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"It's like someone drove a stake right through my heart," lamented one vampire. "Figuratively, of course. It's like a death-long friend has suddenly up and come alive on me. I don't know what's good and evil any more. I'm so upset I don't even feel like drinking anyone's blood."

One pale teenager who declined to give her name for reasons of "it doesn't matter any more--nothing matters to me any more" echoed that sentiment. "I don't know what I'll do. No more books about vampires is like... Wow. It's so awful. My whole life isn't worth living, and I should just end it all right now. And I mean that even more than when I said it yesterday, before I found out about Anne Rice!" She was unable to continue as her tears caused her ridiculous quantity of black eyeliner to cascade down her cheeks.

One young man with a lot of body piercings and ripped black clothing also felt betrayed by Mrs. Rice's conversion. "It's like everything dark and depressing in my life was just suddenly replaced by the uplifting and cheery. I just want to die. Really, this time. I mean it. I'm not just after attention. You believe me, right? Please?"

Another bloodsucking fiend of the night said, "It's even worse than when Tom Cruise, who played Lestat in the movie of "Interview With The Vampire," came out as a Scientologist. At least that's still like losing your soul and joining the walking dead."

However, one friendly young Gothette, who still had a little pink left in her cheeks and was only wearing dark brown clothing for the most part, did try to put a ...well, not happier, but at least somewhat less depressing spin on the news. "Well, it's like sort of the same, kinda, right? You know? It's like, Jesus, well, he also died and came back from the dead, so it's really sorta like the same, y'know? I'll wait to read the book before I decide how sad I should act about it. Like, I'm so excited for it to get published." After noticing the other Goths looking at her funny, she added, "Um, but I'm like sad, too, y'know?"

Q: What does a Jewish raven say?
A: Never again.

Q: What's the most important thing to ask a used ferret salesman before you buy?
A: Does it corner well?

Q: What do you get when you breed a lemur with an African wild dog
A: A prosimien jackal.

Q: What do you get when you cross a leaping African wildcat with a social insect?
A: A servant.

Q: What has huge ears and jowls and is not a crook?
A: Richard Fennexon.

Q: What do you need when a flightless bird breaks a leg?
A: An ostretcher.

Q: What do tigerhorses wear to protect their modesty and provide support?
A: A zebrassiere.

Q: What do you get if you cross a short-faced dog with a rodent?
A: A Guinea Pug.

Q: How can you tell if your binturong has a heritable disease?
A: Genet-ic testing.

Q: How does a fossa catch Lyme disease?
A: Bad genet ticks.

Q: What kind of swine casts evil spells?
A: A warthag.

Q: What does a tall browser put on its whiskers after trimming them?
A: Girafftershave.

Q: What was the number one hit from Raccoon band "Dead or Procyonid?"
A: o/~ You give me roundworms, baby, roundworms, from a raccoon, baby, roundworms, roundworms... o/!

Q: What eats bamboo and does "extreme" sports?
A: A Rad Panda.

Q: What has thick, white fur, and a deep interest in ancient civilizations?
A: An archeaological fox.

Each week @Action News will print the "Eventlist" notices here. This list will be accurate as of press time, but be sure and check it during the week. Activities and events can be proposed, rescheduled or event cancelled for all sorts of reasons. So stay "in the know" by checking Eventlist often.

To get a list with details as shown here, enter eventlist #week #long.

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

• One Year Ago / Patch O'Black hosts Halloween party
• Three Years Ago / Acceptable Use Policy Clarified

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Just as a note, this makes a full year @Action News has been showing our circulation numbers. Yay!

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
You're a bear, why don't you hibernate?
- Ranger

Dear Ranger:
What? And miss out all the fun?

Dear Bearing Up:
What makes Patchy so magical?
- T.S. Elliot

Dear T.S. Elliot:
He's a Jellicle cat. They're born like that.

Dear Bearing Up:
Why does Morticon want to take over Spindizzy?
- Mouser

Dear Mouser:
Because he wants to prove to us just how BIG he really is!

Dear Bearing Up:
What's Argon's politcial leaning?
- REDANDBLUE

Dear REDANDBLUE:
He's LEFT OF CENTAUR!

Dear Bearing Up:
Why are there so many centaurs on Spindizzy?
- J. Chalker

Dear J. Chalker:
We provide them a very STABLE environment for them to live in.

Dear Bearing Up:
What happened to Bartergarter?
- Salesman

Dear Salesman:
Annon the Salesrat bought her out.

Dear Bearing Up:
When Skyler splits himself into two, does that mean he has a SPLIT personality?
- MPD

Dear MPD:
No, it makes him TWICE as FUN though.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to baar.bear@gmail.com. Thanks.

This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, "What superpower would you least like to have?"

SpinDizzy residents Crystal, Nesta and Morticon are still discovering vestiges of *SPAM.

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, Carl or SDN about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News