November 20, 2005
Volume VI - Issue 274
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SED Declares War on Centaurs
The Society of Evil Doers, tired of the shoddy treatment that has been received at the hands (and hooves) of the centaur community, recently declared war on centaurs and their friends. Spindizzy @Action News brings you this exclusive interview with Morticon, local jackanapes wallaby and SED leader.
Ba'ar growls, "So Morticon, am I to understand that the SED and its allies have declared war on centaurs and their allies?"
Morticon says, "Indeed. I have signed the document that makes it official. War has been declared on centaurs and their allies, called taurists, a name given by the dragon formerly known as Georgia and now known as Theon'drae."
Morticon says, "Anyone is welcome to help us in this endeavor, and they need not be part of the SED to do so!"
Morticon says, "Neutral parties will not be bothered, unless they choose to get involved."
Ba'ar growls, "This is grave news Morticon. May I ask why you are doing this?"
Morticon says, "Simple. Tensions between centaurs and others - not JUST the SED - have been building up over a period of years. The recent article about taurs made me decide to take no more of it! Me, and others, are tired of Centaurs' snooty attitudes, their rightiousness that sees black and white, but not gray, and the fact they take up a lot of room and have drastically increased in numbers lately. Other types of taurs aren't so bad yet, so for now we're mostly after centaurs."
Ba'ar growls, "So you're saying you and your allies are tired of centaurs not being open minded and accepting of other belief systems?"
Morticon says, "That is part of it. They have little tolerance for things that do not perfectly fit in with their 'good' view of the world."
Ba'ar growls, "Most centaurs I know of are pretty open minded and accepting of others' beliefs and points of view. "
Morticon says, "Well, they seem that way on the surface. But when push comes to shove, their true colors come out."
Morticon says, "Their mass exodus here is likely due to other cultures not wanting them either."
Ba'ar growls, "Can you give examples of this?"
Ba'ar growls, "Also...can you provide proof that 'other cultures don't want them?"
Morticon says, "Well, I won't name names of course, but a certain centaur gloated for months after he beat me in a race, proclaiming centaur's superiority over wallabies, and likely any other species. And, the best example is the rose garden mafia. They continually harass a certain red panda, seemingly unable to comprehend she is not evil nor good. Nearly all centaurs arrived here from other worlds - and most do not appear to miss where they were from. That indicates to me they escaped or were kicked out. I'll happily send them back to their former worlds..."
Morticon says, "The ' centaur state of mind' is rubbish!"
Ba'ar growls, "How about the fact that some centaurs, like Windwhistler, just want to explore outside their natal lands?"
Morticon says, "Well, if he doesn't posses the stereotypical centaur mind and does not assist either party, then I will not concern myself with him. He is the exception rather than the rule, in that case."
Morticon says, "You don't have to be a centaur to act like one, remember. The Taurists will be targetted too."
Ba'ar growls, "Have you tried talking with Argon and the others regarding your issues? They're generally nice folk."
Morticon says, "They're nice around Taurists, sure! Why, the media is pro-Taurist, I tell you. Once someone like me comes along who doesn't fit in with their view, they get difficult to talk with."
Ba'ar growls, "I resent that Morticon. I find it very easy to talk with you even though I am of the media (not to mention I'm Argon's second in command). "
Morticon says, "Then you do not have the centaur state of mind. Lucky for you."
Ba'ar growls, "Well anyway...what do you hope to do with this war? Raise awareness for issues for those who aren't centaurs?"
Morticon says, "That is one of my intentions. It's time for the rest of us to be noticed, too! My other goal is to drive the worst of the centaurs somewhere where they won't inflict their warped sense of reality on the rest of us. With all that done, the world, no, the universe will be a better place. Truely."
Ba'ar growls, "How do you hope to wage the war? The media? Actual battles?"
Morticon says, "A host of ways. Besides the usual physical fights, which aren't expected to be too numerous, we will drive them out by showing others to be superior in every way. Not only in battle, but with words (the media), the mind (debate?), and skills (yet to be determined)."
Ba'ar growls, "So if SD folk want to join your cause, should they come to you?"
Morticon says, "Yes. Or most any SEDer. We will be happy to get them filled in. And, of note, joining the SED is complwtly unnessecary. This is open to all. I don't know who will stand to lead on the other side, though."
Ba'ar growls, "What other resources can SDers provide?"
Morticon says, "Mostly others to help. This is not a war fought with machines; we will fight it ourselves. Not to say we won't use tools, but I have that taken care of. I just need SDers. And, if they know centaur secrets, I need those too. Perhaps shelter in times of need would also be useful. And watchful spies."
Ba'ar growls, "I will post that. Thank you for the interview. "
Ba'ar growls, "Thank you for the information."
Morticon nods and gets up. "I look forward to the opposing side's response, as the first 'battle', so to speak."
Centaurs unconcerned about SED's "war"
Argon, local centaur, after speaking to several other centaurs and friends on SpinDizzy, made the following statement:
"I am sorry to hear that Morticon has seen fit to "declare war" on the centaur population here on SpinDizzy. Although Morticon through the years has had a bad impression of centaurs, I cannot recall a time when any of them made the first move in the many defeats Morticon has suffered at their hands.
Most centaurs, and particularly those here on SpinDizzy, are open minded and willing to let other folks do as they like, as long as they don't infringe upon the safety and comfort of others. Morticon has picked fights of one sort or another with most everyone here, with few exceptions. The centaurs have left him alone, and only "fought" when attacked. Morticon fails to realise that even now, the centaurs do not hold a grudge against him, and would be happy to be friends with him.
American philosopher George Santayana said, 'Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.' History has shown that Morticon cannot beat the centaurs. It would show Morticon's wisdom if he were to see the centaurs as friends rather than enemies and stop banging his head against the wall of centaur solidarity and adherance to law and order.
Back in 1998 after I became a centaur and started coming to SpinDizzy, I have to admit I was amazed. First at the fact that I was a centaur, but also by the fact that this place was populated by, to be blunt, talking animals.
Sure, I'd seen cartoons where Wiley Coyote pursued the Roadrunner or Daffy Duck gave words of wisdom to Elmer Fudd. But to see regular bears and otters and raccoons walking around with clothes on, chatting with friends and drinking coffee and tea was something I thought only happened in cartoons or in fantasy. But as I had been changed into a centaur, something that I thought existed only in fantasy, I was able to accept this and enjoy it.
I never thought I'd be able to scritch a lion's tummy or patpat a bear. I got to see a coati and a bunny change body parts. I've seen the dead, undead and the dead come back to life. I got married in front of a group of centaurs, animals and types of beings I'd never imagined before coming here.
So to all my friends at SpinDizzy, thanks! This place is fun and pretty much my home. I hope to enjoy it, and all of you for a long long time!
Madagascar Movie review
I'm sure all of us have seen the ads for Madagascar and either gone to the theater and seen the movie or bought the DVD or both. For those of you haven't done either, here's reasons why you should at least rent it.
Alex the lion. We have some lions and lion hybrids here, and Alex is very human as this movie starts out. He is the main attraction at the Central Park Zoo which is a real place. Alex is treated royally as the crowds adore him, he is fed the finest steak, and lives in the lap of luxury. He is quite happy enjoying the crowd's adoration and chumming with his best friend...
Marty the Zebra. We don't have any zebras here that I can recall. We had a zebrataur once, Georgia, but she has since reverted to her dragon form and taken on the name Theon'drae. But in the movie, Marty too is treated well, his every want and need is given to him, but he longs to be "In the Wild" out in the fields and savannas, being free and letting his wild side out. For his tenth birthday his friends throw him a party. Alex is there along with:
Melman the Giraffe. Melmon likes living in the zoo because he is the worst hypochondriac ever. Melman worries about spots, about his diet, about his pills, even his temporature. Melman gives Marty a thermometer for his birthday. Marty seems a bit confused by this, but places the thermometer under his tongue to take his temperature as Melman says, "Yes... that was my first rectal thermometer..." Marty spits it out of course. Sorry to say that joke was telegraphed at the very start. The party group is completed with the arrival of:
Gloria the hippopotamus. Glorida is, well, a hippo. Very large but with a certain "sex appeal" that is played very well. She has Marty blow out the candles on his cake and make a wish. He does so and his friends asked him what he wished for. In spite of it being bad luck to tell your wish, he does saying he wished he could go out to "The Wild".
Later, the penguins who are digging a tunnel out of the zoo to escape to Antartica, end up in Marty's area. They tell Marty of their plan and then go back. Marty decides he too will escape and find "The Wild". So he does.
This has Alex, Melman, Gloria rushing to save Marty. At the same time the Penguins have gotten out and they too are headed to Grand Central Station. The friends find Marty and grab him just as the place is filled with police and animal control. Alex gets shot with a tranquilizer dart and wakes up in a crate.
He and his friends have all been crated up and are being sent to the Kenya Wildlife Preserve. The penguins have other plans though and after escaping from their crates take over the ship. As they turn it towards Antartica, the crates holding Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria, end up sliding off the ship's deck and in the water! So they float along for a bit and end up, can you guess? In Madagascar.
Here's another reason this is a cool movie, the lemurs. We all know Suri and her cousin Phooba, well now you can get a glimpse into what lemur life is like. Although not Suri and Phooba's group, they seem to enjoy many of the same things. When the friends meet the lemurs, they are both a bit supicious of the other. King Julien is the head lemur, but the show is really run by his assistant, Maurice. When the friends first appear, Marurice says,"They're going to kill us, take our women and our precious metals." an obvious reference to Suri's often mentioned love of zinc!
The lemurs seem pretty carefree and have fun singing and dancing (Though not with any sense of "Jellicleness",) and Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman make themselves comfortable while waiting for rescue. The only problem the lemurs seem to have are, the fossa (One of which we have here on SpinDizzy). These half cat half dog thingies enjoy eating lemurs! But King Julien things Alex can save the day!
Meanwhile, we see the ship the penguins took over parked at the edge of an ice flow with four penguin shapes siloettes stading in a raging blizzard. The head penguin says, "This sucks."
Back to Madagascar where Marty is enjoing being wild, but poor Alex is missing the comforts of home. Marty convinces Alex to let his wild side out. Alex who, up to now has ben quite anthropomorphic, gets down on all fours and starts running like a regular lion would. Marty chases his playing tag and soon, Alex is a wild lion. He soon sees Marty as a steak, in fact, he soon sees everyone as a steak. This causes a conflict and Alex exiles himself in, you guessed it fossa territory.
As his friends wonder what to do, they hear the horn of the ship. The pengins have returned. The friends know they have to get Alex before they can be rescued but Alex has surrounded himself with sharp sticks and rocks.
Marty finds a way in and talks Alex into going home, even though he's seen his "wild side." This leads to a climactic fight scene between the evil fossa an the freinds. When it seems all is lot, the penguins show up to save the day!
Overall this was an ok movie. The CG animation was good, Alex's mane was done well, but there was just a bit too much "camera" movement in the film. As disconcerting as this was on my TV, I can only imagine what it looked like on a theater screen.
The characters over acted terribly also. Sure it was supposed to be "cartoony", but it just didn't work in my opinion.
The animation was good. Most everything had residual motion and moves the way it was supposed to. The surround sound was good also, the "wood sounds" used it very well.
Although the story was old and tired, "One friend wants change, the other doesn't, first friend takes second with him, disaster strikes, one friend changes and is not dangerous, but their friendship is too powerful to allow one to harm the other." the film has a lot of appeal to SpinDizzians. Lions, lemurs, fossas and enough cartoonyness to make it familiar to SpinDizzians. Although the story was weak, and the animation wasn't eye popping, I'd have to say, over all, it was a pretty good movie. It'd give it a 6 out of 10.
In Step With: Amanda Rivers
This week, we chat with Amanda Rivers, local otter.
Amanda_Rivers has arrived.
Ba'ar smiles, "Thank you for coming Amanda...and thank you for helping me out with the interview."
Amanda_Rivers says, "S'ok!"
Ba'ar smiles, "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Hmmm. Somewhere around maybe a year and a half!"
Ba'ar nods, "So what brought you to Spindizzy?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Well... I was looking for a place to stay, and I eventually moved in with Dripdry. He introduced me to the place!"
Ba'ar growls, "I know Drip Dry. She's a real sweetie. "
Ba'ar growls, "I see you're an albino. Were you born that way?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Yeah. My folks were a little freaked out at first from what I'm told, but they got over it!"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Also got teased by the other kids a lot!"
Ba'ar nods, "They're always quick to pounce on some who's 'different' eh?"
Ba'ar growls, "I know the name of that tune."
Amanda_Rivers says, "Yeah, I had to endure being called 'Snowpuff' a lot!"
Ba'ar growls, "What are some of the advantages of being an albino?"
Ba'ar grins, "Other than, of course, being able to sneak up on your friends when it's snowing?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Well... As I got older, I began to get a lot of attention for the guys, but I thought they just wanted to go out with me due to the novelty of my appearence. I brushed a lot of them off!"
Ba'ar growls, "So what happened then? Did you find someone (or at least some friends) who were able to accept you for who you were?"
Amanda_Rivers nods. "I became interested at an early age in music. Took up the keyboards. Then I met Gina Doberman. She was looking for a keyboard player for her band, so I tried out. Got the job!
Ba'ar growls, "So you're a member of her band?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Yep. Money's good too. Beats working at the mall!"
Ba'ar nods, "So what are the disadvantages of being an albino (other than the teasing, of course)?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "My fur tends to stain easily. Have to be carefull when eating some foods, or it's spend hours with a scrub brush!"
Ba'ar growls, "How about the sun? I'd have to say you're extra sensitive to sunlight and have to be very careful about that."
Amanda_Rivers says, "Not really. Just need sunglasses. I spend a lot of time at the beach. Love watching the guys drool like idiots when I walk by in my bikini!"
Ba'ar nods, "So what's a typical day like for you (or is there such a thing?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Depends on if the band has a concert comeing up. Then it's writing what I'll be playing on my keyboards, arranging for my stuff to be transported, that kind of stuff. Otherwise I just do whatever. Shopping, biking, or at the beach as I said!"
Ba'ar nods, "Who do you admire the most? "
Amanda_Rivers says, "As in what?"
Ba'ar growls, "Perhaps...who has made the most difference in your life?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "All of my band members. Gina, Jenni, Irene, Angelique, Helena, Violet, and Sandra. They keep my life from getting boring, if you know what I mean!"
Ba'ar wiggles his eyebrows. "I hope you don't need a strait jacket because of them." *he grins*
Amanda_Rivers says, "No. What I mean is we're always doing something. Fame has it's rewards you know!"
Ba'ar smiles, "Sorry...Tried to make a joke, but it backfired."
Amanda_Rivers says, "S'ok!"
Ba'ar growls, "Do you have any plans for the future?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Well, never know. Peoples taste in music can change, and the bands popularity may fade some day. Probably eventually do the marriage thing, start a family, the usual!"
Ba'ar growls, "What secret fact or desire about you would surprise our readers?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "I've always had this idea of one day doing a childrens television show. Not likely to happen, but you never know!"
Ba'ar growls, "In closing, do you have any words of wisdom for our readers?"
Amanda_Rivers says, "Never be ashamed of your appearence!"
Ba'ar smiles, "That concludes our interview. Again, thanks for helping me out."
Amanda_Rivers says, "Thank you for having me here!"
Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.
Dear Bearing Up:
Dear S. Lemur:
Dear Bearing Up:
Dear A. Coati:
Dear Bearing Up:
Dear A. Coati:
Dear Bearing Up:
Dear R. Raccoon:
Dear Bearing Up:
Dear Bearing Up:
Dear Bearing Up:
Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks.
Gilead's Puntastic (not) Puns
Q: What do you call classical music, synchronized with animated centuars who have grotesquely oversized body parts?
Q: What do you call a penguin rap star?
Q: Why did the birdwatcher sell everything he owned for constant trips to the marsh?
Q: What did the grasshopper do when someone cut him off?
Q: Why did the large American wildcat wear white coveralls and a cap?
Q: What WB cartoon character has soft fur, lives way up high, and wears a Roman centurion's outfit?
Q: Why was the daddy ape so proud of his son?
Q: What do you call a Chinese donkey jenny who pretended to be a jack?
Q: What do you call a Chinese cow who pretended to be a bull?
Q: What do you call a Chinese ghost who pretends to be alive?
Q: What gnaws and leaves poison on things, and has a noisy tail?
Q: What's the most obedient primate?
Q: What's stubborn, has one shiny shoe, can carry more than its own weight, and does inappropriate things with children?
Q: What eats carcasses and sings OutKast lyrics?
Q: What eats bamboo and practically worships Mao Tse-Tung?
Q: What's covered in all-black feathers, but has shiny lights?
Q: How do rap star procyonidae do their hair?
Q: How do mythical Southwestern horned rabbits marry?
Q: Why didn't the pink otter join the Army?
Q: What's small, can talk, and is really tough?
This week in history
Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?
This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, "What superpower would you *least* like to have?
The Doze Garden
A reprise of a Doze Garden Cartoon from 2001
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