May 2, 2004
Volume IV - Issue 198
Please don't forget to read the bulletin board. Enter +read from anywhere.
Midnight in the Garden of Mushrooms
Denizens of SpinDizzy were greeted with an odd sight one evening this week as they entered the Rose Garden. Oversized mushrooms with legs and smiling faces rolled to and fro, while a suspiciously familiar wallaby princess in pink going by the name 'Morticia' and her cheetah prince, 'Nathan', danced in the moonlight. Other mushrooms grew wild about the Garden, and music filled the air from an apparently magical source.
It began with an announcement by Lilahfae, local fae, in which she claimed she 'felt like having a Mushroom Ball.' When questioned as to what a Mushroom Ball was, she responded, "Oh, a wonderful thing! A ball with mushrooms!" Though still left confused, those present--including Elissa, local Scottish vixen, and Brenda, recently normal-sized local cougar, who admitted the ball sounded 'trippy'--agreed to participate and were promptly turned into large, dancing, rolling mushrooms by the mischievous fairy.
Oblivious to the wacky festivities, Morticon, local evil wallaby, soon made an appearance, but whatever wicked scheme he might have been planning was soon thwarted as he too was turned into a mushroom--but not for long, as Lilahfae was quick to transform him into something 'more intimidating', that being a toadstool. However, Morticon was to seal his doom with the words, "Just don't make me a princess." Immediately, Lilahfae went in search of a prince, since only the kiss of a prince can turn a toadstool into a princess, of course.
Though reluctant at first, Nadia, local cheetah, was eventually persuaded to join the revelries as Morticon's 'prince', and with a kiss, Morticon was soon poofed into the beautiful Princess Morticia, dressed just like a fairytale in her pink gown and matching bows. Nadia was soon to follow the genderbending fun, transformed into the valiant Prince Nathan on request. Though first defiant, Morticia was soon wooed into a moonlit dance with her handsome prince, to the giggling delight of all attending--and the confusion of all the newcomers that entered!
Eventually, all were changed back as the Ball wound down to a close, despite the fact that Morticia seemed to be becoming quite comfortable with her newfound femininity. Unfortunately, bystanders had begun eating the wrong mushrooms and were experiencing odd reactions. Roland, local gunslinger, noting the effects of the 'trippy' mushrooms, threatened to call his A-Force Team friend, Mr. T--but had his phone stolen by Nadia, who mistakenly autodialed!
In a flash, Mr. T was there to 'find the foo who messed with his man's phone'. Spotting Morticon, he immediately went to apprehend the wallaby, but with the combined forces of Nadia, Lilahfae, and Morticon, Mr. T was soon calmed with a couple of 'life lesson' lines and sent home, passing out D.A.R.E T-shirts along the way, and breaking up the rest of the out-of-control mushroom party.
It is rumored that 'Morticia' will be returning for an apparent sleepover, though full details have yet to be released.
Gilead the cub otter guessed what kind of bunny Leslie may be this week. It started when Gilead got lima beans from the Ancient Oak in the Rose Garden and Leslie explained to Terry the marshmallow squirrel that something's a species when its children's children grow up to be the same kind of thing. Gilead explained he was a lontra canadensis, which is a kind of otter and the lontra part is fun to say. Gilead thinks that Leslie is "probably an Oryctolagus cuniculus".
Tanuki the tanuki thought rabbits were lepus something and Gilead explained lepus is hares and jackrabbits, but oryctolagus is bunnies. Gilead explained "Domestic rabbits are Oryctolagus. They were found only on the Iberian peninsula during the ice age, and evolved separately. Then they spread out afterwards, largely due to humans taking them all over. They have smaller legs and ears than hares." (Leslie's from a burrow deep down in Spindizzy you can't find if you don't know where to look for it.)
Gilead wonders why Tahoe, a mountain cottontail at his zoo, wasn't named Sylvia instead because (he explained), "Sylvilagus is American wild rabbits." Leslie asked if that meant anything and Gilead said, "Woodland rabbit of Nuttalls. I guess Doctor Nuttalls explored California or something, because a lot of California animals are named after him."
Tanuki guessed the "sylvilagus" might mean mountain rabbit because "sylvis" is Latin for forest. "Lagus" also looks a lot like the start of "lagomorph" which a lot of people use to mean rabbit.
Gilead and Tanuki pointed out sylvis meaning forest comes up in things like Penn's Woods, which is really Pennsylvania. Tanuki's parents call it Penn's Woods sometimes too. Gilead's brother lives in Pitt's city (Pittsburgh). Leslie pointed out, "William Penn was an important minister and his colony originally included Delaware but not that little bit on the top left where it touches the Great Lakes. William Pitt was an important military leader for the British in the French and Indian War." ... but ... "I don't think everybody important was William then though."
Tanuki barked, "My dad's family has about 800 Uncle Bills so it's not a surprise." Terry pointed out William Tell and Gilead pointed out William the Conquerer so it's not that rare a name.
Gilead pointed out more Sylvanians That's a bunch of cute toys and Argon the centaur asked if they weren't also TV sets.
After thinking all this over Gilead wondered if Leslie might be a Sylvilagus instead of an Oryctolagus. Leslie doesn't know.
Yo! This is your resident size-shifting cougar, Brenda Derlin, here. Just want to say thanks to all who responded to my ad. (As reported in last week's @Action News) It gave me a bit of insight on what people around here can do, which made the choice that much more difficult, especially for this indecisive kitty.
So in the end, I came up with an idea. Despite the fluke last week (when the ad had a typo), I've decided to accept Morticon and the use of his labs. Now, yes, we have our differences and skirmishes (to make an understatement of the year), but I've dealt with his handiwork before, especially when it was used to attempt to kill me. So I know what he's capable of. Besides, he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Now, yes, I realize the risk I'm taking here, which is why I'll be taking along a couple other applicants, Carlos and Gem, to help balance out the risk/evilness factor. I chose Carlos because I remembered his alchemy when I first met him and it seemed pretty impressive at the time, and I chose Gem because he managed to create a "cellular" (to use his words) form for himself recently and, thus, seems to know enough about anatomy for this.
Anyway, to the other applicants I didn't choose, thanks for applying and I'm sorry for not accepting you in the end. But if I survive this current project here, I'll keep you guys in mind for possible future projects I may take on.
And if anyone's wondering what THIS project is all about, well, guess you'll have to wait and see.
SED© Gives Money to Orphans
The recently re-organised 'Society of Evil Doers'© taken from Morticon, local wallaby's, control a few months ago through his sale of stock in the orgnization, made residents of the Litter Box Orphanage very happy this week.
The orphanage, opened anonymously years ago by Moriarty, local human, only recently has let its history be known. Although long suspected of being a much nicer person than he let on, proof of his funding the orphanage has only recently come to light. Considering the new direction of the SED© under the stockholders, it seemed only fitting that the organization present a check to the orphanage of $100,000.
Mother Hubbard, the Litter Box's director, expressed her gratitude to the SED©. She said, "Back in the day when that evil wallaby had control of this, I never thought I'd see the day when I was able to say, 'Thank you,' to the SED©."
In a related story, Darius local ferret, was recently notified by Argon, local centaur, that the name SED© and associated names, characters, items, and tradmarks, had been copyrighted by the shareholders. Darius was informed that using the name without permission, especially when saying such things as, "I just robbed someone and put Nair in their shampoo for the SED©," etc, before a number of witnesses, would not be tolerated.
Darius vowed not to recognise the copyright, and made a show of using the name in unflattering ways in front of witnesses in the Rose Garden. News on the litigation will follow.
Bunny Hired as Reporter
Leslie the fairy faux-bunny was hired as a reporter for @Action News this week by Argon the centaur editor. This was because Leslie asked if he had any real reporters and not just people who sometimes write. Argon presented the bunny with a real press card and everything!
Leslie's been a balloon most of this week since early this week, when fairy balloon Roofus_roo, squirrel balloon Nimble, dragon balloon Logreth and dragon balloon Kiyoshi got together in the Rose Garden and were bouncing around. Leslie didn't want to be left out and used the balloon constructor kit that turned the bunny into an air-filled balloon.
Sunshine the porcupine was scared later about hugging Leslie, but the fairy's magic seems to make it impossible to be hurt or especially pop. So she hugged anyway and Leslie sprinkled some magic sparkles around her that gave her a rainbow-color sprinkling of fur. Gilead the otter's been a cub all week, but not from fairy magic. It's just that he's really cute that young.
200th Issue Coming Soon
The 200th edition of @Action News will hit the presses in two weeks. After several years of weekly issues and various editors, contributor's and artists, it ought to be a special issue.
As with the @Action News 100th Issue we hope to make a special edition of this one.
If you have thoughts, memories, old stories, or anything that ought to be included, contact Argon or e-mail @Action News.
This will be a great issue. Thanks to your help!
Gilead's Otterible Puns
Gilead has shown up as an otter cub for the last few days, he explains, "I've been a cub all week. I don't remember why I became a cub again. I don't think it's because I retired, because I haven't retired yet, even though older otters who retire sometimes call it their 'second cubhood.' Maybe when I grow up again, I'll remember, so I'd better eat a lot of fish, so I grow big and strong again. It'll be nice when my fur is grown-up fur, so I can swim better and dive better and catch fish better. B'bye!"
In spite of being little and cute, Gileads's wit has remained intact, as shown by the following:
Q. What enemy did Capt. James Wallabyrius Kirk fight in the second "Star
Q. What was the name of the ship in the Lutrine adaptation of the show?
Q. What movie put Arnold Schwarzenotter and his band of Special Forces
otters against an alien hunter?
Q. What came out of dead sandworms in the Red Panda adaptation of Dune?
Q. Where do you put your procyonidae when you're not using them?
Q. Where do you wash your dishes after your May 5 party?
Q. If a Monk lives in a Monastery...does a Mink live in a Minastery? ...does a Monkey live in a Moneyastery?
Q. What do you call a well-dressed striped cat?BR> A. A Suit-and-tie-ger.
Q. What do yuppie prosimians drive?
Q. What do you call an armored Lutrine?
Q. Why did the lion take Propecia?
Q. Why was the big, energetic blackbird sent to the funny farm?
Q. What kind of motorcycles do Red Pandas drive?
Q. How do ferrets settle a dispute in a bar?
Q. Did you hear about the shorebird DeLorean?
Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That" s me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.
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Dear W. Lantz.
Dear Bearing Up,
Dear Bearing up,
Dere Baring uhp,
Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks.
Newspaper Circulation Report
@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.
Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.
This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a Survey for @Action News. The question this week is, 'As of press time (12:00pm midnight, Eastern Time Saturday, May 1st,) how many times has Austin connected to SpinDizzy?"
As of press time, Austin had connected 2478 times, making Austin's guess closest! Congratulations, Austin!
The Doze Garden
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Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles
Proofreading by Butterfluff
Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to email@example.com or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News