1/20/2002

 Argon - Editor
Argon Slow News Week
  Well, actually, that's not true....a lot of stuff happened this week.  I just can't write it all down.  Why?  Well, due to one piece of this week's news.  I had some (RL) surgery on my inner ear and my vision is pretty fuzzy.  Nothing serious and I expect to recover in a few days, but that's why I haven't paid as much attention to the paper as I should have.  Anyway, here's what some other folks contributed for the paper this week.
Mouser Labor Troubles Plague SED
  Rumors of management-labor dissention within the Society for Evil Doers appear to be well-founded, and this week erupted into a strike action by one of the Society's employees. Mouser, local fursnake and reputed right-paw henchfur of SED leader Morticon, has told reporters he is on strike for better working conditions, including better pay for his duties asdraft-guard in front of the door during SED meetings, and an end to being used as a towel-whip as a disciplinary measure. A claim by local sloth and acknowledged defender of the public, Vassily that Mouser has in fact been hired on as his minion remains unsubstantiated. Other suspected SED employees appear to have engaged in a work slowdown, although it is unclearwhether this is related to the strike action by Mouser or is just typical SED employee laziness. So far Morticon has refused comment on the labor troubles; however, he has been overheard in the Rose Garden yelling, "I am Minionless!"
Rown Ringo And Morticon Battle It Out
 

     In a bid to take over the muck, Morticon, local wallaby and Spindizzy comedy relief…Erm… I mean regular ended up in a battle royal with Ringo, local Raccoon and Spindizzy regular who was making a bid to take over Morti’s empire (if you want to call SED that). 

     The battle began as Ringo tackled Morti holding him down until he was “overcome” by Morti’s “willpower” when he recovered the fur and dirt (and fleas from Morti’s pouch) began to fly eventually leading to the more deadly and dreaded insult war. More innocent guts were wrenched at this time than at any time during the battle… That is until Morti tried to take out Ringo’s throat. Ringo handed the win over to Morti telling him to “keep his evil empire”. He then remarked that he would “start his own evil empire” at which Morti threatened to buy him out. A corporate battle ensued which spawned catch phrases like…

I'll.. honor your coupons

I won't use them. Everything will be low priced daily

Hmm.  I'll.. have longer hours

I'll be open 24-7. Driving my underpaid employees to the breaking point.

I'll have a cleaner store! (Believe it or not Morti said that. :-p)

I'll hire less employees, to keep the cost down.

I'll hire migrant workers. I can pay them next to nothing.

I'll eliminate customer service entirely!

When my customers are unhappy, people die.

If something has a problem, then it gets returned right away

self-service = best service! gas stations.  And how they grew and prospered.

Bringing up Taco Bell won't help you Morti. :-p

yes! I'll have a cute warm and fuzzy commercial campaign.

Yes, if there was a catch phrase written they used it. Finally in a desperate attempt at drawing in customers Morticon offered a plushie of himself but the doll insulted everyone, said rude things and wet all over this Centaur when squeezed. Needless to say neither one’s campaign was successful so Morticon left taking his rude plushie with him and left Ringo to dream of winning another day.
Argon Weekly Survey
  Argon asked in this week's survey, "I'm doing a survey to be published in @Action News.  The question is,  'What's your favorite bug?'
Spikey brays, "Ummmm... Butterfly"
Berios says, "Mole Cricket."
Shoe says, "Not sure maybe spiders if they count. Or maybe beetles."
Rown says, "A 1949 split window model although I can't fit inside due to it's small size. :-p" 
Morticon says, "Ants. Because like them, I hope to turn you all into obedient servants of my new empire!"
Alicia says, "Okie. The Monarch butterfly. I encounter a lot of them back when I was home."
Arkitah quips, "Butterfly. Elegant, graceful, and can fly. Plus, I hear it can cause a hurricane."
Mouser says, "Lobster counts as a bug, doesn't it?" 
Argon  The Doze Garden (Argon gets operated on)
 

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  Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy!  Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org, or qmail or page Argon about it.

Most any type of story or article will be accepted.  Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (Any more than anything that happens here does.) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have.  These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply. 

Thanks!