Don't forget to read
the muck's bulletin board. Connect and enter +read.
Flash! We Are All Doomed!
Today it was learned that there is a full scale war among the organization
of the SED. Most of the members are slinking about, but the
resent withdrawal of Morticon from active SED leadership has
left a vacuum in his place. You can hear the sucking sound of
the void trying to fill at the SED HQ. Or maybe that is
something else, as this reporter hasn't been able to enter those
How could this have happened to the SED now? At the height of
their power? I, Investigative Reporter, have endeavored to
find out for you.
Turns out that Morticon was just getting tired of being evil.
Everyone knows that he is really good deep down, so it is this
reporter'ss opinion, and mine is worth more than anyone
else's, that soon Morticon will become a force of good, not
evil! The fur on the street also seems to think so.
A random fur said, "I have always thought that Morticon
was really good deep down and that is why most of the SEDs
plans failed. The only thing I worry about now is who will
take over the SED next. Everyone knows that if Mouser takes
over the leadership we are all doomed."
There you have it everyone. What can be done about the
leadership of the SED? This reporter dug deep and interviewed
an otter that claims to have created the SED. His name
withheld at his request.
An anonymous otter said, "Doom doom doom doom doom doom!
I love that sound! You're all doomed! At long last the empire
of the otter will rule! Mahahahahahahahaha!"
Last of all I would like to tell everyone not to worry. This
reporter will stay on top of this story and report more when I
hear of it.
Super Investigative reporter signing off.
||Beach Party Bingo
||This weekend, May
4th - whenever, the Rose Garden will succumb to global warming
and become beachside property. So, Austin, local Coati and
Head Wiz suggests that you get your beach gear (and description)
and get ready for some fun under the sun, or sea.
Austin notes this is just for fun, and if (like me) you're
resistant to changing your description for IC or OOC reasons, be
assured that changing it for this event won't cost you
credibility. The 'reality' of the beach party is only in the
space time bubble of the Rose Garden during this particular
weekend, and reality everyplace and time else will not be
So if you've wanted to be a Hippocampus, or see what's under
Ariel's shells, here's your chance! The Beach Party
Weekend! This weekend, starting May 4th!
||The Isle Of Boki
||Many folks have
heard of The Isle of Boki, so this reporter did some inquiring
and discovered the following story. Boki suggests that
there might be some truth to it.
Once upon a time, there
was a young Seagull. His name was Boki. He was ready
to travel the world, and make a name for himself. He made
a home on the mast of a ship. In his worldly innocence, he
was unaware that this was a ship of pirates, with a wily Cat as
it's captain. As time went by, he learned to speak when he had
something to say, and stay silent when he didn't. The crew
of the ship adopted the Gull as a mascot of sorts, and laughed
at him when instead of saying "Yo ho ho!" as they did,
he would say, "Oh ho!"
It came to pass that the
captain of this pirate ship discovered a map, which would lead
them all to wealth and riches. The captain gave the map to
the ship's navigator, who was a Raccoon, for safe keeping. The
Raccoon navigator was very interested in treasure because it was
shiny. The navigator was also a great friend of the seagull, who
would often walk about the charts on his table saying, "Oh
ho!" The navigator had for a long time, tried to teach the
gull, that it was "Yo ho ho!" , not "Oh ho!"
, but the gull didn't seem to understand.
One dark stormy day, as the
gull padded about the chart table, saying "Oh ho!" ,
the navigator, worried over the fierce storm and frustrated at
being off course, in desperation wrote the phrase down on a
piece of a chart and gave it to the gull saying, "This is
how you say it. You will never be master of a ship saying,
'Oh ho!' you silly gull!" The gull took the paper and flew
off, placing it in his nest at the top of the mast.
The navigator forgot about
the gull, and sorted through his charts to prepare the course to
the island on the chart the captain had given him. He soon
realized that the piece of paper he had given the gull was the
part of the chart where the ship needed to land on the island.
Because he had to make the decision where to sail then, and the
gull was not around, he guessed where the ship would go.
The captain asked the
navigator is he was sure his course was right. The
navigator, not wanting to admit to have given away the piece of
the map, assured the captain it was. The captain, not
believing the navigator demanded to see the map. The
navigator lied refused, asking the captain if he did not trust
him. In the meantime, the gull who had the piece of the map flew
down, and tried to tell both of them which way to go. The
captain thought the gull was trying to take over the ship, and
shooed him away. Then grabbed the chart from the
navigator. Seeing the piece missing, the captain went into
a rage, calling the navigator many names.
The waves crashed against
the hull of the ship, the wind blew, and the ship rocked from
side to side and the pirates fought to keep it under control.
The roar of the waves against the hull of the ship, and the
sound of the ocean hid the sound of mighty waves crashing
against the stone reef surrounding the island. With a
mighty lurch and a crash the ship ground against the sharp rocks
of the reef.
It was chaos as the pirates
shouted, "Everyone for himself!" and piled themselves
and their valuables into the lifeboats. Some jumped into
the water and swam for shore, others cowered on board the ship.
The gull flew to the beach, where he waited.
As the pirates landed, the
storm cleared, and soon they were fighting among themselves.
One group wanted to search the island for treasure, the others
wanted to get rescued. Half mutinied against the captain and he
and the navigator were held prisoner.
The gull found the Captain s
hat, and put it on. He walked to the group and said,
"Oh ho! You should listen to Boki!"
No one did. The captain, the navigator escaped and with some
of the pirates fitted out a lifeboat and sailed away, finding
lives as lawyers. The other group searched the island for
treasure. They soon found that the island had many
mysteries and dangers. And they died.
Of all those from the pirate ship, only Boki remained alive.
He found many tasty things to eat, and was able to avoid the
dangers and greed that killed the pirates. Someday, you
too may have a chance to perhaps avoid death, and find the
treasure that may await you on The Isle of Boki!
was mysteriously sent to the editor on a sheet of what looked
like paper, but could not be touched or manipulated.
Once the story was recorded on real paper, it vanished.
love magic, but this time it got me in trouble.
I got into magic by changing my nature, so that I half
no longer existed. Half
of me needed to exist so that I could do magic in your world.
It was fun, if sometimes a bit unpleasant.
had to perform one piece of magic that involved time travel,
in order to drop Jumanji off on Earth in the distant past.
I put a lot of work into creating Jumanji, and I
thought that the people of Earth would love it.
Anyway, the time travel spell caused me to go insane.
the Enchantress locked me in my lair for my own safety.
Unfortunately, the enchantress locked me in there too
long! Time flows
differently in my secret lair.
The half of me that existed fell into hibernation in
order to conserve its energy.
terrible wind, which I believe must have been from the
enchantress, has blown my lair far, far out of my reach.
I am no longer connected with my body, I no longer exist.
My magical powers have radically expanded, and I can
see so much more of the unreal world… but I cannot interact
with your world. It
takes so much of my strength just to appear visible in your
want my body back, but it is adrift, adrift in a magical
forest that can only be found in a magical fog.
I think my body could survive a long time in
hibernation, but if it ever gets destroyed… If I ever get
back, I will have such great stories about the unreal world!
rest of the letter was made up of strange symbols, apparently
some sort of language that we have never seen before.
Our top scholars are working on it right now!
It was signed in English by Arkitah.
To Catch Suri The Velociraptor
From Mouser's Hunting Journal
Plan A: Attempt to trip the beast by cutting off the
circulation in a leg through constriction. Result:
Beast uses you as an ankle-bracelet. On to Plan B.
Plan B: Imitating Steve "The Crocodile Hunter"
Irwin, attempt to brow-beat the reptile into submitting to
your superior intellect. Result: Reptile ignores
you. On to Plan C.
Plan C: Tie one end of yourself to the flubber spigot in
the Rose Garden and the other about the creature's big toe,
tripping the monster and rendering it unconscious.
Result: Creature causes you to pull the valve off
of the flubber spigot. The resulting spray and the
pull you out to 30 feet long. On to Plan D.
Plan D: Taking advantage of your new, elongated form,
tie yourself into a lasso and attempt to snare the beast.
Use your tail to push you and her to Morticon's lab.
Result: Failure to take into account the 'raptor's
weight; unable to budge her. On to Plan E.
Plan E: Calculating the precise trajectory it will take
to launch Suri from the Rose Garden to SED HQ, wrap yourself
around a pair of rocks behind Suri repeatedly, forming the
business end of a slingshot. Result: Creature gets
up and walks over to investigate something just as you hit the
release. Resulting misfire stretches you out to 40 feet now.
On to Plan F... (etc...)
The book we shell review today is 'The Battle of Forever' by
A. E. Van Vogt. It is an older Sci-Fi book so if you happen to
read it you will be surprised at the classic style of its SF.
This action adventure book is the perfect furry affair. As
there are hundreds of different types of beast-men as they are
called in the book. Better known as morphs to us furry people.
The story actually follows the antics of a powerful human
person from the far future and his first steps in an animal
world of his ancestors' creation. There are only 1000 humans
in this future and they haven't been out of their little haven
of the 1000 for thousands of years. So long that the animal
men of that time can barely remember who he even is.
What he finds though is very different from the perfect world
that they once left behind. It is his path of discovery and
the friends that he makes that makes this a fun and
adventuresome story. With bombs and black holes. Aliens and
A story for anyone that loves morphic stories, SF, and
adventure will love. One story to rule them all.
asked in this week's survey, I'm doing a survey to be published
in @Action News.The question this week comes from Suri and
Gilead who ask, "How should Jar Jar Binks die in the new
Star Wars movie?" (Associated cartoon, http://pixelated.purrsia.com/2002/px020401.htm
chirps sweetly. "He should suddenly discover
himself in a garbage chute, while screaming to 3P0
about how sowwy he is and that heesa maybe should get
out...only to discover the Blarg in the garbage chute
is a whole lot friendlier than Luke found him out to
be later...then he should narrowly escape the mashers,
to run into a garrison of Storm Troopers, get stuck to
Chewbacca's head, to get tossed down one of those
ridiculously deep shafts the Empire seems fond of.
rawrs, "I've got a better one, he's murdered by
an anti-Gungan resistance of those faithful to the
Amidala administration on Naboo."
hisses, "I'd have him be the way Anakin
discovered how he could use the Dark Side of the Force
to strangle folks..."
says, "Oh yes, I answered that with 'Quickly and
says, "Hung by his gonads and beaten like a piñata.
says, "hung by that accursed tongue"
"His ears should be sliced off and stuffed down
|Gino writes "how about
turning some SW fan boys loose on Jar Jar...that'll
drive him permanently insane."
rumbles, "Jar should be inflated with hot air
until he pops."
|Cye says, "Decapitation
via light saber."
quietly says, "let him get run over by a pod
waarks, "Oh ho? They should close then door when
he is coming! Then it will not be ajar!"
rumbles, "By the cheers and applause of the audience."
says, "Very painfully. I'd say drop him in
a sarlac pit, but that would be cruelty to sarlacs."
says, "Very slowly over a hot bed of coal is how
Jar Jar Binks should die, Argon."
|Austin says, "Derezzing
glimmers, "S'bein' pan fried with s'shroomies...s'bein'
fed t's'wallabies. Yerp."
says, "I think they shouldn't actually show his
death, but rather just imply it, by showing stuff in
the background like his head mounted on a plaque in a
curio shoppe, or his foot being used for an umbrella
stand in Anakin's hallway, etc..."
chirps, "He should run afoul of Jabba the Hutt,
in some small, seemingly insignificant way. Maybe
spill something on him. He'll say "Meesa sowwy!"
and that will seem to be the end of it. Except then he
won't be seen again the entire film, until at the very
end...the camera fades to a picture of the Sarlacc
pit, from which can be heard an echoing "Meesa
really sowwy! Really really sowwy!" And maybe
they can dub his pitiful voice into the next
re-re-re-re-release of Return of the Jedi too, since
it'd take 1000 years to digest him and all."
wisps, "I know! He should lose a duel with his
evil twin brother. Then, since his evil twin brother
is also annoying, he would have to lose a duel with
another evil twin brother... and..."
and Procedures for Submitting Articles
a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it
or qmail or page Argon about it.
Most any type of story or article will be accepted.
Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or
flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of
SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair
game. The things reported don't have to have actually
happened, (Any more than anything that happens here does.) but
make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of
interaction that we have. These are pretty broad
guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.