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The SED blimp, a seemingly sentient, self governing device, makes occasional visits to SpinDizzy's usual central meeting place. This week there was a large group present as it floated in. A previous discussion about orca whales and their taste for penguins resulted in a comparison between the blimp and whales.

For reasons unclear to this reporter, it was decided that bringing the SED blimp down would be a good idea. Argon, local centaur, carried the comparison between the blimp and whales further by warning that it might be full of valuble whale oil. Borris, local polar bear, has had experience in capturing whales and used Aurora as a harpoon. He threw the penguin at the blimp and scored a direct hit. Tragically, Aurora's beak became lodged in the blimp causing blimp oil to pour all over the Rose Garden.

Aurora was able to dislodge her beak which caused even more blimp oil to gush out. As the oil came out, the blimp began to waver and sink. As its altitude decreased, the penguin was able to drop to the ground.

As the blimp wavered its way across the skies, the blimp oil continued to flood the ground below it. Moolooite, local puffin, said, "His blimp is not up to environmental standards, leaking blimp oil like that!" Kefan, local centaur, said, "It's up there blocking flying penguins. This mess is all his fault!"

Suri, local lemur, watched the whole event with excitement expressing hope that the blimp oil was flamible and the blimp was filled with gun powder. However no explosions or fires were produced so Suri was dissapointed. However, Travis, local red fox, with the help of Suri, finally stopped the oil by finishing off the blimp with SA-7 missles he had installed covertly into the canal bank. This did result in explosions and fire so Aleph, local human said, "Good job on this one, Suri. You're sure to receive a Secret Lemur Commendation from the Secret Lemur Society."

Moolooite worked to gather up as much blimp oil as possible, but the Rose Garden was still a mess. A late evening rain of blimp oil cleaner removed the rest of the oil and by the next day the Rose Garden was back to its spotless state.

Note that any inaccuracies in this report are the fault of lemurs.

A scientific investigation took place this week which resulted in the answer to an age old mystery.

Suri, local lemur, has often mentioned the abilities of her Deluxe Adjustable Tail. Its known abilities include extending and retracting, acting as a spring, and perhaps receiving radio broadcasts. As with most discoveries, this one came as a suprise while another was being investigated.

As is usual, Suri arrived in the Rose Garden and took her place on Argon, local centaur's, equine back. After "kerchundling" back and forth a bit, it was noted that she cast a shadow. Argon moved a bit to find that he had a lemur sundial. Although Argon was always careful to assure invited guests on his equine back did not fall off, he wondered if lemurs bounced.

Several methods of finding out were discussed and Argon decided to toss Suri to Ceredwyn, local wolf, to see what happened. As the centaur reached back to get Suri, he found he had hold of her Deluxe Adjustable Tail. He gently pulled on it, and found it, as its name implies, extended, leaving Suri standing comfortably on Argon's back. As the centaur found himself coiling up lemur tail, he handed the end to Elissa, local scottish vixen, and asked her to take it and run. She did and the tail halted at an amazing 33 meters (106 feet)!

Once Elissa reached the end of the lemur's tail, she slowly came back and it returned to its normal length. Elissa was wise in holding on as the flyback could have hurt someone. Considering Suri's interest it was with a sigh of relief that all this transpired without any explosions. It is always a happy occaision when scientific knowledge can be advanced without the danger of exploding lemurs.

Make a Rain Stick!

You'll need:

• Zinc foil
• Glue
• Wrapping paper tube
• Scissors
• Zinc beads

A long wrapping paper tube is best, but You can do this with a paper towel tube as well, if You want. Tear off two sheets of zinc foil, each about half again as long as the cardboard tube. Loosely crush them into long 'snakes', each a bit more than half as wide as the tube. Wrap them around one another in a double helix, so that they look like a zinc model of a DNA molecule. The whole assembly should be just a tiny bit wider than the cardboard tube, and there should be a fair-sized hollow between the 'snakes', running the entire length of the assembly. This part is important, because the hollow is the path where the beads will trickle along to make the noise.

Now, carefully, feed the helix into the tube. You'll probably have to keep adjusting things a bit with Your fingers as You slide it into place. Be patient and careful, because it's important that it fit snugly. Once it's all the way in, cut off any extra. Now seal one end of the tube by gluing on a piece of zinc foil. Add a handful of zinc beads to the tube, and seal off the other end. Cover the whole assembly with zinc foil so it looks nice. Now You've got a rainstick!

You can try using other things in place of the beads. BBs, dried beans, rice, etc, all make different sounds.

Sometimes someone will insult you while you're busy eating, or carrying a cub by the scruff, and you simply can't do the mature thing and immediately bite, scratch, or kick them. In those cases, the best you may be able to do is to insult their parentage. For when you have to defend yourself verbally without any warning to prepare yourself, in lieu of puns this week, a big list of
Yo Momma insults for critters you can pick from and always be ready.

For bears:
Yo Momma so fat, she can hibernate at will any day of the year.
Yo Momma so fat, the beavers take a vacation when she sits down in a salmon stream.
Yo Momma so stinky, when she wades into a stream, the salmon start running--the other way!
Yo Momma so lazy, she only goes after salmon if they're just walking.
Yo Momma so fat, when she slipped off the ice pack, she caused global sea rise.
Yo Momma so fat, she makes an ice den by just sitting on a glacier.
Yo Momma so dirty, she doesn't dig a den to hibernate, just lets her dust cloud settle around her.
Yo Momma so dumb, she prank-calls other bears to ask if the salmon are running, and says "Then You should go out and catch them!"

For otters:
Yo Momma so fat, she hunts by doing a cannonball, then knocking the fish out of the trees with a stick.
Yo Momma so dirty, when she dives for abalone, she leaves a ring.

For birds:
Yo Momma so ugly, statues come to life just to crap on her.
Yo Momma so fat, she has to use JATO packs to get airborn.
Yo Momma so fat, her belly leaves scrape marks on the ground when she circles the thermals.
Yo Momma so dumb, when her parents told her it was time to fledge, she said she'd rather live in the dorms.
Yo Momma so dirty, the water doesn't roll off her back, it runs! (ducks are birds)

For mice:
Yo Momma so ugly, hickory dickory dock, when the clock saw her running up, it stopped.
Yo Momma so ugly, she's why the three blind mice made themselves that way.
Yo Momma so fat, the doors of her house aren't mouseholes, they're mouse Chunnels.

For seals:
Yo Momma so loose, the beachmaster bulls call her "the quick-release seal."

For cats:
Yo Momma so dirty, when she rubs against someone's leg, she leaves skidmarks.
Yo Momma so dirty, she uses her own dust cloud to locate sunbeams to nap in.
Yo Momma so fat, the mice don't even try to bell her, they just feel her footsteps coming.
Yo Momma so lazy, she carries her own sunbeam.
Yo Momma so lazy, even the other cats notice.
Yo Momma so clumsy, she tried to walk across the floor, and fell off.
Yo Momma so dependent on humans, Meowth looks down on her. P>For lions:
Yo Momma so antisocial, her pride painted spots on her and told her she was a leopard.
Yo Momma so fat, she dyed her neck rolls a darker color and tried to pass for a male lion.

For coatis:
Yo Momma so ugly, her plastic surgeon told her to just root with her tail and hold her nose up to maintain contact with the group.
Yo Momma so dirty, when she takes a bath, she leaves tailrings. (also for raccoons)

For raccoons:
Yo Momma so dirty, when she washes her food, her paws leave a ring around the lake.
Yo Momma so dumb, she gave up trying to steal from an open trashcan because she couldn't figure out how to get the lid off.
Yo Momma so dumb, she's still looking under rocks to find a crawmom.

For foxes:
Yo Momma so ugly, they had to make a new fchan domain above /ah/ just for pics of her.
Yo Momma so fat, when she pounces mice, it measures on the Richter scale.
Yo Momma so easy, she calls each of her kits by their last names.
Yo Momma so fat, people see her butt cheeks alongside her tail and think she's a 3,000 year old kitsune.
Yo Momma so old, her tails have their own tails.
Yo Momma so slow, mice who see her starting to pounce just build concrete domes to protect themselves.
Yo Momma so fat, she qualifies as a Tank Vixen even when she's just walking.
Yo Momma so gullible, Br'er Rabbit gave up playing tricks on her out of boredom.

For centaurs:
Yo Momma so ugly, when she walked backwards on her hands and forehooves, everyone complimented her on the facelift.
Yo Momma so fat, she keeps leaving hoofprints on her human tummy.

For horses:
Yo Momma so ugly, she's the reason blinders were invented.

For dragons:
Yo Momma so fat, her hoard consists of gold foil.
Yo Momma so greasy, she can't breathe for fear of igniting herself.
Yo Momma so dumb, she let a maiden go for cheating at cards, figuring she should only eat fair maidens.

For fish:
Yo Momma so dumb, she gathers in special ed schools.

For sharks:
Yo Momma so fat, her remoras put a decompression chamber halfway up her tummy so they wouldn't get the bends coming up from the bottom of it.

For civets:
Yo Momma so dirty, a whole family of Indonesians make a living picking coffee beans out of her fur.

For frogs:
Yo Momma so fat, she just opens her mouth and lets gravity pull insects to her tongue.
Yo Momma so old, she hasn't evolved out of the water yet.

For tanukis:
Yo Momma so fat, the dangling lobes of her belly got her a job standing in front of a restaurant.
Yo Momma so fat, she uses her belly as the whole percussion section of an orchestra.

For balloons:
Yo Momma so fat, when she got stuck with a pin a couple years ago, they called it Hurricane Katrina.
Yo Momma so fat, when she drifted over New Jersey, a reporter screamed, "Oh the humanity!"
Yo Momma so dumb, she's the origin of the term "airhead."

For robots:
Yo Factory so old, the peasants pumping the bellows on the forge have long white beards.

For dogs:
Yo Momma so mangy, she tries to speak with a Mexican accent just to avoid funny looks.
Yo Momma so dumb, when she saw a sign that said, "Caution, Wet Floor," she immediately squatted.

For red pandas:
Yo Momma so lazy, she eats bamboo, but doesn't even shoot or leave.

For bunnies:
Yo Momma so lazy, a tortoise can beat her in a race.
Yo Momma so greedy, she eats all the Easter eggs and jelly beans in her basket herself.
Yo Momma so dirty, she doesn't care what color of pellet she's making, she just eats them.
Yo Momma so fat, she got a job on Teletubbies.

For kangaroos:
Yo Momma so old, she keeps a cup in her pouch for her joeys' dentures.
Yo Momma so lazy, she uses a pogo stick.
Yo Momma so dumb, she named all her babies Joey.
Yo Momma so old, her pouch joeys keep getting tangled in cobwebs.
Yo Momma so old, her pouch simultaneously gives two kinds of dust.

For badgers:
Yo Momma so uncool, all her jokes are about Shaft and "I can dig it."
Yo Momma so lazy, she considers a penny dropped down a gopher hole to be lost.

For ferrets:
Yo Momma so lazy, she couldn't tear her way out of a tissue paper bag.
Yo Momma so fat, she reverses her direction inside a dryer hose just by rolling.

For skunks:
Yo Momma so dirty, predators are relieved when she sprays.
Yo Momma's breath so foul, she faces her predators because it works better.

For mongooses:
Yo Momma so slow, she got bit by an earthworm.
Yo Momma so dumb, she attacked a Metal Gear CD because she heard Solid Snake was in it.
Yo Momma so fat, she kills cobras by sitting on them.
Yo Momma so fat and dumb, none of the other meerkats would ever let her be the baby sitter, in case she took it literally.

Hi there! Ba'ar here with your Spindizzy @Action News survey for this week. What's your favorite online news source?

• WhyteShadow gets his news from Thuryl and Imban, and adds that he gets his gaming news from Nintendo World Report and whatever else he's linked to (Kotaku or GamePolitics, usually). Everything else is amalgamated from a wide variety of sources.
• Ba'ar growls, "Mine is a toss up between http://my.yahoo.com and http://www.azcentral.com."
• Austin says, "Reuters.com, I'd say. Maybe BBC News."
• Argon says, "Why @Action News, of course!"
• El! says, "Slash Dot!"
• Fermata says, "Bulldada Newsblog ."
• Ceredwyn says, "http://www.spindizzynews.org My favorite news site."
• DTF shrugs "Usually just use Google News when looking things up. My major news source is word-of-mouth (and online groups) and television news broadcasts."
• PatchO'Black mews, "Um...@Action News?"
• Rin doesn't actually keep up with news much... She admits to the almost shameful practice of reading Seanbaby's 'The Probe', but mostly because it's just funny.
• Moolooite says, "BBC and the Christian Science Monitor."
• Natasha says, "POE News, plug plug."

Love found Argon's pencil and eraser so he couldn't draw a cartoon this week.

• @Action News is published weekly sometime on Sunday.
• Articles received after midnight Pacific time on Saturday may be held and published in the next edition of @Action News.
• Most any type of story or article of interest to SpinDizzy's newspaper readers will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy.
• Things that occur in public areas are fair game.
• The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does,) but make sure You don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have.