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Argon -- Editor

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Hostage Exchange Fails

Earlier this week, an attempted exchange of hostages between laughingstock Society of Evil Doers members and resident forces of good went awry, resulting in the failure to recover abducted local Kitsune/human, Alex.

SED forces had already announced the planned release of Alex, whom they described as being unharmed. However, the criminal organizationís past history of treachery and brutality as confirmed recently by the Firewind incident, inspired local porcupine vigilante Sunshine to take additional measures in assuring Alexís safe return. One quick subscription to Ferret Poacher Catalogue, and she was ready to apprehend local nasty, nasty ferret, Darius.

With the SED minion as a bargaining chip, Sunshine met up with Morticon and his lackeys to arrange a hostage exchange: Darius for Alex. And so, on Tuesday night this week, the two parties met together on DownTown SpinDizzy. Representing evil and perfidy, Morticon, Lilahfae, and Wind-Dancer. Representing good and wholesomeness, Sunshine, Felina and Brenda. Caught in the middle, Darius and Alex.

While most of the conflicting party members stayed separated from each other, Sunshine and Lilahfae stepped forward to the centre of the square. Lilahfae, having grown larger, helped a groggy Alex step forward, while Sunshine rode up on top of Darius to meet them.

Problems began immediately. Well, immediately after the snickering aimed at Darius died down, at least. The matter of dispute was whether or not this was the genuine Alex or not. When visual confirmation by Felina and telepathic probing by Brenda failed to give a positive answer, Sunshine called off the deal, and nudged her mustelid mount away. Pandemonium followed.

Hidden from view and from Brendaís Jedi senses, Kira, the SEDís stealth specialist and sniper, fired a tranq dart at Sunshine, knocking her out. Darius quickly pushed off his rider, and scampered off to rejoin his colleagues, which immediately fled, leaving Alex behind. Before Brenda or Felina could react, several space troopers, loyal to Alex, stormed into the street, which unfortunately gave the SED members ample time to escape.

The troopers, led by Becky, were able to confirm the groupís fears. Morticon had used a decoy Alex. No longer in any condition to face the SED, and eager to learn more about the fake Alex, the four women led the meek, and apparently confused doppelganger with them to the Inn of Fens for questioning. Over glasses of warm milk, Brenda attempted to analyze their new companion, but even with her telepathic probing, was unable to obtain much useful information from him. Suddenly becoming aware of a telepathic barrier interfering with her powers, Brenda called upon Sunshine to help her confuse the fake Alex, and weaken the barrier. Sunshine thus tried to scare the duplicate Alex with a syringe. ĎAlexís reaction was more alarming than she had anticipated, though, and the Alex double fell back against the floor, knocking himself out. With the barrier dissipated, Brenda was able to confirm ĎAlexís true identity. Tami, the SED coyote.

Felina, Brenda and Sunshine have declined to comment as to what their future strategy is, or how their new hostage will fit into it.

Game Keeps Fans on Edge

A pick up baseball game Saturday morning in Mudville Park had thrills for everyone as the Balloonie Jellicle Winged Lion Centaurs faced off the Coati Wallaby Porcupine Care Bears.

First to the plate was Argon, pitcher, with a season average of 1.000. Swinging at the changeups of powerhouse pitcher Grumpy Bear, Bear, after a couple of warm up pitches to catcher, Austin Dern was ready to go. But a sudden change by the manager placed Beltrami behind the plate. Argon swung at a couple of fast balls, and a roller before Grumpy Bear used his CareBear ray to get the ball square in the strike zone. Argon swung and slammed the ball towards center field.

Morticon, playing left field managed to get the ball on a hop, and threw it to Sunshine who had moved to cover first. The centaur had by that time rounded first and was heading towards second. An error on the part of Morticon had the ball landing short of the porcupine, giving Argon the chance to make third base.

Sunshine then tossed the ball to Grumpy Bear to cover third, but his missed catch gave Argon the chance to gallop for home. Sunshine chased after the centaur and by grabbing his tail, climbing his back, and jumping off his head, managed to make home plate just as the centaur slid into home!

This left Sunshine covered in a pile of dirt with her hand sticking out of it holding the ball. Argon was safe and brought in three points as he had Patch O'Black and Beltrami on his back.

The bottom of the inning saw Argon pitching against Sunshine, with Beltrami as Catcher. With Cassandro covering the outfield, Argon's first pitch was a slider and caused a strike by the porcupine. His second pitch was ruled a spit ball by the Umpire when it stopped and stuck its tongue at at the porcupine. His third pitch was a bullet, but was nailed by Sunshine.

Cassandro in center field using his wings, flew up but missed the ball. it bounced to Argon as he galloped out to salvage the catch. The porcupine sailed around the corner and headed towards second as Argon urged Beltrami to cover third. He threw the ball, but it was missed and Sunshine made it safely home to third.

At this time, BarterGarter arrived and the game was called on account of snacks. Another game is scheduled at Mudville Ballfield, ( N6 E7 to Forest Crossroads then south west,) 5/15/2004 at 8:00 am muck time.

Darius, Royce get Shiny Puddles

Darius Ferret and Royce Raccoon got brand new shiny puddles this week when Darius sighed about not having more shiny things. Darius said "I want the ultimate shiny! The ultimate hypershiny!" Royce said he wanted one of those too. Leslie the fairy-bunny wasn't sure but thought with Roofus_roo kangaroo's help they could make something good enough.

With the magic wand Leslie traced out little patches in the ground and tapped inside them so they turned into silvery-reflective patches like water. Then a little more magic made it so anyone could pick up the puddles by their edges and carry them around the way cartoons carry holes around. But spread them out and touch the middle and they're like pools of water, and you can even paint things silvery-mirrored with them.

They're a little stretchy too, so Darius was able to pull his out like a big blanket and wrap it around himself and Sunshine Porcupine later. Royce was happy with his too but was more busy just holding it.

Royce Says Magic is Raccoony!

Royce Raccoon announced Monday that magic is a raccoony thing. He said this after Leslie the fairy-bunny used a magic wand and created a big glowing patch around Royce's hands that dusted off to become a big tuna sandwich.

Royce said he was craving a sandwich all day, and ate it up although tuna spilled over Findra Dolphin (the rabbit)'s feet. Royce said "A messy sandwich is a good sandwich."

Teaberry Raccoon helped by taking out some napkins from her sleeve to clean up.

200th Issue Coming Next Week!

Get ready! The 200th edition of @Action News will be published next week. This will be a special issue, so start your subscription to @Action News now. Call 1 800 SpinDizzy!

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That" s me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up,
I have this itching between my toes on my hind paws. It's driving me nuts! What will cure it?
- Signed, Itchy

Dear Itchy:
Stop working on Feathers.

Dear Bearing Up,
I have these burrs attached to my feathering, what's the best way to remove them?
- Argon

Dear Argon:
Use Burr-B-gone..available at your local horse supply shop.

Dear Bearing up,
I have this steering wheel glued to my belt. It's driving me nuts! What can I do?
- Popeye

Dear Popeye:
Glue a car to the steering wheel and you'll be able to go places.

Dear Bearing Up,
Are cuttng coupons and driving from store to store worth the trouble?
- Martha

Dear Martha:
Yes they are worth the trouble. Cutting ouit Coupons will keep you from boredom and teach you to be organized.

Dear Bearing up,
Hey, I wish you'd lighten up on the Grizzwells. I think they are funny. And bears DO get in dumpsters a lot. So there!
- RJ Raccoon

Dear RJ Raccoon:
I beg to differ. Some bears get into dumpsters, but most do not. I still think the image of Gunther is a stereotype.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Newspaper Circulation Report

@Action News, SpinDizzy's weekly paper, apparently has a fairly healthy circulation, so we figured we'd show just how healthy it is.

Each week, as long as there's room. I'll show the 'hit graph' for the @Action News website.

Graphic of @Action News website hits.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a Survey for @Action News. The question this week, suggested by Pennance is, "What is your least favorite thing to see walk into the Rose Garden?""

  • Butterfluff barks, "Mechs armed and looking for a fight."
  • NeverNever rumbles, "I wouldn't want to insult anyone publicly."
  • Cye blinks. "A portable Shrink cannon."
  • Valerius moos, "Me."
  • Sunshine says, "Morticon, wearing a protective anti-quill suit of live puppies."
  • BarterGarter hisses, "Health inspector!"
  • Kern says, "That sparkling thing with the couple of heads that sneaks in and tries grabbing Ing when it's not looking!"
  • Austin says, "Oh, anyone with the attitude that they don't dare join, provoke, or start conversation for fear of being interesting, Argon."
  • Firewind -- I think that my least favorite thing to see in the rose garden would be....Barney?
  • Darius -- Answer for this weeks Survey. "Seeing nothing."
  • Borris -- The SED blimp.
  • A second one from Austin - "Anyone with eyes piercing my soul, wings the most beautiful ethereal things ever, body with genitals that unavoidably draw my eyes to them, magic glowy sparkly things around their hands, and a long and angsty backstory to weigh them finally down, Argon."

Notices And Corrections

Baseball Game 5/15/2005A "pick-up" baseball game will be held at Mudville baseball field this Saturday in the morning.(about 8:00 am muck time) N6 E7: Forest Crossroads then south west.

Switching Careers

I'd like to formally announce to everyone that as of May 10th, 2004, I will be retiring from my position as Official Judge of Spindizzy. In the event that a judge is needed to settle any disputes, I can always bring one of my colleagues to Spindizzy for the case.

I will still retain my job as owner of the French Quarter and Cafe des Cieux. In addition, I will also be a part-time reporter for @Action News.

Thanks in advance to everyone for supporting me during this serious change in my life.


See it Live! - Morticon

Coming next week to a Spindizzy near you! The first ever live broadcast of a surgical procedure from within the SED compound! Watch in awe as we change Brenda, a willing participant, right before your eyes in a comfy viewing room, where you may snack and make comments as you like. Watch the eventlist and/or BB for exact date and time.

Help Wanted

Single Porcupine Female in search for potential candidates for sidekick's position. Furs with phenomenal cosmic powers and willingness to wear tiny shorts preferable. No experience required. Either gender may apply. Contact Sunshine. Candidates for butler, steed, and ghostly former teacher apparitions may also apply.

- Sunshine

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren" t out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported dont have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News