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Argon -- Editor

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Straight as a Quill

Spindizzy's first archery contest of the year ended with a decided win for Patch O'Black this week, as Sunshine was closely defeated at the end of three rounds.

The contest began when Patchy arrived wearing a classic outfit originally modeled by Robin Hood and looking like an arctic form of the famous fox (See story below concerning Patch and Nikon's costumes.) Remarks about whether clothes made the fur created some debate, and Patchy was placed in a position to put up or pipe down. He declared himself up to the challenge, while Sunshine offered her skills with quills in order to be the noble opponent. In the absence of Cye and Nikon, Gilead and Annalee served as seconds and romantic worriers.

The first round offered no real surprises, as a poster of Morticon was marked with a picture of an apple (an artistic homage to William Tell, no doubt). Sunshine's skills proved themselves, as she fired a direct hit at 20 paces. Patchy, however, came through in classic Robin Hood fashion, matching Sunshine's shot to the point, and his point shot her shaft into broomstraws.

The next round was for a moving target. Fortunately, there were no balloonaphiles present (fortunate for the balloonaphiles, anyway), so a Morticon Frisbee flying disk(TM) was used. Argon, local centaur, volunteered to be the launcher. Sunshine combined archery with billiards, as she bounced a quill off one frisbee, smacked the second one, and hit a bullseye on the target of the previous round. Patchy was even more impressive, quickly firing off three arrows. His first arrow pierced one frisbee, the second one knocked the second frisbee onto the arrow stuck into the first frisbee, and the last shaft causes the first arrow to split Sunshine's quill again. Spectators gasped at the skill displayed.

The final round was freeform. Technology was the theme, as Sunshine fired a blunderbuss burst of quills at a helpless VCR. Not only did the recorder survive, the quills set the clock and timer, got all the bad channels blocked, and rewound the tape. Not to be outdone, Patchy targeted a MacIntosh computer, thus continuing to shoot at Apples. With similar shotgun shooting, he ran the software update, downloaded e-mail, and tracked down the source of a spammer and forwarded the information to the proper authorities to have him shut down. Sunshine graciously bowed to the greater talent at this point, and it is safe to say that Patch O'Black is SpinDizzy's current reigning archery champion.

Robin Hood?

Patch O' Black, local Jellicle cat, and his lovely wife, Nikon, local 6 inch Raccoon, had fun in the Rose Garden by appearing as Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Costumes from the Robin Hood film by Walt Disney were provided to the happy couple by BarterGarter, local gartersnake and esteemed merchant.

Wearing their most convincing costumes, it was hard to tell them from the characters in the movie. Nikon portrayed a most convincing Maid Marian, and Patch was quite the noble Robin Hood. Everyone commented on their clever costumes and charming rendition of the characters. Discussions and memories of the film were talked about thanks to Patch and Nikon's outfits!

Deranged Austin Babbles About Enhancements

Head wizard Austin Dern launched into a bizarre rambling and jargon-laden speech Thursday morning in which he announced plans to unveil a staggering array of product enhancements and long-term upgrades until he could be captured and given a chance to recuperate. "To date," the elastic coatimundi said in review, "Spindizzy has been a proud principal supplier for value-added amusement and personal enrichment lifestyle alternatives. It would betray our collective fiduciary obligations to the short- and long-term investor of interest or of record for us to forsake or even minimize those achievements, and clearly we will not indulge in such growth-hostile activities."

"Much though that allays your fears," he continued to a stunned audience, "We are nevertheless not excused any lapses into an inertial mindset mode. The notion we have equilibrated our position vector in event spaces is a seductive and dangerous one and one of our surest traps. Thus I propose that in the coming intellectual year we aggressively reposition ourselves to act in a less risk-adverse manner and to establish a new record of experiential growth. Capital and infrastructure investments will service as path-critical enhancements, naturally, but they will be only a portion of the mission repurposing."

It was noted that Austin has been suffering from a cold, traditionally a very bad medical state for the long-nosed species. Pressed afterward Austin was able to identify among the cold medicines taken product with names such as "Panadol" , "Febs Cold Relief Tables With Vitamin C" , and "Woods' Peppermint Cough Syrup", as well as further vitamin C tables, some "Sloan" s Liniment" for aches and pains, and something which came in a red blister pack that the student co-op sold next to the cash register.

"This procedure of focus redirection and saturation will not be undertaken by any of us alone," said the now-worrisome and slightly annoying wizard. "It represents a collective, sustained, enduring supplementing of our historic objective of intensifying the personalities of our interpersonal base, including regular, auxiliary, and guest, as well as a determined and conscious lowering of intimidating inertial barriers blockading initiative and innovation."

He had soon stretched out enough to wrap a paw, a foot, or a tailring around at least one leg of every person, and was taking turns staring individuals in the eye. ``Our heart is as always the manner in which we alloy together to be more intensely ourselves; what we will do is incentivise the establishment of more and more diverse catalyzers, materiel and personnel, for that cherished and paradoxical core competency."

An attempt to bring Austin under control by shooting him with a tranquilizer dart gun failed due to the dart's being unable to break his elasticized skin. Rabbit wizard Findra, acting on experience provided by Care Bear Squirrel and part-time balloon Nimble and by full-time balloon Dolly, discarded the plan of injecting medication into Austin, and instead placed the needle on his skin and lifted the plunger. The vacuum thus created caused the fluid-like coati to be pulled enough into the needle that he could be taken safely to a warm bed, where he received more predictable medicine, food, vitamin-enriched drinks, and sleep. He has not since then discussed forthcoming plans.

Society of Evil Doers chief operating officer Morticon has expressed an interest in this vacuum-suction technique of catching highly elastic creatures, drawing stern glances from miniature, stretchy raccoon Nikon O" Black. Findra has offered a reward for anyone able to confidently translate Austin' s planning into English.

Record Set for Insomniacs

For what may be the first time Spindizzy has kept at least five people awake continuously for a whole day. And we had at least four for 23 hours running, and at least ten for a full ten hours straight. This may be coincidental to the idle-purge, but it's preferable to think folks were enjopying themselves so much they didn't want to leave.

Bubblegum 'Roo?

Roofus Roo. Senior Kangaroo, found himself with bright pink fur in place of his usual reddish-brown coat. Rumors persisted that Findra, local bunny and occasional magic user had something go wrong (a not unusual occurance with magic use on SpinDizzy,) and left Roofus looking as though he should be wrapped in a Bazooka Joe comic. When asked about the incident, the quiet 'roo revealed little. He did say, "I don't know. Just an accident. I think it's gone now though."

When asked, "How did it happen?" Roofus replied, "I've little idea. But I am back to normal, so, good."

This reporter asked, "Well, a pink Kangaroo isn't something you see every day. How did folks who saw you react?"

Roofus cryptically replied, "Not sure."

Logan, local Canis Sapiens, commented that, "...a pink kangaroo seems downright normal around here."

Asked, "Well, did they blink, or ask you what happened, or run away screaming?" Roofus answered, "A bit of all of those."

"So it wasn't a bad thing then?"

"It wasn't permanent anyway," He replied. Roofus_roo said he is just relieved he isn't standing out anymore.

When reminded that he was Senior Kangraroo and a community leader, and that he stood out normally, in a good way the quiet Kangaroo said, "I feel most comfortable being buried in the background really."

Overhearing the conversation, NeverNever, local mouse, chuckled and remarked that she wants a pink kangaroo!

How and/or why Findra turned Roofus pink was, at press time, still a mystery.

Puns and Plays on Words

Gilead chirps, "This bird tastes all gamey," Tom groused."

Gilead chirps, ""You" re singing half a note low..." Tom said flatly."

Gilead chirps, ""Now you" re half a note too high!" barked Tom sharply."

Ba'ar growls, "That was a COCKROACH said Tom KAGEdly."

Jason growlsqueaks, "Argon TAURED the road in front of his house."

Gilead chirps, ""We" re studying the Sahara Desert in school," Tom reported dryly."

PatchO" Black yerfs, "The gate needs some oil.', Tom squeeked."

Gilead chirps, "Churchill, Manitoba will be most grateful, I' m sure." Argon says, "We shall join the union,' Tom stated."

Kefan snickers. "Look at all the centaurs," said Tom hoarsely." :) Mavra oys.

You say, "I should put these in the paper," Argon reported."

Mavra says, "This description is overstated," Argon eyeballed."

( The Horse was a straight shooter, said Tom with CANTER. )

SED has an IPO

In a surprise move, Morticon, evil marsupial and leader of the SED, anounced that the SED was going to start offering stock to its employees, subcontractors, and the general public. A recent drop in the savings accounts have forced this move in order to "...stay in business. Fighting the zombie invasion in Neopolis has drained every resource I have, so I need this extra money for the short term. I assure you, Neopolis will pay me a hefty sum for the heroic deed so I can pay my associates, sub-contractors, and for materials used on the mission. What I have left will go to my wonderful stock holders", Morticon said in a recent announcement broadcast over KSED, the SED's radio station ("All evilies, all the time!").

"While funds get drained easily, we often have huge spikes in income. Now you too can take part in the draining!", Morticon said, loosly paraphrasing Tami's first attempt at selling the stock.

Prices start at 137.66666666667 shinies per share. Contact Morticon or an SED associate for details.

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba" ar (That" s me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up:
Why does everyone think 'possums always play dead?

Dear Wallaby:
It's because they're not PLAYING, they ARE dead.

Dear Bearing Up,
Since my computer broke, I have been mucking by mail. But the lag is horrible! What can I do to get what I say and the responses to go faster?
- Joe

Dear Joe:
Drop your mailman and switch to e-mail. and your mucking will go faster.

Dear Bearing Up:
My fur is starting to come off in patches on my back. What's making this happen?

Dear Patch:
Try Rogaine or Hair Club For Men.

Dear Bearing Up,
Hey, what's the big deal about Janet Jackson? Humans are so silly about seeing things we furries don't give a second thought to. And with all the crazy things going on in the human world, you'd think their news would have more substance than that.
-Boob boo

Bear Boob boo:
The humans adore modesty among all else, covering their natural parts. That's for sure.

Dear Ba'ar,
I tried your advice about putting blankets in the drier for my sore back. It worked! Thanks for your excellent advice,

Dear Argon:
Glad to be of assistance.

Dear Bearing up:
I still have some candy left from Halloween. Is it safe to eat?

Dear Munchy:
Yes it is still safe to eat, providing you make arrangements for admission at your local hospital to have your stomach pumped when the candy your stomach sour.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions,please page mail me (Ba" ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey. This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question is, "Of all the SpinDizzy 'Guest' character forms (bodies), which one is your favorite?" ( Security blanket; Fox; Space hero; Raven; Giant Squirrel Program; Cereal Bird; Water Gull; Pachycephalosaurus; Volleybunny; Neon Bat; Raccoon Fursuit; and Mer-Human)

  • Findra -- I like the volley bunny! For obvious reasons. =:)
  • Mouser -- I like the security blanket the best. We need more animated "inanimate objects" here. :)
  • Sunshine's favorite guest form is Security Blanket!
  • Austin -- By the way, my favourite guest body is the Volleybunny.
  • Boki -- Boki likes the water gull! This should be the obvious choice!
  • Logan -- I've been especially partial to the raven.
  • Darius -- The Volley Bunny. *Done*
  • Dael -- Dael mmmms, and will go with the Raccoon one? He remembers being that one as a guest, "I think it was a Raccoon fursuit? RaccoonGuest might've been its name.
  • Suri -- The VolleyBunny.
  • PatchO'Black -- I like the giant squirrel program."/LI>
  • Alderem hasn't seen them all. He immediately wants to see the raccoon fursuit...(After seeing it...) "OK, that one gets my vote."
  • Adara -- "I've always liked the security blanket myself.."

For the curious, the current selection of Guest forms include, Security blanket; Fox; Space hero; Raven; Giant Squirrel Program; Cereal Bird; Water Gull; Pachycephalosaurus; Volleybunny; Neon Bat; Raccoon Fursuit; and Mer-Human.

Notices And Corrections

Magic World of Soap Bubbles This Weekend

You'll see through the Rose Garden and who's sure what else in a way you haven't before, and take in the strange and wonderful delights that open up. The Magic World of Soap Bubbles eventit will pop into town the weekend of February 14th.

Butterfluff, local fluff and friend of @Action News was unable to proofread this issue as it went to press. The fluff's attention to detail, and keen eye for spelling are owed much of the credit for making this publication easier to read and more professional. Hopefully, the fluff will be able to give this issue the once over a bit later.

Ed. note: Butterfluff was able to check the paper and as of Monday night all corrections had been made. Thanks, Fluff!

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page @Action or sdnews about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Sunday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we" d prefer things that aren" t out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don" t have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News