@Action News, June 4,2K

Monday May 29th - A series of goofy 'poems' perhaps limericks were heard over the @shout channel this week, some of the better ones (which should indicate the quality of the ones that weren't) were:

Terra shouts "There once was a man named Schwartzenegger / Who let Danny Devito get him preggers / It was impossible, they said / That he was messed in the head / But no one was laughing in labor." (Public-shout)

Terry shouts "There once was a loony name Terra / whose poems had far too many errors / The humor was wan / the rhymes didn't scan / no reason or plan / just like jackie chan / but somehow I listened, becoming a fan / but not of the mink, of the care bears."

Terra shouts "If ever a silly, like Terry / Must have been shipped on the ferry / He had nothing to say / For weeks or a day / But at 5 in the morning, he's scary." (Public-shout)

Terry shouts "Sometimes on a dark, stormy night / you might see two mustelids fight / If one starts to cry / and you try to see why / it's because his opponent won't bite."

Terra shouts "Bored., be the muckers of Spindizzy / Bring us a pop, and we'll go fizzy / We're insatiably cute / You disbelieving ute / don't get you panties in a tizzy!" (Public-shout)

No one was struck blind nor fell over dead from the quality of these impromptu verses.

Tugsbear, the young Care Bear that was thought to be homeless has become the center of controversy once again. After losing his 'guardian', GramsBear, who was last seen around Mouser's place, and thought to be lost, Tugs wandered alone and uncared for for about a week. His requests for someone to adopt him were finally granted by Tenderheart Bear, another Care Bear, who, as would be expected, cared enough to take Tugs in.

This situation was disrupted however, when Gramsbear reappeared asking about Tugs. She related a disjointed story of space aliens and 'lag' and handed out 'Soism' leaflets as she questioned many about where Tugs was. After confronting Tenderheart and being told that he didn't want to return Tugs to her due to her apparent lapse in judgment and responsibility, Gramsbear sued Tenderheart for custody of Tugs.

Law enforcement under the direction of Attorney General Mamoset Reno, broke into Tenderheart's home before dawn and 'rescued' Tugs where he was being held by an Otter in a closet. After being spirited away, Gramsbear, in a state of 'confusion' led police on a slow car chase in her white Bronco through the streets of SpinDizzy, until finally she surrendered at her home. She was served with a warrant to appear, and the next day the trial began.

During the trial, it was pointed out how in the short time Tenderheart had cared for Tugsbear, his care had been excellent. Tugs was clean and neat, he was going to preschool, and had been potty trained, so he no longer needed diapers. Grams' attorney, Mouser countered that 'Family should come first' and that the 'rescue' of Tugs was illegal and immoral. The case went to the jury after two days.

After only 5 minutes of deliberation, 4 of which were spent eating doughnuts, the jury returned with their verdict. Grams was found to be mentally unable to care for Tugs, and custody of the young Care Bear was awarded to Tenderheart. Tugsbear seems quite happy in Tenderheart's care. Gramsbear's attorney, Mouser promised an appeal.

Radioactive Centaur Sizzles 'Roo

Last Wednesday, in the Rose Garden, Argon, well known Horse like but not like a Horse Centaur, was recounting his experiences with nuclear medicine. Seems a sore hoof caused his doctor to send him to the imaging clinic to diagnose the cause of his discomfort. The process, as told by Argon, involved the removal of blood, from which white blood cells were separated. These were mixed with a radioactive tracer and then re-injected into him. Argon said the technician, who had never worked on a Centaur before, was very accommodating and did his best to make him comfortable. The tests went as planned.

Argon told how he felt a bit strange, and thinking it was just all that blood they took, credited his feelings to that. He went on about his business and even went to the Rose Garden where Maxl and especially Morticon started making the usual jokes about him being a Horse. Rather than shrugging it off as he usually does, the jokes seemed to really upset Argon. Mavra, suggested it was just the stress of the tests and the long day, but as Morticon continued his teasing, Argon seemed to just go off.

As Morticon continued with his 'hay and alfalfa' and glue jokes, Argon broke out in a sweat and a vein on his forehead started to pulse. When Maxl made some comment, it was the straw that broke the Centaur's back apparently. Green beams of light shot from Argon's eyes and singed Maxl's tail! Everyone blinked as Topaz pulled out a lead shield and huddled behind it. He was quickly joined by most of the crowd in the Rose Garden. Morticon, in his usual manner continued making disparaging comments comparing Argon to a Horse. Argon's patience and tolerance, for which he is well known, came to an end as far as Morticon was concerned. His green eye beams focused on Moricon's BioTech dog tag and made it red hot. As Morticon laughed, Argon them gazed at the Wallaby's giant feet and gave him a massive hot foot. Morticon retreated, and Argon's gaze burned the ground behind the surrendering 'Roo as he retreated from the Rose Garden.

After Morticon left, Argon calmed down and seemed to return to normal. Mavra mentioned that during this time, Argon's body was very hot, and not in 'that' way. The rest of the crowd poked their heads from behind the refuge of Topaz's lead shield, and seeing Argon was apparently back to what passes for normal for him, came out.

Argon seemed to be ok, and he apologized to everyone for his actions. But he did say that it felt kind of good to be able to 'get back' at Morticon for his Horse jokes a bit. He's hopeful that the 'Laser eye beams' won't recur, as he doesn't want to have to turn down an invitation to join the Superfriends.

Obnoxious Guest Leaves - 'Good Riddance' Say Survivors

An obnoxious guest held the Rose Garden in a twenty-minute reign of terror after connecting and being outraged at finding the guest had a female body -- this despite his male player.

"this is so rediclous," the guest complained to everyone in the room. "im no girl. what kind of lame muck lets this stuff happen?" Cheerily assured that it was just a fun little taste of what we hoped to see in regular characters, the guest repeated her complaints.

When told what sorts of things are done on Spindizzy, the guest said, "hey can we start up a fighting tornament? im the best at them 'cause I can throw fireballs and make these force fields so nobody can hit me either." The guest then proceeded to begin a demonstration, incinerating a tree, a bench, and the idle Skyler.

The guest stormed off for a short while, only to come back to the Rose Garden when she found few entertaining things elsewhere on the muck. "man you dont even have killer zombies," she complained, "and yer all boring too." She began casting force fields around characters to deprive them of oxygen.

At this point Findra returned from a telephone call and the guest was booted. She has not returned as of press time. Findra apologized to the players who were around, including Skyler, who unidled three minutes later and cheerily put out the fire burning in his ears. They insisted it was all right, and they were glad to see her gone in any case.

Skyler noted he was unharmed by the incident, and was delighted to learn his ears still contained serviceable wicks. "I had thought I'd lost them years ago," he said.

Contract Put Out on Centaur By SED

The Rose Garden - Morticon, alleged leader of the SED (Society of Evil Doers) in a pique over losing a battle of wits to Argon, has issued a 'death threat' to Argon. Mouser, well known Fursnake and apparently the only other active member of SED, stated in the Rose Garden that he had 'made an agreement' with Morticon to 'bump off Argon' in exchange for some of Morticon's lab Rats. It was pointed out that Morticon rarely made good on a deal, and that he should get his payment in advance.

Argon, realizing the ludicrous nature of this impossible task for Mouser, asked him how he planned to pull it off. Mouser revealed that he would simply tip the Centaur over, like a Cow. Argon pointed out the difficulty this would present to Mouser, as he outweighed the Fursnake about 30 to one. Mouser replied that he could do it using leverage, but this plan was countered by Argon's notation that Mouser had no appendages. Mouser then considered dropping from a tree and strangling Argon, and in fact, tried it. Argon, pulling a lighter from his pocket flicked it into flame and held it near Mouser's fur, which caused an almost instantaneous relaxation of the Fursnake's coils, and a hasty retreat.

Argon offered Mouser the pest control contract in Centaur Square, stating that he would have all the Rodentia he wanted and a few shinies too, as well as not wreaking Mavra's wrath if he did in some bizarre chain of luck and circumstances succeed. Argon pointed out that Mavra would have a Fursnake stole if he was to somehow kill Argon. Mouser considered this, but said that he had 'made a deal' and would continue to study the matter.

As of press time, Argon is still alive. much to the dismay of many.

Cartoon Shortage Developing; Authorities Request Assistance

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