August 15, 2004
Volume V - Issue 213
Please don't forget tread the bulletin board. Enter +read from anywhere.
Hurricane results in abbreviated edition of paper
|Hurricane Charley roared across Central Florida on Friday the 13th, causing billions of dollars worth of damage.
So what has this to do with SpinDizzy you may ask, our floating island perhaps billions of miles away from this Florida place? It turns out that the paper actually has some connection. Although written and printed here on SpinDizzy, the printing "plates" are actually made in the same area that Hurricane Charley struck. Using a process that combines electronic printing, hyperspace teleportation, magic and a bit of luck, the copy of the paper you see goes through these processes and others in the Central Florida area, before hitting the newsstand.
So, for this reason, the processes required to produce a full edition of @Action News were interupted and only a partial edition will be available this week.
@Action news applogises for the inconvenience, and will do its best to make it up to our loyal readers next week. Hopefully, Bearing Up, the survey, and the Circulation Reports, the editor's firstname.lastname@example.org e-mail account along with other features will return next week.
As an aside, no @Action News staff stationed in the area were injured, and no signifigant structural damage was noted as of press time. However widespread power, telephone and Internet connections were down, contributing to the paper's reduced coverage this week.
|Rook, freelance journalist||
Skunk Saved from Generic Evil Mad Scientists
A local orphan skunk kit was rescued from an organization that goes by the name of NI-GEMS (National Institute of Generic Evil Mad Scientists) earlier this week. NI-GEMS had been posing as the Happy Cappers Orphanage, but was secretly using some of the kits there as test subjects.
The trouble started when Peter Parker, local creepy nerd and troublemaker, stole one of the skunk’s toys and used it to lure the skunk into a trap. His plot was uncovered when he entered the Rose Garden to gloat. Argon, local centaur editor, intimidated Peter into revealing the skunk’s location and the truth about NI-GEMS.
Argon, local centaur, and KevMan, local part-time hero and full-time father, followed Parker to the Happy Camper’s Orphanage. Parker naturally tried to betray Argon and KevMan, but KevMan easily managed to fly over Parker’s trap and forced Parker to free Argon. Parker grudgingly led Argon and KevMan to the skunk’s cage, only to find that the skunk had already managed to escape and was causing a great deal of turmoil at NI-GEMS. The orphan skunk kit had gotten his paws on what Parker called a “Death Ray.” When the skunk shot Parker with this “Death Ray” it merely caused him to grow a tail.
“I guess it is really more of an Annoyance Ray,” commented Parker. “Stop laughing at my tail!”
All members of NI-GEMS, including Parker, have since been captured and are awaiting trial.
“I can’t go to jail, I’m too frail and sensitive!” whined Parker. “Stop laughing at my tail!”
The SDPD is currently looking for the orphan skunk. The skunk kit is no longer wanted for theft, but authorities are still anxious to find him.
“We want to put him in a good home,” Commented Inspector Guiles, “And to get him to a doctor. Who knows what NI-GEMS has done to him? We are offering a 10000 shiny award for information leading to his capture. Residents are advised not to try to capture the skunk themselves.”
|SED Press Release||
SED Discovers More About Mystery Planet!
As an "SED Press release" readers are advised to consider the source of the following before taking any action.
The SED released new findings about the mysterious planet first discovered by Fruitbat Observatory. Using SpaceProbe I, a highly advanced space probe designed and launched successfully by Morticon, the SED analyzed the planet up close. The results of the analysis seem to indicate grave danger to Spindizzy, but fortunately the intelligent wallaby has a plan to save the important parts of our world.
"The approaching planet has some sort of force field around it that disintegrates anything that tries to breach it. Sadly, SpaceProbe I confirmed this," Morticon said in a recent press conference, "which means Spindizzy is in grave danger of being obliterated in a month or so! My solution is simple: For a mere 49999 shinies, you will secure your spot on either one of my spacecraft which will leave before impact, or a piece of Spindizzy that I will force to break free from the mainland before we get too close. Act now before it's too late! Cash only, please." Morticon finished. He left before further questions could be asked.
Pictures taken by the space probe were left up so reporters could get a closer look. The planet looked nearly as fuzzy as it did when Fruitbat introduced the planet to the masses. The only new detail was a series of contrasting colors (though it was very difficult to tell, as they did not contrast by much) that almost suggested a patchwork quilt. It is hard to say if this was due to the lens in the probe or interference by the force field.
DiddyWolf expresses boredom, dislikes excitement
Friday morning DiddyWolf, blue wolf puppy, announced his boredom to the world. Aushae, silver dragonness and life-weaver, took out an empty djinn bottle, turned DiddyWolf into a mist and trapped the newly-formed genie inside the fresh-corked bottle. As only his eyes poked out, Austin, coati, said "I didn't see that coming, reference to an earlier obscure comment.
Before any could grab the genie, Aushae produced a bit of vermouth, a bit of vodka, and a small jar of olive- and- onion. Despite Austin's protest that DiddyWolf was too young to be drunk, she popped off the cork and stirred in the vermouth, the vodka, one onion and one olive. After shaking him up she poured DiddyWolf back onto the garden lawn DiddyWolf merphed and seemed distraught by the decidedly non-boring activity.
Aushae explained, "I couldn't remember how to make a slow djinn fizz..."
She further said, "It's a bit daring to hear someone being bored near me... anything might happen..." Gryphe, gryphon, then announced he was bored.
Austin's reference had been to an earlier proposal he had to relieve DiddyWolf's boredom: he had asked, "So what's the last thing you expect right now, DiddyWolf?
DiddyWolf not unreasonably said, "If I could tell you that, wouldn't it no longer be the last thing i'd expect?" Skyler, bunny, said they'd simply wait until he no longer expected it, and Austin said they would then instead to the second-to-the-last thing he expected to happen. He asked, "Wha if I dunno wha either of em is?"
Austin said, "You mean, you tell us something, and we try it out, and it's not one of the last things you'd be surprised by?" This left DiddyWolf confused. "Right. If we did that, and you weren't the least bit surprised ... Then you'd be really surprised." This was the time when Aushae intervened, to everyone's relief and reduced confusion.
The new Spindizzy Olympics will be held the week of August 23rd (a Monday) to August 29th (a Sunday). From Monday through Saturday,an hour-long event will be held at the Spindizzy Olympic Stadium (location soon to be decided). An awards banquet will be held on Sunday in honor of Spindizzy's Olympic Medalists. The activities are as follows:
If you'd like to participate any of these events, please page or pagemail me during this next week and let me know. Any and all are encouraged to compete! The deadline to inform me of your participation is the evening of Sunday, August 22nd, so there's plenty of time to think it over. Even if you're not positive you'll be able to make a certain event, page me anyway and I'll put you down as a possible competer. But we'll obviously need at least two definete competers (who will definetly be there, barring unforseen circumstances) for an event to go through.
You may notice that the event times switch around. Although it's only by an hour, this is to allow as many people as possible to view at least a few events.
Finally, we'll also be needing a judge or two for each event! Again, page me if you'd like to be a judge on any event.
Please don't be afraid to page mail me and participate! If we get a lot of people with opens minds participating in the events, this can become a new and exciting tradition!
The Doze Garden
SED claims hurricane not its doing. Evidence reveals otherwise.
|@Action News Info||
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