Argon - Editor
sightseeing expedition was cut short this week, when all
passengers and crew were successfully rescued from a chartered
sailboat that collided with an uncharted mountain recently
formed near the Atoll of No One. The tour craft began sinking
due to damage sustained, forcing the captain to make the call
Authorities have investigated the
mountain, determining it to be mostly composed of coffee
grounds, office furniture and official documents from the
recently defunct brokerage firm SEDron, a brokerage firm dealing
with the sale and transportation of global evil. Reported
shortfalls in the first-quarter SpinDizzy evil trend combined
with a poor office plan by upper management that allowed
employees to leave, forced the company to declare bankruptcy
last week. Attempts to contact SEDron executives have
unsuccessful at this time.
Currently, the immediate area around
the atoll has been marked off limits to both casual and
commercial traffic until assessment of ecological damage caused
by the documents, and appropriate taxes, can be determined.
Rose Garden Bulletin Board
information posted on the Bulletin Board in the Rose Garden, (
type +read then press enter ) Two events are planned
in the near future. One, a meeting concerning RP (Role
Play), and a Town Meeting. The Town Meeting seems to be
like a block party. A chance to get out and meet your
neighbors. To quote Morticon's post; "In
case some are confused, the town meeting and RP meeting are
SEPARATE. The RP meeting will be
held sometime next week, while the Town Meeting will
be held next month.
I'm looking at this Friday or next
Sunday for the RP meeting. Friday would give me more time for a
meeting, while Sunday might guarantee a larger attendance. Let
me know, all of you."
Please contact Morticon for further
If you've read The Lord of the Rings, you know that at the end
of the story, they end up at 'The Elven Havens', an almost
mythical place where the Elves go to leave Middle Earth and
spend eternity in Valinor. We get only a brief glimpse of
the havens in the book.
Now it is possible to visit the last refuge of SpinDizzy
Elves here in SpinDizzy. Although there have been few
reports of Elves heading off to Valinor, some have, and now you
can see the last refuge of the Elven way of life, and the few
remaining Elves who live here.
Malkernen, local Sylvan Elf has made it possible for locals
to visit The Elven Havens. Although usually hidden by
Elven magic, it has been made visible to polite visitors.
The Havens consist of a small village, a nice inn, and The
Citadel, a tall stone tower near the harbor. From the roof
of The Citadel, a telescope allows one to 'see' Valanor, the
beauty of which draws all Elves.
In addition, the last Elven ship remains at dock, ready to
make the long voyage to Valinor. When this ship sets sail,
it will be a sad day as all the remaining Elves will be upon
it. Although no one knows when that time will come, it is
worth visiting The Elven Havens before it does.
To get to The Havens, enter Teleport #6897
and follow The Elven Path. Or head west from The Rose
Garden, and follow the exits westward.
||Gilead, local otter scientist of recent fame for discovering Eocentaur fossils, has made it his recent project to complain about the lack of proper gloves for various furries.
"While preparing the Eocentaur fossils, I realized that laboratory safety equipment discriminates against otters," chirped Gilead. "They simply don't make gloves in my size. Or shape!" The accompanying artist's illustration shows how a glove with fingers and a webbed paw simply don't work.
However, nobody makes flat, paddle-like gloves without distinct fingers. Even if they did, said Gilead, his sharp claws would render them a temporary protection, at best.
"This isn't just an otter problem," he continued. "I mean, can you imagine a feline doing any sort of work requiring gloves? The moment she got frustrated, and her claws came out, that'd be the end of that. Even if she were just working with water, she'd have to spend the next hour flicking her wet paw in a most undignified manner."
All species with sharp claws, such as coatis, foxes, and raccoons, are equally at risk. Even blunt-hooved equines are not safe with the existing glove design, as the empty fingers could tangle and trip them.
Gilead did note, however, that although the one-toed equine foot would be amenable to simply putting a bag around the foot, such a solution would not work for felines, even if a reinforced, claw-proof rim were placed in the bag.
"Historically, bags around the feet would represent servitude and torture by wayward human children to a feline. It'd be like making them wear cans tied to their tails, or be dressed up in baby clothes," chirped the otter. "That's not a friendly work environment."
Gilead did not, however, present a solution, preferring to simply complain.
Review: Ice Age
I'd like to say good things about this movie. It's
superbly animated, with a clever musical score, good voice
acting, lots of lame but funny jokes, and some rather likeable
characters. Sadly, all of that is crushed under the
weight of some psychological issues the screenwriters have,
and frankly, as a card-carrying predator, I was seriously
disappointed. Yes, this is yet another Good Herbivores
vs. Evil Carnivores movie, with Man the Hunter as the Evilist
Carnivore of All. I swear, it's enough to make you want
to root for the guy that shot Bambi's Mom.
Okay, plot synopsis--Think "Three Men and a Baby"
meets "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," only with
fur. While during the Annual Fall Migration, Sid the
Sloth ends up an unlikely companion to Manfred Mastodon, a big
fellow with some big issues that sadly aren't very funny.
Together, they find a human child whose mother dies tastefully
off-screen, and decide to return
the little tyke to "his herd." They meet up
with Diego, a saber-toothed tiger who's also interested in the
kid for reasons of his own, and no, it's not for a snack.
It's something far, far worse:
The writers throw anthropomorphization for a loop here, folks.
We have a pack of sabre-toothed tigers stalking a tribe of Neanderthal-types.
The head of the pack has decided that since the chief of the
human tribe has killed off half the members of his pack, he's
is going to get revenge by kidnapping and eating the chief's
infant kid. Yes, folks, now you have it--hunting
(both human and animal) portrayed as gang warfare and blood
feud. How charmingly Balkan.
I won't give away any spoilers here, but as you can expect,
a lot of "male bonding" goes on with this unlikely
trio. The writers throw this for a loop too, making me
wonder quite frankly about their sexual orientation by the
time the film was over. No, seriously. You won't
find many females in this picture, and every one of them ends
up either dead or abandoned. A pair of
rhinos have a bit part; you'd expect them to be a mated pair,
male and female right? No, they're two males. Go
figure. It's obvious the writers have some serious
issues about women here, over and above them being
granola-eating bunny-huggers. It's sad when childrens'
entertainment gets used as a vehicle for adults' psychodrama.
asked in this week's survey, "I'm doing a survey to be
published in @Action News. The question is, 'What's
the most fun you can have while *not* breathing?'
"I would have to say, swimming under water."
"Realizing who's been sending you all those death
"while not breathing?" Dolly wonders what
this 'breathing' thing is.
"holding a toke in?"
"Having an out of body experience."
"You can hold your breath until you pass out."
"Running down salmon, Argon"
"Umm swimming underwater!"
says, "Trench swimming n.n"
really has no answer to that. Figures, the one time in
months that he's actually around to get asked the
says, "Being in outer space without space suit
chirps, "Chasing a fish! :-9~~~"
says, "Eating a mouthful of my mom's best, lasagna."
says, "Trying to match the breathing times of Kier
Dullea, William Shatner, or any of a lot of other classic
movie scene's characters."
smirks. "That is easy. When I'm busy strangling the
other fur harder. It's either that, or looking
says, "Being in water what else?"
says, "Or eating. You can't breathe and eat at the
hmms. "I spend a lot of time underwater, so...I do a
lot of things while I'm not breathing."
mews, "Swiming underwater!"
perks an ear. "I'm ready for my close up, Mister
Argon! :) Oh... not breathing, eh... oh. OK! The most fun
you can have while not breathing is astral projecting.
Procedures for Submitting Articles
||Submitting a story
or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to email@example.com,
or qmail or page Argon about it.
Most any type of story or article will be accepted.
Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or
flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of
SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair
game. The things reported don't have to have actually
happened, (Any more than anything that happens here does.) but
make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of
interaction that we have. These are pretty broad
guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.