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Argon -- Editor

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SpinDizzy Spirialing Towards Doom?

Space object (© Fruitbat Labs).

SpinDizzy may be aimed at a planet in its path. This was one of the possibilities posed by the calculations and observations of Dr. Kinsor Bratta, and his assistant, Chamas Fruitbat of Fruitbat Observatory. They have been observing what to most individuals appears to be a bright star that has been getting brighter over the past month. The scientists showed photographs and shared notes that indicate the object may be a planet, and that SpinDizzy is moving towards it.

Although calculations cannot confirm SpinDizzy's exact path at this time, the scientists believe that SpinDizzy will come very close to the planet. Depending on the angle at which the planet's gravity effects SpinDizzy, it could "slingshot" past it, gaining momentum, fall into orbit around the planet, or, in a worse case scenario, actually collide with it.

Images of the planet, taken by the bats, are somewhat fuzzy and indistinct. Dr, Bratta drew gasps from the audience when he noted that early images had indicated large areas of tomatoes and bananas. However the anticipation of meeting new life and boldly going where no man had gone before was short-lived as the scientist explained that it had turned out to be dribbles from his lunch that has fallen on the print out.

Alicia Vulpnine added that her Neo Republic spacecraft had not yet approached the planet, and that their senors had revealed no more information than the bats had found.

As of press time, both Alicia, and Dr. Bratta were preparing to launch or move their spacecraft into a more favorable area for observation of the planet.

First Annual SpinDizzy Punslinging Contest Held

This Thursday, Ba'ar local bear, held the first annual Punslinging contest at Dunham's Comedy Club (t #13995). For a first time event, it was well attended, attracting such local celebrities as Argon, local centaur and Gilead, local otter. Subjects were picked and punning was done round robin until the artists could pun no more. The following is an excerpt from the section with 'Movie Titles' as its subject. Ba'ar growls, "Let's try movies....Movie Titles..to be exact."
Casimir uhohs.
Skyler says, "Guarenteed, music will go on forever. ;)"
Ba'ar growls, "Now I know you 12 Monkeys can do this!"
Gilead chirps, "It's still Rock and Roll to me."
Skyler says, "No, we can't. It's an Alien concept."
Casimir says, "Yeah, but I'd be LION if I said I'd come out as KING!"
Gilead can take up the whole time. I'll just tell you How I Spent My Summer Vacation.
Kinsor skriters, "It's all right, it's all right, we're landing this ship soon!"
Casimir says, "Oh? Isn't that the III'rd time you've said that, though? ':)"
Ba'ar puts on his FULL METAL JACKET
Kinsor skriters, "That'd make it the Third Time Around!"
Casimir grouses at Gilead, "Well, I would've joined y'all on the trip, but DUDE! YOU STOLE MY CAR!"
Karikishi . o O ( There's something about this punslinging contest. )
Gilead chirps, "I needed it for the Cannonball Run."
Skyler says, "Gilead's idea of a Vacation."
Casimir grins at Karik, and tosses'em a cowboy hat an' PunGuns! "Have a seat, and watch out--these folks;ll have you ghostBUSTER'n with laughter!"
Casimir thinks we need to try again next summer, but do it old school...
Karikishi says, "Hey! Can I order some Kung-Pow here?!"
Skyler ehs. "It's like a Weekend at Bernie's. With more dead guys."
Gilead chirps, "I'm not allowed to take a you're a-peein' vaction in the fountain any more. :-("
Kinsor skriters, "I know what you'll be doing next summer!"
Skyler says, "Yeah? I know your final destination, Kinsor."
Ba'ar growls, "You guys are better at punning than I thought."
Casimir salutes Kinsor! If it'd Spied Hard, it could'n ever have come up with a better one!
Skyler says, "It involves thirteen ghosts, Halloween, and a nightmare on Elm street. Pure child's play."
Casimir ...
Kinsor skriters, "This is turning into a creepshow!"
Karikishi says, "Surely it's a Clear and Present Danger."
Skyler says, "Call the Exorcist."
Casimir says, "I'm seein' the Signs--I'm outmatched!"
Casimir says, "If this gets too much worse, we should call in the Negociator, but what about the Hackers?"
Cye is going to call it an night. "I bow to surpiour wizdom. I'm going to have some sweet dream and some silent lucidy.
Skyler says, "You need to be careful on the net. Einstein's ghost haunts it."
Gilead chirps, "Young Einstein?"
Gilead chirps, "I'd say yahoo, but you can't be serious."
Cye says, "Carrot Top!"
Skyler says, "Yeah. You remember him as a beautiful mind in Truman's show."
Casimir says, "Ouch! I think I've been bunNICula'd!"
Skyler says, "You nead to stop worrying and love the bomb, Casimir."
Casimir nods, "Oh yeah, I remember...he was the cable guy."
Karikishi says, "I didn't think he'd play a Pet Detective."
Kinsor skriters, "Or that WWII movie...Tori Tori Tori (Amos)!"
Casimir frowns, and ... "Perhaps I should hide out in Joe's Apartment until we go below orange?"
Gilead chirps, "I'd add Pet Detective 2, but then I'd be on Rocky ground."
Karikishi says, "Kinsor, shall we take a trip to Pearl Harbor?"
Casimir nods, "Those are some awfully Dark thoughts, Donnie."
Skyler says, "A Pattonable idea."
Kinsor skriters, "I'd go, but I'm Deep In The Woods."
Casimir thought you were captured by the Pirates of the Carribean!
Gilead chirps, "Ah, some time in The Great Outdoors would do me some good."
Karikishi says, "I see...Well I have to take The Voyage Home."
Kinsor skriters, "Oh, its minimum security piracy, just call me Any Given Sunday!"
Skyler says, "May I suggest PT-109? Avoid Das Boot, and rendevous with U-571."
Casimir says, "It goes to show what happens when you have a Heart of Darkness!
They take you to the Dark City, and never let you go..."
Ba'ar grins at skyler and hands him k-19 THE WIDOWMAKER
Kinsor skriters, "Ech! Car 54, where are you?"
Skyler says, "Too much radiation for my tastes. One with The Power should know better."
Casimir squints at Kinsor, "Are you sure this isn't all Much Ado About Nothing?"
Gilead chirps, "We could go see that movie about Vasily Zaitsev. He was quite The Shootist."
Karikishi says, "Seems like a Crimson Tide is coming in."
Casimir oocly notes that latter was made into a movie by a British company. It counts!
Kinsor skriters, "Hey, I happen to know the Prince of Tides, you know!"
Casimir says, "Oh, tell me another (west side) Story!"
Gilead chirps, "Sometiems the British or even the French can be just The Professional for the job."
Skyler says, "I know the Prince of Thieves and the Prince of Persia. I'll put them against King Ralph."
Kinsor skriters, "I thought it was an Italian Job?"
Casimir says, "But are you sure this time it isn't Mission: Impossible? You might Cruise into trouble!"
Karikishi says, "Have they been readin The Princess Diaries?"
Gilead chirps, "If you're heading for trouble, reduce your Speed."
Casimir says, "The really are (boondock) Saints, though."
Argon is out of his league of extrordinary gentlemen here.
Kinsor skriters, "Of course! Don't you know the story of the Prince and The Paper?"
Casimir giggles. :)

As you can see, a good time was held by all. Ba'ar, local bear, and organizer of the punslinging contest hopes to have another one soon.

Ren Faire Weekend Just Like Old Times

It was back to the best parts of medevial times as Crystal, local bunny, acted as hostess for the Ren Faire weekend.

The Rose Garden was the courtyard of a noble castle. Well cared for and with pennents flying, guests were invited to a beautiful clearing to the north of the castle where a lavish meal was set up.

A variety of succulent meats, soups and fresh vegatables, were spread out. Efficient squires and serving girls served the crowd which consisted of most SpinDizzy residents dressed up as lords and ladies of the kingdom.

Everyone enjoyed getting out of their regular characters and 'playing' they were in a different time and place. Crystal was given three well deserved cheers. Some folks hope that more events such as this will take place.

Cute Vs. Evil

Austin the coati-bunny said it was the "ultimate battle between Evil and Cute" Friday night in the Rose Garden when Fate the Sith and Leslie the "bunny"-fairy were talking. Argon the centaur talked about the Lions and the Lambs getting along together and Leslie knew that was peaceful but didn't know any lions or lambs here, except Casandro the bat-winged lion and Sunshine who's a sheep for right now.

Fate the sith said "Me not murdering most of the living beings here? Does that qualify as the Lion and Lamb(s)?" Leslie asked why Fate would want to murder anybody and Fate said, "Would you like the truth, or whatever pops into my head?" And when Leslie asked why you wouldn't tell the truth he said, "Because not telling the truth is a boon to evil people who like getting away with misdeeds." Leslie didn't understand and that's when Austin said it was the battle between Evil and Cute.

Gilead the otter-octopus said he was going to put five dollar down on cute, and Fate was going to throw the fight after putting a small fortune on cute so "evil wins again." Then Gilead said he was going to put a pancake on Cute too and put one on Leslie's head.

Gilead put on a hat, and then took it off again and put it over his heart and said, "Oolong, you are missed." Gilead means Oolong (This site is in Japanese, the images and back story are reproduced here in english,) the Headperformance Rabbit, a famous Japanese rabbit that did all sorts of cute things by letting pictures get taken with things on his head. Oolong's birthday was going to be Wednesday.

Austin Returns Home, Starts Talking about Roman Calendar for some Reason

After about thirty hours of flight Austin Dern, elastic coati-rabbit, returned home this week. On finally visiting the Rose Garden in the evening, Eastern Time, he reintroduced himself to the community by beginning a rambling monologue on the Roman calendar. Austin's pretext was a mention from NeverNever that it had indeed been an ordinary week, which launched him into discussing the different sorts of weeks.

The Roman system, he revealed, is familiar to most of us from the names and approximately the lengths of months, and all are familiar with the ides of the month. In fact the Romans tracked months by three "key event" days, the kalends (when the month began) the nones (which marked nine days, inclusive, to the ides), and the ides. The ideas are on the 15th of Februrary, March, July, and October, and are the 13th of every other month.

However, days were denoted as being a number of days (inclusive) prior to the kalend, none, or ide of the month; thus, the date noted as July 30 would be described as the IIIrd kalend of August, but still one of the days of July. Austin commented that this odd form of counting was "...one of the reasons the Romans rarely got their computers to correctly display the dates."

With this quip established Austin proceeded to point out another oddity of the Roman calendar, that leap days were not created by the addition of a day to the end of February, exactly -- instead, they were done by doubling the VIth kalend of March, which we would regard as February 24. ``Indeed, one rare term for leap years is `bissextile years', so called because it does double the sixth day before March.

This prompted Gilead, otter, to cover Leslie's ears against such explicit language.

The need for any of this to be the first topic of conversation from Austin on his return from Singapore was not established, but Austin did note that he has more to say on the subject, including the appearance of the bissextile day in the Roman Catholic calendar of saints' days, as well as the dominical numbering which has an effect on the date on which Easter (and other movable holidays) occurs. He has not stated terms that will keep this from discussion.

Aushae makes Lilo-and-stitch!

When Tugsbear the Care Bear said something was really neat "kinda like Lilo and Stitch!" Aushae the dragon said that was a "freaky idea...Lilo- and- Stitch..." Leslie the "bunny"-fairy said it was a funny show but Aushae said "Not Lilo & Stitch... but Lilo- Stitch... Litch... or Stilo...?"

Leslie didn't understand so Aushae created a bluefire thing that turned into a spaceship, with three little tubes in it. Lilo was in the left and Stitch in the right and the middle was all empty. Then she made a purple alien tentacle pull a lever and the two disappeared from the sides and one brand-new thing was made up in the middle.

It wasn't really ready though because before she could introduce everybody to it Aushae had to go home.

Slovovian Takeover of Muck Falls Flat

Chanspot, local coffeefossa asked, "So what've I missed?", after arriving in the Rose Garden. He recieved an answer that the fossa seems to have been expecting.

Argon, local centaur, replied, "Oh, we're all under the rule of the Slovonians now. You better learn the national anthem."

Chanspot if they were slovenly, and then asked, "Think you could sing a few bars?"

Gilead, local otter chirped, "o/~ Oh, Slovonia... Conquerors of our native land..." but not knowing the rest, Argon chimed in with...

Argon sings, o/~ "Slovinia, Slavonia, he rest our laurels on thee..." o/~
Argon sings, o/~ "and crown thy good with monkey hood,,," o/~
Argon sings, o/~ "From here ti ...er... dah dah dee!" o/~

The coffeefossa seemed to know more than exptected as it sang,

"Slovinia, Slovinia, I know not where you stand..."
"Is it with me or with the butterbees?"
"First you took down the mountain"
"And then you took down the sea"
"Oh, bring back, bring back.."
"Bring back my nuclear missles to mee-eee..."

Gilead chirped, "I pledge a legion to the flag of the united states of Slovonia. Onto the greedy public, for Richard Stans, one nation, under guard, invisible, with aunt Gertie, and just this for all."

Argon then proudly gave the Slovonian salute!

Although "patriotism" for the Slovovian takeover was rampant, it turns out that it was just a rumor. SpinDizzy is still an independent democracy!

Cryston Loses Drawing

Cryston the unicorn came in Friday night to say he lost a drawing he really wanted. Gilead the otter-octopus tried to help but couldn't think of it.

Cryston said the drawing was of a "blackfurred male morphic unicorn with white mane and tail (I think it's white), hides behind a tree, wearing ripped clothing, while in the background, several morphic females search for him. They have words balloons like, 'I saw him first!' 'No, I did!' 'I want his shirt!' 'He's mine!'. Can anyone help me locate this piece?"

Movie Going Advice

Argon, local centaur mentioned that he wanted to read I, Robot, the book by Issac Asimov, before seeing the movie.

Gilead, local otter replied with horror, "NO!!! "That is always a horrible, horrible order of operations. See the movie, then read the book. Gilead shudders to think of what would've happened if he'd read Starship Troopers before seeing the movie, and begins to weep. He shook water all over the place to get that thought out of his head.

The centaur replied, "But I want to be the nerdy guy in the 5th row who yells out all the things about the movie that aren't accurate."

Gilead chirped, "That's for when you see it the second time, so you have the movie timing down right too. See the movie so you can enjoy it, read the book so you can see how it's better, then go see the movie again, so you can make everyone's life a living hell."

Properly corrected, Argon answered, "Oh, good plan! Thanks, Gilead."

Adara's Baby Kicks!

Adara the cat came in Friday night and said she had something that she bet would cheer up Gilead the otter-octopus. She said to him and to KevMan the bat-cheetah "the baby just kicked me!"

Gilead joked that wasn't very nice of it but promised not to kick back because it is just a baby. Gilead and KevMan felt Adara's belly and it kicked again a couple times. KevMan just smiled and said "Wow" at it and Adara nuzzled him, and Gilead said that he did feel a lot happier now. KevMan said "I hope the little one isn't brusing you to much." and Adara said she thought she was okay.

Gilead's Dungeon O' Puns

Why did the lady go to bed when her noble suitor was delayed?
A: The knight was getting late, after all.

Q: Whats the best thing to use to clean a dungeon?
A: Castle soap.

Q: Why did the little dachshund run away in tears?
A: His mother walked in on him while he was badger baiting.

Q: What did the Prince say when he beat his father at checkers?
A: King me! Er, after a long and happy life, that is.

Q: What medieval literary figure was stranded all alone in the desert?
A: Robinson Crusade.

Q: What did spiders do for amusement during the middle ages?
A: Web the Serf.

Bearing Up


Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That" s me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
Why is the magic 8ball in the Rose Garden so accurate?
- Miss Cleo

Dear Miss Cleo:
It's because the 8 ball is made by Psychics.

Dear Bearing Up:
Why aren't there any centaur actors in Hollywood?
- Wondering

Dear Wondering:
Several reasons: They're too big to fit on Hollywood soundstages. They demand too much money. Finally they cost too much to feed.

Dear Bearing Up:
What's the best way to get through this weekend Ren Faire theme of Spindizzy?
- Robin Hood

Dear Robin Hood:
Get into a tree and make a noise like a Wench!

Dear Bearing Up:
Who's smarter, a monkey or an ape?
- Dr. Zaius

Dear Dr. Zaius:
Neither. Bears are the smartest.

Dear Bearing Up:
We're otters at the Phoenix Zoo and Every weekend we find Gilead from Spindizzy at our enclosure spending hours looking at us and filiming us. How can we stop him from doing this?
- Desert Zoo Otters

Dear Desert Zoo Otters:
When you see him, play POSSUM. That should discourage him.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna, if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked,"I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week, suggested by Violet is, 'Who is your favorite or as the case might be, least favorite villian of all time?"

  • Pa'hti says, "Boris, from Rocky and Bullwinkle."
  • Pa'hti says, "Boris."
  • Fate loquit, "Myself."
  • Borris says, "Hm, then would have to choose Morticon. But also to be saying Morticon is also funniest villian Borris has come across."
  • Elissa yaps, "Dr. Evil!"
  • Gilead's favorite "villain" is Juro the Kamaitachi, from Ushio and Tora.
  • Austin says, "Mumm-ra, the ever-living."
  • PatchO'Black mews, "Mon-star.
  • NeverNever rumbles, "Simkin, from the Darksword trillogy :) Of course, in those books EVERYONE is a villian, but Simkin plays everyone's side against themselves all while looking like an innocent foppish jester.
  • Ping squeaks, "Ah. Professor Moriarty, I think."
  • Mavra says, "Morticon is currently my favorite villian. He's funny and foilable."
  • Kamida lilts, "Oh! though one, lets see, Baron Harkonen, Lloth (the spider queen / drow goddess) or Moriarty of Sherlock Holmes."
  • Gryphe chitters, "Harkonnen, I believe."
  • Speckles says, "Shadow!"
  • PatchO'Black yerfs, "Gee, that's hard. It used to be Dr. Doom, when he had some sense of honor, but not any more."

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren" t out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported dont have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News