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Argon -- Editor

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Provoked Dellway Destroys Austin Dern


Dellway, leading coati-dragon-otter-wolverine-stoat fursuit, responded to minor taunting last week with a well-placed growl that resulted in the nearly total destruction of managing editor Austin Dern.

Events began early the morning of August 21, when Dellway paged a growl to Austin. Teasing, Austin responded that Dellway could certainly do better than that -- and he did. With his next growl, Austin's connection to Spindizzy was terminated, allegedly "by peer."

This impressive start was followed by the Unix machine to which Austin connected, in order to then connect to Spindizzy, disconnecting the coati. Attempts to restore the connection were unsuccessful, as they were snapped before he could connect to the muck -- or, often, before he could even enter a single command, or finish the login process. This connection-snapping defeated every attempt to log in for several straight days.

When that had finally cleared up and the server became friendly enough to allow a connection, the laptop which Austin has been using for several months went dark. The backlight on the machine, providing the light by which the screen could be seen, died. Though a simple repair, it required the computer's being sent to a repair center in Texas, depriving the coati of normal facilities for several days.

Austin reports himself to be well, with computer, server, and connection all behaving correctly as of press time. He stated he would not, in the future, do anything to cross Dellway in the slightest.

Dellway, pressed for comment, snickered mischievously and hid several cables and thin wires that fell out his mouth. Hiding the wires of a light-emitting diode which was stuck to the outside of his zipper, he added, "Raarrr." The fursuit noted he is open to persons wishing to try him on, noting that he always finds experiences with costumers who have good taste to be filling.

Mink Taller Following Discovery of Forgotten Coil

Terra standing taller.

The next time you look at Terra, look a little bit higher. The leading mink is taller than you may remember -- the result not of her normal size-changing abilities, but instead a matter of simple improved posture.

During a discussion of belly buttons this week Terra meant to show off her own self-described "stylish and adorable" navel. When she rolled her sweater up enough to show it off, disappointed onlookers complained she hadn't any at all.

After quickly dismissing the possibility the Society of Evil Doers was attempting to swipe evidence of mammalian live births as part of a plan to take over the muck, Terra discovered her belly button -- diagonal, twisted out of shape and nearly underneath her right arm. Coiling her upper body around to the right one full turn restored her belly button to is proper position in the center of her torso, and left her several inches taller.

Speculating on the oddity, Terra believes what most likely happened was at some point she curled her upper body around several times (as part of a dance, or just in a night of tossing and turning), and then untwisted not quite enough times. Given the extraordinary flexibility and range of motion for mustelids the twisted pose was never more than momentarily uncomfortable, and she suspects she simply forgot the twist was in there.

Authorities have asked all mustelids to inspect themselves for similar forgotten coiling. Asked what she would do with her new height, Terra said she hoped to peek over the top of the refrigerator and at the top shelf, and may begin to not dust higher objects.

Boki To Be Saved?

Boki considers alternate food sources.An article in the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports that local 'environmentalists' are 'expressing concern' that the 60+ year old tradition of driving on the smooth hard packed sands of Daytona Beach is killing off Seabirds. They claim that the automobiles, and loud disruptive tourists who often offer the friendly Birds snacks, such as bits of sandwiches, potato chips and other goodies that would make Yoki Bear jealous are causing the Bird's populations to decrease.

This reporter adds that the 'local environmentalists' are two women from 'up north' who moved to the area and bought beach front homes. After finding that commoners were allowed to actually enjoy the beach, and (gasp!) drive their cars between their homes and the ocean view they assumed they had purchased, they began a campaign to have this time honored tradition halted. Due to the fact that it was legal and accepted to drive on the beach, they had their high priced lawyers find another avenue to stop this crime against the upper class.

Five years ago, they discovered that there were 'endangered' Sea Turtles that laid eggs on the beach, so they sued the city, and won, costing beachside businesses and home owners millions of dollars to remove or change lighting that they 'proved' were causing the baby Sea Turtle hatchlings to head for the lights on shore, rather than the full Moon over the ocean where, even the environmentalists admitted, only one of 1000 hatchlings survived predators long enough to make it to safety. This resulted in the ceasation of night driving on the beach, leading young high school couples to actually have to rent a room after the prom.

Since this ruling didn't completely stop locals from enjoying the beach in front of these rich peoples' houses, they have decided to attempt this additional suit, 'On behalf of the poor Birds.' Local Seagull, Boki, when asked for a comment said, "Oh ho! It is Bird Watchers cry Fowl!" It is worth noting that Seagulls are not on the 'endangered species' list.

It is hoped that these poor Birds will be able to survive without being fed by locals. It is worth noting that the local car wash has reported a substantial increase in the number of late model Mercedes and Lexus automobiles being washed by local chauffeurs.

Another Excerpt From The Journal of Captain Bayhab

Turtle. Subject: A Turtle's Blessing

Arg, nothing beats a good ol’ story while sailing the high seas. There is little to do while sailing aside from singing, drinking beer, and singing songs about drinking beer. During slow voyages where we pass without a single hurricane or pirate attack, me and the men share stories about legendary sea creatures.

Hefon the giant turtle lived the good life. He floated about in an endless ocean for countless years sleeping with his mouth open, while the local marine life carelessly swam into the beast. Life was good, until Hefon encountered a fish that was less obedient.

The fish spoke to the turtle just after Hefon had swallowed it. “I am one of the great magical Sea Beasts from Beyond Time, turtle. You will now be punished for having tried to eat me.”

Without another word, the fish bit onto Hefon’s tongue and held on no matter how much Hefon struggled. Hefon lived for countless years afterwards in agony. He had not a moment of sleep or peace while the fish held on.

One day, Hefon drifted closer to land than he had ever been before. He looked up into the sky when he heard the cry of a passing seagull and tried to call for help, but due to his swollen tongue he only managed to let out a large growl.

The seagull had no idea what Hefon’s growl meant, but it did smell the fish. The seagull bravely circled downwards, then it dived straight into Hefon’s gaping mouth. The gull flew out safely with its prize: the giant fish that had tormented Hefon for all those years. Without another word, the gull began to fly away.

“Seagull,” Hefon called out to the lucky bird while it flew, “You will have a turtle’s blessing. Wherever you go there will always be fish, and you will never go hungry again.”

Hefon’s tongue was still sore for several years afterwards, yet he still managed to finally return to his peaceful life asleep and adrift in the endless ocean.

Until one day when Hefon struck land, and the endless ocean finally came to an end.

Spindizzy's Squareness Revealed!

Raccoons and geography don't seem to mix.Type 'map' on Spindizzy. What do you see? A square surface. When you enter the world of Spindizzy (Or visit www.spindizzy.org), what does the picture look like? A round surface. Something doesn't quite match up here. What has happened to the missing area? Are some spots actually floating off of Spindizzy? This reporter decided to find out.

After wandering through some of the outer areas, it appears as though they are safely within the Spindizzy perimeter. A few seem to have a lack of gravity in the North West area, though. This still leaves the question of the extra space unanswered. I decided to talk to the head wiz, Austin.

Austin's answer to my question was surprisingly simple: When he created Spindizzy, he determined it was too much work (or it was not possible) to program a circle into the map grid creation program. That's all there is to it!

So next time you think about Spindizzy being round and square at the same time, try not to have too much cognitive dissonance. Just repeat to yourself "It's Spindizzy!" and then it will all make sense.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked folks, "I'm doing a survey suggested by Carlos to be published in @Action News. 'If you were a mascot for a fictional cereal brand, what would the name of the cereal be?'

  • Reiter says, "Or, alternatively, Shredded L337."
  • Carlos hmmms... He hasn't thought of a good answer himself.
  • Drake says, "Uh, Lucky Horseshoes, Argon. :)"
  • Arkitah chitters, "Ah, heck. I'm sticking with Psych-os. That's my final answer, Regis."
  • Cye says, "Honey macro vixen puffs!"
  • Terry puffs, "Honey glazed sugar frosted puffed corn syrup?"
  • Alicia says, "My response for that particular survey...Newtype"
  • Gilead chirps, "Count Fugula? Hmm, no... Cap'n Crunchy Fish Skeletons? Hmm...no... Soggy Flakes of Laxative Fiber in Cow Secretions? Hmm, honest, but no... Ooh! Unagi-O's!"
  • Suri -- Crufty Prunkles.
  • Morticon (Today at 4:29:08PM) -- Probably SED Flakes. Wholesome flakey goodness shaped like fursnakes, wallabies, and things that look vaguly like inventions. There are even flakes that are shiney, but I won't reveal what those are made of or what their true purpose may be. ::smirk::
  • Tenshi -- My answer to this week's survey,' It would be 'Kitsune Krunch' :)
  • Myrla -- I think if I were a mascot for a cereal, it would either be 'Kitty-O's' or 'Ka'at Wheats' =^.^=
  • Drake shrugs like its' the most obvious thing ever. "Quaker Oats, Argon. ;)
  • Mavra says, "Hmm... Brainios: The Rocket-Scientist's Cereal! Brown brain-bran flakes, with marshmallow cerebellums!"
  • Casimir would be...it's not sure. If there were a fudge brownie cereal, you bet I'd head for it, though.
  • Coldfyre -- For the survey: Kitsune Charm Flake Toast Puff Crunch... O's.
  • Boki pages "Boki would be the mascot for Keepers! It is a cerial with green fish pieces!" to you.
  • Mouser channels the spirit of Gary Larson and hisses, "Frosted Sugar Gliders..."

Letters To The Editor

Letters to the Editor

Mort said that you're a Horse.

-Suri the Lemur

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News