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Argon -- Editor

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Morticon Plan Undermined By Rapid Success

A plan by Morticon, evil wallaby, to take over the muck floundered Thursday morning when it was met with unexpected success in its earliest stages. The scheme, began with his tossing of a blanket over Austin Dern, coati, and wrapping him up inside. When this Rose Garden scheme went according to plan and Austin sat helplessly inside the tied-up blanket, the attempt to move into Phase II was automatically derailed.

"I don't know what to do now," Morticon admitted. "I wasn't expecting this to work." His anticipation that the attempt to capture Austin would be met with stiff resistance or simple bad luck leading to its failure and the need for a convoluted backup plan left him unprepared for the event of no complications.

The crowd in the Rose Garden did its best to help Morticon overcome this obstacle, suggesting he may have been planning to explode something. Morticon denied this, as he would have no use for Austin for that task. Asked if he might be holding Austin for ransom, Morticon said no; catching Austin was only a means to some more devious end.

After all attempts to determine what we planned to do with his success came up empty Morticon admitted defeat. After releasing Austin he hopped off, promising he would not let this happen again.

Patch O'Black's Winter Wonderland

On Friday, Patchy opened his latest creation to the public, his Winter Wonderland. Everyone was quite impressed with the hard work Patch and his assistant Spikey had put into it. Snow covered ground. Giant size candy canes, bushes making steaming hot cocoa, others with eggnog. Trees with lights, some growing mistletoe. Snap-dragons, popcornball stalks, surgar-plums, a Christmas time snack delight for everyone to enjoy. Everyone was in awe of all the hard work Patch and Spikey had put in and all the treats were tasty and everyone had their fill.

Interview with Butterfluff

The idea for an interview column was that I (or someone else on the MUCK) would interview a different Spindizzy character each week. That way, we could all get to know each other better, and learn little-known facts that don't come up in every day conversation. If you'd like to do an interview for next week, go ahead (just be sure to tell me first so I don't do one too!).

Butterfluff is a four-foot-tall ball of mellow yellow fuzz -- you can't tell if the covering is long frizzy fur or fluffy chick's down. Although, if Butterfluff is a chick, the adult bird must be _huge_. The only clear feature on 'Fluff's face is _big_ blue eyes, gazing soulfully at you. 'Fluff's small, pink mouth shows only when talking.

Adara takes out her notepad, "Hmmm, basics, basics. Do you have a full name? About how old are you?"

Butterfluff says, "I should note that I am fluff, not down. It's only at a distance it looks like down."

Butterfluff says, "My full name is Butterfluff. I have memories that go back perhape five years. But given my physiology, I could be thousands of years old."

Adara nodded, "Noted. Now normally, a basic question qould be to ask what species you are, or, what gender you are, if it's necessary. But I have a feeling these questions, at least for you, require more than a quick answer. But I'm sure these questions are on the mind of many Spindizzians who know you only by aquaintance."

Butterfluff says, "I'm a fluff. I've never met another of my species, unless it was a descendant. And if by sex you are talking about reproduction, I split into two or more smaller fluffs to reproduce. "

Butterfluff says, "As far as fun, I am not involved with sex."

Adara purrs, "So about how many descendants do you have?"

Butterfluff says, "There are ten I know of, on various worlds. None of them are living on Spindizzy. Of course, if they have split... There could be billions of us. I think we would have noticed, though."

Adara purrs, "Intriguing. How often do you split?"

Butterfluff says, "It's entirely voluntary. Five years, ten offspring, I would say an average of twice a year. But sometimes it's a pair of little ones, not a singleton."

Adara purrs, "Like twins? "

Butterfluff says, "Technically, we are all twins/triplets/quads...."

Adara nods, "That makes sense."

Butterfluff says, "Identical genetic material, unless there is syzygy."

Adara purrs, "If you are for all intents immortal, why do you only remember back five years?"

Butterfluff says, "If too small a segment of me gets split off, it has practically no brains until it grows up. I think I was split off that way. Of course, I have no way to ever find out."

Adara nods again and makes more notes.

Adara purrs, "So, how and when did you find your way to Spindizzy?"

Butterfluff says, "I was on FurToonia and talked to a coati named Austin. He invited me to look Spindizzy over, and I did."

Butterfluff says, "One of me is still on FurToonia."

Adara purrs, "One of your descendants?"

Adara purrs, "Or the did the original you stay there?"

Butterfluff says, "Reproduction happens one of two ways. If I split evenly, both halves lose memories, but not many. If I split into a large and a small fluff, the small fluff has to do some growing before it is independant." Butterfluff says, "When I left FT, it was as a equal split, so neither of us is really the original."

Butterfluff says, "When I left FT, it was as a equal split."

Butterfluff says, "So neither of us is really the original."

Adara makes more notes, "Interesting..."

Adara looks up, "Who on Spindizzy do you respect, or look up to, the most, and why?"

Butterfluff says, "Austin, first. I tried to be a math major. Someone who has a doctorate in mathematics bowls me over."

Butterfluff says, "I _know_ how hard that is."

Butterfluff says, "After that, Gilead and Findra. All three of them have both a lot of education and great personalities."

Adara writes some more.

Adara purrs, "Now, I've heard from various sources that you are an excellent chef. Is this true?"

Butterfluff says, "I am an excellent and imaginative cook. Chef is a bit presumptive, since I haven't taken any formal classes."

Adara purrs, "What's your favorite thing to cook?"

Butterfluff says, "I used to do a lot of breads. But my tastes changed... lately, it is variations on noodle sauces."

Adara purrs, "Any kind of sauces in particular? A variation on the tradional marinara, or something new altogether?"

Butterfluff says, "Cheese and salsa, barbeque..."

Adara purrs, "Mmm, sounds delish. You'll have to let me taste test sometime."

Butterfluff says, "Certainly."

Butterfluff says, "I also make a lot of clam chowder, but that is Carlos's fault."

Adara chuckles.

Adara purrs, "Well, I'm gonna wrap this up, because I know you have somewhere to be. Thank you for taking the time to be interviewed!"

Butterfluff says, "You are welcome, Adara."

Film Review: ‘Brother Ba’ar’

This reviewer has heard both positive and negative remarks concerning this film, Brother Bear before I saw it, so I was somewhat nervous as to whether or not it would be of any quality. Suffice to say that I found it ‘acceptable’. It’s of sufficient quality to visit on the big screen, or even for home rental or DVD purchase when it becomes available.

The story itself is a time-honored tradition of sibling rivalry and learning to get along with one another, each theme placed upon the tapestry of ‘don’t hunt for revenge’.

One of the most-notables is that of the ‘Brothers Moose’, whose voices are played by none other than the McKenzie Brothers, Bob & Doug, so "Take off, eh?" Alas, no ‘hoser’ was harmed in the making of this film, and no hosing was performed. Their role in the film was minor, overall, but their occasional interjections was sufficient to make it that much more pleasurable and humorous.

Another interesting note was that no parents were shown, no death of unseen parents were made and as a matter of fact, no parents were even mentioned! How unusual, but pleasant! Suffice to say, that there are some deaths involved during the film, but then, you have to have something to angst over to instill a sense of drama.

Finally, it is the opinion of this film reviewer that many of the SD ‘regulars’, that being Ba’ar, Borris (both being bears, imagine that) as well as the outspoken Boki (o-ho!) *must’ve* gotten some payment from this film and/or their relations.

For the matter of review, this reporter gives it eight out of a maximum of ten, possibly a nine.

Gilead's Otterrible Puns

What kind of bird sings the longest and most complicated song?
An Or-Kestrel.

Is a kangaroo's skin a "marsu-peel"?

Or would a marsu-peel be a wallaby's facelift?

If you crossed a feline and a talking bird, would it be a purrot?

Would a bird who hijacked ships for treasure be a pirrot?

Would such an evil bird also be "parrotten to the core"?

What organization helps young shorebirds learn ethics, preparedness, and wilderness survival?
The Gull Scouts.

What do you call a weasel that's not nearby?
A far-ret.

If you synthesized a very large arctic weasel, would it be a polyesterverine?

What off-broadway musical was a smash hit underwater?
Guys and Dolphins.

How many otters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He'll change it into broken glass shards in no time.

What does a fox use when he has a cold?
Vixen Vap-O-Rub.

Where do you store procyonidae?
On a 'Coon Rack.

If a cow gives milk, and a crow is a small blackbird...
Does an aven give a heck of a lot of milk?

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Bearing Up,
I ate too much turkey for Thanksgiving and the predators are starting to look at me and lick their lips. What should I do?
Signed, Really really skinny

Dear really really skinny.
Seek out a cave to hide in until the thanksgiving turkey build goes away.

Dear Bearing Up,
I went to the mall and about got trampled by old ladies trying to buy everything I wanted. How do I get the stuff I want without having to fight for it?
From, Tweety

Dear Tweety:
Try Amazon.com. That will get you the things you want and get them delivered!

Dear Bearing Up:
What's up with the tree in the rose garden? I can't seem to get any good snacks out of it. All I get are cans of coati tail rings and melon rinds.
Signed, Hungry

Dear Hungry: The tree is broken and should be fixed soon. Stay tuned.

Dear Bearing up,
I hear that Fred Flintstone and Barney are moving to Mass. to take advantage of the law in favor of gay marriage. Do you think they really love each other or are they just looking for a tax break?
Signed, Notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat.

Dear Notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat,
Geez, where do these rumors come from? Fred has been married to Wilma and Barney has been married to Betty for more than 30 years and they intend to stay that way. They also have no plans to move from their cozy Bedrock abodes to the big city.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions, please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, '"If there were a sports team named after your character's species, what sport would they play?"

  • Terry -- Soccer, I think. They could practice with their mascot.
  • Dolly --"Dollyball!"
  • Gilead chirps, "Hockey. Or baseball."
  • KevMan says, "Wargames."
  • Darla says, "I think I'd have to go with Rugby. We'd kick some serious tail."
  • Austin says, "43-man squamish."
  • Spikey ponders the survey. "Uh I dunno that anyone would be crazy enough to name a thporth team after my thpecieth...uh but I'd prolly have to thay Batheball, not that I like batheball that much but a lotta minor league teamth have thilly nameth... Oh wait! If they wanna be major league then it'd have to be a Japanethe batheball team. Lemme thee.. How dothe the Matthuyama Pegadonkeyth thound?"
  • Airborn says, "Ohh, that's simple, Air Racing."
  • Arashi says, "Soccer!"
  • Mavra says, "Polo, obviously!"
  • Cye says, "Basketball."
  • Borris says, "Rugby!"
  • Lupinetiger yerfs, "hmm...war games :)"
  • Sunshine says, "I have a survey answer, Argon. Anything but cowtipping."
  • Roofus_roo says, "I'd guess Soccer, being excellent at kicking. "
  • Gem == I would say some sort of competitive dancing.
  • Gina_Doberman says, "Football. Sounds like the right sport for Dobies!"
  • Sasha says, "I would hope baseball, I like baseball."
  • Borris says, "Rugby, after all, Rugby players are known for eating there own :)"
  • Suri says, "Calvinball!"
  • Sofia says, "Rugby."
  • Mouser hisses, "The Fighting Furpents, eh? Dunno...either judo or competative bungee-jumping, I guess..."
  • Rose says, "Is tipping over garbage cans a sport?"
  • Brenda ponders "Hmmm...the Fighting Traorin...I would guess the Summer Olympics, if that can count...especially considering their flexibility and range of the 'races' within the species...

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Monday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News