Argon ~ Editor

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Argon Helpstaff Again Active
  After a long hiatus, SpinDizzy again has a group of players acting as Helpstaffers. Although most everyone on SpinDizzy is willing to offer help to other folks, this group makes up the folks who really enjoy doing it.  These are folks who are willing to give a hand to others in most any area of mucking.  Helpstaffers are folks you should ask for help before asking a Wiz Player.  Not that the Wizzes mind assisting, but it allows them time to play too, rather than keeping up with the constant demand for help and advice and the resolution of problems.

Helpstaffers include, Argon, Nimble, Twohart,  Ba'ar,  Flutterz, Stars'_Pyre, Clarisa,  Malkernen, and Alicia.  Twohart is the head Helpstaffer.  Each Helpstaffer has listed his, her, or it's area of expertise, and even if they don't know how to solve your problem, they'll probably know someone or someplace that does.

Rown Morticon's Bath

 Morticon, local wallaby and SpinDizzy evil doer at large, visited Centaur square to survey the damage done to the statue of Chiron by Mouser, local fur snake from the future. While he visited Ringo, local Raccoonfolk and sometime mage attempted to defeat Morticon with a dazzling display of magic equaled in brilliance only by the technomages in Babylon 5 but only  minutely as effective.

Morticon wasn’t impressed with Ringo’s display so Ringo did another magical thing and attempted to make Morti fall on his face. This too failed and everyone began to think that Morti was impervious to magic until Ringo produced a little 20th century magic by pulling out a 9mm pistol. Morticon then beat a path behind Rown, local Centaur (as well as the most handsome, intelligent and most likely to succeed), and SpinDizzy regular. Rown smelled something fishy and checked behind him and sure enough Morticon was using him for a shield. Thankfully Ringo put the pistol away but as Morticon watched, Rown dumped a jar of fleas down Morti’s pouch.

While Morticon scratched, Rown realized an opportunity to do something that hasn’t happened in a very long time in SpinDizzy's history, give Morticon a bath! Since a tub had been installed below the oak tree brought into Centaur square by Rick, local Centaur… You get the point. :-p, Rown decided to make use of it and sweeten up SD by dumping one odiferous wallaby headlong into the rose oil spiked bath. Rown opened the doorway in the oak and Morti wasted no time doing a half gainer into the tub. The automatic wash cycle kicked in and in no time flat one stench producing and flea infested wallaby was clean and aromatic.

The fragrant wallaby emerged from the bath clean and almost likable. All the inhabitants of the square marveled at how much better Morticon smelled until Ringo, who’s raccoonfolk nose still couldn’t handle the smell of even a clean wallaby, began making incantations again. Morticon made some remarks about Ringo’s miming and a certain cooncat. In mid incantation a firebolt held by Reiter, local Centaur and SpinDizzy regular,  made an arc and scared Morti who hid behind Ringo, a fatal mistake for his new found cleanliness. 

Ringo, who’s stomach had now come to resemble Mt. St. Helens, turned instinctively and BLAAARRRRFFFFFed a huge wad into Morticon’s pouch. The stench was far worse than even Morti’s natural scent causing him to bolt immediately for the exit and the nearest place to destench his pouch. He returned later and suckered Ringo into a hug and whispers that he’ll never again try to kill Ringo. Satisfied that everyone believed him, Morti let go and yelled “April fools!” then left for parts unknown.
SED Press Release Morticon Gains Unauthorized Entry To SpinDizzy's Nerve Center!
  Morticon, local evil wallaby and leader of SED, announced that through a slip of an exit, he managed to gain entry to room #0 (Kansas). Room #0 is considered the most powerful area in all of Spindizzy because of it's ability to create globals - and thus only Wizzes are allowed in it. Morticon announced he shall be using this newfound access to try and take over Spindizzy by holding it's globals hostage, just as soon as he can figure out how to @chown and modify them. Amalfi was not available for comment.
Ringo J. Raccoon Ph.D Raccoon Research!
Raccoons. Those wonderful little ring-tailed, masked critters you see beating the heck out of your trash cans, and harassing your pets on a regular basis. Seemingly so intelligent, one would never guess that an entire society of specialized raccoons exists. A society, you ask? Surely those cute little raccoons haven't any kind of known society. They're just animals.
Generally speaking, "normal" everyday raccoons don't exist outside of their basic social groups. What I'm speaking of are "Raccoon-Folk".
Raccoon-Folk? What the heck are they? Some kind of weird cult? Hardly.
Raccoon-Folk are a variation of the standard Procyon lotor taxonomic family, sharing nearly all of the typical physical and biological characteristics with normal, everyday raccoons, with some striking differences. Raccoon-Folk were once originally thought to be a myth of the Indians of the north woods. Small, furry people running about causing trouble, and playing elaborate tricks on people. Many myths and folktales of these native cultures revolve around them.  Very little is known about these creatures, whom went by several names; The Huron-Iroquois Indians called them the "Gahado-goka-gogosa", which means Masked Demon Spirit. The Sioux "Weekah" which translates as "Masked One", and "Weekah-tegalega", masked spirit whom uses magic. These raccoon-folk described in their folk tales and myths were powerful magic users, creating chaos and trouble when pitted against competing humans, or intruders, while at other times being helpful towards tribes with beneficial magic. Many of these cultures worshipped these creatures as godlike spirits, beneficial to their agricultural or hunting success, health, and power, something I will venture into in more detail further along in this research.

These creatures were described as being roughly human in shape, well rounded in proportion like a normal raccoon, often between what would be considered four and five feet in overall height, with thickly furred ringed tails proportional to the body size of the individual, with fur

colors ranging in various shades from pitch black to sandy brown, with a preponderance of gray pelage. These creatures walked generally bipedally like a man;adjusting their gait to a quadropedal stance when climbing or running over distances. It is also rumored by the native peoples that these creatures possessed a complex native language differing in local dialects, and existed in bands of five to fifteen individuals. Early settlers to the North American continent also tell stories of "monster raccoons", and various devils and demons resembling these creatures,
particularly along the Northeastern Atlantic coastline, where there was a particularly large forested region, and later along the entire upper Midwest, and Pacific coastline.

I intend this research, and it's continual installments to verify the existence of these creatures, and their significance, through long-term study of their habits, society, and physical characteristics. Being of raccoon-folk stock myself, I had no concept until recently of any particular ancestry which would explain my own being. Abandoned as a child, and without memory of my past, I was adopted at infancy by a human family who found me and raised me first as a pet, and then as a son when I continued to grow in size and intelligence, speaking my first human words at an age comparative to my young human peers.  Becoming integrated into their household and everyday human culture and society, I have always felt a strange longing, a feeling of not fitting into the picture. Having known all along that I was significantly different

physically from other children my age, I have since longed to discover the keys to my own ancestry, having done my best to exist as a raccoon in a human world of computers, automobiles, and fast food. I hope that through this research I gain understanding into my own existence, and perhaps locate others like myself.

Who or what am I? And where do I come from? These are questions I hope to answer, for I am neither a human, nor a normal raccoon, and I find myself at a loss to explain my own existence. I will take the opportunity through this research to supply pictures of myself, and

hopefully diagrams both sketched and otherwise to my work over time.

Editor's note; Ringo has gathered additional recourses concerning this research since this was written.  More information will be published concerning Dr. Raccoon's research as it is received.

Austin Spindizzy: A Very Huggy, Licky Place
A recent survey into which hug-type globals are used most often on Spindizzy had its first set of results released today.  The most common global, used 2,325 times during the course of the survey, was 'hug.'  The next most common, used 1,059 times, was 'lick,' and 'snug,' used 587 times.
  Rarely used globals included 'annoy', 'ferret,' 'noogie,' 'plush,' and 'velcro,' each used one time apiece.  Completely unused were fine global products such as 'confuse,' 'devilbunny,' 'excite,' 'tag,' and 'uudecode.'
  From the farglobals, studied at the same time, the most commonly used one is 'farhug,' used 516 times.  Next most common are 'farslurp,' used 461 times, and 'farsnug,' used 245 times. 
'farraccoon,' the original farglobal, was used only 26 times during the course of the survey.
  Rarely used farglobals include 'farnear,' 'faroverdo,' 'farxylophone, and 'farvelcro,' each used only once.  Completely usused during the survey were 'faralloy,' 'farchocolatecoat,' 'farconfuse,' 'farnoogie,' and 'farshrink.'
Personal globals -- actions attached to an individual and @linked to the program $sq-action.muf -- are not represented in this tally.

The ten most commonly used globals were: 

The ten most commonly used farglobals were:

Global :      












































The commonly used globals which were not common farglobals saw this usage: And the commonly used farglobals which were not common globals saw this usage:


Used As Farglobal


Used As Global












Not a global









Argon Weekly Survey
  Argon asked in this week's survey, "I'm doing a survey to be published in @Action News.  The question is, 'How many evil Wallabies does it take to screw in a light bulb?'
Leslie giggles! "Into what?"
Morticon says, "None. The bulb is a long lasting SED Brand version. It operates much like a radio transmitter, only the wavelength is set to visible light. Thus, it runs forever."
Rown says, "Two. One to attempt the change and the other to carry off the first when the attempt backfires. :-p"
Drake says, "A riddle... ah. Two, Argon. One holds the bulb and the other threatens it incoherently and inconsistently for 45 minutes until it changes. :D"
Malkernen says, "Well Argon, I would have to say hopefully none. Cause if it takes any, that means they are around!"
Nikon says softly, "The world will never know Argon."
Cye says, "They know how to change light bulbs?"
Austin says, "They'd only need the one, if they could resist trying to change it into a monster."
Arkitah says quietly, "One to devise an excessively elaborate evil scheme, one to hire evil minions to pull it off, and a third to realize that it did not need to be changed in the first place."
Gina_Doberman says, "2. One to screw it in, and one to steal it and take it away for experimentation!"
Arkitah says quietly, "Hey Mr. Evil Wallaby! How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"
Gilead ponders. "I think the answer was "One, to yell at his minions to do it."
Convergence says, "Is there such a thing as an Evil Wallaby?"
Guest1 says, "Depends. How tall are the wallabies, and do they have a ladder? :>"
Kilroy always thought that evil people preferred the dark so they could do their evil without interruption
Mouser hisses, "Just one, but you should see the utility bill for the laboratory..."
Frogar The Doze Garden 
We interrupt your usual Doze Garden to bring you a Spindizzy Premier Feature!

What happens next? That's up to you!
This is an ongoing interactive comic project much like an interactive story project. Each person takes turns drawing another episode! If you are artistically inclined, or just feel inspired to draw a page for us, please contact the artist of today's strip at  willymorganthere@hotmail.com in order to set an order for things. Just remember to keep the story relatively PG-13, and you'll be fine. All applicants will have the opportunity to draw an episode (i.e., if you can only draw stick figures you're still in for the running! Quality? What's that? :) ) though if an episode is considered too suggestive or too violent it will be turned down.
Just thought we'd make the rules clear before we get started! Have fun!
@Action News Info Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles
  Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy!  Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org, or qmail or page Argon about it.

Most any type of story or article will be accepted.  Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (Any more than anything that happens here does.) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have.  These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.