July 18, 2004
Volume V - Issue 209
Please don't forget to read the bulletin board. Enter +read from anywhere.
Kits Run Wild in The Rose Garden
Last Tuesday night (7/13) became an impromptu, "Kit's Night Out" in the Rose Garden.
It began with the advent of Mosi, local meerkat kit, to the garden. As the kit began to play, Mosi's childish antics inspired Elissa, local vixen, to become young as well.
PatchO'Black, local Jellicle cat, asked if this was another children's weekend like we had last year, where all of Spindizzy became children for a day. Although this was not such a weekend, PatchO'Black decided to join in the fun and become a kitten himself. All three youngsters began to whisper wildly among each other until the huddle broke and they headed for the teeter-totter. As the adults were talking on the other side of the garden, PatchO'Black climbed onto one side of the teeter totter as Mosi, Elissa, and now Elericia (a local anthro reptile who morphed into a kit to join the run) jumped onto the other end. PatchO'Black went flying through the air as the adults looked on in horror. Adara, local feline, ran after PatchO'Black and caught him, nearling hurting herself in the process.
After extracting a promise never to use the teeter totter as a catapult again, the kits were told to play in the pond with a beach ball. Mosi and PatchO'Black headed for the water as Elissa was stopped by Darla, local morphic equine who had become a kit for the occassion. Sensing that she wanted to play, Elissa went along as Darla carried her to the teeter totter and put her on one end. The foal then jumped onto the other end, catapulting a terrified Elissa across the garden. This time Cye runs to catch the flying kit, who begins to cry.
Darla then ambled over to Elissa, but the young vixen kit cried "N-no! You're mean!" and ran away from the foal. Adara tried to explain that Darla was so little she didn't understand that what she had done was wrong. After she finished crying, Elissa joined the others in the pond as Darla went around headbutting others.
Argon and Kefan, local centaurs, felt it was up to them to them, as the most horse-like (yet not horses) in the garden to calm Darla down. Argon stood between the Darla and the rest of the kits, trying to herd her towards Kefan.
Adara, after giving a sigh and commenting about two fully-grown males who couldn't handle a kit, told them that "Sometimes when they're extra hyper like this, they just need some warm milk and a story". Adara left for the local store and returned with a bottle of milk, and Argon proceeded to feed Darla the warmed milk. Eventually, Elissa, Mosi, and PatchO'Black tired as well, and went to Adara for a snack of cookies and warm milk before going to sleep on a nearby blanket.
Mistake By Morticon Covered Up
Morticon, leader of the Society of Evil Doers, and at the time, local wallataur, got the Rose Garden caught up in his hooves and ruined it.
Since becoming a 'taur, folks had found themselves having some sympathy for Morti, and with some markers, crayons and water colors, everyone worked together to cover up the damage Morti had caused. They were worried that Morti might get in trouble with Austin if the local coati discovered what he had done.
So a combination of media and drawing styles resulted in this:
The Rose Garden
The impressionist water fountain, in pastels, stands a little to
A crayoned-in teeter-totter rests serenely to the
The somewhat unusual formatting of the description was a result of following the style of e e cummings by those whose talents lie more in writing than art. Hopefully, once Morti gets the usual Rose Garden description dug out of his hooves, it will return to normal.
As of press time, Austin has not yet shown his awarness of the new description, so apparently Morti is not in trouble. Morticon refused comment to @Action News.
Skyler A Bunny Again
Identifying Skyler as "miscreants" dragonness Aishae took her slippers and reformed them into a single yellow cartoon rabbit. The process was reported to be painless and swift, and a simple reversal of the steps by which Skyler was turned into slippers most recently. His and her sleeves -- for feet -- were closed up, the fabric turned back into a lemony cartoon flesh, and the two fused together until they had only a single body, tail, pair of arms, pair of legs, and tail.
Skyler is not fully used yet to having a body again, but finds it exciting to be someone capable of wearing shoes rather than wearing people. Later in the week Skyler asked for the help of Roofus_roo, kangaroo, to become a nonanthro rabbit. The kangaroo was happy to oblige, and cast a spell making him a quadruped. While Skyler came out mute he seemed quite happy at the new lifestyle.
As of press time Skyler is reported to still be a nonanthro, nonvocal rabbit. Roofus_roo has stated he might transform others who need his services.
Beltrami Touches Up PatchO'Black's Superhero Costume
Balloon half-dragon Beltrami accessorized the outfit Patch O'Black wears as a jellicle mouse. Ordinarily Patchy has dressed as Chester ``Little'' Cheese, mouse superhero of "Captain Carrot and the Amazing Zoo Crew". Little Cheese was able to shrink from the size of a mouse to the size of a mouse while retaining his full strength and as a miniaturizing superhero proved quite useful to the Zoo Crew.
The Little Cheese outfit, a red and white spandex suit, was enhanced by the addition of a transparent purple mylar cape, knee-high transparent purple and gold-specked boots, and elbow-length gloves of a similar texture. Patchy seemed satsifed with them, though Austin the elastic coati-bunny described it as ``from the drill thrall of Triskelion line of clothing.''
The original Little Cheese was last spotted saving the Mouse-Queen of Oz in the miniseries "The Oz-Wonderland War", published 1986. Copies of the comic book and the miniseries have been spotted on eBay for as many as 500 quatloos for mint condition.
Recommended web site: http://www.geocities.com/dontgotmilk/carrotindex.htm
Beltrami Certified for Gliding Flight
Balloon half-dragon Beltrami was granted gold wings by her adopted mother Aishae, dragonness, Monday morning. In a training process in the Eternal Sky Aishae took her through the process of practicing level flight, simple curves, rises and falls. Aishae and Gryphe the gryphon flew in formation as she learned, and they returned to a frozen cloud to recuperate and practice landing.
Beltrami's attempt at landing was frustrated when her circling did not get her close enough to the cloud. Aishae guided her to leveling out, flying out and circling back, as well as the process of managing a landing. When she reached the cloud and landed Aishae gave her a set of gold wings, which were inset in Aishae's wings.
She has not yet learned flight in ground-effect areas, take-off, or deliberately changing her altitude, but all are confident she will master visual flight rules.
Aishae Brings Touch of Wisconsin to Rose Garden
Aishae the dragonness brought what Skyler the toon bunny described as "a Wisconsin lunch" Sunday noontime. As lunch approached she wheeled out a small Hibachi with a wok. After emptying two Michelob Amber Bocks and two diced onions in it, she began filling it with raw bratwurst, knockwurst, cheesewurst, ring bologna, red franks, large smoked sausage links, and thus filled the park with the scent of braising sausages.
Quickly Aishae found herself complete master of ceremonies, with Mouser the inflatable fursnake, Austin the coati-bunny, and Arashi the fox swaying to her movement. She dabbed a tablespoon of butter and of cake flour in a cup and then onto the grill, stirring the roux until it went yellow-gold and tipping it into the beer-onions, when she caught Austin stretching out to reach a bratwurst and swatted him back.
Beltrami the balloon half-dragon approached the flame, but pulled her hand back rather than face the thermals. She appeared baffled by the process of eating, as Aishae cut open rolls and readied condiments. Said Aishae, "Name your poison... I've got hot and cold kraut, horseradish, ketchup, mustard, Miracle- Whip, all kinds of cheeses... relish... onion shreds... lettuce shreds..." The mustard was just French's and a Dijon; no Kosciusko.
Mouser's attempt to eat was frustrated by his continued ballooniness as reported last week. Mouser had hoped to ask Leslie the faux-bunny fae to turn him back, but hadn't yet seen the child and didn't want to miss lunch. While Aishae as a life-weaver could transmogrify him, Beltrami took the lead. She took out a small fabric belt with a plastic dome, strapped the collar onto Mouser and turned the dome, which turned him back into the fursnake he had been. Though Beltrami offered him the collar, Mouser declined, and went to eating.
Overall the cookout was a great success, and left all participants who could eat a bit more full.
Ancient Oak Being A Lot More Accomodating Recently
Frequenters of the Rose Garden have noticed that lately, the Ancient Oak, which will give out varius "snacks", seems to be giving people exactly what they need.
When PatchO'Black wanted to go swiming with Elissa and Mosi, he complained that he couldn't because he had no suit. Upon reaching into the oak, Patchy was granted a Jellicle Cat swimsuit
A similar event happened two days later when Adara brought a sandwich to the garden. As more and more people started showing up, Adara remarked that she wished she had brought more sandwiches to share with the others. She decided to explore the tree, in hopes of getting a snack she *could* share, the oak dispensed "enough sandwiches for everyone in the garden". "It was amazing," Adara later commented to the @Action News Team, "It was like it understood me! And it kindly gave me many different types of sandwiches to satisfy everyone."
The Ancient Oak refused to comment on the extrodinary happenings.
SED: Society of Electronic Devices?
It was made known to this reporter that upon inspection of a computer warehouse, numerous boxes were found to be labeled as coming from ‘SED’. Further inspection found that all that was required to build and maintain numerous electronic devices, mainly high-powered computers, were in these boxes.
Is Morticon, local Rogue Evil Wallaby, devising a new scheme to overthrow the world? This reporter is determined to find out and will report next week on this unexpected turn of events!
Austin Inordinately Proud of Saying "time weasel"
Austin, elastic coati-bunny, introduced furnsake Mouser on Sunday morning to Arashi the fox as a ``time weasel,'' a combination of words Austin immediately announced he was glad to place together. The description is justified by Mouser being a member of the mustelid family from far in the future, cast back to our era by some unspeakable accident. Mouser either approved or humored Austin.
Connection Thief Suspect Named! Findra Undergoes Investigation
"All this started because w' noticed someone was stealing folks' connections," Chanspot, detective, declared in an interview for @Action News. Chanspot is referring to the mystiously dropped connections mentioned in a recent voting topic. Morticon, local wizard, admits he doesn't know why they happen: "They just seem to sneak up on people, like vicious fur-covered soccer balls. You know, like in 'Critters.'"
As to the case itself, the detective had one further comment regarding the possible suspect: "From our deductive investigations involving the froo-frah and the whoosits detective methods, we have to assume it's Findra: she's the only one devious enough to try such a thing...Austin's been monitoring her activities for weeks, just to make sure, and we think we've got a solid case."
What about Morticon, and isn't having Austin do the investigation a case of mixed interests? "Well, he /could/, but he dudn't have the innocent bunny look about him, and this thief's just too devious. She has to be able to get close t' people, and Findra certainly has the big, watery eyes and floppy ears that finesse work like this requires. That, and we caught Findra with the cords in her mouth one evening. New fad diet? Doesn't match with any rabbit I know of...plus, she's the server wiz." Chanspot didn't address the question about mixed interests. Last week, Findra had proportedly tried to steal the Petrified Glitterscepter of Coati, which allows its bearer to run the MUCK, in an attempt to turn the land into a giant vat of creamed cheese.
SpinDizzy police have attempted to apprehend the bunny, but were caught off-guard by the giant eyes and floppy bunny ears, then promptly disconnected and woo-haa'd! with a rapier Findra seems to have picked up after watching Shrek 2, proving in this commenter's opinion, at least, that television is corrupting and should be banned wholesale. The captain of Spindizzy police says they plan to try again soon, as soon as he finds his officers and un-wooh-ha's them.
"Yeah, she's still at large," Chanspot commented, chewing on a few sunflower seeds, and kicking its feet up on the desk, "But we'll get 'er in the end, w'will! In th' meantime, watch your backs and connections for this dastardly fuzzy, and forward all sightings to Argon: he's got control of the paper, and can get the word out."
Film Review: Spiderman 2: Doctorpus
To those of you not familiar with the current theme of Hollywood these days, the big ‘thing’ is to make a film involving various super-heroes. This film is no different.
What it does showcase is the struggle between humanity and machine; desire to do what’s right and following your dreams. This was excellently displayed by none other than Ph.D. Otto Octavius. A brilliant man with a brilliant mind who wanted nothing more than to create sufficient power for all of humanity by means of fusion energy, and with the help of some cybernetic limbs that would be immune to the extreme magnetic flux thrown off by the containment fields, he would usher in a new age for humanity.
Alas, some dreams are not meant to be for this is a super-hero film and to paraphrase a well-known saying, ‘tragedy happens’. From then on, the film becomes a moralistic play on this whole theme of ‘failed dreams’ from a series of characters, each with their own agenda.
Oh, and Spider-Man was in it and did some web-slinging stuff with the aid of CGI.
Gilead's Dog-gone Terrierble Puns
Gilead's Dog-gone Terrierble Puns
Q: What dog ship was famous for the mutiny against its captain?
Q: Who was responsible for the mutiny on the Bone-ty?
Q: Where did he take the mutinous crew afterwards?
Q: What do you call a wiener longshoreman?
Q: How do you dry a wet Scotty?
Q: Why are retrievers so much better looking than bloodhounds?
Q: What do dogs eat to maintain regularity?
Q: What did the Chessie do when his mistress disappeared?
Q: Why did the dog love so much about his mate?
Q: What do you call the first dog on Mars?
Q: What do you call the substance kibble is made from?
Q: Why did Spot have such a positive outlook on his own mortality?
Did you hear about the dog who made a fortune during the Great Depression? It was a classic 'wags to riches' story.
Q: Why do German dogs show off so much?
Q: What does a dog pimp call his employees?
Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep with a wild dog?
Q: What sound do wild dog/sheep crosses make?
Q: What kind of dog kidnaps rednecks to do bizarre medical experiments?
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Newspaper Circulation Report
@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.
Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.
This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, 'What cooked vegetable do you dislike the most?"
Notices and Corrections
Bristles and Pixels Opening
Bristles and Pixels just opened in the SpinDizzy Arts District, across from Dunham's Comedy Club. The proprietor hopes the walls will soon be filled with graffiti and ASCII art, personal gallery links, and mindless tablet discussions.
BP is available for use or rent free of charge, and to celebrate its opening, an Art Ambush will be held there, 'soon as we can patch one together!
BP can be reached by visiting the Arts District at N1 E8, and entering 'B.'
The Doze Garden
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Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles
Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to firstname.lastname@example.org or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News