@ Action News

Argon -- Editor

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Fruitbat Mining to Hold News Conference

The Fruitbat Mining Company, is planning a news conference this Tuesday July 27th, 2004 to address the many rumors that have been circulating among SpinDizzy residents.

Steck Fruitbat, Head Reasearcher at the Fruitbat Observation station said, "It is with some concern that observations at the Fruitbat Observatory have been made public. With only partial information being leaked, a number of incorrect and dangerous rumors have started, based on inaccurate information. We hope, after this news conference that these stories and wild conjectures will be put to rest. This announcement will be of paramount importance to SpinDizzy, and it is strongly recommended that everyone who can possibly attend, do so."

Asked for more information, the Head Researcher refused additional comment to @Action News. However, when questioned about photographs that had been reported to have been "lost" by the staff at the observatory, the scientist replied, "No images were ever lost. Some were shared with Dr. Bratta Fruitbat to be analysed, and the results of that analasis will be revealed at the news conference." At this point, Steck flew off.

The Fruitbat news conference is scheduled to be held at The Fruitbat Observatory located W7 N6 from the Rose Garden. Interested parties are encouraged to attend.

The Fruitbat news conference will be held at 20:00 (muck time). @Action News will be in attendance, and will have a full report in the next issue.

Note that this is a "real" event, SpinDizzywise. It's the start of something that is hoped to engage the entire muck and everyone in it. Think of it as sort of a "Town Meeting," only IC.

Suprise Party a Success

Local bunny wiz, Skyler was pleasantly suprized as a number of his friends gathered Saturday night to give him a suprize birthday party! Having missed the originally scheduled date on Friday, Skyler was cajoled into logging on through some means of subterfuge the next day.

Many of the party goers dressed up in their best Skyler costumes, and bunny shaped glow sticks were passed around. Everyone had a great time, and Skyler seemed genuinely pleased by the attention he got from his friends. He also enjoyed the carrot cake that was served. He was able, with the help of a fire extiguiser, to blow out all the candles with one breath.

Ray, local cheeta, composed the following for the celebration:

Skyler: A Birthday Limerick.'

RHere we stand, a warm tribute to pay
In a lapine appropriate way
To fuzzy-foot twins
Which accounts for our grins
Celebrating your unboxing day

Of course, Skyler's recent change from slippers to jammies gave Ray pause to create this:

'Skyler: Skyler: A Birthday Limerick (Revised).

Well, a limerick I wrote before
When I heard that this meet was in store
So I muttered, 'That's great,
I wrote it too late...
When I learned you were slippers no more B.J. offered this one:

His body is lapine and yellow
His countenance friendly and mellow
And this is his day
So we can all say
That Skyler's our favorite fellow.

Findra and Peppermint, along with Chanspot deserve special credit for organising the party, and getting everyone in on the suprise without letting Skyler know.

Kern finds Ing

Kern found Ing Tuesday morning, ending a search by the clockwork tern for its imaginary friend that had gripped the muck in fear for Ing's safety. While Aishae, dragoness, had directed Kern to Flux's Hollow Tree, it had not found where that was before the search ended somewhat anticlimactically with Ing (apparently) flying in.

Kern demanded of its imaginary friend, "Where were we? We all got lost except you!" (it had previously determined that Ing would not get lost by itself, and therefore everyone else must be lost). Kern explained that Ing reported, "I think I was there, though the firebird washed most of my memories after I was done." It had been sent, "...on a secret mission from a Firebird."

Ing and Kern checked one another, and reported both to be in great shape. Kern explained that Ing had been off saving the world, and we should all be more appreciative of its efforts. Kern also shared what it had discovered while Ing was away at the Firebird's request: "There's a nice shinytail who could tell where you were but not where that was. And a lot of people thought it was really funny I couldn't find you and I didn't know they could be so mean. There's a big spot way up north and west where you can't fly but have to walk instead. And those nice roaming things we used to see around don't do anything anymore that I can see and stopped talking even. And there was a nice big clock that came in and talked a while but it wasn't so good listening."

Kamida, skunk, used her crayons to draw on the crayon-form Rose Garden a collection of nuts and bolts which the birds greatly appreciated, and which they cached for later use. Kern believed this was a good reward for Ing's work saving the world.

Later Kern explained where Ing was: "Firebird said the mainspring for everything was about to break and called up Ing to find a Brannew one, which it had to do by flying off to Pridmore to get into the copper mine and get out past the coppers. Then it took that to the minter to get it tasting better and coiled back up into shape. But then some mean predators who were trying to gobble up the world picked up the spring and Ing had to talk a nice spaceship into flying it out to catch the candy rock monsters off in the dark. Ing outsmarted them all by making them think they still had it when they actually had the broken old one. It snuck the new spring out by gobbling up the old one--it was really tight--and holding up a bag of catastrophic converters for a distraction. Then it flew back faster than any magnets ever could pull and got deep down in the in-and-home where it put in the brand-new spring and made the whole place run right again. The Firebird was prouder of Ing than it's ever been of anyone else before and Ing was sorry it couldn't tell where it was going but when the Firebird needs you you have to go."

Gilead Temporarily Distressed by Otter's Absence

Oscar Otter.

Gilead, local harbor seal and sometimes otter, found that Oscar, Singapore's mascot for food safety, was missing from his home on the Internet. Austin, local coati made mention of the popular otter and when Argon, local centaur did a search, Oscar's website was off-line.

Gilead expressed concern and dismay with the news of Oscar's site being down, and nosed several other folks in hopes of locating the popular mascot.

Hard work by Austin eventually found the site to be back up and operating properly, ensuring safe food for the residents of Singapore. This was met by Gilead doing the happy dance. A strange site as seals aren't well known for their dancing talent.

Police Blotter

Shoelaces, a spiderman halloween costume, and an appartment room key were all reported missing by a young angsty human male. A teletubbie plush and a talking French pineapple were also reported as missing, and presumed stolen. SpinDizzyanites are advised to keep carefull watch over their stuff and to lock their doors at night. Be on the lookout for any suspicious looking baby skunks.

Kern Explains Kangaroos

After Kamida, skunk, noticed Roofus_roo, kangaroo, in the Rose Garden Kern the clockwork tern started explaining kangaroos: ``It's a springtail. They hide in the other seasons. It's how they keep safe and store up energy for the spring when they have to take big bounding hops back and forth and forth and back until they catch somebody in midsky.''

Roofus_roo nuzzled Kamida; Kamida kissed him, causing him to blush. Kern explained this as ``what happens when they get caught out of season, they try shining red to distract them from peddleors like that fuzzy thing.''

@Action News Not Enough for Fox Population

Foxes in the Ottawa, Kansas area, apparently aren't getting all the nformation they need from this publication.

According to an article by the Associated Press, copies of the Kansas City Star have been turning up missing.

Observation by residents found that their copies of the paper were being snatched by a fox. A large collection of back issues were found near the fox's den.

@Action News will attempt to increase coverage of the Ottawa, Kansas area to fill the apparent void in its covereage area.

Update on Plan to Eat Slug's Brain

Slug's Brain.

Journal Entry July 19th, 2004
Update on Plan to Eat Slug's Brain

Dear Journal:

Several weeks past, Slug attempted to iron my brain, and would have gotten away with it if not for the helpful intervention of Lady Ravenwolfe, a person to whom I owe much gratitude.

I have since contemplated often on the proper thing to do when one has been betrayed on such a level, but have only come up with this obvious answer: turn yourself into a zombie and eat his brain in return. I had to go with zombies: otherwise, I feared the brain might have a most unpleasant flavor and I feared turning into a cannibal, myself. Such an act, were I not a zombie, would doubtless have left me thrown out of respectable society. Yet, while at the time it sounded like a fair trade, others have kindly informing me that zombies, indeed, have their downside (i.e. smell) and as yet I haven't managed to connive a deal with a member of the Fruitbat Co. that would have this technology.

Yet, in my journey I have been given several helpful recipes on what and which spices may go with brain: many of these involve the spice oregano, which gives me good reason to wonder at the Italians and what it is exactly in all those declicious recipes that makes them so delicious.

Slug himself, of course, doesn't seem very fond of my plot, but that's immeterial as I haven't managed execution. I'll be sure to post updates here as they're warranted: so far I may be facing stiff competition. Slug has ordered, through eBay, an Oprah mech, and I shudder at the idea of having to take on such a creature, but...revenge must be carried through.

Note to self: Slug has mentioned publishing a counterattack in the paper. I hope no one believes his obvious fibs! Something must be done to counter this evil: I may have to act quickly.

- Chanspot

Journal Entry July 19th, 2004, 8:45 pm
Update on Plan to Eat Slug's Brain Dear Journal:

I have convinced Morticon to do the transormation at a discount by mentioning his competition, the Fruitbats, but still fear he may doublecross me. As for Slug itself...I'm afraid it's turned itself into a ghost due to bad karma (you always knew that would happen to it, right?) which leaves me a loss as to how, exactly, I'm going to get this done, but I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out. The process is due to take place in just a few moments--I'm very excited! Revenge is within my grasp! Even though Slug is now dead, and my original plan is impossible, it would be mad to turn back.

- Chanspot

Journal Entry July 19th, 2004, 9:02 pm.
Update on Plan to Eat Slug's Brain

Dear Journal: Nhrrrrnnnnggg...

*The remaining pages were removed, shredded by fangs and teeth. "Croak Slug" is jabbed into the paper with the little remaining ink. Or, that could be "Feathered Rats," but who knows?*

Local SED Wallaby Suffers Flea Attack

Findra wanted poster.

Local SED members were surprised this week when Morticon, their leader, was hit by a pack of marauding fleas. The fleas buried themselves in Morticon's fur and had a field day. Morticon, local wallaby, meanwhile was not exactly thrilled with this, biting, scratching and cursing as well as using every bit of technology at his disposal to try to make the fleas go away. Finally the wallaby was forced to take a bath in gallons of flea dip which ended the attack. The fleas could not be reached for comment.

SpinDizzy 'Taur Races

The first annual "SpinDizzy 'Taur Races" will be held Sunday, August 1, 2004 at 20:00 muck time. The event will take place in "The Glade" which is right off of Centaur Square. To get there, just enter CS to be taken to Centaur Square, and then enter Glade to go to the event site.

The race will be a series of styles of racing. Much like a road rally, there will be long straightaways for full tilt galloping, woodlands for manurverablility and nimbleness, streams and gullies to be jumped, and at the end, a long straightaway for the run to the finish line.

Any 'Taur is invited to enter. Not only centaurs (The standard human / equine style) but foxtaurs, raccoontaurs, wolftaurs, minktaurs... whatevertaur. Although some of the 'taur forms are smaller than the "standard" centaur form, we'd prefer not to have Macro forms, as they could win the race in three or four steps! Also, no form changes during the race please.

We will ask a few folks to act as "judges" to keep an eye on things, and perhaps throw in an obstacle or two to make things interesting.

Ren Faire Weekend

Hi all! Just want to let you all know I'm planning a ren faire themed weekend next weekend, July 30-August 1.

Everyone is encouraged to dress in an outfit fitting for the Middle Ages, and have fun pretending the muck is in ren faire mode. I'm also hoping to top it all off with a banquet on July 31, watch the bulletin board or the events list for details.

Feel free to page me any questions, and any ideas on how to make this a fun event are welcome. Hope to see you all next weekend!

Spindizzy Trivia Challenge

When: Wed 08/04/04 07:00 PM To: 8:00 PM

Where: The Lynn Skye Memorial Meeting House (at the French Quarter, N3 E0)

The Spindizzy Trivia Challenge will be a test of skill, speed (how fast CAN you press that buzzer, anyway?) and how much stupid stuff you keep stocked in your memory banks.

If we have only a small showing, each individual will be able to buzz in individually (just pose 'buzz') to answer questions within 5 seconds of the questions posing. Only the first three people to buzz in will get to attempt an answer (since there are five answer possibilities given). Hopefully, the second and third answerers will stick to their original answer and not change their minds after hearing the first answerer (is that even a word?). I'm trusting you!

A correct answer will be greeted with a 'Ding!'. A wrong answer will recieve a 'Znrrr!'. If you answer incorrectly, one point is taken away from your score. If you answer correctly, two points are added to your score. If we have a large showing, then everyone will be divided into groups.

Each group will select one person to speak their answer aloud. The groups will have I hope this will be a success! Even if you're not good at trivia, show up and experience the fun!

Punslinging Context

Hey gang, Ba'ar here. I'll be holding something new come this Thursday. It will be a 'Punslinging' contest and will be held in the auditorium of the brand new Dunham's Comedy Club.

The rules will be simple. Once we pick a topic, we will go round robin from player to player making up a pun related to the topic as we go If a player cannot make any puns, then he or she is out. Last player standing wins.

The contest will start this Thursday, June 29th at 2000 muck time (t #13995 for direct teleport into the area) and promises to be alot of fun for all. Hopefully this will be the first in a regularly occuring event on Spindizzy. See you there!

Gilead's Cat-astrophic Puns

Q: Where do you stand to pay for a cat?
A: On the fee line.

Q: What's the tastiest kind of feline?
A: Cat-tle.

Q: Why did the postal inspector arrest the cat?
A: The poor kitty misread "letterbox."

Q: Why did the old lady let the Felis concolor in her house?
A: She was expecting a Painter to do her living room.

Q: What kind of cat prowls rock concerts for its prey?
A: A def leopard.

Q: What were the Himalayan explorer's last words to his trusty Sherpa?
A: "If there'sno' leopard, why are you yelling at me?"

Q: What kind of feline picks up comics and bounces?
A: A Silly-Putty Tat.

Q: What does a striped cat wear for formal occasions?
A: A ger tie.

Q: How do small jungle cats find appropriate mates?
A: Margaydar.

Q: What kind of cat goes back and forth?
A: Ocelate.

Q: Why did the fluffy Persian shave?
A: She wanted to immigrate and become an American Shorthair.

Q: What did the cat say when he stepped on a tack?
A: MeOW!

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That" s me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up,
why do we have seasons?
- Seasonless

Dear Seasonless:
To make our food taste better.

Dear Bearing Up,
I like spaghetti but I don't like the noodles. Is there a way to gat spaghetti without the noodles?
- Chef Boy Ar Di

Dear Chef:
Yes. Just order meat soup.

Dear Bearing Up,
My mate and I like to kiss and snuggle, but my mate likes to kiss and snuggle all the time. No matter where or when and in spite of what's happening around us, my mate will just ignore everything and kiss and snuggle me. It's bad enough at home, but in public it's embarassing. What should I do?
- Snuggled Out
P. S. Please forgive the shaky handwriting.

Dear Snuggled Out:
Wear some garlic bulbs. That will cure him of his snuggling real fast.

Dear Bearing Up:
The price of gasoline is out of control. What can I do to save money?
- Argon

Dear Argon:
Get a bicycle. It runs on human power.

Dear Bearing Up,
I can't draw a straight line with a ruler. Where I can learn to draw like some of the artists who share their work in the Rose Garden?
- Van Go

Dear Van Go:
Get Photoshop.

Dear Bearing Up:
Do you have stairs in your house?
- Shahamu

Dear Shahamu:
Only when I look at things for an extended period of time are there stairs in my house.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna, if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, 'A group of kangaroos is called a mob, a group of bunnies is a warren and a group of lions is a pride. What would you call a group of furpents?"

  • Darius says, "I'd call it..a group of furpents."
  • Boki clacks his beak, "It is called too many for Boki!"
  • Gilead barks, "I guess like their relatives, it'd be a 'business' of furpents. Crows have the best group name though. Hmm, a murder of furpents... Nah."
  • Penance thinks the name depends. "If they're all going north-south, it's a 'warp'. If east-west, a 'weft'. If every which way, a tapestry."
  • Offipso nodnods. "What about Furpii as the plural?"
  • Mavra says, "I would call a group of furpents.. a 'tangle'."
  • Crystal would call it highly improbable.
  • Beltrami writes down: 'TAPESTRY OF FURPENTS'
  • Darius says, "How about a fluffry of furpents?"
  • Austin says, "A timing of fursnakes, Argon."
  • Kamida lilts, "well, a door curtain? (imagine furpents hanging by their tail keeping the wind out?) like those curtainsmade in the 60's."
    Austin grins. "They can double as Rhoda Morgenstern's door, yeah."
  • B.J. says, "Argon, I'd call it a slink."
  • Ping's answer: 'Sir'.
  • Gilead barks, "A group of Tarkas is called a doom, I think."
  • Dolly says, "Trouble."
  • Findra -- A group of furpents would be called a 'hunger', right?
  • Adara -- An annoyance (just kidding!)
  • Logan squeaks, "Might it not be a 'nest' of furpents?"
  • PatchO'Black -- "A knot of furpents."

Notices and Corrections

Findra wanted poster.

The Doze Garden

The perfect character for those multiple hand-ups!

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren" t out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported dont have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News