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Saturday being St. Patrick's Day, Spindizzians everywhere were awaiting the arrival of those spirits of the season known as leprechauns. This year, however, there were no leprechauns to be had. "I looked all day and there were none to be found." Cora, local she-bear, is quoted as saying. "I don't know what happened." Some Spindizzians tried to extend to the leprechaun community some of the friendliness and neighborliness that Spindizzy is known for. "Ah had heard that lepr'chauns liked vittles so's ah cooked 'em up a nice batch of corn'd beef 'n cabbage." said Billybob, local rabbit. "But none of 'em came!"

Not only there were no leprechauns, but there none of the usual signs of leprechaun activity; not a rainbow or pot of gold to be seen in the entire realm. "The least they could do was lay out a gold coin or two." said Barbarabelle, local Vixen. "Surely we've done nothing wrong to them."

Still Spindizzians remained optimistic. It is this writer's opinion that whatever Spindizzy did to offend the leprechaun community, all will be forgiven and they will return next year.

Technical difficulties with the computer mainframes at the Kunoichi Corporation headquarters have caused the cancellation of the open house sheduled for Sunday, March 18, 2007.

Kunoichi Corporation personel are working to solve the problem. Kunoichi-san, owner and CEO of the corporation, was unavailable for comment at press time however it is assumed that the open house will be rescheduled once the technical difficulties are resolved.

As a new citizen of SpinDizzy, I have found myself with a problem I am not accustomed to: a dearth of currency. A conversation in the Rose Garden brought to my attention the existence of a curious function: the FUND command. This command, as I am given to understand it, is designed to either grant upon its activator a small fortune of pennies or cause a dangerous earth tremor which causes the loss of all pennies carried. As I was possessed of a paltry sum which I had amassed during my wanderings in my first week here, I thought I would take the risk. If the gamble paid off, I would not have to worry about the contents of my wallet. If not, the loss would be minimal, and fairly easy to replace.

Lady Luck, so I believed, was not with me, for the fickle FUND function robbed me of my pennies and dropped me into a small crevasse which opened beneath my feet. But others tried the command and had identical results. Later, already stripped of my pennies and having nothing to lose, I tried the FUND command several times over the period of half an hour or so, with no success other than the creation of more fissures.

Later that day, I brought up the issue of FUND in the Rose Garden. Those gathered there seemed to be of the opinion that FUND should at least *occasionally* succeed, though no one could say what the chance actually was. Some pondered that the command might be faulty in some way, and others postulated that Morticon might be responsible for purloining the code. A letter was sent round to the wizards, who will presumably look into the matter at their earliest opportunity.

Recently a lack of news has been found througout SpinDizzy. Although the exact cause has not been found, a number of rumours have arisen.

Some people believe it's one of the SED's evil plans, while others think it's the centaurs fault.

Will this lack of news split our society or is just nothing going on? Neither Morticon nor Austin Dern, managing editor, were avaliable for comment during the time this article was written.

Hi there everyone! As you may or may not have seen, I have three big-cat cubs that I've recently acquired. However.... they don't come with names!

Here's your chance, everyone.... help me name the cubs. 1 male lion cub, 1 lioness cub, and 1 tigress cub... so put on your thinking hats, or boots, or whatever you wear when you're thinking and send me a pagemail with your name ideas for me. Make sure to mention which cub you're trying to name.

Thanks everyone! We now return you to your regularly scheduled newspaper reading.

Hey, folks! In honor of St Patty's Day, this week's column will be about super-heroes from Ireland! Now, I know what some of you are thinking, "I thought all super-heroes were from the U.S.!" Well, actually, super-heroes come from all nations. Then they are shipped to the United States, some sort of trade agreement, I think....

The first time I became aware of a super-hero from the Emerald Isle was in Marvel Super Hero Contest of Champions. Basically, it was one of those big cross-over events that throws a bunch of characters together in order to have one big extravagansa.

One of the champions was a young lady who called herself Shamrock. A mutant, she had the ability to affect probability, thus giving herself an aura of good luck. She also had the ability to make a costume that, while appropreate, was a bit uninspiring:

However, over the years, her powers waned, and she eventually gave up the super-hero life to become one of the most sought-after hairsylists in Europe. Who says there is no life after wearing spandex?

More well-known Irish mutant heros are the father and daughter pair known as Banshee and Siryn. Banshee, whose real name is Sean Cassidy, is a member of Marvel's well-known band of outcast heros, the X-Men. As his name suggests, his power is a sonic scream that, along with causing auditory distress and concussive force, can allow him to fly. How? I suppose it has to do with air-vibrations, because he doesn't use his scream for thrust.

Siryn, who grew up never knowing who her father was, has all her father's powers, plus being able to detect and manipulate sound. When she recently was told her father had been killed, but no body found, she took the news with the same skepticism of a long-time comic book reader: she merely noted that super-heros have a habit of not staying dead. However, that is another column altogther.

Lastly, we go from the Marvel comics to DC, where we have Jack O'Lantern. Danel Cormack was a poor farmer who was given a magic lantern by a local fae. Something of a back-up hero, he did help out big names such as the Green Lantern and Superman. Unfortunately, he fell from grace when he threw in with a villianess named Queen Bee. He was gravely injured in a fight with the Justice League, but was eventually found and help back to health by his girlfriend, another international super-hero called Owlwoman. He joined the world-spanning super-group, Global Guardians, returning to the side of good, and eventually died of natural causes. He was then impersonated by a henchman of the Queen Bee, who in turn was killed by Owlwoman when she discovered the ruse. The current Jack O'Lantern, Liam McHugh, is currently with a group known as the Ultramarine Corps, who have traveled to a "micro-universe" with a version of Earth where they do not even have the concept of a super-hero.

And that's it for this week's Four-Kolor Kitty! Remember, page #mail questions and suggestions for future columns! See you next week!

Q: What's green and kills penguins?
Q: A Leprachaun Seal.

Q: What's green and falls apart?
Q: A Leperchaun.

Q: What's covered in green fuzz from being so old and stale?
Q: The last pun.

Q: What do Lutrachauns guard at the end of the rainbow?
Q: Their pot o' goldfish.

Q: What's a Water Otter Guest's greatest fear on St. Patty's Day?
Q: Going out to the Rose Garden and getting totally drunk.

Q: What's the Leprechauns' space program like?
Q: They're trying to put a Ire-lander on the Moon within 10 years.

Q: What's a Lutrachuan's favorite kind of beer to lap at for St. Patty's Day?
Q: A Witsnuitneusbeer.

Q: What are a Lutrachaun's favorite brews generally?
Q: An alewife or a strout.

Hi there, Ba'ar here with your Spindizzy @Action News survey for this week. What's the worst movie you've ever seen?

• Findra chirrrs softly, "I think the worst movie I've ever seen was Pink Flamingos."
• Gilead chirps, "Garbage Pail Kids."
• PatchO'Black mews, "I think I may be suppressing the memory of that..."
• Cirro intones, "I may have to think on that one for a while."
• Ba'ar says, "My answer is a toss up between several movies. Among them are: Meet The Feebles, Jeepers Creepers and Street Fighter."
• Than says, "Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worst movie I've ever seen, but one you have to get, because it's so bad it's good! Also the worst movie I've seen that shouldn't have been made... Catwoman...also 1.. HATED the second Dumb and Dumber movie... Only saw 30 minutes of it..."
• Slug chirps, "Santa Clause Verses the Martians!"
• Borris Gruffs, "The Spice Girls movie...."
• Andros says, "I'll say the 'Spice Girls' one as well."
• "Mysteries of Chess Boxing," barks Tanuki.
• DTF ponders "Worst in what way? Most embarrassing/annoying? Bean. Gagg-me-with-a-dump-truck movie? Any Blarney movie or The Rugrats Movies."
• GrumpyBear grumbles, "Dogma was a horrible movie."
• Aloha says, "Groundhog Day."
• Argon says, "Gad, I've seen a lot of bad movies but I'd have to say anything with Scooby Doo in it."

Got something that you'd like to contribute to @Action News, but aren't sure if you should, or how to do it? Just get in touch with any of Argon, Ba'ar, Skyler, or Findra, and they'll be happy to help! Here are some basic guidelines, though.

Contributing a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org, or qmail/pagemail Argon, Findra, Skyler, or Ba'ar with your article!

• @Action News is published weekly sometime on Sunday.
• Articles received after midnight Pacific time on Saturday may be held and published in the next edition of @Action News.
• Most any type of story or article of interest to SpinDizzy's newspaper readers will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy.
• Things that occur in public areas are fair game.
• The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does,) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have.

These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks!

Argon
Editor - @Action News