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Argon -- Editor

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Morticon Captured

Earlier this week, closet Menudo fanboy and evil wallaby SED director Morticon was subdued, apprehended and jailed by a group of SpinDizzy residents.

The events began last Tuesday evening, when porcupine archer Sunshine entered the Rose Garden, and faced Morticon. Explaining that he was expected to face charges for the destruction of local snake merchant BarterGarter’s property, Sunshine described her duty as that of bringing him in, and added, "Plus, this gives me a sweet, sweet excuse to feed my boot's need for wallaby tail collisions."

Morticon refused to surrender quietly, and fled the Rose Garden with Sunshine in close pursuit. Summoning the SED ninjas as a diversion, Morticon proceeded north. The SED ninjas, along with SED minions Cassyroo and Mouser, attempted to stop Sunshine with snowballs. The frosty artillery had limited effect. Sunshine is an evergreen forest creature, and described the snowball’s effect on her as, “...useless as throwing water balloons at Aquaman.” The ninjas’ attack on innocent bystanders had little more effect, being equipped with hair driers and hot chocolate as they were. The ninjas themselves, however, were not so fortunately provided for by SED, and were eventually taken out with opposing snowballs. Cassyroo was intimidated into surrender at first by Sunshine’s bow and quills, but when Sunshine (lacking handcuffs) tried to subdue her by pouring her tea on her fur and letting it freeze, she furiously tried to pounce her. Sunshine escaped Cassyroo’s wrath by climbing a tree, and the surly ‘roo decided to leave and let Mouser handle the pesky pincushion. Mouser did not live up to Cassyroo’s expectations, being quickly defeated with prickly porcupine scritches and hugs.

A posse composed of Sunshine, Argon and Mavra, continued their pursuit for Morticon and proceeded northward. At the Christmas Tree Retirement Home, an animated cactus provided a nasty, but momentary distraction. After tying it up with some popcorn strings, the group continued into the Jungle, where they finally discovered Morticon. The cornered wallaby still had a few tricks up his sleeve… down his pouch… whatever… however. Ahem! Anyway, when Sunshine reached him, she was greeted with a nasty whip-crack at her bow. Sunshine’s bow was split in two, and the arch-nemeses assumed combat poses. Any hopes for a super-sweet midget battle were shattered when Mavra simply grabbed Morticon by the ears and lifted him up. Mouser, who had followed his boss’s trail, tried his best to free his boss, but pulling on his tail proved ineffective and painful. Morticon was searched for booby traps (and they hurt!), and finally duct-taped for travel purposes. He was unceremoniously tossed into the Jailhouse, relieved from his bindings, and left to wait for his upcoming trial.

Morticon Taken to Trial

Last week, Morticon, local wallaby and alledged leader of the Society of Evil Doers, set fire to BarterGarter, local gartersnake's, cart. BarterGarter, well known and respected merchant, was left with her business and home a smouldering pile of rubble.

With a number of witnesses witnessing Morticon commiting this act and Cassyroo, local Kangaroo, bragging about the act to anyone she found, it was no surprise that Morticon was arrested (See previous story) and held for trial before judge Adara, local feline.

The trial was held in the courtroom, and attended by a large crowd. Argon, representing BarterGarter, was the prosecutor and Morticon was represented by Cassyroo. The prosecution called only one witness, BarterGarter, who fighting her instincts to "barter", was able to testify that Morticon did indeed place a flammable object on her cart and then laughed when it combusted.

Cassyroo then called Morticon to the stand. Morticon claimed that he was driven into a state of rage by BarterGarter's dealings in Morticon plushies, and could not remember anything else about that event. Upon further questioning by Cassyroo, Morticon began nearly frothing at the mouth with rage. Finally, the defense presented the judge with a sheaf of documents alledged to be a fire insurance policy bought by BarterGarter after the fire. The prosecution showed that since the esteemed merchant had no hands, the signature on the "policy' was an obvious forgery.

Argon also pointed out that the claim of copyright infringement of Morticon's likeness was unfounded, saying, "I would like to point out that copyright protects against unauthorised *sale* or profitable use of a work. BarterGarter did not take or make any money on any transaction involving the alledged Morticon plushies. I also note that although not a common name, 'Morticon' is not copyrighted, only the particular wallaby to which one use of that name refers. Morticon plushies, being soft and cuddly and loveable, are obviously not based on the evil wallaby we see at the defense table."

Judge Adara, after a short recess, found that the prosecution had made its case, and sentenced Morticon to two years in jail, a restraining order forcing him to remain 50 feet away from BarterGarter, and punitive damages in the amount of $6000.00. Although court costs amounted to $5999.99, BarterGarter was satisfied with the victory, as was her legal counsel.

In an exclusive interview, the convicted wallaby told @Action News, "Adara and BarterGarter will get their just desserts! When I get out of here, BarterGarter is going to wish she did an out of court settlement instead!"

The Twelve (SpinDizzy) Days of Christmas

(Reprinted by popular demand)

The twelve days of Christmas

Rown wrote a clever 'performance' of the holiday standard, 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'. Due to scheduling conflicts, it wasn't performed, but through the magic of parallel dimension time travel, the following indicates what the show would have been like:

You watch as the patrons assemble in the Centaur amphitheater Rown steps up to the microphone and taps on it to see if it’s on. (The tapping echo’s around the amphitheater). He then blows on the mic and a shot of high pitched feedback blasts across the seating area causing everyone’s fur to stand up! He grins. "Okay, I can see this thing"s on."
He grins.
"Thank you all for coming to watch and hear our concert tonight.
The number we will be doing for you, in the spirit of the season is "Spindizzy"s twelve days of Christmas"
He waits for the applause to stop.
"Okay, I know you all have other things you"d rather be doing right now like rabidly biting other furs or trying to take over the muck so we will get on with it and we sincerely hope you enjoy it."
He makes a sweeping motion with his arm on the left and then the right presenting Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia who join him on the stage. Their hooves pounding the stage floor make the active mic send feedback across the audience and everyone"s fur stands on end!
"Um, sorry folks., he says. Now, please remain quiet because this, like every play, is choreographed and the players can"t be interrupted. (Their feeble minds couldn"t stand the strain!)"
Argon thwops Rown!
"Ouch!" Rown cries, then he rubs the back of his head looking at Argon from the corner of his eye.
"Uhem! Okay, here we go!" The orchestra plays the music to "The twelve days of Christmas" as Rown smiles and addresses the crowd then begins singing"
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me A Wallaby in an oak tree!"
Rown gets interrupted by Mavra as the music plays on.
"A what" Mavra says with agitation, "Argon I thought he said I"d be the first Christmas gift!"
That"s okay dear, You"re my best Christmas present every year so I"ll get him later." Argon assures Mavra. :--)
Mavra kisses Argon then replies, "Thank you sweetie, I"ll get him later too! But with style"
"Ahem!" Rown interrupts as the music still plays on.
He continues" "On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two toon squirrels"
Then Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sang in chorus. " And a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
"On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three kissing globals.."
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing "Two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
Rown gets interrupted once again by Reiter as he asks Rjia a question while the music plays on.
"When is he going to get to me" He promised to have me in this song."
"I don"t know" Rjia answers, He dragged me out here just so he could have this stupid centaur chorus."
Rown whispers to the two, " Will you two shut up? We've got a song to sing here"
Rjia You heard him! Reiter exclaims, No more singing!"
Rown whispers back, " No don"t do that! I need you both!"
Rjia whispers, "Okay, but we both want some perks for this!"
Rown whispers Like what kind of perks?" Rjia whispers back, " Hmmm, like"Well..?"
Rown whispers, " Okay look, all of us are in the song. You"ll see. If we"re not in you can all do what ever you want to me, okay? Now lets get on with the song!"
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia all nod cautiously"
Rown attempts to begin singing the next verse but forgets what verse he was on.
The music continues to play...
Rown whispers, "What day am I on now?" To D`saynin.
D`saynin thwaps Rown!
D`saynin says, "The fourth you idiot!"
Rown whispers back, " Oh! Okay! To D`saynin.
He rubs the back of his head, looks at D`saynin then continues singing.
"On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Four calling foxes..."
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sings, "Three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
The music plays on.
D`saynin hipbumps Rown and grins seductively.
Rown hmm"s and says, "Looks like I may get lucky after all once this is over."
D`saynin says, "That's for if you mention me in the song. If you don"t you'll get this..."
D`saynin grins evilly!
Rown Uh OH's!
He sings, "On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Five Kitsune tails!"
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing "Four calling foxes, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
Rown sings, "On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Six singing Centaurs"
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing "Five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
The music plays on.
" Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia Glare at Rown!
spoof Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia whisper to Rown, " We"re going to get you!"
Rown gulps!
"Weeeell"" He squeaks.
D`saynin says to Rown, " Guess who"s going home alone tonight?"
"Awe please D," Rown replies, "It was the only way to get everyone in."
D`saynin says, "You can"t even make one line mention me" How could you?"
"Well, I couldn't make one line mention you." Rown pleads.
D`saynin says "Why" I"m not important enough?"
"No, I have all the lines mentioning you!" Rown says smiling.
D`saynin says, "No you don"t!"
"Yes I do, Who do you think 'My true love' is?" Rown asks.
D`saynin snugs Rown!
D`saynin says "Awe! I"m sowies then."
D`saynin grins seductively at Rown.
Rown Whews! Then he grins back seductively.
Argon Thwaps Rown!
Argon says "Get on with this will ya?"
Rown Ouchs! Then begins the next verse."
"On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven Raccoons dancing"
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing "Six Centaurs singing, five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
Rown dodges a shiny thrown from the crowd!
"Hey! Don"t throw money"Yet!" He shouts.
A heckler in the crowd replies" "It wasn"t for how good you were doing! It was the only thing I had to throw at you!"
Rown raspberries the heckler! Then sings the next verse."
"On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Eight otters swimming"
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing "Seven raccoons dancing, six Centaurs singing, five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
Rown stops singing and addresses the audience to announce something as the music plays on, "I hope you all know that there is a donation basket near the exit. The Centaur choir would like for you to leave a little donation in it for the SpinDizzy Orphan"s fund set up by Morticon.
Argon says, "There are no orphans in SpinDizzy Rown".
"There aren"t?"
Argon says, "No! Who told you there were?"
Argon says, "And you believed him?"
"No, but then he actually believes I"m going to hand over the basket!" Rown answers smiling.
Argon says, "What if he gets to the basket before you do?"
"He can"t I have Mouser watching it."
Argon crosses his arms and taps his forehoof as Rown thinks for a second and realizes that Mouser is Morticon"s minion.
"Ah"wups!" He pipes.
Argon Thwaps Rown!
"Ouch" Rown shouts rubbing his head.
"I"ll fix that after the concert." Rown says smartly.
Argon replies, "You better!"
Rown Ahems! Then begins singing the next verse.
" "On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Nine shiny things."
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing, "Eight otters swimming, seven raccoons dancing, six Centaurs singing, five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
Mavra says, "That line was really lame, even for you Rown!" As the music plays on.
"I had a little trouble thinking of nine of anything to use." He replies.
Mavra says, "If you had so much trouble thinking of nine I"m going to hate to hear what you came up with for ten."
"Um? Ten? Ten? Ten?" Rown ponders out loud, but the chorus takes that as the tenth verse.
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing, "Nine shiny things, eight otters swimming, seven raccoons dancing, six Centaurs singing, five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
The music plays on.
"Hey! That wasn"t what I wanted put in there!" Rown protests.
Mavra says, "Well, you said it, no one else did!"
"But I didn"t want it in there." Rown pleads.
Mavra says Sarcastically, "You"re the lead singer here, what you say is the lead. The rest of us are just the chorus, remember."
"Okay, well here"s eleven"" Rown continues"
"On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven aphids prancing."
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing, "Ten! Ten! Ten!, Nine shiny things, eight otters swimming, seven raccoons dancing six, Centaurs singing, five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"
The music plays on."
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, Rjia and D`saynin all groan!
Mavra says, "That was even worse than the nine shiny things!"
"I"m sorry. " Rown says apologetically.
Mavra Hugs Rown!
Mavra says, "Awww! Look, if you need help with the last verse I"ll help you, okay?"
"Okay, I really didn"t have a good one for it anyway." Rown replies.
Mavra nods.
Mavra says, "Okay let me think"
Mavra says, "Got it. Here"s what you sing."
Mavra hands Rown a piece of paper with something written on it.
"No! I"m not singing that!" Rown protests.
Mavra says, "Why not? It's really good."
"But I can"t sing that, it would make me look Well, it would make me look really stupid!"
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, Rjia and D`saynin say in unison, "Too late!"
"Oh, Ha ha!" Rown says grimacing.
Rown grumbles then reluctantly sings the last verse...
"On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Twelve Argon huggies."
He blushes as...
Argon, Mavra, Reiter, D`saynin, and Rjia sing, " Eleven Aphids prancing, Ten! Ten! Ten!, Nine shiny things, eight otters swimming, seven raccoons dancing six, Centaurs singing, five Kitsune tails! Four calling fox, three kissing globals, two toon squirrels and a Wallaby in an oak tree!"

The six Centaurs take a bow!

New Arrivals

Newbie patpating Morticon.Every other week, I will be calling attention to the new members of our community. (Editor's Note; ...with the permission of each of the new folks featured, of course. Folks who don't want to be featured in this series, will of course, have that wish fufilled.) This is not to embarrass them, but rather I do it in the hopes that it will encourage everyone to give them a special welcome and friendship.

The following members are new to our community as of a week or two ago at most. Please give them a warm welcome and offer assistance if needed. Who knows, you might even make a new friend or two!

  • Uriel- Female Anthro skunkette - "Space Cadet Skunkette"
  • Weltal - male human - "I'm simply looking for good friends to spend time with and have fun!"
  • Sierra - cuddly cute fluffy helpful musical snuggly youthful Female Kangaroo - "Free Pouch Rides"
  • Miklinar - snuggly gregarious helpful futurist curious male kitsune

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up,
Is it true the Great Gatsby threw great Christmas parties, and at one of them he got a sled he named Rosebud?
signed, F. Scott

Dear Scott:
Is it true that you've been watching too many movies?

Dear Ba'ar,
With the trial past. what sentence should Morticon get for burning down BarterGarter's cart? Judge Judy

Dear Judge Judy:
If you are the Judge Judy that I think you are, he should be subjected to an hour of your tirades. If that won't set him on the straight and narrow, nothing will.

To Bearing Up,
Should I go to the theater and see LOTR The Return of the King, or wait until the DVD comes out and watch all three movies back to back? signed, Frodo

Dear Frodo:
Neither. Watch Star Trek instead. Much more realistic than LOTR could EVER be.

Dear Ba'ar,
Is there really a Santa Claus? Signed, Wondering

Dear Wondering:
Of course, who would bring you your presents if he didn't exist?

Dear Ba'ar,
If Saddam Hussein were a furry, what sort of furry would he be? Signed, George

Dear George:
He'd be a weasel of course. The weasel attitude of viciousness suits him perfectly.

What is Riki Tiki Tavi about? Signed Naga The Cobra.

Dear Naga: Riki Tiki Tavi is no less than a HORROR story as far as snakes are concerned. It's a story where innocent Cobras are assaulted and attacked by a vicious mongoose. Do NOT see if if you have a weak stomach.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News, suggested by Butterfluff. The question this week is, ' What holiday song should have been written but hasn't been yet?"

  • Gilead chirps, "Gilead the Snow-Writing Otter?"
  • Minx -- "All I want for christmas is my two cute minks"
  • Sanogan gently rumbles, " Yeeoow!: The song of the broken cristmas bulb."
  • Suri -- Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I cast you out of zinc! You spin around in circles, and topple with a clink!
  • Lupinetiger wurfs, "hmm...either Deck the halls or Trek the halls? or Tech the halls?"
  • Sasha says, "I'm dreaming of a foxy Christmas?"
  • Lupinetiger wurfs, "well an otter fav I'm guessing is 'into the water and through the kelp..."
  • KeithBear hmmmmms. "How about, "Going Postal At Christmas" ?"
  • Mavra says, "Well, ever since the Apollo mission to the moon upon where the crew had transmitted their Christmas greetings back to 'The Good Earth', I would like to hear a carol about spending Christmas in space. Honestly."
  • Butterfluff says, "I'm Dreaming of a Pink and Purple Polka-Dotted Christmas."
  • Gina_Doberman draws blank on this one.
  • Argon says, "Oh, come on, Gina. The 12 dogs of Christmas comes right to my mind."
  • Rose says, "I thought it was the 12 raccoons of Christmas?"
  • Butterfluff says, "Poodles we have heard on high?"
  • Ping squeaks softly, "My answer would be 'Save us from the holiday muzack' -- there's a song that should be written."
  • Terry -- It's beginning to look a lot like Defense of Marriage Day!
  • Rown -- "Hmmm, how about "Rudolph is in my freezer". :-p"
  • Mouser hisses, "I'm Not Dreaming of a Zen Christmas?"
  • PatchO'Black mews, "Jellicle Christmas!"
  • Dellway chrrphisses, "Silent nite, stretchy nite?"
  • Argon says, "After Christmas all the presents Argon"

Gilead's Otterrible Puns

What do badgers get when they dig at the north pole? Sandy claws.

If your head suddenly gets wet at midnight on Christmas Eve, do you think it's deer rain?

How did Santa deliver all his toys when a dragon chased away all his reindeer? He went out to sleigh the dragon.

Is a python with eight tails a Chanuk-Kaa?

Who delivers presents to mice? Pinky Claus and his eight tiny Braindeer.

What do Cyclops, Phoenix, and Wolverine do on December 25? They celebrate X-Mas.

How does a bunny father get presents for his kittens? He goes out to the carrot patch to hoe hoe hoe.

Who gives presents to all the good little horse-like not-horses? Centaur Claus.

Notices And Corrections

Be all you can be.Keep track of Santa Claus as NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command - Yeah, it doesn't seem to match,) watches the travels of the jolly old elf on their radar system

Note that this issue of @Action News may not read as easily as earlier editions. Butterfluff, local fluff, had a previous engagement and was unable to proofread and correct spelling errors this week. Hopefully, the paper will return to a lower number of errors thanks to Butterfluff's invaluble assistance. The fluff's constant attention to detail and patience with the editor are appreciated.

Thanks, Butterfluff!

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Monday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News