@Action News, September 10,2K

Three Announce Candidacy For SpinDizzy Election

Three SpinDizzy citizens have announced their intention to run for office in the upcoming SpinDizzy election. Skyler, local 'Toon Bunny, Natasha, well know Elastic Coati, and Morticon alleged leader of the SED and evil Wallaby, revealed their hopes this week in the Rose Garden to be elected .

Natasha told a crowd that she plans to run on the Mahogany platform, while Morticon spoke at length revealing little. (See next story) As of press time, Skyler hasn't spoken publicly concerning his run for office.

The election is to be held November 7th.

SED Party Press Conference

SED candidate Morticon held a press conference last week in the Rose Garden. Spokesbunny for the Party, Lamar Redtail, introduced proceedings by saying, "Hi Mort, or should I say, SpinDizzy's Next President!" Morticon grinned at Lamar and read from his notes, "Please.. please... let's not forget, I'm sure the other opponents have some good platforms. I wish them luck." Morticon then spoke to the crowd (Argon) and said, " Greetings, member(s) of the press. I'd just like to officially announce I am running for the spot of president in our wonderful nation of SpinDizzy". Although Lamar spoke to Morticon a number of times during his appearance, this reporter didn't hear the candidate refer to anyone as a 'Major League ass****' while in front of the open mic. One point in his favor over another candidate in a different race.

Morticon was holding a very unhappy looking kit Kit from Terra's litter, as a demonstration that he is a family wallaby. Morticon said, "When I am made president, I will have tax cuts for everyone!" Morticon then kissed the Kit, which struggled mightily.

As Morticon strained not to drop the kit and to get his notes in order, a few folks wandered in and listened. Questions were raised to clarify the party's stance on tax cuts, due to lack of any taxes. Lamar spin doctored Morticon's error by saying, "I think Mort was talking about putting a stop to the evil and malicious spending programs that the other candidates would put in place, which would severely over tax the good people of SpinDizzy!"

Morticon said, "I believe in this glorious nation and all it stands for! Peace, happiness, and shinies for all!

Problems arose when one member of the audience accused Lamar of being Canadian. Lamar's fur bristled. He turned attention away from his foreign nationality by saying, "How dar... Ahem... My friend you highlight how little the current administration has funded education... Now, the SED party has grand plans for... Re-Education of the Populace..." Morticon added, "We are going to hire more teachers and have more learning 'tools' in the classroom" The issue of Lamar's Canadianess was bluntly avoided as Morticon rambled on, offering no explanation of what these learning tools might be, or how they would be paid for without a raise in taxes.

Other topics mentioned but not explained by Morticon, included what he called, "The Immigrant Care Bear Issue, and Unregulated use of Tummy Ray Problem", which seemed to be a non-issue as far as the listeners were concerned. However, Morticon refused to address concerned expressed by the listeners, and the press as Lamar stated the candidate had been working hard, and was feeling a little tired and emotional. Morticon was seen to leave the press conference with a cute female member of the audience. The kit was dropped to the ground and left to find it's own way home.

It was noted by the three or four folks who heard Morticon's poorly prepared remarks, that Lamar should actually be running for the office, as he seemed to have a better understanding of communicating without actually offering any information. Lamar stated that Morticon was the 'brains' of the campaign, which offered little consolation to voters of a competent administration being put in place if, by some bizarre chance the SED candidate was somehow elected.

Operating System Debate Changes Mind

A long and involved argument over varying computer operating systems came to an unexpected climax this week when, in a virtually unprecedented development, one of the individuals involved in the argument admitted it changed her mind about her preferred system.

The participants, not to mention the bystanders, were stunned at the sudden and simple resolution of the 16-year debate. "It's just incredible," said Skyler, "that somebody in that position would concede. I don't think I've ever seen this happen before."

The debate, originally begun following the 1984 release of the Sinclair QL "Quantum Leap," questioned the sanity of those who stuck with the then-popular Commodore 64. Proponents of the Sinclair noted the 64's much slower clock speed (a scant 1 MHz compared to the QL's 7.5 MHz), lesser memory (64K of RAM versus 128K; 8K of ROM versus 48K), and inferior BASIC. On the 64's side stood superior sound and graphics capacities (the powerful VIC-II chip as well as eight programmable sprites, extensible by raster interrupt techniques to 64 visible sprites), greater base of programs and users, and ease of replacing or extending the built-in BASIC and kernel, and faulting the Quantum Leap's proprietary micro drive storage system.

Although the original participants in the debate -- which had begun on a local Bulletin Board System named the Rocky Horror Bulletin Board System and moved to GEnie in 1987, then to the newsgroup comp.sys.cbm in 1994 -- had long since drifted away (including two members who've since died), new members joined both sides, keeping the debate raging until this Wednesday in the Rose Garden, when Sinclair standard-bearer Findra and Commodore 64 representative Steve resumed the age-old debate.

Starting from the single user preemptive multitasking to which the Sinclair aspired and following a tense 30 minute session of poring over memory mapping and chipset differences, Findra conceded that the Commodore 64's "Speedscript 3.2" word processor (developed and distributed by COMPUTE! magazines, a CapCities-ABC publication at the time) was "probably better" than the Quill supplied with the Quantum Leap, and that if forced back to that era of machinery, she would "probably go with a 64, now."

Although the Sinclair line of computers remains popular among so-called "retrocomputing" enthusiasts, this stunning resolution on one battle front leaves the community stunned and uncertain what direction to take next.

It is suspected that because of the victory of the Commodore 64 in this one debate, tone of the Skeksis will soon die in order to keep the necessary balance over the Dark Crystal.

Royce Interviews Rose

Contributed To @Action News By Royce

Rose: "Hi!"

Royce: "Hello! How're you?"

Rose: "Not bad. :)"

Royce: "Glad to hear it." :) Okay, I never actually prepared any questions or anything, so I'll just have to make it up as I go along."

Rose: "Fine with me."

Royce: "Okay. So I guess we'll get started, as soon as I think of a good opening question. :) So, how long have you been on the muck?"

Rose: "I was created here Aug 17, so slightly over 2 weeks."

Royce: "Cool. Have you ever been around these parts before? Or didja come in not knowing what to expect?"

Rose: "Well, I have some friends here, so I knew what to expect."

Royce: "Any raccoony friends?"

Rose: "A part-time raccoon in Findra."

Royce: "Some would say that she should be a full-time raccoon. Do you feel that way?"

Rose: "I have no problem with that. :)"

Royce: "Me neither! I mean, uh, I know those who don't either, that is....."

Rose smiles.

Royce:*ahem* "Do you think the muck could use more raccoons?"

Rose: "Of course. :)"

Royce:*grin* "What is it you like about raccoons?"

Rose: "Several things. Think they are very cute, the mask is very distinctive, and the ringed tail is a nice touch."

Royce:*nodnod* "Don't forget smart, and cute, and, uh, I guess you already said that.."

Rose: "Yes, very smart. :)"

Royce: "And fuzzy!"

Rose: "And cute. :)"

Royce: "Yeah! Good point! We should have more of 'em around. Right?"

Rose: "Yep, but I have noted an interesting trend."

Royce: "Yes? What would that be?"

Rose: "Most of the raccoons I've seen online are male, and are toons."

Royce: "Really? I haven't noticed. To be honest, I don't really know a whole lot of raccoons."

Rose: "Just something I kind of noticed. Others have agreed with me, so not just my imagination. :)"

Royce: "Are you toony?"

Rose: "Nope, although I like toons."

Royce: "What do you like better, toons or non-toons?"

Rose: "Neither, I base who I like on who they are, rather than if they are a toon or not."

Long pause as Royce tries to think of more questions... Rose tries to be helpful.

Rose: "Not going to ask about me? :) Things that interest me and such?" :)

Royce: "Oh yeah, thanks. I was drawing a blank there. :) Okay, moving on, what kinda stuff are you interested in?"

Rose: "Well, I did mention cartoons. :) I call myself the 70s coon, as I grew up in that period. I especially like the music from then."

Royce: "Ooh. Raccoon cartoons?"

Rose: "Funny cartoons."

Royce: "What are you favorites?"

Rose: "I like classic WB, Disney, and MGM."

Royce: "Anything with raccoons?"

Rose: "I liked the cartoon called The Raccoons.

Royce: "ooh, hey, I remember that! I have most of them on tape. Well, Austin has them on tape anyway. I hope."

Rose: "The fem coon there was sort of an inspiration for this character. I remember watching it on the Disney Channel."

Royce: "Melissa?"

Rose: "Yep, I had Melissa in mind when describing this character."

Royce: "Ooh, 0kay. So you look sorta like her, huh?"

Rose: "I found her cute."

Royce: "Well, of course. She's a raccoon. :)"

Rose: "Well, there are varying degrees of cuteness. :)"

Royce: "Anyway, how about music? What do you listen to?"

Rose: "I like a lot of 70s music. :) 60s music is nice, too."

Royce: "Records, or those new-fangled 'compact disc' things?"

Rose: "CDs, I don't miss records at all."

Royce: "Aw, why not?"

Rose: "Because they were more trouble than they were worth."

Royce: "Not shiny either."

Rose: "Nope."

Royce: "Shinies are good."

Rose: "CDs are shiny, so CDs are good."

Royce: "Ah, on to important issues. You got a lotta shinies? :)"

Rose: "I have a few."

Royce: "Only a few?"

Rose: "Haven't counted them. :)"

Royce: "Any really nice ones? :)"

Rose: "Nothing specific that comes to mind. I'm still new, need to unpack everything. :)"

Royce: "Need help with that? I can get ya unpacked in two minutes..."

Rose: "Well, need to describe this place first. Then I can decide on what cool shiny things to have. :)"

Royce: "Oooh. Any ideas?"

Rose: "Haven't given it a lot of thought, but when I'm ready to decide, I'll let you know. :)"

Royce: "Okay." :) What kinda things do you think the muck can use more of?"

Rose: "Places to hear 70s music. :)"

Royce: "Perhaps you can make one?"

Rose: "I have an idea for one."

Royce: "A nice raccoony place?"

Rose: "Will be for everyone, but will be named after a coon, and have one on the sign. :)"

Royce: "Ooh. Sounds great already!"

Rose: "It will be a roller rink."

Royce: "Uh-oh. I can almost hear the jokes now..."

Rose: "Such as?"

Royce: "About Rolls Royces."

Rose: "Ah. :)"

Royce: "Looks like we're starting to go rather long. Better move on some more. What are you looking to get from the SpinDizzy experience?"

Rose: "Well, hoping to forge new friendships, for one. And hope to spread more cooniness around. :)"

Royce: "You can never have too much cooniness. :) Like it here so far?"

Rose: "Yep, it's been fun so far."

Royce: "Are you voting for Skyler in the upcoming election?"

Rose: "I didn't know there was an election."

Royce: "Would you if there was?"

Rose: "Can't really say for sure."

Royce: "You hungry?"

Rose: "I'm a coon, I'm always hungry. :)"

Royce: "Do you feel that the idea of raccoons raiding trash cans is an unfair stereotype?"

Rose "I know I never do that, but I've heard our wild relatives do."

Rose: "I'll ask you one. What do you think of this coon? :)"

Royce looks around. "Which one?"

Rose: "Me."

Royce: "She's raccoony! And funny. Anyway, to wrap things up, what do you say we wrap things up?"

Rose: "With shiny aluminum foil? :)"

Royce: "Yeah! Sounds like fun. :)"

Royce: "Well, I guess we're done. We pretty much covered all the important stuff..."

Rose: "Yep, like raccoons. :)"

Royce: "And shinies!"

Rose: "Right. :)"

SED Press Release

Contributed To @Action News By Morticon

In a surprise announcement today, Morticon stated that "The SED's prime goal will not be just taking over the muck. It will be expanded. The expansion will include general evil-doing as well, even if it has no end result (such as taking over the muck). General evil-doing is fun and plus it instills fear into the little minds---err, I mean --heads of SED'ers."

Ping Announces Revival Of Art Ambush

Ping, local 'Toon Mouse, has announced the popular Art Ambush event will again be gracing SpinDizzy. Although the event has not been featured for some time, Ping has determined that some changes to it are in store, and that it will be more spontaneous.

"The Ambush was fun, but it seemed a bit too organized to be defined as an 'ambush'," Ping said, "I plan to wait until what seems the proper time, when enough folks are on to make it fun, and just spring it participants. No prior notice, no opportunities to turn it in later, or to do it when you can. The folks will be given 20 minutes or so to draw it, and send it in. Oh, yes, they won't be posted on the SpinDizzy website either. It'll just be for fun. No pressure."

Ping also indicated he may ask participants for a subject rather than having one prepared. Hopefully, the first of the new format Art Ambush events will take place when you least expect it.

Frommer Claims Dire Possum Could Take Centaur In A Fight

This week in the Rose Garden, Reiter, along with Stalker and Argon, all local Centaurs, engaged in a discussion with Frommer, local Dire Possum concerning how each would fare in a 'fight' against the other. Frommer had made a comment concerning something Reiter took exception too. Frommer then countered with a Dire Possum's ability to physically take a Centaur.

The discussion explored the strengths and weaknesses of both species. The Dire Possum's ability to attack the Centaur's legs and it's ability to rend skin and muscle and even break bone with it's jaws. Being the size of a Black Bear, it would be a formidable adversary. Also the bacteria and disease which could be acquired from it's teeth was explained as a distinct threat. This was countered by the Centaur's weight and power, and it's ability to hold and use weapons with it's hands and arms.

Although Frommer suggested that a dim Dire Possum (non sentient) might attack a Centaur for food. It was admitted that a sentient one probably wouldn't, as he (Frommer) was civilized and not hungry at the time. It was also agreed that most Centaurs would retreat from the threat of such a large predator. Being Equine, a Centaur could probably get away from a straight on confrontation, and as Reiter and Stalker are 'Herd' Centaurs, felt that most predators wouldn't attack a group of Centaurs.

The discussion, reaching no provable conclusion, then moved on to genetic creation of Centaurs, and Mermaids, and even Dire Possums. It was guessed that creation of such grown from scratch might be done in 20 to 30 years, and that genetic transformation of Humans into such forms, and others (Furries) might be possible in 50 years. Of course, such would be dependent on moral and legal limits placed upon such techniques.

Aphids Go Wild In Rose Garden

Rose Garden visitors this week have found the local gathering place infested by the aphid herd which usually is well managed by Flutterz, local Dread Pirate. In spite of a thinning of the herd by Morticon, the aphids have increased markedly in numbers in just the few days that Flutterz has been away. Residents have found aphids on and in most everything, and the fact that they crawl on folks and are then carried about SpinDizzy have raised concerns that the entire muck may be swarming with bugs in a matter of days.

Local insect expert Ping, who as a programmer has dealt with a number of bugs, claims that the danger is being blown out of proportion. "Hey, they're little tiny things? How much can they eat?" He said, "Anyway, you ought to clean up the HTML on your site before you worry about aphids in the Rose Garden."

Authorities are currently assessing the situation, and will hold a meeting later this week to consider accepting bids and then hiring a consulting firm to offer proposals to solve the problem which will be voted on at the next quarterly meeting and implemented next year. Probably having an effect after the winter freeze kills the aphids.

"Silverhawks" Reference Flies Over Everyone's Head

Austin Dern, local Coati, confused and frustrated everyone this week when his references to a character from the "Silverhawks" cartoon were completely unappreciated. He named several times the Copper Kid, a Silverhawk who came from the Planet of Mimes to help capture the evil Mon-Star and restore peace

and justice to the galaxy of Limbo.

Despite the cartoon's reappearance this week on Cartoon Network, none of the people in the Rose Garden that week remembered it or knew how to respond. Morticon, local evil Wallaby, went so far as to suspect Austin had "[ finally ] lost his mind," so confused was his audience.

Rhea, local Cybernetic Falcon more than a little reminiscent of Tallyhawk, the hawk-satellite mascot of the 1986 "ThunderCats" follow-up, was dimly aware of the series referred to, but did not recall the Copper Kid specifically. She also took offense to the show's references to the cybernetic heroes as "partly metal, partly real," observing that, "what, the metal parts are imaginary?"

She also took umbrage with Tallyhawk's status as a "real" hawk who had been converted to a cyborg, because of the remote control that team leader Quicksilver had to control its movement. "They couldn't just ask the hawk? I'm sure he would have been willing to help if he hadn't been enslaved."

In his defense, Austin pointed out he had referred to the cartoon several times in the past few months (since an errant listing on the Cartoon Network schedule suggested it would air back in March), that the show has been expected for over a week now, and that the currency of the day was set to Silverhawks on the day the reference was made.

On doing further research, Natasha became convinced that Austin made the reference to the Copper Kid not because of the silly combination of syllables or the "planet of Mimes" origin, but because the TV show proclaimed the Copper Kid to be a mathematical genius, something that Austin -- whose player is pursuing an advanced degree in mathematics -- would find worthy of attention. Austin denied the mathematics charge, insisting he was just amused that the beeping and computer-synthesized speech of someone named the Copper Kid whose origin was the Planet of Mimes.

He went on to speculate about the persons who discovered the Planet of Mimes, and whether, had Captain Kirk found the world, he would have found himself trapped inside an invisible box by the lovely alien computer-worshiping priestesses. He then proceeded to refer to an incident vaguely like that in the second season (of Star Trek) episode "Catspaw," and then went to amuse himself in another chain of vaguely connected references, by which point this reporter had stopped listening and just begun chuckling at what seemed like appropriate points.

MsDee Drops Cartoon Status - Shortage Worsens

Hopes that the cartoon shortage on Spindizzy might soon end were dashed recently as it was learned that MsDee, a centaur who several weeks earlier had become a cartoon character, had gotten all the paint off of her and was no longer a member of the animated set.

She had expressed concern about the depths of her personality while a cartoon -- complaining that it was hard to be a deep and interesting person at as few as eight cels per second. Despite reassurances that the depth of personality is independent of one's cartoon nature -- Bugs Bunny, Popeye, and some miscellaneous people from anime shows all of whom pilot giant robots and have weirdly colored hair were cited as examples -- she feared she was becoming a less interesting, more two-dimensional person.

Although she has expressed some interest in becoming a cartoon again, possibly for purposes of exploiting the Society of Evil Doers' various attempts at evil, she does not foresee being a cartoon for general purposes in the near future.

This brings back to mind the drought of cartoon characters and whimsical situations on the muck. Authorities are again asking people to play along with and encourage whimsy, flights of fancy, and undirected silliness. They are also reminded that the regulations requiring the passing of a test before being a straight man, or an antagonist, to a cartoon character were eliminated in 1987 and anyone may play against them as one likes.

Those interested in becoming cartoons are asked to contact an existing cartoon character or the wizards.

Centaurs Are Horses - Proof!

Contributed To @Action News By SED Press Release

For years, Morticon has been claiming Centaurs are Horses, only to be alone in his theory and be ridiculed by Argon. Now, proof has arrived in the form of a well known cuddly Maine CoonCat, Sebastian.

Thursday in the park, Reiter, species marked as 'Centaur', was enjoying himself in the Rose Garden, when Sebastian arrived and asked Reiter for a ride with the words "Canna have a ride, Mr Horsie? :D"

Reiter then looked a bit annoyed and claimed "Centaurs aren't horses!" but Sebastian did not seem very convinced, and neither is the SED. The fact that not only does the SED recognize centaurs to actually be horses, but an outsider (Sebastian) also agrees to that fact means that Centaurs are, indeed, Horses.

(Editor's Note: Morticon's claim is based on a request made in ignorance by Sebastian. Using the same criteria as proof, Morticon could be said to be female because he has a pouch. As Sebastian's error agrees with Morticon's claim, it still does not confirm that Centaurs are Horses. Not only is the obvious proof that they are not (Hands, shape of head, Human torso, intelligence) ignored by Morticon, but having someone agree with one's misconception does not make it so. To paraphrase an old adage 'Two wrongs don't make it right. )

Trivial Incident Fails To Make Newspaper

Readers were stunned last Saturday to discover that an unimportant yet amusing incident which took place on SpinDizzy last Tuesday failed utterly to make the newspaper, despite having occurred in front of more than one person.

"I'm stunned," said original participant Skyler, local 'Toon Bunny who has been startled a lot in the past week. "Normally, you'd expect to see anything that happens followed up by requests to write an article about it, and maybe pad it with fake quotes and nonsensical data." Somehow, though, this process failed to net an article about the amusing trifle.

Said PatchO'Black, local Jellicle Cat who became involved when the incident brushed up against him and ruffled his fur, "It was funny, but I guess you had to be there." Dolly, local Balloonie, agreed.

Standen, local Rabbit-Leopard hybrid who was nowhere near the incident but heard about it when participants teased him for not knowing what they were talking about, said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Newspaper editor Argon was at a loss to explain the lack of coverage. "Maybe they didn't want to write or they got busy or something. I don't know." He added that he hoped to take measures so that this would never happen again, such as finding a reliable corps of reporters to report on what they witnessed without the inconvenience of asking the participants to write their own coverage.

Asked if he thought the Centaurs he knew could form a stable newspaper staff, Argon said, "I don't think that's funny." He was mistaken.

Contributing To @Action News

Several folks have asked how to contribute stories and ideas to this paper. It's quite easy. Just write your story down, and send it to argon@spindizzy.org. (Be sure and include your character's name if you want to be credited with it.) Or page #mail it to Argon. Even if you think you can't write well, or haven't fully developed your idea, send it along. Our huge editorial staff can take any information and make a story from it. What you may consider a silly thing, or something no one cares about, could more than likely be of interest to our readers. Look at the stories we print.

Our editorial policy is to inform our readers of news concerning the folks that populate SpinDizzy, and the events that happen here. We prefer to print stories that are In Character, although Real Life news of players from their Character's point of view, or Real Life events and their effect on our Muck community are welcome.

Although our vast network of reporters, stringers, and informants cover SpinDizzy like a glove, sometimes things get by us, or we miss an opportunity to inform you, our readers. We depend on you to tell us not only things of interest to you, but to give us ideas and suggestions to make this paper better. This is YOUR paper, so let us know what YOU'D like to see in it.

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