Please don't forget to read the bulletin board. Enter +read from anywhere.

(Author's note: this is what happens when I write an entire story that is nothing but a focused freewriting exercise. Yikes. The only editing that I allowed myself to perform was for simple spelling errors. Anyway, here's the story)

First, visit this website before reading my story. You can view more haiku like this here.

We slugs might not be able to run as fast as everybody else, but we can still occasionally embark on quests. I heard a wild rumor in the Rose Garden recently after I asked if there were any more mountains for me to climb. I heard that there was a mountain beneath Mt. Fuji called Ijuf that led to Bizarro Spin Dizzy. I started climbing right away.

I’m still climbing, in fact. I’ll get back to you when I find the cave that leads to Mt. Ijuf.

… Four hundred issues of @Action News later…

Mt. Ijuf was nothing but a tiny hole in the ground. I was about to return in anger and disappointment when Bizarro Morticon came crashing through on a pogo stick. Now, I did not know that he was Bizarro Morticon at the time. I tried to hide, but he quickly spotted me.

“You might want to get to safety,” Bizarro Morticon informed me. “Bizarro Argon has run out of stories for his paper, @Evil Clichés, and has gone on a crime spree. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go defeat Bizarro Argon in an efficient, low-tech, and timely manner.”

And then he hopped off before I could ask him what the pogo stick was for. I decided to head straight for the Bizarro Rose Garden.

…. Twenty issues later…

Nobody ever idles in the Bizarro Rose Garden. On one crazy night, Bizarro Cye flew down on her broomstick and tried to hex the entire Rose Garden! Bizarro Adara held a brief trial where Bizarro Argon was the defendant's lawyer and Bizarro Morticon was the prosecuter. It seemed like she was about to be found guilty of witchcraft, but then Bizarro Argon saved Bizarro Cye on a technicality. Witchcraft is not a crime in Bizarro SpinDizzy! Bizarro Morticon told me that he did not mind losing the case. He felt that it was better for a guilty person to go free than for an innocent one to be punished. I’m having a great time. I’m not going anywhere for awhile.

…. Five issues later…

I changed my mind. I can’t stay in this place one minute longer! I met Bizarro Slug and the experience scarred me for life. Bizarro Slug was actually a snail, by the way.

The conversation started out innocently enough. The snail told me its name was Fell, and then asked for my name. When I told it that I did not have one, Bizarro Slug cryptically told me, “Everybody must be named. We all need to feel that we are important, to have an identity… we need to feel loved. If you like, I could name you…”

That creepy snail slid towards me, then whispered something horrible. I forgot whatever it was, but I do know that it was something terrible enough to cause me to run back to SpinDizzy at lightning speed.

…fifty issues later…

I’m back! I would advise against anybody visiting Bizarro SpinDizzy. I decided that meeting our Bizarro opposites would be something that would drive the hardiest of us completely mad. When I showed Bizarro Argon an issue of @Action News, he agreed and helped me construct a series of elaborate traps along the road to Bizarro SpinDizzy. I also will not reveal the locations of either Mt. Fuji or Mt. Ijuf, but I did set up several, “Danger: Do Not Enter” signs along the path. The problem is, these signs are all written in Sluggish.

Mouser, local Sock-puppet, has solved the question of 'What happens to socks that turn up missing?' After appearing in the Rose Garden as a 'Sock-Mouser', a sock with two buttons sewn to it rather than his usual Fursnake form, it was obvious that the years of research done into the mystery of missing socks by the aptly named Bureau of Missing Socks has been looking in the wrong direction. Although their years of dedicated research have opened some interesting possibilities, Mouser has shown us that lost socks actually become Fursnake puppets, and crawl away to live in the wild.

Mouser, being somewhat floppy and static without someone's hand inside to animate him has found new opportunities at birthday parties, weddings, Bar Mitzva's and old black and white children shows produced in the early 1950's. Although not particularly intrigued with the idea of someone's hand inside him, he finds it prefereable to just laying on the ground.

Although Mouser's change into a sock puppet has yet to be explained, other sock puppets' creations have been explained on line. There is even a game here where you can search for virtual socks. Be warned, it's JavaScript. There is no estimation if and when Mouser may return to 'normal'.

UPDATE: As @Action News was going to press, what turns out to be the real Mouser turned up. He told of losing a sock, which it seems had been impersonating him all week. So, rather than Mouser being turned into a Sock-Mouser, Sock-Mouser was actually Mouser's sock. The question was, what had happened to Sock-Mouser now that Mouser was here?

An expedition was engaged by Morticon to find Sock-Mouser. Accompanying him on this quest were Alicia, local 9 Tailed Kitsune, Austin, local Elastic Coati, Argon, local Shiny Centaur, Umbra, local Wallaby, Slug, local Slug, and Mouser, local Fursnake. All were led by Morticon to the Laundramat near the abandoned shopping cart graveyard. Upon entering the Laundramat, Morticon encouraged us to look around. He was particularly keen on having folks go inside a certain washer. Suspecting a trap, no one was too anxious to be the first in, so Morticon went in first to prove it was safe.

Once in the washer, it turned out not to be a washer at all but The Chamber of Lost Socks. Inside, You find yourself atop a pile of warm, dry, socks. Mismatched socks. Not far up a wall is a white circle of light, the door of the washing machine through which you entered. The room wasn't dark, and everything could be seen. And none of the socks match. What was interesting was that even if you don't wear socks, one you lost was there.

Inside this Chamber was Sock-Mouser. For some reason, Morticon wanted to capture him, or Mouser did. The group who had fallen into the washer were on a number of different sides of this issue, some wanted to help Sock-Mouser get away, other's attempting to help Sock-Mouser escape, and others just observing. A tug of war ensued when Sumanitu grabbed Sock-Mouser, and Morticon attempted to wrest it from the Wolf's grasp. The suggestion that Morticon wanted Sock-Mouser because me might start a rock band and wants some 'enhancement' for his leather pants, made Sock Mouser struggle even harder. Morticon finally grabbed Sock-Mouser, but found himself surrounded by other sentient clothes. As the clothes encircled Morticon, a lot of clothes rustling and cursing was heard. As the cursing died away and the clothes fell back, Sock-Mouser had dissapeared!

After the loss, or victory of Sock-Mouser, the group found themselves exploring the pile of socks more closely and found that if you dug down into the big pile of socks, you'd pop out and find yourself in the Rose Garden. So keep your eyes open, you may be the next to see Sock-Mouser, who isn't Mouser!

Teams of bats from nearby Fruitbat Labs have announced their intentions of performing a survey and salvage of the nearby mining operating, located in north of SpinDizzy nearby the rift. The mining operation is a recent excavation which appears to have been abandoned almost as soon as began.

Unlike caves, mines are artificial, temporary openings that are designed to last as long as it takes to extract ore. When a mine is abandoned, there is no longer a maintenance program to address deteriorating rock conditions and weakened ground-supports. Caves are formed over thousands of years by relatively stable processes, whereas blasting and carving, operations that destabilize the rock left in place, create mines.

Because members of the public will enter abandoned mines, it is incumbent on land managers to know what hazards are being left exposed to the public until appropriate closures can be constructed, and to take whatever temporary measures are possible and necessary to minimize the hazard.

In the event that a rescue may be required, it is good to have an idea of the extent and layout of underground workings before entering an abandoned mine. Fruitbat cautions casual visitors from adventuring far within the mine, as it appears to have been a very unsafe construction. Entry of abandoned mines should be limited to qualified underground miners, certified mine inspectors, and certified mineral examiners. Trained personnel should accompany unqualified personnel at all times.

Did you ever wonder just what the Seven Dwarves did when the weren't mining diamonds or waiting on Snow White? It turns out they're practicing Kung Fu. According to a story on CNN.com, A Chinese director is going to make Snow's Seven Men into Fighting Shao Lin monks who will perform some Wicked Stepmother Fu.

According to this and other sources, This live action remake, directed by Yuen Wo Ping, who is known for fight choreography in such films as The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, will direct this, his first English Language project.

Word is this live action version of the Disney classic will be set in the 1890s and follows a woman who returns home to Hong Kong to attend her father's funeral after 20 years abroad. She discovers that her stepmother is plotting against her and escapes to mainland China, where she seeks solace with seven Shao Lin monks who, in turn, come to believe the woman holds the fate of the world in her hands and protect her. Josh Harman and Scott Elder wrote the script. Apparently other chopsocky work by this director has been distributed in the U.S. by Buena Vista, a subsiderary of Disney, so his name is not new to the company. Interestingly, his work has already been effected by Disney as is indicated here.

This week, Argon asked folks, "I'm doing a survey to be published in @Action News. The question is, "What one item would you take to the Antiques Roadshow?"

• Pan says, "Michelangelo's statue of David, preferably."
• Carlos parseltongues, "I dunno. What's an antiques roadshow?"
• Terry puffs, "My gameboy."
• Ba'ar growls, "Well...*sigh* Since I'm a computer buff..I'd have to say.. An Altair ..."
• Gilead chirps, "Hmm. My autographed copy of the Necronomicon. "With love and insanity, always. -Cthulu""
• Austin says, "A small, roughly foot-wide electric organ."
• Moriarty -- An invention made by Moriarty.
• Adara -- in answer to your survey: my math professer, because he must be older than dirt
• Steve -- One of ZZ Top's beards.
• Rown says, "An antique road. :-)"
• Slug mind-broadcasts, "A good book to read. Those guys are so boring!"
• PatchO'Black mews, "My old marshmellow farming equipment, handed down through several generations."
• Ark says, "I'll take Bruce Campbell's career."
• Butterfluff says, "I have an heriloom plate. It would be nice to see how old it is, really. It's a white china plate with a scene in blue underglaze, supposedly my great great great great grandfather walked from Hartford Connecticut to Boston and back to bring the set home as a bridal gift."
• Alicia says, "My Springfield M1 Garand Rifle.
• Mouser hisses, "I have a vintage '70s 'smiley face' button, Argon. Think they can work with that?"
• Kinsor skriters, "Oh, I wouldn't know. It doesn't seem to be much of a surprise when I know what I'm bringing."
• Slug mind-broadcasts, "I don't have anything old or valuable. At least, nothing the majority would be interested in."

Due to some recent events and the bordom of Admiral Alicia Vulpnine, she has decided to form the first military on Spindizzy. This military isn't really meant too much for fighting but for general protection. One of the major points in the new armed forces is the exploration of space in which she will assigned newly trained troops in helping explore the space outside of the island. As of yet the Lady Admiral will take any applicant personally and properly assign them to their department of choice. Space and Exploration:
Piloting / Engineering / Sciences / Kitchen Duty / "Red Shirt" Duty
Ground Forces:
Infantry / Engineering / Sciences / Artillery / Piloting (Navigation) This is just a sample of what's to come in the new Spindizzy Armed Forces or SDAF. "I will form this fledgling force in the peace of all." Admiral Vulpnine stated.

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News