@Action News, August 6,2K

Morticon Attacks Rose Garden With Record Player

Morticon, well known Wallaby and alleged head of the Society Of Evil Doers, or SED arrived in the Rose Garden Thursday evening with an old record player. Apparently altered by SED's crack (head) research division, it appeared to play a 33 and 1/3 rpm vinyl recording of 2001: A Space Odyssey, backwards and at 45 rpm. A spiral pattern in the record's center, along with the unusual sound, and 'subliminal' messages in it apparently meant to hypnotize the folks in the Rose Garden into becoming SED Zombies under Morticon's control. It was reported that this same device had been used to good effect earlier to make Steve, local 'Toon Squirrel, into an unwilling minion of the SED..

While checking the operation of the apparatus however, Morticon seems to have inadvertently hypnotized himself, as he stood with a glazed look in his eyes and referring to Argon, local Centaur, as 'Master'. Royce, area Raccoon, expressed hunger, while Vassily, neighborhood predator Sloth, suggested asking Morticon for a Punch and Judy style puppet show. Morticon, with no emotion, complied with both requests, ordering pizza, and then, unable to find actual puppets, hitting one hand with a stick held by the other, until the pizza delivery driver arrived. Morticon, remaining in a daze, paid for the pizzas, and then, at Royce's suggestion, tipped the driver $15,000. The happy driver left, and everyone enjoyed pizza.

With the pizza eaten, Argon decided it was time to release Morticon from his trance. He did however have a bit of fun by ordering Morticon, at the snap of Argon's fingers to return to normal, with the exception of clucking like a Chicken each time Morticon said or heard the words, SED. After snapping his fingers, Morticon seemed to return to normal. He refused any pizza, and clucked once when Argon mentioned the SED. The hypnotic suggestion seems to still be in effect, so next time you see Morticon, mention the word SED.

Evil Wallaby Returns From East Coast Crime Spree

An SED Press Release Given Exclusively To @Action News

Morticon, head of SED, has returned from his trip of evil across the east coast of the US. Highlights of his trip include trying to suck children into a whirlpool in the center of a above-ground pool (which failed miserably), terrorizing Austin, Royce, and Shadowstalker in person, peeing in front of libraries, driving over 4000 miles, and robbing a few banks along the way to make up for lost funds

Morticon has fresh new plans to take over the muck, and they will succeed for sure this time. Prepare for a change of leadership on the MUCK.

SED Loses 75,000 Shinies In Stock Deal Collapse

Contributed To @Action News By Lamar

This Friday news broke that SED, a company that some believe to be associated with the Evil Wallaby Morticon's Society of Evil Doers, is short $75,000 after a stock deal collapsed. Lamar Retail, a young buck at the firm, who many had tagged as a rising star, over played on Tech Stocks. Managing to hide his mistake in the books till Thursday, it is unknown exactly when the stock deal fell through.

"Their CEO wont talk to anyone any more" said Lamar at a press briefing, "He just sits in the padded room giggling, and the rest of the board have gone on

holiday. I tried to phone the guy who sold me the shares, but a Mexican man who says 'Se Stockbroker No Work Here, Go Way' keeps answering. And they

looked so respectable in the brochures."

But all is not gloomy for the company, "I managed to get some good deals at the bankruptcy hearing, fifty 486 computers, with monitors. And a filofax"

Lamar Disciplined For Misuse Of Funds

An SED Press Release Given Exclusively To @Action News

Lamar, having foolishly invested thousands of SED funds while Morticon was away, is being punished. Morticon returned only to find the SED bank account nearly empty. After asking around, he found Lamar invested it all in an internet start-up, which got consumed with red tape. Thus, the SED has only $1.50 to it's name at the moment.

Morticon, consumed with rage at not being able to finish the new SED Labs, fitted Lamar with a collar that allows Morticon to shock him remotely and track his whereabouts. Do not attempt to take this collar off Lamar, and feel free to ridicule him. It will be taken off when Morticon feels it is time.

SED Leads The Fashion For The Accountant of Today

Contributed To @Action News By Lamar

Sporting a new fashionable control collar, Lamar Retail (Junior Executive, SED), shows off the new range of office wear. Not only good looking, but functional. The collars give off electric shocks in a variety of charges for office misdemeanors. From a mild buzz for stealing paperclips, to a hefty jolt for larceny and fraud. You don't want to be the office left out when these sell out!

Lamar says "Even Nick Leason had some scrap of decency left, now look at me!" So remember, when you want to send a message to the employees,

think SED!

Warning, Electric Control Collars may be Illegal under some Union contract agreements.

Mouse Chases Cat

Contributed To @Action News By LilBit

The other day I was walking along doing my thing when a large cat stepped in front of me. I looked up and saw the cat eyeing me. "Excuse me Mr. Cat but I need to get past." I said and he replied, "No sir!" I was confused by this but soon found that I had to fight. I took a step back and lowered my hood. (If you don't know what I look like type 'look lilbit' when you see me.) My eyes began to glow red and the cat looked surprised and took a step back. I ran forward and watched as the cats fur began to burn. He let out a screech and started rolling around. I drew a circle in my head and the ground began to burn in a circle around the cat. The cat jumped up and ran off.

Now some of you are most likely wondering where I got my powers. Some of you remember when I was a cute cuddly 'lil mouse. I was abducted by aliens and forced to have tests done. As a side affect to the tests I developed these powers.

Austin Offers HTML Class

Once again, Austin, local Coati has offered to teach folks who are interested the mysteries of Hyper-Text Markup Language to those of us who rely on WYSIWYG editors to get laughably coded websites educated in the correct methods of creating correctly .

Of course with the number of genius web site designers here, class size will be small allowing personalized instruction. Contact Austin about times and dates for the classes.

Tiresta Makes 700th Connect

Tiresta, local Squirrel and member of the hot singing group The Squirrelles, recently celebrated her 700th time connecting to SpinDizzy. She now joins the rising number of residents who's connection count is a number higher than their IQ. She is looking forward to when she connects for the 1000th time and receives a new car and a trip to the Bahamas.

Want Ads

WANTED: Aphid sitter for late August and early September. Must demonstrate knowledge of aphid care, consideration, and lullabies, be able to protect and maintain rose bush in the central Rose Garden area of SpinDizzy. Thingies interested should apply to Flutterz in person (evil wallabies need not apply) Sparklie compensation based on experience.

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Do you consider yourself Evil? Do you have thoughts of conquering the MUCK or at least doing evil unto others? Then the SED (Society of EvilDoers) may be for you! Contact Morticon for more information.

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This week's cartoon by Mouser

@ACTION NEWS