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Argon -- Editor

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SED Entertains Spindizzy With 4th Of July Fireworks Show; Residents Show Appreciation By Falling For Inevitable Trap

Click for other images SpinDizzy was rewarded with a special 4th of July fireworks demonstration by Morticon, resident Wallaby and alleged SED mastermind. A well-attended crowd of local Wolverines, Coyotes, CareBears, Foxes (giant or otherwise), Otters, Skunkwolves, Centaurs, and even a Human was treated to a truly spectacular show of pyrotechnic magic, prompting responses of "Oooooo!", "Ahhhh!" and "You think he'll only lose a finger?" "Hopefully a thumb."

The highlight of the show, a double net-work display, proved to be an additional bonus as the firework nets turned out to be the real thing, giving Morticon a truly captive audience. The crowd showed its appreciation by donating the contents of their pockets to the SED. An added post-show attraction included a tour of the Bottomless Pit located along the Rift in the northern part of SpinDizzy, courtesy of the two SED brand Firework-Launching and Net Towing Heavy Tanks.

The audience politely declined the one-way excursion, filing an aggressive complaint with the tanks. Further aggressive negotiations followed, including exchanges between beam sabers and machine gun fire, the net result being the freeing of half of the audience when one of the tanks' towlines was cut. The other half was freed following the timely arrival of Reiter, local centaur, who with quick thinking managed to stall the second tank's engine by sitting on its air intake. Reiter was later quoted as saying, "This party really sucked a--" [edited by SED Censorship Bureau]

SED Plagued By Trustworthy Accounting

Public confidence in the Society of Evil Doers has been badly shaken this week by reports independent auditors have found the organization's bookkeeping to be extremely reliable. One source close to the long-running investigation characterized the accounting work of the evil-doing magnate to be "beautifully good," and another described it as "first-rate work, the sort of thing you could use as a textbook to teach responsible accounting practices."

It was on Tuesday the first stories of SED's accounting work surfaced, shaking investor relief that the preceding quarter's profit expectations were precisely met. The company, listed on the Nasdaq, Hong Kong, and Frankfurt stock exchanges, began to slide after investors noticed its quarterly projections had been correct going back to the third quarter of fiscal 1998 -- ironically, the regularity which last quarter started the investigation into SED's finances. Said one trader, "That sort of thing makes you stop and wonder, what's going on at the highest levels? What are the people in charge really trying to do, and why aren't we aware of that agenda?"

The meticulously kept records are in a preliminary draft of the investigator's reports praised for an honesty and clarity exceeding industry standards. One example an accounting consultant employed by the First National Bank of Cibola noted was in the income estimates. Generally Accepted Accounting Practices allow a company to claim as income any amount for which a bill has been issued, regardless of whether the bill has been -- or ever is -- paid. "Not SED," said the reviewer. "They didn't count it as income until they had the check. Better than that -- they didn't count it as income until the check cleared."

Astounding as things already are, rumors are flying that the accounting scandal is even deeper than that. According to one inside mammal with the Society, the fiduciary reliability there is so perfect that "even the honor system candy box is fully paid up. More than paid up, there's a dollar too much in the till." The source reported he had not taken the excess, citing a lack of pockets to keep it in -- but many are left wondering if this is not emblematic of a deeper, more fundamental honesty in the organization's business.

Pressed for comment, SED chairman Morticon demanded our reporter leave the office, repeatedly ordered the interview over, and finally whipped out a small gun made of bright green plastic. The ray beam from the gun reflected off our reporter's shining metallic watch band and off a wall mirror, finally hitting Morticon and causing his body to swell like a balloon. "I'll get you all for this," he swore as he bounced against the ceiling and wafted towards an air vent. "You haven't heard the last of me!"

Around SED headquarters the lights remain bright, the lawns remain freshly mown, and the laser-guided defense system frequently misfires -- all longstanding images of its capabilities the Society has worked hard to project. They are tainted now, like the water from the central fountain, by the lingering suspicion that all is not as foul as they want people to believe. Although the shocking incident is a small one -- a mere handful of incorrectly recorded entries could have made SED's books bear no relationship to its actual fiscal status -- in a modern organization the loss of a cherished image can be the hardest blow to recover from.

What will the final report, due in several weeks, reveal? How deep does organizational reliability and honesty run? Will people ever be able to look at the SED in the same old way? How deeply have professional standards fallen at the once-titanic source of evil, treachery, and underhanded dealings? And will they ever rise again? All this and more remain to be seen. One thing remains certain: life goes on.

Ceralor And Arkitah Battle It Out, High-powered Style!

The Rose Garden heated up Monday night as two powerhouses fought each other. Ceralor, local shape-changing dragon, and Arkitah, local whatever-he-is-for-that-day, fought each other because Arkitah was flubberized without his permission by Ceralor when he entered Ceralor's hot-tub. Adding insult to injury, Ceralor then molded Arkitah into a 'dagon' and inflated him like a balloon.

Using battle-moves such as obscure spells with properties the two made up on the fly, the power of the battle was kicked up a notch. Ceralor cast numerous protection spells to keep himself safe and unharmed from the many creative things Arkitah hurled his way. Arkitah took hits from Ceralor's fire-breathing magical form with a style all his own. Ceralor's offensive weapons included an impossibly hot wave of flame which should have ceased existence due to being impossibly hot, but magically continued existing. Arkitah took quite a beating from all the heat and flame; this caused him to change shape many times, such as becoming a burning hot chunk of rock. He also attacked Ceralor using his spiritual energy, doing things such as an energy attack that looked like shards of glowing ice. Ceralor promptly blocked this with a fire shield.

Arkitah soon got fed up with Ceralor's tactics and wanted to take the fight out of the Rose Garden to finish Ceralor off in his own special way. This proved to be the fatal blow to Ceralor, who was immune to practically everything else. He hid himself in the hot tub and in the midst of being a coward became his usual self again.

After the battle was over, there was still the problem of Arkitah's body; it was melted and flubberized beyond recognition. Ceralor thought for a moment and magically brought back Arkitah's body through a series of quickly made up powergamey spells, which mostly involved pointing out a pocket of air that was somehow indestructible and that also just so happened to contain Arkitah's usual body. This did not make sense even to Arkitah himself (and Arkitah says and does a lot of nonsensical things), but he was happy to have his body back. Ceralor admitted afterwards that his magical fire didn't make sense to him either, but that still doesn't explain the pocket of air bit since there was no fire involved. At this point, peace was restored to the Rose Garden once more and the park-goers resumed their lifestyle of idle chatter punctuated by fun bits of zanyness.

Butterfluff The Knight-Errant

ButterFluff decided on one crisp SpinDizzy eve to become a knight-errant.

The first thing ButterFluff needed was a steed. A furious beast that only a noble knight could tame. Butterfluff rode Carlos, the noble snake. Then ButterFluff needed a wise-cracking yet not-to-intelligent squire. Naturally, I volunteered.

So the noble ButterFluff set out to find some noble deeds to do, or a noble evil windmill to bash into. Butterfull found a ferocious Giant! I, the noble squire, supplied a noble Nerf lance. The noble knight wounded Cye the Giant passing sore. Cye died! Then Butterfluff set out to find other noble things to do.

But I, the squire, realized that a giant decomposing Vixen might be highly unsanitary. Since I was in my flying dolphin form at the time, I had special dolphin powers which might have revived Cye.

First, I needed something that was the opposite of a Nerf Lance. Being a dolphin, I naturally had a gigantic novelty iron beachball on hand. I filled Cye with the air from the beachball, which counteracted the negative nerf energy.

Butterfluff passed by. I asked if a noble knight could be of assitance. Butterfluff set up a souvenir stand, not quite what I had in mind.

With air in Cye, all that was needed was to scare her in order to get her heart started again. First, I tried finding the fearsome carebears, but none were anywhere to be found. Then I tried turning into monsters. I tried a demon, a horrendous dog, and even a nerd (‘Can I have your phone number? I forgot mine’) but all to no avail.

Desperate, I tried one more thing. I turned into myself and said, "Hi, I'm Arkitah. I tell stories that are so complex even I don't understand them. Nothing I say ever makes sense. And I'm going to tell you my life story unless you wake up!"

Cye screamed as she woke up.

Me: “Pity! It was such a great story too!”

Cye screams ‘Hidoi’ as she tries to squash me! I fly away to a safe distance and say, “Welcome back to the living!”

Coloring Trade-Off

Want to wrestle with images, color in lines, just like when you were a little kid? I'm putting together a mini-project, a coloring book, which invites one person to draw one thing, and then anyone else to download it, color it, and repost it. Here's how it works:

1. Upload a cleaned pencil drawing or a line/inked drawing. Name it "CB - somethingorother." Example: "CB - Spring Day." The CB is for coloring book, then just a dash, and whatever else you'd like to put afterwards. Be sure to type your name on the actual piece somewhere.

2. Someone who wants to color it--perhaps just to practice, or to have some fun, downloads it, colors it, and re-uploads it after typing their name under the original artist's. Therefore, both artists' names are on the piece. They would replace the CB with Colored. Example: "Colored - Spring Day."

3. Email the original artist afterwards so they can see it, too!

The copyrights of the -colored- works would belong to both.

Anyhow. I'm sticking my money where my mouth is, so to speak. Here are the pieces I have open for you to play with: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation.php?id=466738


Download them, color them, manipulate a background, have fun and experiment, then place your name next to mine and email me about it. Let me know, also, if you like the idea, or would like to add a few drawings to the "collection." The many advantages of this include meeting new people, getting a fresh perspective, and learning more of how this or that artist puts a drawing, or coloring, together.

Weekly Survey

This week, Argon asked folks,"I'm doing a survey to be published in @Action News. "Is Cartoon Network pushing the Powerpuff Girls movie as hard as Nick pushed Jimmy Neutron?"

  • Cye says, "I know YTV is.."
  • Drake says, "If not more so, Argon. :P"
  • Reiter says, "Yep, if not harder."
  • Lady_Ravenwolfe says softly, "I think they are"
  • Skolf says, "I never watch much TV, but thinking about it, Yeah, probably."
  • Mouser hisses, "I was wrong...CN is beating us over the head with PPG movie ads. I'm thinking maybe I should go see the movie and maybe it'll make them stop."
  • Gilead chirps, "Who?"
  • Olivia says, "I think so, maybe even more. Saw the Powerpuff Girls on AMC yesterday between films."
  • Twohart says, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacckkkkk!!!!!!!! Twohart says, That is my response. It is just this way. :)"
  • Lamar yaps, "Theres a movie?
  • Boki squalls, "Boki has not seen either! This means no pushing for Boki!"
  • Mavra says, "Cartoon Network pushed the Powerpuff Girls more than Phillip Morris has their product."
  • Gina_Doberman says, "Hope not. Got sick of seeing the Jimmy Neutron commercial!"
  • Ceralor deeply says, "Yes. But it's at least supposed to relate to their origins.........What am i saying? Am i praising a bunch of miniature 9yr old freaks with big bug eyes?"
  • Ark says, "I had never heard of Jimmy Neutron before the movie. Or was there even a JN before the movie?"
  • Suri says, "Probably so, but Cartoon Network has something worth seeing to push. 'Jimmy Neutron' looked lacklustre even in the previews."
  • Natasha says, "Jimmy who?"
  • PatchO'Black mews, "I would say they are pushing as hard, but in a different way."
  • Clarisa doesn't think so, Argon.
  • Arkitah clicks, "Not by a long shot."
  • Findra chirrrs softly, "Oh, sorry. I haven't been watching enough Cartoon Network to say."
  • Alicia says, "How can Cartoon Network be overbearing with the Powerpuff Girls when Nickelodeon is overbearing Hey Arnold right now? When a certain show turns into a movie it's natural for the network to push up publicity."
  • Rick says, "I don't know, Argon I don't get cable."

Quick, Call Sir Lancelot!

There is a disturbing trend in the fantasy world. Dragons are portrayed as friendly jolly fellows with pink scales, large pretty eyes and a kindly disposition. They are playing nice, and struggling in a world where knights persecute and harass them. Clearly, something is wrong here.

While the modern dragon fan’s view of dragons in history is, to their credit, a development in modern reasoning and psychology influenced by such works as The Grendel and reflected in movies decent like Dragonheart (a book I never read but I intend to), we have an emotional need for dangerous beasts that personify the worst in humanity. We need living, breathing creatures to personify greed and evil.

So bring me nasty dragon slayers and let the knights out there fight evil. I want to see flashing claws, snarling teeth, and terrible flames! Bring me the dragons I used to know and love. I know Smaug is still out there somewhere, waiting to be slain.


The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to argon@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.

Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.