Possible TAURS Outbreak!

Word has come to this reporter, Mavra, Centaur-At-Large, that due to the travels of Mouser, local fursnake, to foreign lands, he has unintentionally brought back a confirmation of genetically engineered germ warfare. This disease, TAURS, Temporary Appendage Uplift Reiteration Syndrome, has been discovered in certain individuals of four-legged standing.

Medical tests have thus far determined that the disease, which would render the afflicted individual a temporary condition of growing two extra legs, arms, or both if they’re lacking these limbs. The Sturgeon General of SpinDizzy has recommended that those afflicted drink plenty of fluids, rest, and most importantly, eat, for this disease puts a great strain on the body in the creation of the extra body mass. Other side effects include momentary dizziness that soon becomes unusual dexterity and sure-footedness. There have been some cases of individuals becoming startled at loud, ‘Bluecher’-like noises. Thankfully, this ailment does not last long, from approximately 18 to 36 hours, depending on body mass and general health of the individual. When the disease breaks, it is suggested that those struck should tend to their bathrooms when the body finally sloughs off the excess mass.

Those immune to this disease are those that are already in this state, namely centaurs and ‘taurs’ of various sorts. So far, no occurrence of TAURS has been shown in this population. Stay aware and be alert for further health-related news broadcasts.

(Warning, some of the puns may be too intense for some viewers.)
(Reader discretion is advised.)

This reporter was present and took part of an non-honorable and too-often-continued cultural tradition of a pun slinging match. Other prime instigators were Kinsor, local Fruitat, and Ba’ar, local bear. There were a few other tertiary semi-combatants, namely Amabelle, local Glitter Mouse and Argon, local centaur and betrothed of this reporter. The subject of this punslinging was none other than Terry, local technicolor pangolin and nearby target.

The puns started off as being merely bad...

Kinsor skriters, "Mustn't Terry too long?"
Terry puffs, "I'll Terry you a new one."
Ba'ar TAR-rys and FEATHERS Kinsor and Mavra
Mavra will stop now as the puns are becoming Terryble.
Amabelle is gonna go into pun shock..

But Amabelle was caught in the crossfire and soon took a pun right between the ears, and proceeded to go into shock. It was then that the puns were becoming serious and more in-depth.

Terry stretches under scritches. "I have no comment at this time. Please contact my press secretary."
Mavra nods and goes to ask the secreTerry.
Terry puffs, "Ack! That was supposed to be a secret!"
Kinsor skriters, "Not secret, not rare, more of a commonTerry!"
You say, "ElemenTerry, my dear Kinsor."
Terry puffs, "The only winner is the non participant who's far enough away not to have heard about the event."
Mavra says, "Mimicry is one of the most sincerest forms of flatTERRY. Aha."
Terry glances upwards, watching for anvils.
Terry puffs, "Flattery is the surest sign of impending treachery."
Terry puffs, "Or recent treachery."
Mavra shrugs with both sets of shoulders. "Recent, impending, as long as it's only momenTerry."
Ba'ar growls, "Things are going from bad to worse...I guess if we picked up music...they'd be going from Bard to Verse."
Mavra says, "Yes, it's becoming unBa'arable."
Kinsor skriters, "And its a pain in the Bach, but thats overdone..."
Ba'ar grins at Kinsor "Get a HANDEL on things will ya?"
Mavra ohdears. "He's Terryfying!" O_O

It soon became apparent that puns were starting to fly off in any direction, catching hapless, hopeless, and helpless bystanders unawares. Some taking direct injuries, others by ricocheting puns that have glanced off of the foreheads of those understanding.

Mavra says, "No, but his politics tend to be Terrymandering."
Kinsor skriters, "He's frozen like a rock... a sedimenTerry rock."
Kinsor skriters, "...we don't need any of your derogaTerry remarks!"
Mavra says, "Ohno! I don't want to be sent to PurgaTerry!"

This reporter tried to render emergency first-aid to a victim of the punslinging who was trying to cover up her ears.

Mavra plugs Amabelle's ears up through to the alimenTerry canals. Kinsor skriters, "I'm surprised with all these puns, we haven't noticed the effects of dissin'Terry!"
Terry puffs, "I am a duck."
Kinsor skriters, "A diss' go duck?"
Vesper hides under a Terry-cotta pot! scared! Gilead chirps, "Gonna Terry-minate Mavra?"
Terry puffs, "No, I'm going to devour Argon."
Mavra says, "Careful, Terry, I'm engaged to Argon. I don't want you to commit adulTerry."
Kinsor skriters, "Its a reign of Terryor!"

Finally, a summit on weapons of mass punning was called and United Nation peacekeepers were brought in to keep the peace until it was agreed that multilateral disarmament was the best route to go. Under the watchful eyes of punning inspectors, authorities systematically destroyed all of the puns until none remained.

In response to an article in last week's @Action News concerning local Bees organizing against local Bears, Ba'ar, local Bear has offered the following response.

The Brotherhood of Bears has lodged a complaint against the International Bee Association's actions to prevent them from enacting their anti-honey theft policies.

"We bears are hungry," said Ba'ar, spokesbear for the Brotherhood of Bears, "and the little surplus honey the bees let us have is not enough to organizing our meager diets. " Answering the charges of hives being destroyed, Ba'ar was quoted as saying that "We bears are very careful to take what honey we need from the hives. After all. If a hive is destroyed that means less honey for us. "

The Brotherhood of bears, formed in 1920, is Spindizzy's largest and oldest trade union representing the interests of bears who call Spindizzy their home.

This week, Argon asked folks, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, 'If you owned a TV Network, what would it be called?'

• BarterGarter hisses, "The Bartering Channel, of course, Argon!"
• Brenda says, "The Cat-tune Network. All cats, all the time =^.^="
• Cye says, "I'll play what ever I want &@#! the censors!"
• Ba'ar growls, "I'd call mine 'The Honey Channel'. It'd be bear themed of course."
• Gilead would have PlayCritters Channel.
• Nikon says softly, "It would either be an all 'The Raccoon's' Channel, or a shiney channel."
• Mouser would run the Fast Food Network. :)
• Airborn says, "FurTV, or maybe ChaosTV (or at least a show named like that)"
• Gino -- My TV Network would be called Gallaudet TV. Dr. Gallaudet is an important figure in deaf history and a liberal arts university is named for him. It would of course, be targeted toward Deafies and their needs."
• Wind-Dancer -- WAH - don't ask about the initials. =)
• Adara (Today at 3:52:43PM) -- My TV Network would be called "Feline Court TV"!
• Carlos's survey answer is "The Right-Side-Up Channel."
• Starblade says, "It would be called "Dragon Roar"."
• Terra chirps. "Minklink!"
• Mavra says, "If I had a TV Network, I would call it 'TV', for 'TaurVison', where it would showcase all of the programs and stories that displayed centaurs as *people*, not 'monsters' that would only rampage and pillage. Oh, and get drunk and carry off the women. Yes, that's it."
• Babsy, "The darn cool channel, den =P
• Timesheart calmly mrowlls, "How about the Galactic Spindizzy Network (GSN)." ;)"
• Rown says, "Centaur TV, the 24 hour Centaur channel covering every aspect of Centaur life. :-)"
• Cryston whickers, "I'd probably call it the Arcane Mythology channel, sorta like the History channel, only covering the more interesting parts of our lives."
• BarterGarter hisses, "It would be called The Anti-Ratings Neo-Dadaist Network."
• Dripdry says, "DTV. Doberman Television. All Doberman's, all the time!"
• Friskyfox yips, "Phil, that's my network's name."

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News