1/13/2002

 Argon - Editor

Newswire Sources Great Ring Found (Sort Of)
  J. R. R. Tolkien wrote a story of Great Rings, controlled by the One Ring, and war and magic and the rise and fall of a civilization.  In his story, the future of the world rests in the fate of the One Ring, which has been lost for centuries. Powerful forces are unrelenting in their search for it. But fate has placed it in the hands of a young Hobbit named Frodo Bagins, who inherits the Ring and steps into legend.

A daunting task lies ahead for Frodo when he becomes the Ringbearer ó to destroy the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom where it was forged. But he canít do it alone. A Fellowship bands together to lend Frodo the wisdom of Gandalf; the loyalty of his friends Sam, Merry, and Pippin; the courage of Aragorn and Borimor; the precision of Legolas; and the strength of Gimli. They are aided in their quest by Arwin and Elrond, whose knowledge of the Ring brings to light the true danger and importance of their journey.

It turns out, that Tolkien's story, as rich and clever as it may be, is all wrong.  The 'Great Rings' are still hidden away and safe from evil.  The rings of power and the One Ring that the Humans, Elves, Dwarves and Hobbits thought they were destroying were decoys.  The actual rings of power still exist and are hidden in a place both obvious and un-noticed.  They are hidden in ringed tails.  Ringtails, Raccoons, Coatis and others have the rings of power.

The inscription on the One Ring is mistranslated by Gandalf.  It actually reads:

One ring to rule them all 
One ring that's shiny.
One ring to bring them all
Of the fish!
Three Rings for Ringtails under the sky.
Seven for the Raccoons in their halls of shinies
Nine for Coatis, elastic or not.
One for the Raccoon who's tail now has an extra ring.

Terry suggested that the last line in the first stanza read, "And in the darkness... tie their tails together!"  But the 'ring-tailed' folks took exception with that.  

When asked why fake rings were made, this reporter was told, "If folks knew all the power was in our tail rings, think of the trouble we'd have!  So we made shiny rings as decoys!  Who can resist something shiny?  And it worked!  Some guy wrote a whole book, and some movies were made about the fake rings, and not a one of them mentioned Raccoons!"  

When asked why this secret of the Rings of Power was being revealed, I was told, "How many ringed tails are you going to check before giving up?  There are billions of tail rings!"

Argon MTV and Fursuits (Program Review)
  One or two people talk about having sex in fur suits in front of a TV camera.  They could only find one guy, who lives at home with his Mommy to talk in depth about it.  He is an idiot.  The name of the show is MTV Sex2K.  D'uh!  What did he think, they were to do a show about nuclear fission?  It didn't occur to him  obviously, that the show was going portray everyone who wears a fur suit as a sex crazed pervert, which, of course, isn't true.  But let's back off a second.

Personally, I don't care if no one, or everyone who wears a fur suit has sexual issues about wearing them.  I believe that the number of folks having sex in fur suits is a) small, and b) nothing I want to hear about.  I'm suspicious of anyone talking about sex on TV.   The fact that they had to carefully edit, stage, and create scenes, leads me to the obvious conclusion that there aren't a lot of folks out there doing this stuff, and those that are, are, like most folks, discrete about their sexual activities.

Plus there's the non issue of this guy calling himself a 'Furry'.  Some folks are upset that this show portrays all 'Furries' as sex nuts.  Again, who cares?  If the shoe fits, wear it, if not, forget about it.  A few Centaurs 'raped' the Sabine women.  I am proud to be a Centaur.  I don't fit the description of those mythical Centaurs, so the myth that all Centaurs are drunken sex crazed animals doesn't apply.  The 'fact' that a few folks who call themselves Furries are portrayed as a bit off center sexually doesn't apply to most Furries.  

So be as proud to be a Furry as I am to be a Centaur, and if you see the guy in that MTV show, ask him if he was born an idiot, or if he was hit in the head.  If he says he wasn't, hit him in the head with a clue by four.

By Maxl, Rich In Chocolatey Goodness QUASI-EDITORIAL: How to recover from the Holidays.
  Well, the holidays are now officially over for all of us, inept students and inept workers alike, and you might be so overcome with apathy and residual hangover from the holiday season that you want to explode. So unstrap that explosive from your chest and consider these great ways to forget about the Holiday season and go on with your miserable, boring life!

* Take all of the excess alcohol still in your home from parties, dealing with family, etc. and drink it. All. After you get your stomach pumped, you'll be so miserable you'll forget all about the Holidays.

* Never talk to your family again.

* Destroy all of the things you got for Christmas that you don't like. Build a little fort out of the things you do like and stage a war against somebody living with you, or one of your friends.

* Murder your arch-nemesis. The prison term will not only make you forget the Holidays, but suddenly your life will be much more interesting!`
Argon Weekly Survey
  Argon asked in this week's survey, "I'm doing a survey to be published in @Action News.  The question is,  'Are you having fun with the Flubber Rose Garden?'
Arkitah quips, "Flubber doesn't fit my cool, tough-guy image."
Lamar yaps, "Its a health risk, SED is persuing a class action suit against the people who let this happen!"
AlexRaccoon speaks, "As if I couldn't bounce high enough already. :>"
Splash says, "I didn't know there was flubber in the garden. Shows how observant I am. :)"
Stars'_Pyre telempathy-sings, "So, my answer to the poll is: No"
Alex says, "I found that I can use Flubber as a rocket propellant so yes"
Gina_Doberman says, "Oh, that... Well, I got a big surprise when I tried jumping into the fountain. Didn't know about the flubber!"
Cye says, "we'll I have to say no.. I'm a bit too large to have fun with it."
@Action News The Doze Garden Comic Section
Mouser SpinDizzy's Shortest Lived New Year's Resolutions
 
Ping  Ping And Nikon Visit Mudville
 
Reiter  Mouse Angst
 

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