@ Action News

Argon -- Editor

Please don't forget to read the bulletin board. Enter +read from anywhere.

Dolly Possessed

Wallaby Morticon claimed victory Tuesday morning in his plan to dunk coati Austin in the water several times after a scheme wearing balloon half-dragon genie Dolly was foiled by balloon half-dragon Beltrami.

Events began with Morticon accosting Dolly from the Rose Garden from afar. Dolly had been deflated by fox balloon Firewind who wanted to practice pumping her back full of air. Following the kidnapping Austin advised calm and asserted, "if we let them be there's a 65 percent chance Morticon's plan will implode on its own." He apologized to Beltrami for the language. Foxcat Cithara asked about the other 35 percent of the time. Austin said, "30 percent of the time someone else does something. The rest of the time the plan falls apart because it starts working, and Morticon didn't count on that."

On the assumption Dolly was taken to Morticon's headquarters Gryphe shapeshifted into a dryghon and flew away. Firewind asked where Morticon's headquarters was. Before anyone knowing the location of Morticon's headquarters was found Dolly walked back in and waved stiffly to all. She looked full and when Firewind offered her an air pump Morticon's voice impersonating Dolly said "I don't need air!"

Gryphe came back then and demanded to know what was going on. As Austin explained Dolly picked up Austin and carried him to the fountain. Gryphe demanded to know again "before I kill someone out of pure frustration" and Austin reassured him he already saw what we knew.

Dolly squeaked out "I'm... uh... possessed!" and then Morticon's Dolly impersonation added "With love for the Coati!" Austin said he hoped that was love as a daughter--he's adopted Beltrami and Dolly as children. An exasperated Gryphe fled the Garden.

Dolly dunked Austin in the water several times when Beltrami tapped her on the shoulder. She found her shoulder hard to the touch, and recreated squirrel Nimble's sketchpad from storage in her operator pack. Beltrami remembering Dolly is a genie wrote that she wished Dolly would shrink back to her lamp form, and she began crumpling in and shrinking into the form of a small oil-lamp shape though she remained latex. In her shrinking she grew smaller than-and forced out-the body of Morticon, who'd taken advantage of her deflated form to put her on.

Morticon's goal stays unclear, but as rabbit Findra subdued Morticon in dunking Austin he had his evil accomplished. Findra speculated whether there was a law against kidnapping and getting inside balloons. Austin speculated what might have happened were Morticon not squeezed outside.

Morticon smiled and claimed he'd become a genie.

Later in the week Morticon claimed he did it because it would be fun to wear Dolly. Dolly has not given her opinion on it.

"Personal Ad" Misinterpreted by Wallaby

Brenda, local 51 foot cougar, recently posted an ad on the bulletin board:

STGFF (Single Tan Giant Feline Female) ISO mad scientist, geneticist, magic user, potion maker, or just about anyone who can bring about change to one person, in more ways than one. Must have enough experience to not mess with personality changes. Possible exchange for goods or services may be negotiatable Page or qmail Brenda for details. Note: Evil wallabys need nod apply. ;)

Morticon, local evil wallaby, was found answering the ad by standing in the Rose Garden and nodding vigorously. Not realising the "...need nod apply," was a typographical error which has since been corrected, Morticon was trying to fufil the requirements Brenda had set forth.

After nodding for a while, Morticon began an attempt to gather souls. He was asked if he was trying to get a soul to make himself more appealing to Brenda.

Morticon answered, "Oh, the souls aren't for ME."

He was asked, "They aren't?"

Morticon said, "Of course not. They're to keep Brenda's company. Changing her body is a giant undertaking. So giant, if I win I hope to have a closed circuit viewing room, and lots of helpers in the operating room."

Morticon's "changing" of Brenda seemed reminicent of Frankenstein's monster, to which Roland, local Gilean, commented, "They made Frankenstein's Monster from Wallaby-parts, you know?"

Morticon says, "Wallaby parts?"

It was soon apparent that the monster wasn't made from wallaby parts. The group then wondered if perhaps Morticon was reading the ad as a call for candidates to date Brenda. This didn't seem to be Brenda's intention, but it was supposed that Morticon may have read the ad that way, and was planing to woo the giant cougar in spite of the "Evil Wallabys need nod apply." statement at its end.

After folks in the group pointed out that Brenda might not be a good match for Morticon, and several possible matches for Morticon, the wallaby then pointed out that the ad wasn't for a "date". He continued nodding though as it was pointed out that the ad said no evil wallabys, and that with a different form, he might be right for the position.

Morti resisted the idea of changing his form, particularly to that of a "wallabytaur". After nodding for a while, he hopped off.

When asked for a comment, Brenda sighed and said. "I Didn't realize I had made the typo until it was too late. Ah well...I suppose out of fairness I should consider him. But if he thinks he'll have his way with me (assuming I choose him, of course), he'll be sorely mistaken."

As of press time, Brenda was still considering applicants.

Argon and Mavra Married?

In a suprize announcement, Austin, local coati, informed Argon, local centaur, that he and Mavra had been married. Argon, in answer to a question concerning how many married couples there were in SpinDizzy. As he tried naming them, he said, "I'd say Mavra and me, but we haven't tied the knot yet."

Austin said, "Oh, you didn't hear, Argon?"

To which Argon blinked and asked, "We got married? I need to idle less."

Austin explained, "Yup. We figured no sense waiting and had Aishae marry you two together a couple weeks ago. We waited for a time you were both asleep. Safer that way than waiting for a time you couuld both come here and get kicked off by ISP troubles."

Austin continued, "Leslie was the flower child and Royce would have been the ring-bearer if we thought he'd let it go. Skyler was best man, of course, and Skyler was maid of honour."

You said, "Gee, I must have missed the ceremony. Where did we go on our honeymoon?"

PatchO'Black mewed, "I think you've been on it since you two met, Argon."

Argon smiled and replied, "Heh, that's true, Patch."

Hopefully, Argon and Mavra will have another ceremony this September so they can (apparently) renew their vows and have some recollection of the event.

Kangaroo Turns Balloonie

Local bunny-fairy, Leslie wanted to turn the inflatable Roofus Roo, local balloonie kangaroo, into a plush.

Leslie's feelers and wand glowed purple as she held Roofus and touched his head with the wand.

Roofus_roo surged a bit and filled with a violet glow, but after some time, Leslie dusted it away, leaving a plush toy inside Roofus' inflatable body. She blamed the distraction of Nimble, local squirrel's, arrival.

Roofus_roo offered, "Maybe you simply changed your mind at the last moment?"

After this minor accident, Nimble and Skyler, local bunny slippers, decided Roofus_roo was too squishy and in need of inflation.

Nimble brought out some helium and Skyler hooked Roofus up, slowly setting Roofus_roo aloft over the Rose Garden.

Logreth, local Blue Pernese Firelizard, arrived a short time after, and soon, most of the Garden's occupants were floating along.

Leslie smiled and explained that,"This was (like) a cartoon!" she pipped, "with love painted on."

Dragon Gets New Ears

Dragon Gryphe has sported a new pair of ears since Tuesday morning when half-dragon genie balloon Dolly gave her a pair of rabbit-ears. Things began when Dolly woke and coati Austin asked what was new in "draco-genie balloondom" and Dolly answered not much.

Austin said "Quick, somebody make a whimsical yet troublesome wish" and half-dragon balloon Beltrami answered. Pointing at Austin's rabbit ears, holding up one finger, then two, and pointing at Gryphe made her meaning plain. Dolly went to work giving Gryphe a duplicate of Austin's bunny ears. The ears appeared in a puff of rubber smoke and replaced Gryphe's former ears.

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That" s me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
Why don't you warn us when you're about to leave?
- Wondering

Dear Wondering:
I don't think that warning you when I'm about to leave is necessary.

Dear Bearing Up:
'Why don't more people speak up even when they're asked direct questions?
- Rude

Dear Rude:
Because they don't want to hear what you're telling them.

Dear Bearing Up,
My young son is getting to 'that age' and has started becoming interested in females. Last night, I found some video tapes he had hidden under his mattress of The Discovery Channel. What should I do?
- Single Mom

Dear Single Mom:
Get a zookeeper to help you explain it all to him.

Dear Bearing Up:
The price of gas is outragous! How can I save money?

Dear Bean-O:
You can cut your gas costs by not buying beans.

Dear Bearing Up,
I think your potrayal of 'The Grizzwells' is terribly misleading. Gunther does more than talk about eating from trash cans. He and his wise forest friends offer insights and observations on the complexities of forest life. I think you ought to give this great comic a chance.
- Pierpoint

Dear Pierpont:
I have given the comic a chance. The negatives outweigh the positives.

Dear Bearing Up:
My hard drive, with a lot of valuble, irreplacable material has crashed. How can I recover all of these important files?
- Sincerely, Crashed

Dear Crashed:
Find some tools to put the crashed hard drive back together then you can see about reloading your data.

Dear Bearing Up,
I'm recently shiny and am having difficulties in keeping from being stolen by raccoons. What should I do?
- Shiny

Dear Shiny:
Think dull thoughts.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News, this week's question, suggested by Firewind is, 'If you had one wish, and it could be anything you wanted, what would you wish for?"

  • Becky says, "My wish? To have an unlimited number of wishes."
  • Butterfluff barks, "I want the genie of the lamp to fall permanently and unselfishly in love with me."
  • KitV growls, "Eternal life. That way, I learn all the secrets of the universe."
  • Pete says, "Ohh I'd like to have a fleet of geostationary satellites and nobody knowing that they belong to me."
  • Austin says, "I want people to stop assuming the worst out of whoever they're speaking to and falling silent or storming out in huffs when they get answers that are indirect or don't immediately get an answer.
  • Penance hrms. "Knowing that it could totally alter everything around me, I'd still wish for one event in '93 not to happen. That's all I'll say about it."
  • Beltrami jots down a note: 'PEOPLE STOP SAYING THEY HAVE NOTHING TO SAY'
  • PatchO'Black mews, "Actually, I got one wish before, and I wished I was married to a beautiful Jellicle cat. And I was! I was married to Nikon! Of course, this happened after we had had the wedding ceremony, but..."
  • Lilahfae -- Hmm.. if I could have any one wish, I think I would wish for.. a fellow pixie sibling made completely out of sugar!! .. Or, at least, for Barbie doll to be a better conversationalist. Jeez, she's an enigmatic one.
  • Ba'ar -- Oh..no question. I'd like my job back as a customer service rep back at Allied Interstate/First Contact, Inc. . Two of best years of my life were spent there.
  • Lupinetiger wurfs, "Hmm, guess my one wish would be that all the players' furs they play online would become that IRL with all the works, magic, dimensions, peaceful aliens, etc. with no human discrimination"
  • Mavra -- I wouldn't wish for anything, for I already have it all with Argon. Well, ok, a nice place to vacation with Argon on the honeymoon.
  • Leslie pages, "I'd wish people stopped going away and never coming back." to you.
  • Tottle just said that his wish would be to not answer the survey.
  • Brenda -- Okay, I'd wish to have two more wishes. Then, I'll wish I knew what to wish for. THEN, I'll wish whatever the previous wish gave me. I may be indecisive, but I know how to work my way around that.

Letters to the Editor

Dear @Action News,

It has come to my attention that there is an illegal Pokemon-fighting arena at S1 E2. Pokemon fighting is a barbaric sport where "trainers" force their pokemon to fight in brutal, poorly drawn, battles. To make matters worse, these cruel people carry their pokemon into tiny spherical "pokeballs" which are actually smaller than most of the pokemon themselves. I do not know how they manage to fit them in there, but I do know that it cannot be either comfortable or humane. Our community must be notified of this place. It is up to us to put a stop to this barbaric practice.

Slug, President of the SpinDizzy Branch of DARE

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren" t out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported dont have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News