3/17/2002

 Argon - Editor
By ASP Press SEDron Dumping Scandal
  A sightseeing expedition was cut short this week, when all passengers and crew were successfully rescued from a chartered sailboat that collided with an uncharted mountain recently formed near the Atoll of No One. The tour craft began sinking due to damage sustained, forcing the captain to make the call for rescue.

Authorities have investigated the mountain, determining it to be mostly composed of coffee grounds, office furniture and official documents from the recently defunct brokerage firm SEDron, a brokerage firm dealing with the sale and transportation of global evil. Reported shortfalls in the first-quarter SpinDizzy evil trend combined with a poor office plan by upper management that allowed employees to leave, forced the company to declare bankruptcy last week. Attempts to contact SEDron executives have unsuccessful at this time.

Currently, the immediate area around the atoll has been marked off limits to both casual and commercial traffic until assessment of ecological damage caused by the documents, and appropriate taxes, can be determined.

The Rose Garden Bulletin Board Meeting / Party
  According to information posted on the Bulletin Board in the Rose Garden, ( type +read  then press enter  ) Two events are planned in the near future.  One, a meeting concerning RP (Role Play), and a Town Meeting.  The Town Meeting seems to be like a block party.  A chance to get out and meet your neighbors.  To quote Morticon's post; "In case some are confused, the town meeting and RP meeting are SEPARATE. The RP meeting will be held sometime next week, while the Town Meeting will be held next month.

I'm looking at this Friday or next Sunday for the RP meeting. Friday would give me more time for a meeting, while Sunday might guarantee a larger attendance. Let me know, all of you."

Please contact Morticon for further information.
Argon The Elven Havens
  If you've read The Lord of the Rings, you know that at the end of the story, they end up at 'The Elven Havens', an almost mythical place where the Elves go to leave Middle Earth and spend eternity in Valinor.  We get only a brief glimpse of the havens in the book. 

Now it is possible to visit the last refuge of SpinDizzy Elves here in SpinDizzy.  Although there have been few reports of Elves heading off to Valinor, some have, and now you can see the last refuge of the Elven way of life, and the few remaining Elves who live here.

Malkernen, local Sylvan Elf has made it possible for locals to visit The Elven Havens.  Although usually hidden by Elven magic, it has been made visible to polite visitors.  The Havens consist of a small village, a nice inn, and The Citadel, a tall stone tower near the harbor.  From the roof of The Citadel, a telescope allows one to 'see' Valanor, the beauty of which draws all Elves.

In addition, the last Elven ship remains at dock, ready to make the long voyage to Valinor.  When this ship sets sail, it will be a sad day as all the remaining Elves will be upon it.  Although no one knows when that time will come, it is worth visiting The Elven Havens before it does.

To get to The Havens, enter  Teleport #6897 and follow The Elven Path.  Or head west from The Rose Garden, and follow the exits westward.
Gilead Gloves
dr-gil.jpg (129459 bytes) Gilead, local otter scientist of recent fame for discovering Eocentaur fossils, has made it his recent project to complain about the lack of proper gloves for various furries.

"While preparing the Eocentaur fossils, I realized that laboratory safety equipment discriminates against otters," chirped Gilead. "They simply don't make gloves in my size. Or shape!" The accompanying artist's illustration shows how a glove with fingers and a webbed paw simply don't work.

However, nobody makes flat, paddle-like gloves without distinct fingers. Even if they did, said Gilead, his sharp claws would render them a temporary protection, at best.

"This isn't just an otter problem," he continued. "I mean, can you imagine a feline doing any sort of work requiring gloves? The moment she got frustrated, and her claws came out, that'd be the end of that. Even if she were just working with water, she'd have to spend the next hour flicking her wet paw in a most undignified manner."

All species with sharp claws, such as coatis, foxes, and raccoons, are equally at risk. Even blunt-hooved equines are not safe with the existing glove design, as the empty fingers could tangle and trip them. 

Gilead did note, however, that although the one-toed equine foot would be amenable to simply putting a bag around the foot, such a solution would not work for felines, even if a reinforced, claw-proof rim were placed in the bag.

"Historically, bags around the feet would represent servitude and torture by wayward human children to a feline. It'd be like making them wear cans tied to their tails, or be dressed up in baby clothes," chirped the otter. "That's not a friendly work environment."

Gilead did not, however, present a solution, preferring to simply complain.
Mouser Movie Review:  Ice Age
 
I'd like to say good things about this movie.  It's superbly animated, with a clever musical score, good voice acting, lots of lame but funny jokes, and some rather likeable characters.  Sadly, all of that is crushed under the weight of some psychological issues the screenwriters have, and frankly, as a card-carrying predator, I was seriously disappointed.  Yes, this is yet another Good Herbivores vs. Evil Carnivores movie, with Man the Hunter as the Evilist Carnivore of All.  I swear, it's enough to make you want to root for the guy that shot Bambi's Mom.

Okay, plot synopsis--Think "Three Men and a Baby" meets "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," only with fur.  While during the Annual Fall Migration, Sid the Sloth ends up an unlikely companion to Manfred Mastodon, a big fellow with some big issues that sadly aren't very funny.  Together, they find a human child whose mother dies tastefully off-screen, and decide to return

the little tyke to "his herd."  They meet up with Diego, a saber-toothed tiger who's also interested in the kid for reasons of his own, and no, it's not for a snack.  It's something far, far worse:
 
The writers throw anthropomorphization for a loop here, folks.  We have a pack of sabre-toothed tigers stalking a tribe of Neanderthal-types.  The head of the pack has decided that since the chief of the human tribe has killed off half the members of his pack, he's is going to get revenge by kidnapping and eating the chief's infant kid.  Yes, folks, now you have it--hunting
(both human and animal) portrayed as gang warfare and blood feud.  How charmingly Balkan.

I won't give away any spoilers here, but as you can expect, a lot of "male bonding" goes on with this unlikely trio.  The writers throw this for a loop too, making me wonder quite frankly about their sexual orientation by the time the film was over.  No, seriously.  You won't find many females in this picture, and every one of them ends up either dead or abandoned.  A pair of

rhinos have a bit part; you'd expect them to be a mated pair, male and female right?  No, they're two males.  Go figure.  It's obvious the writers have some serious issues about women here, over and above them being granola-eating bunny-huggers.  It's sad when childrens' entertainment gets used as a vehicle for adults' psychodrama.
Argon Weekly Survey
  Argon asked in this week's survey, "I'm doing a survey to be published in @Action News.  The question is, 'What's the most fun you can have while *not* breathing?'
Malkernen says, "I would have to say, swimming under water."
Maxl grumbles, "Realizing who's been sending you all those death threats."
Dolly says, "while not breathing?"  Dolly wonders what this 'breathing' thing is.
Dither bounces, "holding a toke in?"
Arkitah projects, "Having an out of body experience."
Suri considers. "You can hold your breath until you pass out."
Mouser hisses, "Running down salmon, Argon"
Cye says, "Umm swimming underwater!"
Alicia says, "Trench swimming n.n"
Royce really has no answer to that. Figures, the one time in months that he's actually around to get asked the question.
Rick says, "Being in outer space without space suit on!"
Gilead chirps, "Chasing a fish! :-9~~~"
Mavra says, "Eating a mouthful of my mom's best, lasagna."
Austin says, "Trying to match the breathing times of Kier Dullea, William Shatner, or any of a lot of other classic movie scene's characters."
Morticon smirks. "That is easy. When I'm busy strangling the other fur harder. It's either that, or looking underwater."
Shoe says, "Being in water what else?"
Ringo says, "Or eating. You can't breathe and eat at the same time."
Ikuri hmms. "I spend a lot of time underwater, so...I do a lot of things while I'm not breathing."
PatchO'Black mews, "Swiming underwater!"
Drake perks an ear. "I'm ready for my close up, Mister Argon! :) Oh... not breathing, eh... oh. OK! The most fun you can have while not breathing is astral projecting. :)"
Argon The Doze Garden 
 

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