@ Action News

Argon -- Editor
Ba'ar -- Associate Editor

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"The Beach" needs a name

Just to the east of the Rose Garden is a lovely place where the water meets the shore. For years it has been known simply as, "The Beach". Many are the times that conversations that are clashing with those in the Rose Garden have been moved there, or those who need a quiet place to adjust their wardrobe or have a word in private have used "The Beach.

As the Rose Garden undergoes renovations, "The Beach" is also being reinforced. Have recent storms undermined the beach? Has the water become uncomfortable for otters and cetans? No one is quite sure, but changes are underway.

In light of the changes, Austin, local coati / rabbit has asked for suggestions as to what to call this shore. Several suggestions have been tossed around and some are very good ideas and some are just plain silly. Washed Up Used Medical Waste Lagoon being one of those.

If you have an idea for naming "The Beach", give Austin a qmail or page #mail and suggest your idea to him. Use your imagination and have fun!

Flying lessons in the Rose Garden

Than, local lion cub had been chatting with Airborn, local holographic skunk, about his plane. As this reporter understands it, Airborn's plane is really Airborn, and Airborn the holographic skunk, is just an interface it uses to interact with folks.

Than hinted that she sure would like to pilot a plane, so Airborn the airplane made a landing in the Garden. Airborn the skunk climbed aboard and invited Than to take her place in the pilot's seat. Than climbed in and seemed to have some innate knowledge of planes as she checked the lights and electronics and then climbed out to check the landing gear, tires, elevators and flaps, and the rudder of course.

Satisfied that all was well, Than climbed back in. Airborn the plane told her that all was well (and who would know better than the plane itself?) but Than, like a good pilot, said she just wanted to make sure.

Soon Than started the engine and checked the instruments. She put on the brakes and increased the thottle. When she released the brakes, Airborn took off straight up into the sky! Than squealed with delight and Airborn the skunk held on for dear life!

Being a "sentient" airplane, Airborn let himself be guided by Than and did some loop the loops and even buzzed the crowd in the Rose Garden! Folks arriving looked up at the sound of Airborn's engine and smiled at the fun the flying kitten was having.

Much too soon for Than though, Airborn was getting low on fuel and had to land. Than jumped out and gave Airborn the skunk a big hug and then gave Airborn the plane one too! Airborn jumped into Airborn and flew off towards his airport, leaving Than an invitation to come out and visit it sometime.

Skyler becomes a toy!

Skyler the bunny who used to be bunny slippers thought it would be pretty neat if he was a living toy like Dolly or Beltrami the balloons are. But it's kind of hard to figure out how to do that and we couldn't think how for the longest time.

But we found a way because there's a fairy tree living in the faerie glade, N4 E1, that's just east of the Christmas Tree retirement home. It's a magic tree but it doesn't have any spirit that lives in it full-time, which makes it kind of lonely. So anybody who wants can go up to it and kind of hug it until they fall inside and become its spirit for a little while. It's as long as you like and when you go back in you can turn back into your solid self and leave again, but it's made a lot happier if you do some magic to make people happier while you're its fairy magic.

Anyway Skyler and I went there with Roofus Roo the fairy kangaroo and Gilead the otter, and Gilead and I leapt together into the tree to be its magic spirits together. Gilead really liked that because even though he wasn't really solid and he was transparent he could be everywhere at once and hug everybody *everywhere* all at once so if you felt an otter hugging you it was probably him.

So we got to thinking about what kind of toy Skyler wanted to be. Gilead thought of those drink-and-wet dolls some play with but Skyler thought that was kind of embarrassing, and finally we figured he should probably just be a rubber bunny kind of like the way you'd have a rubber ducky for the bathtub. And he liked that so Roofus and Gilead and I held hands around Skyler and thought hard and filled him up with fairy magic that turned him into a hollow rubber shell that was still bunny-shaped and living and everything.

When we thought about it some more we figured if Skyler was going to be in the water a lot he should maybe have webby paws like Gilead does so he can swim better, and with magic Gilead thinking it over Skyler's feet stretched out so between the toes it's a lot like otter paws, and plus Gilead made Skyler's teeth bigger so it's easier to see he's a bunny and not a wallaby. And we put in some color too so he wasn't too dull white overall and white on his belly and feet--a little red spot on his back and purple spots on the tops of his feet and on his hands (Roofus liked that especially), and nice cheery blue spots for his eyes and nose too. Roofus also made Skyler's paws bigger and some more pink on the palms and they're so much cuter like that.

Then we all blew hard on his belly and that kind of fixed it so the magic would't wear off anytime soon, and made it so his belly squeaks if you hug it, and that was just so wonderful we could barely believe it.

Gilead and I went back to being real instead of magic, and Gilead was a little sad about that because he liked being able to hug everybody everywhere at once, and also he figured being transparent like he was would make it easier to sneak up on fishes! But that's OK because he could be a magic otter when he wants by going up to the tree and we probably will again sooner or later. Plus Skyler's really really happy being a rubber squeak toy bunny.

Experts close to cracking the Beltrami Code

Scientist and Linguists at the SpinDizzy University school of language today announced a breakthrough in the mysterious Beltromi code.

Beltrami, local balloon, has mystified experts for years with her cryptic communication style. Using hand gestures, facial expressions and the occaisional use of an electronic "blackboard", the balloon has left both experts and friends at a loss sometimes in understanding what she's trying to "say".

Unlike Dan Brown's exciting novel, "The Da Vinci Code", and the upcoming movie based on the book, Beltrami has no mysterious creator who painted masterpieces and left behind mysterious writings to be decoded and dissected to reveal her meaning.

The breakthrough was summarized in a press release indicating that, "...by holding a balloon full of air by its nozzle and varying the pressure and speed of the escaping air, sounds which resemble discernable communications can be made. By doing the same thing to..." Well, the method they described can be almost guaranteed by this reporter to be completely refused by Beltram.

So for the time being, Beltrami's fun and playful personality can be enjoyed by those who have no idea what she's saying. And her clever wordplay and vast vocabulary can be enjoyed and marveled at by those who do.

Gilead's All-Wet Beach Puns

Q: Why do so many young dogs hang out in Cancun?
A: To enjoy theee maaany fine beaches....

Q: Why do Chihuahas make such good lifeguards?
A: They love to spaynd all daaayy watcheeng thee beaches...

Q: Why do female dogs like to sit on surfboards?
A: Everyone knows a beach bum belongs on a surfboard.

Q: What Oscar-winning movie featured lots of bunnies hopping along a beach?
A: Carrots of Fire.

Q: What should you do when you're hungry at the beach?
A: Eat the sand which is there. (OK, it's so old I fell off my trilobite the first time my grandmother told it to me.)

Q: What's a centaur's biggest irrational fear at the beach?
A: Horseshoe crabs.

Q: Why did the town Parks Department wear wide-brimmed hats, fur coats, walking sticks, and platform shoes for a uniform?
A: Because their job was to control their beaches.

Q: Why did the dolphin wear all black to his first beach party?
A: He thought that meant a funeral.

Q: What grades do birds get if they spend all day at the beach instead of doing homework?
A: Gull C's.

Q: Why did the Pteronura brasiliensis eat a lot the instant she got to the beach?
A: She wanted to go Full Brazilian Giant Otter before putting on her new thong bikini.

Q: What is the worst kind of attol for a giant girl to wear?
A: A Bikini Atoll.

Q: What do rabbits wear to the beach?
A: A bunkini.

Q: What do pigs do at the beach?
A: Build mud castles.

Q: Why are giants such good friends to have at the beach?
A: If the water in a whole lake is too cold, someone big needs to warm it up.

Q: What do cats do at the beach?
A1: Flick their wet paws and look miserable.
A2: What else would a cat do with a giant sandbox?

In Step With:Swiftheart Rabbit


This week we chat with Swiftheart, local rabbit and Care Bear Cousin.

Swiftheart has arrived.

Ba'ar smiles, "Hello Swiftheart *snuggles*"

Swiftheart says, "Hi!"

Ba'ar growls, "Thanks for agreeing to help me do the interview."

Swiftheart says, "Always willing to help."

Ba'ar growls, "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"

Swiftheart says, "Only a few weeks, not sure the exact date I arrived."

Ba'ar growls, "What brought you to Spindizzy? Were you sent here on a Caring Mission?"

Swiftheart says, "No specific mission, just heard through channels that it was a place friendly to those of the Care Bears family."

Ba'ar nods, "This place has a large Care Bear community in it."

Swiftheart says, "It does, nice to be among friends."

Ba'ar growls, "So tell me about The Care Bear Family. How did you meet them? Were you always a member?"

Swiftheart says, "Oh no, we cousins came about later after helping them solve a major problem."

Ba'ar growls, "Professor Coldheart?"

Swiftheart says, "No, this was a boy who summoned an evil spirit and sucked all the caring from the world. All the cousins helped the Care Bears make things right."

Ba'ar nods "So how long does it take to learn how to be a Care Bear ?"

Ba'ar growls, "What kinds of things do you have to learn?"

Swiftheart says, "The time can vary greatly, but the big thing you learn is caring for others, and seeing to the needs of others over your own needs."

Swiftheart says, "I've had to learn a few tough lessons myself."

Ba'ar growls, "Like what?"

Swiftheart says, "Like how overconfidence can be a bad thing."

Ba'ar growls, "I know each Care Bear has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. Do you receive mission assignments based on that?"

Swiftheart says, "At times, as each mission requires different talents."

Swiftheart says, "Working together, it's amazing what you can do."

Ba'ar growls, "What are the advantages of being a Care Bear Cousin? The Disadvantages?"

Swiftheart says, "An advantage is you are always aurrpunded by friends, and many look up to you."

Swiftheart says, "Surrounded, that is."

Ba'ar nods "That's a good answer, so any disadvantages?"

Swiftheart says, "A drawback is being known puts a bit of pressure on you, have to be careful to always behave in a certain way, as people have high expectations from you."

Ba'ar growls, "May I ask (and you don't have to answer this if you don't have to), any time that you regret being a care bear cousin?"

Swiftheart says, "I'd say no, I'm very happy being who I am."

Ba'ar growls, "I know that you Care Bears were popular for a while then you dropped out of sight. What did you do during those 'dark years'?"

Swiftheart says, "We kept doing what we do best, caring. It's just that we didn't get as uch attention as we used to, although the work continued."

Ba'ar nods "How do you think of you and your family being 'back in the spotlight' as it were?"

Swiftheart says, "I think it's a good thing, as one thing that never goes out of style is caring."

Ba'ar nods, "Thanks. So what do you like the most about Spindizzy (other than the big Care Bear community of course)?"

Swiftheart says, "It's a very friendly place, and there is a lot of caring here. It makes life here a bit easy, gives me time to relax and make new friends."

Ba'ar nods, "So what would you change about Spindizzy if you could?"

Swiftheart says, "Maybe add a carrot patch. "

Ba'ar growls, "Who do you admire the most, in Spindizzy or otherwise?"

Swiftheart says, "Really hard to say, as there's so many I do admire, picking one would be a tough choice."

Ba'ar growls, "Are you sure?"

Swiftheart says, "If I think of anyone before the paper comes out, I'll let you know."

Ba'ar nods, "So do you have any plans for the future?"

Swiftheart says, "Nothing too specific, the most pressing need at the moment is a new home."

Ba'ar nods, "What secret fact or desire about you would surprise our readers?"

Swiftheart says, "Maybe the fact that in spite of how rushed and hurried I seem, I actually enjoy taking time to just relax and take it easy. I do have my lazy moments. "

Ba'ar chuckles, "You? A rabbit? Lazy and taking it easy? THAT I have to see."

Swiftheart says, "It's true. "

Swiftheart says, "You asked for surprising. "

Ba'ar chuckles, "So in closing do you have any words of wisdom for our readers?"

Swiftheart says, "Just to keep caring, and know that there's always someone who cares about you."

Ba'ar smiles, "Good advice that. With that in mind, that concludes our interview. Again thanks."

Ba'ar gives the bunny a nice warm gentle bearhug.

Swiftheart says, "Always happy to help."

Bearing Up

Bearing Up logo.

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
When do you think I should do about the morass of Olympic coverage ?
- Retton

Dear Retton:
Turn off the TV and don't read the paper!

Dear Bearing Up:
What do you think's worse than being subjected to an audit by the IRS?
- Hoover

Dear Hoover:
Having two audits in a row by the IRS!

Dear Bearing Up:
What do you think of the up and coming 'Over The Hedge' movie?
- RJ

Dear RJ:

Dear Bearing Up:
What's better than a NARNIA sequel?
- taur

Dear taur:
A NARNIA sequel with Argon and Mavra in the starring roles!

Dear Bearing Up:
What do you think the best movie of all time is?
- Cas. A. Blanca

Dear Cas. A. Blanc
Spindizzy: The Movie!

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to baar.bear@gmail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Ba'ar Hi gang, Ba'ar here with the @Action News Survey for this week....As many of you know the Winter Olympics are on. What unique events could we as Spindizzians offer the Olympic Committee for inclusion in their games?

  • Ba'ar growls, (So I'm the one giving the survey-don't I have opinions too?) "How about 'The Cutest Vixen' contest. Only problem with that one is that Vixie would always take the Gold Medal."
  • Argon says, "How about medals for convincing your loved one that you really will carry out the trash as soon as this TV show is over?"
  • Kefan hmmms... "That's a good one, Ba'ar. Personally, I've always thought Team Snowball Fighting ought to be an Olympic sport."
  • Borris Gruffs, "Ah, the "Polar Bear Belly Sliding contest""
  • Gina_Doberman answers the survey. "Fox Soccer. Not Foxes playing soccer... Foxes as the ball!"
  • PatchO'Black mews, "I wish there was an innertube-sledding event. Something for us folks who can't ski...."
  • Nesta says, "SpinDizzians could offer centaur curling as a sport. "
  • Theon'drae croons softly, "Okay... Distance snowcone-tossing. "
  • Austin grins ... "I know, Ba'ar. Tournament rapid-fire snow-word punning."

Spindizzy Puppeteers' Guild

Furrydom's best puppeteer

Have a puppet and want to do something special with it? Then come join us at the Spindizzy Puppeteers' guild! Our discussions range from script writing to planning performances at upcoming furry conventions. We meet every Saturday Evening at 2000 MUCK time in the Puppet Theatre (T #10605 from anywhere). Come join us!

This week in History

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Editor's Note: Yes, I know this graphic looks terrible. I'll try and clean it up when I get home!

The Doze Garden

Ba'ar, local bear, prepares yet another edition of Spindizzy @Action News.

Doze Garden Cartoon

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, or Ba'ar about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News

Thanks! Ba'ar, Associate Editor @Action News