@ Action News

Argon -- Editor

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How do you smell, feel or taste?

From the SpinDizzy Bulletin Board

Announcing an easy way to set your smell, feel, and taste properties! You can thank Selethrial for the idea. Type 'look @scent', 'look @feel', and 'look @taste' for more information. It even sets the notification props so you know when someone accesses them!

To make them easy to use, they work essentially like the @desc command. Here's an example:

To set the scent property on yourself, enter: @scent me = Mmmm! To clear it, type: @scent me =

As always, let me know of any bugs you find.


Red Pandas Threaten to Turn Furry

Standing up red panda.

From the SpinDizzy Bulletin Board

Not having been content to remain simply cute and aloof for several thousand years, red pandas (or 'lesser pandas' as they prefer not to be known) have recently started to make inroads into the community known as 'furries'. One red panda at a zoo in Japan, after having seen a 'documentary' entitled 'CSI', has decided to attempt to join this community.

"I'm sure you're aware of the painful reputation that giant pandas have in terms of their intimate social lives," said Futa, pandas have in terms of our intimate social lives," said Futa, the red panda at Tokyo zoo through a translator. "I would like to assure you that red pandas are in no way similarly afflicted," he continued. "After seeing the documentary on furries, I am sure that becoming one will help to dispel this myth that red pandas are similar to our giant cousins in this respect, by becoming a furry."

More information on this breaking story can be found at, http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/japananimalpandaoffbeat

In step with: Morticon


Greetings! Ba'ar here with the latest in a series of articles about the local Spindizzy citizenry. Today we've scored a coup! Morticon, local jackanapes Wallaby and SED leader has agreed to take time out of his busy schedule to talk with us!

Morticon sits at a swivel chair. "Hello."

Ba'ar growls, "Greeting Morticon....Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule for the interview."

Morticon grins, "Of course. I'm quite happy to let my adoring public know more about the unseen me."

Ba'ar grins "Unseen you? The people see ALOT of you. But seriously folks......"

Ba'ar growls, "Okay let's start. Our readers know about you and some have even met you 'in the pelt' as it were. For one thing, how long have you been here in Spindizzy?"

Morticon says, "I was created as a side character (originally just for a short section of an RP. I was supposed to be killed soon after) sometime in 1997, pre-SpinDizzy, which puts me on TF&F. My evil could not be contained, and I was soon made into a real character and became unstoppable!"

Ba'ar nods "I understand fellow SEDer Mouser is also from TF and F."

Ba'ar growls, "I understand you're from a lab. How did this come about? How did you come to be in Spindizzy."

Morticon says, "I didn't really know Mouser back then, as my real SED involvement wasn't until SD. I am actually a prototype for a military project (who could ever suspect that cute little animals are trained killers?) and escaped from the lab of OzBioTech (OBT, for short. This is where my infamous dog-tag came from) during an infiltration by Shadowstalker, who was attempting to blow up the lab at the time. Unfortunatly, due to the demise of TF&F, how I got here (survived?) exactly is hidden in the mists of erased worlds."

Ba'ar growls, "Speaking of the SED......."

Ba'ar growls, "Our readers know about our organization the SED (Society of Evil Doers) and know of its goals (to take over the world). How would this improve things? "

Morticon thinks...

Morticon says, "Do I have to list ALL the reasons? Well... the best parts of my world domination scheme is that everyone would have something to do. Whether it's extracting material from the SED mines, or building a monolithic structure in dedication to me, all would lead fufilling lives. Petty things like arguments would be a thing of the past. Why, some of you, especially those who join the SED, would live in luxury all their days. Otherwise benefits include a highly organized world, no crime, and ninja sightings would be a common occurance. And of course, to give those who can't do hard labor things to do, I'll create a beaucracy. WHat could be more fufilling then to fill out papers?"

Morticon says, "And a side note, we will become even more technologically advanced. I'll sponsor research into various things that interest me, like a banana-free world."

Ba'ar growls, "Why would you want a Banana free world? Some furs (like myself) like a banana every now and again.."

Morticon says, "Well, frankly, it's to annoy the fruitbats. It is well known that wallabies and fruitbats, as well as centaurs, have never gotten along."

Morticon smirks.

Ba'ar growls, "If our readers wanted to join the SED, how could they go about doing this?"

Morticon says, "Glad you asked! They need to go to the SED FAQ on the SpinDizzy.org web site. That will fill them in. I'm also always looking for experimental subjects, willing or otherwise ::evil grin::."

Ba'ar growls, "Any special qualities that you're looking for in a new SED recruit?"

Morticon says, "Contrary to popular belief, I need them to be intelligent. An unfailing loyalty is also a plus, as well as being able to do things without me micromanaging. I mean, while I'm in the middle of building my next doomsday machine, I can't be telling a minion how to capture Sunshine!"

Ba'ar nods.

Ba'ar growls, "Here's another thing... What are you most proud of as SED chief?"

Ba'ar growls, "What was the SED's finest hour"

Morticon blinks.. "Oh my... a toughie.... I actually done hundreds of plots over the years, literally (small or otherwise)... Hmm..."

Morticon says, "A few that stick out in my mind (but not nessecarily the *best*) are..."

Morticon says, "The original SED Dinner party, the one that started it all. It had everything!"

Morticon says, "The day I burned the letters SED into the map. I wonder how many noticed."

Morticon says, "My various kidnappings. When I kidnapped Cassie, I even got them to pay a ransom!"

Morticon says, "The time I made Eris a physical body. It paved the way for future projects in cloning, some quite active."

Morticon thinks....

Morticon says, "The Skittle scare. Eating one of my Skittles would turn you into something random."

Ba'ar smiles and nods.

Morticon says, "Can you think of any?"

Morticon says, "I'd have to look through @action news myself... oh yes! When I took over the paper."

Ba'ar growls, "How about the time when you took over @Action News?" Ba'ar nods at Morticon "I've actually read that issue. "

Morticon says, "Alas, I keep no memoirs of my experiances... and I have a remarkably poor memory with my failures. But I try not to do the same thing twice. Or at least not the exact same thing."

Ba'ar growls, "Now back to the SED...tell us...What benefits would they receive as SED members? "

Morticon says, "The planet landing bit was a success I suppose, even if it wasn't evil."

Morticon says, "Food, lodging, health and dental, probably a paycheck, and lots of fun toys! More of this can be found in the FAQ. While the pay isn't great.. the reward comes from the job itself.... getting to do evil. It's not that I'm broke or anything... ::whistle::"

Ba'ar grins "The prestige that comes from being on.....'The Winning Team'....eh?"

Morticon grins, "Yes. We are one of the largest, longest-running groups on SpinDizzy. Save for those pesky wizards.

Ba'ar growls, "Now then....If you were made Spindizzy's king, what changes would you make?"

Morticon says, "Probably what I already described. Though in addition I would make it mandatory to serve in the SED military. You know.. see this world and others as you fight for evil! Anyone who dares stand in my way will be publically fruited! And most importantly, I would demand the respect that I deserve. That, and the maximum height would be 3.8 feet. Cye would need to be shrunk. BUahaha!"

Ba'ar growls, "Who do you admire the most? "

Morticon hhrrmmms.... "Is this a trick question?"

Ba'ar growls, "No...a straightforward question...though I do understand if you admire yourself the most."

Morticon says, "I do admire those who have foolishly stood in my way for years and years and for not giving up time after time... but in reality, only I am worthy of my own admiration. Who else is as intelligent, daring, attractive, physically fit, and luminant as myself?"

Morticon grins a winning smile.

Ba'ar growls, "Here's a trick question...if you weren't SED leader and jackanapes wallaby...what do you think you'd be doing to pass the time?"

Morticon says, "Exploring our huge world with friends. Go on little adventures. I wouldn't sit still even if I was 'unemployed'. Maybe I'd even try dating."

Ba'ar growls, "What secret fact or desire about you would surprise our readers?"

Morticon says, "That I'm just as three dimensional as everyone else. I too want love and affection, and that I'm not doing evil every waking moment of my life. A few of my actions could be considered, horrid as it sounds, charitable."

Ba'ar growls, "So you say some of your actions may be considered charitable. In what way?"

Morticon says, "Easy, dear Ba'ar... I occansionally do things without a direct reward for me. I've gone 'beyond the call of duty' a number of times. Hard to believe, but true."

Ba'ar growls, "Can you give some examples?"

Morticon says, "Helping to land the planet. I've saved a few lives.. and... even cleaned up after a few of my mistakes (I once overran Neopolis with zombies) when it wasn't nessecary. Juat the other day, I saved a poor (nonmorphic) fox's life... got him here and did emergency surgery. I'm even giving him a home."

Ba'ar nods "That's good...now then..one final question...Do you have any words of wisdom for our readers?

Morticon says, "Why, yes. It's a large world out there. And not all of it is as it seems. But use that fact to foil me, and I'll dig out your brain with a grapefruit spoon! ::smirk::"

Ba'ar growls, "That concludes our interview. Once again Morticon...Thanks."

Morticon smirks and nods, "Want to be my latest test subject?"

Morticon says, "I've got a lovely helmet to try on you..."

Ba'ar growls, "Even if it's a bike or skateboard helmet, I'm not interested."

Morticon hrrrfffs.

Morticon shows you out...

Doctoring dragons

Aushae, local silver dragoness, mentioned trying to fight off a bad cold this week. She had been suffering from it for most of the week and her mate, Austin, local elastic coati, had been carefully looking after her. While visiting in the Rose Garden, she mentioned that she was running a fever.

Argon, local centaur, asked how you could tell a dragon was running a fever. As they breath fire, amoung other powers, he wasn't sure putting a thermometer in Aushae's mouth would give an accurate reading of her temperature.

The dragon responded by breathing at the curious centaur. But, rather than the expected burst of fire and sulfer, Argon was enveloped in a somewhat chill wind. This was unexpected, but certainly a relief to the centaur.

This demostration showed that when dragons are sick and running a 'fever', their body temperature actually goes down, and apparently their fire goes out. Although dragons are known for protecting themselves their treasure and their families with fire, even when the fire is out, their large size, sharp claws and a mouth full of large pointy teeth will do a fine job of keeping a dragon's valubles safe.

As of press time, Aushae reported that she is recovering and feeling better. Much to the relief of Austin.

Gilead's Winter of Discontenting Puns

Q: Why do white bears see so well in glare?
A: They have polar eyes.

Q: What is the best way to leave neat white lines in the snow?
A: A ball-point penguin.

Q: How do you keep a panther from getting freezer burn in the Antarctic?
A: Protect it with a tight leopard seal.

Q: What's a sled dog's favorite brand of chainsaw?
A: Huskyvarna.

Q: Why do arctic "sea parrots" cough so much?
A: They're always puffin.

Q: What eats penguins and falls apart?
A: A leper seal.

Q: Who predicts the opinions of Arctic Foxes?
A: North polesters.

Q: Why do bergs tend to cluster together?
A: They're pack ice.

Q: What do you use to fix a broken Eskimo?
A: Ig-glue.

Q: What size of harness do sled dogs wear?
A: Husky.

Q: What interrupts a penguin picnic?
A: Ant-arctics.

Zach's Quoted Quote Question

Can you guess where the quote was said and who said it? See the bottom of the paper for the answer.

Ones like the little ones in the park make little noises. I can talk 'cause I'm a boy.

This week in history

Back issues from a year and more ago. Remember when...?

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Bearing Up

Bearing Up logo.

Welcome to the latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
What gives that Dog in the Dasani water commercials the right to pick his own water?
- M. Place.

Dear M. Place:
Easy. He's a Beverly Hills dog. He's spoiled!

Dear Bearing up,
Is black still the color of nihilistic beliefs of an endlessly existential existance?
- Angst E. Teen

Dear Angst E. Teen:
No, white is.

Dear Bearing Up:
What DO bears 'do in the woods'
- T. Woodsman.

Dear T. Woodsman:
Well, we do what everyone else does when they go to the woods....hike there...sometimes have picnics...What more do you want?

Dear Bearing Up:
My deli was robbed three times this month. What can I do?
- M. Brooks.

Dear M. Brooks:
Put LOX on all the windows and doors. That'll keep people out.

Dear Bearing Up:
I have dark circles around my eyes. Why is this?
- P. Lotor

Dear P. Lotor:
You're a raccoon, obviously.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon is asking a question everyone should be able to answer, "What muck client (or program) do you use to connect to SpinDizzy?"

  • Ba'ar - "I use Tim Kangaroo's MUDSOCK."
  • Morticon - I use the OS/2 port of TinyFugue v3.5 beta 1, which was apparently compiled 9 years ago.
  • Nysa chitterly comments, "Argon for ANS - Mushclient!"
  • Kinsor uses BeipMU, of course!
  • Tzolkin softly squeaks, "MUSHclient."
  • Roofus_roo uses Cantrip, for OS X.
  • Mouser hisses, "MUSHClient..."
  • Andrew says, "Phoca95 1.3c for Windows."
  • Annon mnms, "Eh, BeipMU."
  • Nimble uses TF in a terminal window.
  • Nysa giggles, "Or I should say Registered Muschlient"
  • Austin's on TinyFugue.
  • Findra - I use TinyFugue to connect to SpinDizzy.
  • Carl - I use Phoca. Got a problem with that?
  • Gilead - "I use mostly Phoca nowadays, though I've probably spent more time on TinyFugue than any other platform...except maybe for raw telnet. I used that a lot.

Zach's Quoted Quote Answer

New improved chocolate covered macadamias mix. A sweet that will bring out the nut in you. Find out where to get them from your nutty friends.

Today's location takes us to the ... Forest Clearing. Yes that's right new location as we try every week to bring you riveting dialogue that somehow doesn't get said in the Rose Garden, when we can. As for our quoted individual it is Felix, good-hearted chittery squirrel boy.

Congratulation to all of you that guessed right!

The Doze Garden

The fruitbats and banana slugs reach a settlement concerning this year's banana crop.

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon, Carl or SDN about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News