@Action News, July 9,2K

Pylon Mystery Closer To Being Solved

Any visitor to the Rose Garden, or North, East West or South to the edges of the muck from the Garden have seen the mysterious pylons which appeared several months ago during the renovations of the Rose Garden. Looking remarkably like the pylon in the Star Trek episode where Kirk loses his memory on a planet, yet retaining his 'modern' knowledge and is considered a god by the primitive peoples of the world, they have stood silently, hiding their intent and purpose.

Flutterz, well known Wanna be Dread Pirate, Flower Fae, has been trying to distill the secret of the pylons, and expressed her dismay at being unable to discern anything about them. It had been possible to look at a control panel which was guarded by a small creature in the Rose Garden, yet even this clue, which offered little information about the pylons has been removed. Theories of the pylons purpose range from 'spy stations', a transportation system and even a control system for the spindizzies. As their purpose, and information about them has been non existent at best, most have simply given up trying to determine their use, and they stand silently, the aura of their mystery now ignored by most.

Earlier this week though, Flutterz, Moriarty, Argon, Terry, and someone who shall remain nameless, decided to confront the mystery of the pylons head on. The group went to one and examined it closely. Comparisons to the Star Trek (Original Series) episode 'The Paradise Syndrome' were made. This is the one where Kirk is beamed down to a planet, gets inside a pylon there by opening his communicator and saying, "Kirk to Enterprise." A door opens in the pylon, Kirk falls in and loses his memory. He gets out and finds a group of 'Native American's', who think him a God.

With this in mind, a number of methods were used in an attempt to open the pylon. Entering 'Kirk to Enterprise', 'Open Communicator', even 'Kirock!' had no effect. Finally, the group begged a Wiz (along with showing the Wiz copies of some incriminating photos of them with a can of Spam) who agreed to give the researchers the db # of the pylon. With this information, the group was able to get inside and see what was so mysterious.

The interior of the pylon had an unusual 'control panel' that consisted of thick and thin hands like those on a clock. When set to certain point on the 'dial' you could look out through the thin walls of the pylon and see different things the 'clock hands' seemed to relate to. Trying to exit the pylon led others inside to think you had left, but no one actually got out using the 'controls.' Interestingly, only two different things could be seen through the walls, Amalfi, and Charter Park.

Cyst Found To Threaten SpinDizzy

Contributed To @Action News By Morticon

Sources who wish to remain anonymous report that intelligent machines from some other world or plane of existence have gotten into SpinDizzy's reality and have made their nest, called a Cyst. This cyst apparently exists in the hilly country to the southwest and is only going to get bigger. The cyst must be stopped, as the machines consider natural life to be a competitor and will destroy it at any cost! Seth and Chen need all the IC help they can get, so contact them if you think your character can be of assistance. Stop by RP Central (type 'rpc') for more information.

July 4th Celebration Leads To No Injuries

A celebratory mood, and a box of fireworks, enhanced the Independence Day celebration in SpinDizzy. The Rose Garden was filled with revelers who enjoyed setting off fireworks and trying to convince Morticon to be ducted taped to a rocket and sent to SpinDizzy II. Morticon, questioning the safety of the rocket declined the fight. A flag waving, somewhat patriot time was held by all, and at midnight, everyone stood and placed their hands over their hearts and sang the SpinDizzy national anthem, 'Merry Go Round Broke Down.'.

Ping Announces Revival Of 'Art Ambush'

Numerous requests have finally been granted as Ping once again is holding his popular Art Ambush events. The Art Ambush, where participants are given a subject, and are expected to turn in their interpretation of that subject to get the coveted gold star by their names on the web site, will start again this Wednesday evening at 11:00pm EST. Note that the 'art' doesn't have to involve paper or paint, it can be a midi recording, a written piece, or whatever media you like. All works will be posted on the Art Ambush pages ( http://www.spindizzy.org/artambush ) and even if you can't participate Wednesday night, you can read the post about the subject and send your contribution in later.

What's The Stupidist Thing You Ever Saw?

Spin and Dizzy ('Toon Squirrels) - Spin and Dizzy point to each other.

Relwof (Non-morphic Otter) -The directions for use on the side of a toothpick box.

Pidge (Pidgeon) - "My first cigarette butt encounter."

Flutterz (Wanna be Dread Pirate, Flower Fae) - "Aphid killers!"

Ping (Mouse) - "The stupidest thing I've ever seen... the chancellor of the university trying to argue that being pied by a protestor (lemon merangue) is assault rather than harassment."

Ryyuko (Dragon) -" The idea that humans could ever defeat, let alone kill, a dragon."

Natasha (Coati) - "I suppose what I think of as the stupidest quality of sentient life is refusing to think outside of one's own personal set of experiences and to consider what others have done and thought. That's it."

Acorn (Fox Squirrel) - "My reflection in a mirror."

Standen (Leopine) - "My new driver's license."

Nikon (Raccoon) - "Corporate policies."

Vassily (Sloth) - "The way banks are run."

Kamida (Skunk-Kid) - "B'Harnii the dinosaur on the microsoft cd-rom."

Austin (Coati) - "The stupidest thing I've seen is people arguing, passionately, that self-service gasoline is a good thing because the gas companies pass the savings (from not hiring station attendants) on to customers as lower prices at the pump."

JackRabbit (Rabbit) - "Stupidest thing I remember is a guy who came into my office, asked to use the phone, picked up the phone, and dialed the calculator next to it. Twice."

Mavra (Centaur) - "Having to tell a student-pilot five consecutive times in a row, in great detail, how to solve a basic physics problem."

Morticon (Evil Wallaby) - "Hmm, the stupidest thing I ever saw was you (Argon) trying to dispute the fact that you are a horse"

Mouser (Fursnake) - "My boss(es) in action"

Max (Wolverine) - "Four teenagers in a brand-new Volvo."

Did You Ever Have The Feeling You Were Being... Watchfored?

All week, folks have been waking up here on SpinDizzy with a feeling they were being 'watchfored'. A feeling of someone looking out for them, on alert as to when you are up and around. Some folks have credited this feeling of unease with a thought that perhaps a 'reverse watchfor' command was being activated, or that folks were just being told that someone had them on a list. But a nagging feeling of being watched, and an almost paranoid (in some cases) feeling of eyes burning through the back of one's head made the feeling seem more serious than that.

Maxl thought perhaps the 'feeling' was a gag by a Wiz based on the cartoon where the mad scientist guy is looking for something to feed his big red monster. "We've all seen it millions of times, thanks to Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network." Maxl said. Frommer added, "I believe it was during the first or second Peter Lorre / Mad scientist cartoon."

Although no definite understanding of the strange feeling of being watchedfor has been reached, the feeling still persists. Only time will tell what it means.

Morticon Offers Free Room And Board To Raccoons

Morticon, alleged leader of the SED in an attempt to make all Raccoons on SpinDizzy his slaves, attempted to force Royce to join his SED 'minions'. Royce, always on the lookout for the easy life asked Morticon if that meant he would feed and take care of all the Raccoons on SpinDizzy. Morticon, with an evil "Muhahahah!" said he would, and Royce quickly told Morticon a few minor items he would need to provide, to allow the Raccoons to survive.

Royce first gave Morticon a small piece of paper with a short list of a few things. Royce told Morticon that these were things that Raccoons didn't absolutely have to have from the store, that if it wasn't on the list, then Morticon should buy plenty.

Royce also described the bare necessities for Raccoons to survive. These included crystal chandeliers, tennis courts, DSL and cable TV with a big screen TV, an airplane and helicopter, dirigible mast, and of course, a dock for the ocean liner. Although Raccoons usually have to have bowling alleys and Squash courts, Royce felt he could survive without these items for a few days. Royce felt that these would be the minimum items needed to survive.

Morticon, in usual SED character discovered that he hadn't thought this through, and that actually making Raccoons his slaves would not be worth it. He left, leaving a disappointed Royce behind. As of press time, Morticon still has not held up his end of the deal he offered Royce.

New Park Of The Day

A new POTD (Park Of The Day) has been chosen. It's just north of the Rose Garden and is a neat little circus. There is a tent, some side shows, games, and even popcorn and cotton candy. Enter park sometime and explore it. You might even get to join the show. If you're bitter and unhappy, you can even run away with the circus. Or, if you're really strange, you might be in the sideshow.

Promised "Sexy" Picture Actually Just Crummy Sketch

Contributed By Austin Dern

Disappointment and dismay fell upon the Rose Garden this week when a picture on the Velar Art Archives, promised by its caption to be a "reel sexy pic," proved to be nothing more than a poor pencil sketch of some hard to see figures.

"I just feel gypped," is how one of the picture's audience regarded the GIF. "Here I was, ready to look at some really arousing furry artwork. I mean, you hear the phrase, you figure it's going to be one of those fantastic pieces with a couple of solidly drawn characters touching each other in fun ways, the line work all nice and

neat, the coloring done carefully and maybe juiced up a little in Photoshop to give it a little three-dimensional effect. But look at this thing. You can't even tell how many people are in it."

Observers agreed the picture was hard to decipher; as of press time it's believed to contain just two figures, one almost certainly male at least in parts and one almost certainly female at least in parts. It's not clear in what direction either of their faces are turned, and whether their arms and legs are reaching towards each

other, touching each other, or hanging in midair. A scribble near the bottom suggests tails twining together, but could as easily be a shag of fur on either character's legs or, as some have pointed out, the hair (or mane) of a third figure. One person did ask if there was evidence none of the characters involved were robots; on close inspection the possibility could not be denied.

Also a source of irritation was the excessive file size, over 455 K, for a picture all agreed was disappointing at best. "It could easily have been turned into a JPEG and left at maybe 20 K."

Those burned by the picture's failure to live up to its promise look on it as a learning experience. "We'll be better prepared next time," said one. "For instance, that the picture was advertised as 'reel sexy,' as opposed to being spelled correctly, should have hinted at the immaturity and unprepared ness of the artist. Also, the caption ends with the artist saying, 'I dont know why I posted this its not very good but its already uploaded so WHO CARES?' Again, this hints at emotional immaturity, which may be connected to artistic immaturity."

Still, hope survives, and if the attitude of the crowd just a half hour after the incident is any indication, artwork which not just promises to please the twisted and battered sexuality of its audience but also succeeds in doing so will be welcomed with an open arm.

Natasha: A Modern Coati
Contributed To @Action News By Flutterz D. Pirate

This week Flutterz had the pleasure of interviewing one of the locals on her home turf.
Flutterz, accompanied by her stenographer the firefly, was invited to conduct the interview in Natasha’s little corner of the Rainforest.
Flutterz: “Thankee for having us! S’please be statin’ yous name for the record?”
Natasha: “Natasha Cameron Nelson.”
Flutterz: “Ohhh’s s’pretty name! S’Nelson yous married name?”
Natasha: “It’s my maiden name. It seems the only coati to marry around here is Austin, and he's... well... he's Austin.”
Flutterz nodding wisely: “S’gotcha...kinda like marryin’ s’man on the moon! So yous a careergirlthingie thens?”
Natasha shaking her head: "Not especially. There aren't many careers for coatis. I tried working as a secretary, but my nose kept hitting stray keys. Then another time I worked as a bus driver, but I had trouble reaching the pedals. So, I'm just content to forage for food and chat with folks who come around, like I always have."
Flutterz giggling: "S'goods! S'Flutterz be recommendin yous fer Piratethingie anytimes though. Good piratethingie Natasha. Yerp. Kz! S'how did yous be gettin' all elasticky and s'sarcastic?"
Natasha: "Elastic and sarcastic? I didn't know you were a poet."
At this point, Flutterz was rather distracted by the prospect of being a poet (coolies!) even if she wasn’t quite sure what it was, however she thought it best to continue on with the interview and not get distracted.
Natasha: "The elasticity, I caught from Austin. How he got it, I'm not sure, but I've heard that he got a potion of some sort spilled on him."
Flutterz: "S'Natasha be gettin some potion on her too then? S'hard feelin for Austin...infectin yous?"
Natasha: "I didn't get any potion directly spilled on me -- I suspect I picked up traces of the stuff simply from being around him, considering we coatis have a habit of grooming and brushing and caring for each other and what-not. As far as I can tell it's coati-specific.”
Flutterz grinning: "S'yous not blamin' Austin?"
Natasha: "Well, of course not. You wouldn't blame someone for a cold that you caught from them, would you?"
Flutterz notes that she would, but she be DREAD!
Flutterz: “S’Natasha wanna be cured?”
Natasha: "I think if I was going to pair up with Austin, out of desperation you know, and start a family, I'd certainly *prefer* it if he and I were cured, somehow. The prospect of a whole family of bouncy rubbery procyonids seems a bit too much for the muck to stand."

You can imagine gentle reader how the above statement affected your reporter. Flutterz faced with the prospect of such...scoopage, was dazed for several moments and must muttered, “Kaching!” several times. Natasha, ever cool-headed in a crisis calmed Flutterz down and told her to hush.
Flutterz steadies herself and presses on, trying not to spook the calm coati: "S'whens yous gettin hitched then? S'color scheme? Catered reception? S'how'd he be proposin? Did you understand it when he did?"
Natasha chuckling: "Now now, don't let your imagination fly away with you, fae. I'm not likely to 'get hitched' with Austin or anyone else any time soon."
Flutterz nodding to Natasha: “S’long engagement...gotcha! S'wants a cure before mommyhood? S'cry for help!"
Natasha grinning: "It's just that coati kits are already high-maintenance critters au naturel.”
Flutterz, suddenly stunned by this prospect: "S'be bouncin all over the 'dizzy! S'be thinkin Austin good daddy and helpin out though. S'could...stun 'em with s'words! Unless...yeep! s'kits be like Austin and "Tasha! S'Flutterz not be blamin 'Tashia, nerp!”
Natasha, looking rightfully affronted: "Like Austin and me? I beg your pardon?"
Flutterz: "S'be adorin' Austin and yous...not be gettin Flutterz wrong...but! Yeeps!"
Natasha grinning, noses the pirate reporter: "Well, I sense a change in subject would be good here."
Flutterz recovers herself and asks just one more question: "S'like to be sayin anything to the readers?"
Natasha: "Oh, I'm sure I'll have plenty to say to the readers next time I see them around in the rose garden or what-not."
Flutterz nodding at the wisdom in this: "Gotcha! S'thankee for lettin Fluttez interview! 'lotsa good stuffs...yerp!"
Natasha: "You're quite welcome."
So ends the Flutterz interview with Natasha. Thankee Natasha!

Contributing To @Action News

Several folks have asked how to contribute stories and ideas to this paper. It's quite easy. Just write your story down, and send it to argon@spindizzy.org. Or page #mail it to Argon. Even if you don't think you can write well, or haven't fully developed your idea, send it along. Our huge editorial staff can take any information and make a story from it. What you may consider a silly thing, or something no one cares about, could more than likely be of interest to our readers. Look at the stories we print. No Nobel Prize winners here.

Although our vast network of reporters, stringers, and informants cover SpinDizzy like a glove, sometimes things get by us, or we miss an opportunity to inform you, our readers. We depend on you to tell us not only things of interest to you, but to give us ideas and suggestions to make this paper better. This is YOUR paper, so let us know what YOU'D like to see in it.

@ACTION NEWS