Argon - Editor
||Great Ring Found
J. R. R. Tolkien wrote a story of Great Rings, controlled
by the One Ring,
and war and magic and the rise and fall of a civilization.
In his story, the future of the world rests in the fate of the
One Ring, which has been lost for centuries. Powerful forces are
unrelenting in their search for it. But fate has placed it in
the hands of a young Hobbit named Frodo Bagins, who inherits the
Ring and steps into legend.
A daunting task lies ahead for Frodo when he becomes the
Ringbearer ó to destroy the One Ring in the fires of Mount
Doom where it was forged. But he canít do it alone. A
Fellowship bands together to lend Frodo the wisdom of Gandalf;
the loyalty of his friends Sam, Merry, and Pippin; the courage
of Aragorn and Borimor; the precision of Legolas; and the
strength of Gimli. They are aided in their quest by Arwin and
Elrond, whose knowledge of the Ring brings to light the true
danger and importance of their journey.
It turns out, that Tolkien's story, as rich and clever as it
may be, is all wrong. The 'Great Rings' are still hidden
away and safe from evil. The rings of power and the One
Ring that the Humans, Elves, Dwarves and Hobbits thought they
were destroying were decoys. The actual rings of power
still exist and are hidden in a place both obvious and
un-noticed. They are hidden in ringed tails. Ringtails, Raccoons,
Coatis and others have the
rings of power.
The inscription on the One Ring is mistranslated by Gandalf.
It actually reads:
|One ring to rule them all
|One ring that's shiny.
|One ring to bring them all
|Of the fish!
|Three Rings for Ringtails under the sky.
|Seven for the Raccoons in their halls of
|Nine for Coatis, elastic or not.
|One for the Raccoon who's tail now has an
Terry suggested that the last line in
the first stanza read, "And in the
darkness... tie their tails together!" But the 'ring-tailed'
folks took exception with that.
When asked why fake rings were made,
this reporter was told, "If folks knew all the power was in
our tail rings, think of the trouble we'd have! So we made
shiny rings as decoys! Who can resist something
shiny? And it worked! Some guy wrote a whole book,
and some movies were made about the fake rings, and not a one of
them mentioned Raccoons!"
When asked why this secret of the Rings
of Power was being revealed, I was told, "How many ringed
tails are you going to check before giving up? There are
billions of tail rings!"
and Fursuits (Program Review)
One or two people talk about having sex in fur suits in front of
a TV camera. They could only find one guy, who lives at
home with his Mommy to talk in depth about it. He is an
idiot. The name of the show is MTV Sex2K. D'uh!
What did he think, they were to do a show about nuclear
fission? It didn't occur to him obviously, that the
show was going portray everyone who wears a fur suit as a sex
crazed pervert, which, of course, isn't true. But let's
back off a second.
Personally, I don't care if no one, or everyone who wears a
fur suit has sexual issues about wearing them. I believe
that the number of folks having sex in fur suits is a) small,
and b) nothing I want to hear about. I'm suspicious of
anyone talking about sex on TV. The fact that they
had to carefully edit, stage, and create scenes, leads me to the
obvious conclusion that there aren't a lot of folks out there
doing this stuff, and those that are, are, like most folks,
discrete about their sexual activities.
Plus there's the non issue of this guy calling himself a
'Furry'. Some folks are upset that this show portrays all
'Furries' as sex nuts. Again, who cares? If the shoe
fits, wear it, if not, forget about it. A few Centaurs
'raped' the Sabine women. I am proud to be a
Centaur. I don't fit the description of those mythical
Centaurs, so the myth that all Centaurs are drunken sex crazed
animals doesn't apply. The 'fact' that a few folks who
call themselves Furries are portrayed as a bit off center
sexually doesn't apply to most Furries.
So be as proud to be a Furry as I am to be a Centaur, and if
you see the guy in that MTV show, ask him if he was born an
idiot, or if he was hit in the head. If he says he wasn't,
hit him in the head with a clue by four.
Maxl, Rich In Chocolatey Goodness
||QUASI-EDITORIAL: How to recover from
Well, the holidays are now officially over for all of us, inept students and inept workers alike, and you might be so overcome with
apathy and residual hangover from the holiday season that you want to
explode. So unstrap that explosive from your chest and consider these
great ways to forget about the Holiday season and go on with your
miserable, boring life!
* Take all of the excess alcohol still in your home from parties,
dealing with family, etc. and drink it. All. After you get your
stomach pumped, you'll be so miserable you'll forget all about the Holidays.
* Never talk to your family again.
* Destroy all of the things you got for Christmas that you don't like.
Build a little fort out of the things you do like and stage a war against
somebody living with you, or one of your friends.
* Murder your arch-nemesis. The prison term will not only make you
forget the Holidays, but suddenly your life will be much more interesting!`
asked in this week's survey, "I'm doing a survey to be
published in @Action News. The question is, 'Are you
having fun with the Flubber Rose Garden?'
|Arkitah quips, "Flubber
doesn't fit my cool, tough-guy image."
|Lamar yaps, "Its
a health risk, SED is persuing a class action suit against
the people who let this happen!"
"As if I couldn't bounce high enough already.
|Splash says, "I
didn't know there was flubber in the garden. Shows how
observant I am. :)"
telempathy-sings, "So, my answer to the poll is:
|Alex says, "I
found that I can use Flubber as a rocket propellant so
"Oh, that... Well, I got a big surprise when I tried
jumping into the fountain. Didn't know about the flubber!"
|Cye says, "we'll
I have to say no.. I'm a bit too large to have fun with
Doze Garden Comic Section
Shortest Lived New Year's Resolutions
And Nikon Visit Mudville
Procedures for Submitting Articles
||Submitting a story
or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to email@example.com,
or qmail or page Argon about it.
Most any type of story or article will be accepted.
Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or
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SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair
game. The things reported don't have to have actually
happened, (Any more than anything that happens here does.) but
make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of
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guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.