@Action News, September 3,2K

Explosion In Punctuation Factory Results In Uncomma Occurrence!

Contributed To @Action News By Azrael

Local 'toons and furs were awakened in the early hours of Thursday morning by a tremendous explosion! The SpinDizzy Punctuation Factory, a division of Acme International, burst into flames due to an exothermic reaction during the production of exclamation points! The dangerous punctuation was expelled from the factory at unbelievable velocity, leaving nearby residents punctuated!

All residents are asked to remain calm! No bounty is yet set, but SPF is asking that all punctuation please be paid for in full! Rebuilding is set to commence as soon as investigation of the incident is complete!

Balloonatic Explains His Astounding Origins

Balloonatic, well known local Orange Balloon Augustine Clown Lion, told a spell bound crowd in the Rose Garden this week of how his unusual and entertaining form came to be. He revealed that he is not native to SpinDizzy, and is not just from another place, but another dimension, where Balloonies are expected and even hope to become part of a famous inter-dimensional circus. Although Balloonatic floated over most of the details, this aspect of his history offered insight into his desire to be a clown, and his wish to be entertaining and bring laughter to us.

Balloonatic offered no explanations as to how he came to be in SpinDizzy. Theories of dimensional rifts, or perhaps his springing a leak and breaking through the Swartzchild barrier to end up here have been considered. In a related story...

Balloonatic Demonstrates Astounding Powers, Creates Balloon Raccoon For Royce.

Local Orange Balloon Augustine Clown Lion, Balloonatic, displayed his powers of entertainment and magic by cheering Royce, local Raccoon with a balloon Raccoon. Although it was not a living being like the Balloonies we all are familiar with, it seemed as lifelike as Balloonatic. Royce, of course was happy to see another Raccoon join the SpinDizzy community, even if it wasn't a 'real' one. It was suggested that if somebody equipped it with a tape player to play churr sounds, and devised a way to make it appear hungry now and then (more now than then), it could take Royce's place when sleeping, eating, and looking at shinies have to take precedence over being here.

Sky Construction Update

Contributed to @Action News By Angel Bear

I am pleased to announce the building of three skies, two over the northern edge of SpinDizzy and one to the east of Waydya's Estate, called Sky over Crystal Mountain (N3 E6 U1). The Crystal Mountain sky links to the Beacon atop Crystal Mountain, owned by PatchO'Black. The new northern skies are the Sky over the Rift (N8 E3 U1), and Sky over Oneida Hill (N8 E6 U1). No links exist yet to the ground beneath these two skies as it is my policy to ask permission of the owners of these lands for permission to link to them.

One sky south of Squirrel Park has been renamed Sky over 50M Years from Earth (S6 W0 U1), and now contains a link to 50 Million Years from Earth, owned by Mouser.

The Sky over Seth and Liz's Meadow, which lies on the southern outskirts of Spindizzy, between the Fountain of Deep Time and the Khas'Khiori Plain and the Sky over Skipai's Place, south of Centaur Square, have neither downward nor upward links, awaiting contact with Skipai.

I invite all owners of newly developed land to consult me to set up an aerial route to their properties, complete with richly described exits. All it takes is a page #mail. Thanks.

Austin Describes Premise Of Peter Potamus To Disbelieving Crowd

Well known local Coati and cartoon trivia authority Austin recently wowed a slightly un-idle crowd in the Rose Garden with the basic principle of the old cartoon show, 'Peter Potamus'. Austin told the amazed group, "It was a Hanna-Barbera Cartoon. Peter Potamus, and his pal, a little monkey named So-So (as I recall), had a hot air balloon. With it, they traveled through time. They'd get into some misadventure or whatnot, then jump into the hot air balloon and travel back into the present."

Royce, local Raccoon was ... nonplussed, I guess is the word for it, probably due to the lack of shinies in the discussion. When Argon, local Centaur asked if this deep and thought provoking program was pre or post Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman, Austin answered, "It was after. Mr. Peabody ran during Rocky And His Friends; Peter Potamus was a mid-60s cartoon."

When inquiries were made as to the humor value of the program, Austin replied, "In that weird way cartoons about a hippopotamus and monkey in a hot air balloon traveling through time will be funny, yes."

The crowd soon returned to discussing operating systems, and picking up the occasional stray comma littering the area after the punctuation factory explosion.

Angel Of Death Discloses Tea Secrets - Run On Earl Grey Stock

Contributed To @Action News By Azrael

Rose Garden, SDPI - In a rare media interview, Azrael, angel of death and jaded, cynical tea-drinker, held a press conference in the Rose garden. Reading from a brief, prepared statement, the Personification of Death addressed the question of tea.

"There has been a great deal of curiosity," Azrael read, "About the brands of tea I drink. Therefore, I would like to clarify that. During the winter, I drink Earl Grey, hot, with cream and sugar. During the summer, I drink Lipton iced, brewed sweet. That is all I have to say at this time. Thank you very much."

When pressed for further information, the cynical one would only answer, "Of course it's an endless supply... what's the point of being an archangel, if you can't arrange such a minor miracle?"

Medical researchers have begun investigations to see if drinking Earl Grey will prolong or shorten life in any appreciable extent.

Meanwhile, the stock prices of the Spin Dizzy Earl Grey Tea Company, LTD, have tripled. No comment is available on what, if any, relationship these news items have.

SpinDizzy Hosting Centaur Invasion

Argon, local Centaur found himself welcoming three new residents to our community this week. First, Stalker and Alpha, a male and female Centaur have moved to SpinDizzy and taken up residence at Centaur Square. Both are very pleasant folks and a fine addition to our community. Also newly arrived is Reiter, another Centaur who has also moved into Centaur Square. In addition, B.J. local Cacomistle, has taken on Centaur form of a sort. Still retaining his basic Cacomistle form, he now sports a lower body with 8 legs and an upper torso with four arms.

Although all have mentioned the lure of SpinDizzy's wide open spaces for galloping, and the friendly folks who live here as reasons for their decision to join our population, there have been innuendoes and asides made concerning a certain Wallaby who thinks Centaurs are Horses, and hopes of correcting his confusion in this matter.

Vassily Wants CareBear Population Managed

Contributed to @Action News By [Good] Morticon

Vassily, well known sloth, said in the park Monday while commenting to Morticon about his lack of evil, that there needs to be a balance of evil/good, and since there isn't, he should manage the carebear population to keep this from happening again. A certain carebear fired her tummy-ray at Morticon, rendering him non-evil for several days.

"They have no natural predators and over population would lead to massive die-offs and possible extinction of the species. A careful management plan is necessary", Vassily said, referring to the carebears.

When asked if he wanted to eliminate them entirely, he said, "No, but the herd cannot be allowed to grow above a manageable size. We may have to organize limited hunts if their population begins to grow large."

Continuing about the carebears, he got to the point: "I mean, if they go unchecked they fire those belly beams at everyone. Furs have a right to be depressed [and evil]." Vassily then suggested that Morticon should sue the carebears for his breach of civil rights. The wallaby's decision is pending.

Ask Auntie Findra

'Ask Auntie Findra', is a weekly advice column in @Action News where you can get answers you can't find anywhere else. Auntie Findra's enormous knowledge base, and unrestricted access to research tools unavailable to others gives her the power to answer all your questions and concerns. Send your questions to Auntie Findra care of askauntiefindra@spindizzy.org

Dear Auntie Findra,

Is it true foxes are smarter than cats?

Foxey

Of course, it's a well known fact that foxes are cunning, but yes, true foxes are smarter than cats. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to find a true fox. Most of them you come across are the fake variety and have the mental flexibility of a lettuce.

Dear Auntie Findra,

Is creamy peanut butter really peanut butter? A friend says it's just flavored oil based food product.

Nut Lover

Of course, it's a well known fact that this particular product is actually Made From People! It is! Soylent Green is Made Fr ... oh, wait, did you say peanut butter?

Dear Auntie Findra,

I'm sick of my noisy roommate. She stays up all night playing stupid music and she and her boyfriend are really loud when they kiss. What should I do?

Sleepy

Of course, it's a well known fact that loose kissing costs lives. All it takes is one sloppy kiss and you give someone ebola virus. What's that? Lips? Don't be stupid, how can loose -lips- cost lives? Drag on the floor a bit, maybe, but ...

Dear Auntie Findra,

What is the meaning of life?

Curious

It's a well known fact of course, that the meaning of life is actually very straight forward and simple. It's basically this ... AAARGH! The coffee! It's burning my leg! Get it off! EEP! ... I ... I have to go. I'll finish this later ...

Dear Auntie Findra,

How do I keep Raccoons out of my trash cans? Royce says if I put whole pizza pies in them the Raccoons won't come close, but that just seems to have made it worse.

Flustered

Now, where was I? Trash cans? Raccoons? Right. *ahem* It is of course a well known fact that raccoons and trash cans do not mix. Unless, of course, you use a very large blender. That way you can put the raccoons and the trash cans in the pizza pies. I believe -this- is where you're going wrong. What? Me? A raccoon? I believe you must be deluded, sir.

Dear Auntie Findra,

Is it me, or do I smell bad?

Skunkie

Of course, it's well known that you can't smell bad. You can smell coffee, a pile of trash, even raccoon pizza pies, but you can't smell bad. If you could, no-one would have elected Richard Nixon as president, would they? Um ... is it me or did someone drop this letter in something unmentionable?

Dear Auntie Findra,

Has Pokemon gone the way of Sonic, or are some people still hanging on to the idea that it's still popular?

Pikanose

I'm sad to say that yes, it was recently reported that Pikachu was found trying on shoes that were 10 sizes too large for him, and buying economy size packs of fur gel. It seems also that Jigglypuff was caught buying a second tail at a nearby Sears. It's a well known fact. Of course it is. I read it in @Action News!

Body Art Festival In Carnival Park

Contributed To @Action News By Azrael

Wednesday night, an impromptu body art festival was held in Carnival Park. Branding Irons were heated, and rumor has it that local human Snitch was branded with a label. Other art is, at this time, unconfirmed, but inside sources claim that Wizard (ed. note: Wizzard?) and Centaur pundit Argon received a 'Mavra' brand in an intimate location. Local sheep and cattle stayed clear of the Carnival Park all evening.

Crystal Beacon Tower Needs New Rooms

Contributed To @Action News By PatchO'Black

Patch O'Black, local Jellicle cat, is in need of help finishing the Crystal Beacon Tower which serves to warn off approaching ships, so they do not crash into SpinDizzy. While the beacon is fully functional and there is living space inside, it is not yet complete. "It lacks a proper bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. I am hoping to get some help with these rooms, as well as accepting designs for other rooms, ether in the tower proper or down inside the crystal mountain.", said Patch O'Black. Any descriptions used will be credited on a plaque inside the Crystal Beacon Tower. Submissions can be page #mailed to Patch O'Black

Contributing To @Action News

Several folks have asked how to contribute stories and ideas to this paper. It's quite easy. Just write your story down, and send it to argon@spindizzy.org. (Be sure and include your character's name if you want to be credited with it.) Or page #mail it to Argon. Even if you think you can't write well, or haven't fully developed your idea, send it along. Our huge editorial staff can take any information and make a story from it. What you may consider a silly thing, or something no one cares about, could more than likely be of interest to our readers. Look at the stories we print.

Our editorial policy is to inform our readers of news concerning the folks that populate SpinDizzy, and the events that happen here. We prefer to print stories that are In Character, although Real Life news of players from their Character's point of view, or Real Life events and their effect on our Muck community are welcome.

Although our vast network of reporters, stringers, and informants cover SpinDizzy like a glove, sometimes things get by us, or we miss an opportunity to inform you, our readers. We depend on you to tell us not only things of interest to you, but to give us ideas and suggestions to make this paper better. This is YOUR paper, so let us know what YOU'D like to see in it.

@ACTION NEWS

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