it was probably because she's a black and white cartoon and can't have colors in her, and she said she didn't need them anyway. I wasn't sure so tried it on Skyler and something really weird happened! Sometimes the paint came out red but around his eyes for instance it stayed white.

That was neat and another neat thing that happened was if I kept moving the brush it would keep painting sometimes red and sometimes white or dark red, depending where on Skyler it was, only if I picked it up it turned dry right away. You had to put the brush back in the jar to get more paint at all.

Anyway we kept painting and painting and Skyler's legs and arms and paws grew a lot shorter, and his tail grew out big and long and ringy too. His belly was dark red but he had a cute white and red face, and his ears were shrunk way down to little bits.

And then when it was all done we looked at the weird raccoon-like cartoon Skyler was turned into and Auntie Nikon shouted out "Wah!" She wasn't crying, though, because she said "wah" was another name for what Skyler was turned into now, a red panda. That's a panda all right but not big and black and white; it's little and raccoon-sized and looks like a red raccoon mostly. Nikon was really happy for that, you might guess. And Skyler liked it too.

We went into Morticon's head and tried to help some raccoon ringworms!

Tarka the otter said Morticon the wallaby "has brain paricits" and Morticon agreed he might have raccoon ringworm and this sounded pretty serious so Morticon sstretched out and turned really huge his ear so we could look in and see. So me and Mouser the furrysnake and Slug the skunk and Gilead the otter and Tarka the otter went inside his brain to see what we could find! Selethrial the otter joined later and Roofus_roo the kangaroo we asked to join but he didn't want to.

Inside past the eardrum (Tarka drew a smiley face on it) we found some long worms with colors like raccoontails who wanted to know where we were going. I said hi and Slug said we're tourists and Tarka said the worm looked delicious and it ran away, scared.

We went further and there was a great big cavern inside and Ringworm City, with a whole lot of raccoon ringworms that were going back and forth. There were a bunch of wires all hooked up to Morticon's giant brain too and a big metal black box. We said hi and we were just visiting and they said that was great because they'd almost dug into his critical brain cells.

They said they were digging for gold, some, and more for aluminum foil which they heard was down there and a lot more valuable. They were doing a whole lot of mining trying to find them, and then Tarka wouldn't stop asking if she could eat the worms.

Mouser said he wasn't sure but "I think having the worms devour Mort's brain is probably a bad idea. They may eat his 'remember to sign Mouser's paycheck' center..." And then Tarka went and scared the worms again by saying they were nummy yummy.

The worms said it was a lot easier finding aluminum foil in Morticon's brain than in the store, and they said the brain was so "fat and juicy", but I ponted out aluminum foil isn't juicy and asked if they were sure they were digging up the right stuff. They said they weren't really sure because "we're lost. This isn't where we're supposed to be... but what else can we do?" They said they were supposed to be inside a raccoon!

Meanwhile Slug was pulling on some wires and they came loose and made nice big sparkly noises. He was really happy pulling up all the shiny wires. Pretty soon Morticon wasn't even able to move his tail! Selethrial helped and found a whole lot of different images as brain synapses got ripped up. He learned all sorts of unmentionable secrets he can't talk about.

Mouser explained the worms weren't inside a raccoon, but were inside a wallaby. They thought they were lost but figured they were in a dog or a fox. Anyway they asked if we could help and sure!

Tarka wanted to "help" by saying she'd take them to a "better place", putting them in a pot and cooking them, which was lying and she knew it. But they didn't know about that part before they all jumped in the pot which we were going to take someplace they could live better once we got it away from Tarka. Mouser went around now rehooking up wires that Slug and Selethrial broke, and he thinks he plugged in everything from it.

Meanwhile I took the pot away from Tarka and we all popped out of his head and back into the Rose Garden! Only it was empty when we got turned full-size again and we don't know where the raccoon ringworms went.

Morticon was feeling a whole lot better though and later even gave Mouser a giant paycheck. It was over four feet on one side.

Slug becomes a kitty

After coming out of Morticon the wallaby's head Slug the skunk felt really dirty so we tried magically washing him up. This worked great with Mouser the furry snake, I touched his head and made a big purple glow that turned into a nice sizzling foam and that all wrapped around him and dug in cleaning up every bit of his fur, and it left him sparkling and shining and clean.

Slug wanted to get clean too but was scared of magic because he thought it might turn him into a kitty cat or something. I was really sure that wouldn't happen though because magic doesn't make something happen unless you're really positive it ought to happen, and I was positive it was just going to clean him up.

Only then somehow it did go wrong because I touched Slug's head and it made the nice big foamy lather all over and clean him up, but Slug turned into a little skunk-colored kitty cat instead, just like he was afraid of! I wanted to try making it better again but he was afraid of my magic wand and ran away and up a tree. Then he got stuck in the tree too, and started meowing. Brenda the dragon-cat was able to pick him up from the tree easily and pet and scritch him until he felt safe again at least.

Editor's note: At press time, Slug had returned to his skunk kit form, saying, "Morticon netted me but Slugette helped me escape and then Shoe said, 'I wish Slug was a skunk again.' Then the scary flying shiny that makes wishy-things real turned me into a skunk."

Ba'ar's musings

Thoughts to ponder...

Will Argon, Mavra and Rown spend their summers working on their TAUR-TANS? o When Rown brews liquor, would it be known as 'eq-WINE'? Also couild he make this liquor fit into a PONY keg?

If Argon and Mavra were to make a secret recipe, would it be known as TAUR-TAUR Sauce?

If Argon and Mavra had a son, and he caught a cold, would he come out sounding a LITTLE HORSE?

Would Rown have to PONY up any money to see HIS son?

If Mavra made some bad puns, would she be TAURed and FEATHERED?

Would any of the Spindizzy Taurs just dance to THE PONY or could they learn THE FOX TROT?

If a taur was sick to his stomach, would he have THE TROTS?

If a taur wore HORSE SHOES during the day, would he slip into HORSE SLIPPERS at night?

Would a TAUR have something more than HORSE (common) SENSE to help figure things out? o If Windwhistler plays with Rown in the park, are they just HORSEing around?

If Windwhistler, Argon, Mavra and Rown got together and produced a musical play, would it be known as a HORSE OPERA?

How much HORSEPOWER would a Taur's vechicle have?

Gilead's every pun including the kitchen sink

Q: What do messy spiders weave and spill food on?
A: Slobwebs.

Q: How do evil wallabies get dates?
A: They slip KangaRoofies into their drinks.

Q: Why are centaurs so involved in civil rights?
A: They're inherently not separate, but equine.

Q: How did the chef feel when he ran out of sponge mushrooms?
A: De-morel-ized.

Q: Why did the otter open a Mexican/Japanese restaurant?
A: Because then he wouldn't have to decide whether to go out for a taco or a tako.

Q: What do centaurs serve at parties?
A: Hors d'ouvres like, but not like an hors d'ouvres.

News from Duma Mountain, or, Spotty Journalism

Ray's filk.

Spindizzy's weekly Bardic Circle (Poetry/Filk gather) met Friday, March 18, at 7:00pm Spindizzy time, at the Agora of the Ancients, moderated by Ray. In attendance, at varying times, were: Elizabeth, Rona, Findra, Nyako, and Scandal. Rona brought some soy flour and seaweed pastries baked by Clarisa, judged very tasty by those who sampled them, and Findra provided a yellow (ostensibly lemon-flavored) Jell-O.

Ray opened the session with an original poem, titled,"The Sea."

"The Sea" (10/22/01)

The Sea

Vibrant complexity and contradiction
Tempestuous, restless, tumultuous
Serene, untroubled

Ancient, alien Mother
Lifegiver, Lifetaker
Jealous of her mysteries
Bounteous with her treasures

Whose boundaries are mapped to their greatest extremes
Whose profoundest reaches remain unfathomed
A world as alien as any to orbit a distant star
From which all life first arose

Lifeblood of the world
Alpha and Omega
Cradle of life

The Sea

Findra then presented a Haiku about Jell-O. Ray followed that with a Haiku about strength. Findra countered with a Haiku addressed to a Cetan. Ray returned once more to Haiku with "Winter Knives." He followed that with a companion poem to his strength Haiku, also titled, simply enough, "Strength."

Findra then performed the song "Jerusalem," by William Blake - 1757-1827. Ray followed that with another, original poem, titled, "Ditchweed Flower." Scandal then presented an untitled, extemporaneous poem, which began, as well as ended, "The flute cries wistful/To the lonely night."

At that point, the Moderator withdrew.

The next session will be Friday, March 25, from 7:00pm to 9:00pm Spindizzy time (luge S7 E4, [B]asalt [P]illars, [E]nter [P]ortal). All are welcome, either to read or just to listen. Check the eventlist for more details.

Notice: If anyfur would like to see any of the poems, songs, or filks mentioned in this or any previous edition of Spotty Journalism printed in its entirety in this column, please pmail Ray to request it. Space permitting, I will make arrangements.

This week in history

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Bearing Up

Bearing Up logo.

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up,
Which are worse TV car ads or TV ads for lawyers?
H. Ford

Dear H. Ford:
Neither. Those ads for Diet pills such as Corti-slim.

Dear Bearing Up,
Is it true the Tooth Fairy leaves more money the bigger the tooth is?
- Bucky Beaver

Dear Bucky Bear:
Her criteria seems to be how old we are. Us adults, for example, don't receive any money at all when we lose a tooth.

Dear Bearing Up,
Would "Equ-Wine" be a good name for a wine made for centaurs?
- Argon

Dear Argon:
No, but 'CAVALIA' Savingon would be.

Dear Bearing Up,
If Yogi Bear and Betty Rubble had a child, what would they name it?
- Baba Louie

Dear Baba Louie:
They wouldn't have a child. Betty Rubble lived long before Yogi did.

Dear Bearing Up:
What do you do if your clothes are on fire?
- Smokey

Dear Smokey:
Break out the steaks and brats and have a BBQ.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon is asking, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is a simple one, 'What is your favorite kind of soup?"

  • Morticon's response: "The kind with no stones in it."
  • Dolly says, "NOT 'Squashed Balloon Soup'."
  • Skyler says, "I'll go with chili, Argon. Spicy works well."
  • Austin says, "I've been growing fonder of cheese soup, Argon. Also corn soups ... though I have miso perhaps two or three times a week."
  • Findra chirrrs softly, "I think my favourite soup would have to be cream of carrot and ginger, Argon."
  • I like Indian sweet coconut soup, with a touch of ground pistachios on top.
  • Gilead caws, "Cream of Mushrooom."
  • Slug mews, "Cream of tomato."
  • Phoex says, "Homemade"
  • Daystar mews, "Mawshmewwow soup!" (Marshmellow soup)
  • Mouser hisses, "Nabeyaki udon..."

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, Carl or SDN about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News