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Argon -- Editor

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TAURorists Strike SpinDizzy

TAURorists tease a raccoon. Spindizzy has been invaded recently by a group of centaurs calling themselves 'The TAURorist Group'. "We centaurs have been discriminated against long enough!" Damian the leader has been quoted as saying.

"Now's the time for us to take control of things to make things better for ourselves and our colts." The TAURorists are demanding three primary things: that they receive equal treatment, that they have easier access to the vast quanities of food that they need to live, and that they have special accomodations in buildings to fit their wider frames.

The TAURorist Group has staged protests in front of several business owned by nontaurs and has bullied said owners to turn their businesses over to centaur owners. One of those ex-owners, a Quinton Horse, was quoted as saying "They just came in and threw me out. When I tried to fight back, I was beaten senseless. They're crazy!"

Not all centaurs support these tactics, however. Argon has been quoted as saying "The TAURorist Group are not true taurs. True centaurs display an attitude of open-mindedness and brotherhood to all, whether taur or not. They also work peacefully to change things for the better." Constable Adara, meanwhile, has organized a special SWAT team to track down and capture the TAURorists where ever they may be located.

Rift sealing commences;
Ground breaking ceremony scheduled for Fruitbat Amusement Park scheduled

Contruction sign. .The Riftsbats, in partnership with Fruitbat have embarked upon some very innovative construction plans to create a permanent seal between the two sections of SpinDizzy, very nearly separated by the rift running through its northeastern quadrant. These plans involve filling the lower portions of the rift with a flubber-based concrete, which will be form filling and create a secure bond when it cures.

In the true fashion of underground dwellers, the bats won’t be wasting all that valuable space. “Community, housing, and commercial plans have been submitted.” Says Rava Riftsbat, acting coordinator for the construction project. The new community will also provide facilities for education and welfare for the bats that at current live within comparably primitive conditions. And the newly staffed Zaryl and Estern Memorial Hospital promotes its mission to search for cures of uncommon diseases such as sudden floating syndrome (SFS), jittery wing, excessive elasticity, as well as its demographic compilation of data for the recent TAURS outbreak.

Stage one of the project involves injection of a large storage of flubber and sealing compound to fill the lower section of the rift, as the aggregate parts of the sealant settle, the flubber will coat the walls of the rift to form a harmless padding and passable river bed for irrigation purposes. Finally platform structures and underground prefabricated forms supported by the rock walls will provide commercial, medical, and space for adequate living habitats for bats that live within the rift.

To finance the construction, the Riftsbats have enlisted the help of Fruitbat & Co. to perform much of the construction work, and expect that any overbudget expenses will be resolved by the revenue from the hospital, flubber amusement park, and open-air market scheduled to replace the fruit stand currently located at the site

Interview with Roland

Link to Dark Tower Site. Art © Michael Whelan.Roland Deschain, a new resident to SpinDizzy, has many folks curious about his history and his 'quest'. Roland graciously agreed to an interview with Argon of @Action News.

Argon says, "Roland, you're kind of new to SpinDizzy. Can you tell me how you found your way here?"
Roland says, "It actually is still mostly a mystery to me. Not long after we left the Emerald City, we being Jake, Eddie, Susannah, and Oy, I just kind of woke up here. Not a clue as to where anyone else went, or how I got here."
Argon asks, "Who are these other folks you mentioned? Are they here too?" Roland says, "I have not seen them yet. They might be. I'll start with Oy. Oy is a Billy-Bumbler, from my world, kind of like a cross between a raccoon and a dog, he can almost speak English, and is much smarter than some of the people I have met here. He followed us for quite some time before he let Jake adopt him. Jake, is harder to explain, he said he came from the city of New York, in the 1980's. He is a young boy, and part of my ka-tet, and even a part of me."
Roland notes that with the lack of Jake's presence, he slowly began to lose his sanity. "Eddie Dean is also from New York, but he came from an earlier peroid in time. I found Eddie as an addict to a drug, heroin, he called it. I forced him into my world, and now that he has lost his own deamons, he is becoming a compotent gunslinger. His mouth comes close to rivaling that of an old friend of mine.
Roland says, "The last, and most vocal of my ka-tet is Susannah Dean, a combination of two women, one a frighteningly violent woman who called Eddie and myself 'honky ma-fah's.' and a quiet, subdued rich woman. They were forced to combine, and Susannah is the result, she is the love of Eddie's life, and will most likely come to save him on many occasions. Also, she is much better with iron that Eddie can ever hope to be."
Argon asks, "So you were traveling as a group? Why, did you all have something in common, or were you all just going the same way?"
Roland says, "I drew them all, the reason why I did is still unknown, and I just assume it to be Ka. The will of everything, if you must. The wind blows, because it is ka. I am here, because of ka. Or as Eddie says 'Why are we here? Ka-ka.'
" Argon asks, "So they 'follow' you in a sense. Where are you leading them?"
Roland says, "They follow me because they are gunslingers, like I am. Even if I had to beat it into one of them that they are. I quest for the Dark Tower. The nexus of all worlds. There I will find answers, or death, either way, my quest will end there."
Argon asks, "You use the term 'gunslinger'. Does that refer to your, and their, expertise with firearms, or somehting else?"
Roland says, "In my world, gunslingers were the highest form of knight, one of the rare few who trained from youth to be able to carry the iron that I, and Susannah, do. For obvious reasons I no longer carry my right pistol. Jake is still far too young, and Eddie has a pistol from Jake's time, a 'Desert Eagle' as they call it. I think it is a toy, shaped like a pistol."
Argon asks, "Yes, I notice you are missing fingers from your right hand. How did that happen?"
Roland says, "My first quest was to find the man in black, the man I believed to be my Mother's lover, who ended up being a man from my own past, and not Marten at all. Once I caught up with him, he showed me my own future. I woke up, a decade later, and met a creature that looked like a lobster, but ended up taking a few of my fingers, and my left big toe. I could not kill it when I first awoke due to my guns being wet, and the bullets ruined."
Argon asks, "You mention meeting people who aren't from your time. 'When' and where are you from?"
Roland says, "I lost comprehension of time when I left Gilead, so very long ago. I rarely dwell on time, but I am from a world that I best assume is parallel to human Earth. Times and creations are mixed, but their world does seep into mine. Pistols, the tram, weapons of mass distruction, and even a plane that Jake said was from 'World War II' a 'Nazi' plane."
Argon asks, "Perhaps what we call where I am from an 'alternate reality'."
Argon asks, "No more or less real than mine, just following a different path."
Roland says, "All worlds are connected. Each and every world has it's own beam, but there are only twelve. Twelve guardians of the beam, twelve beams."
Argon asks, "You've mentioned these beams before. What are they?"
Roland says, "The Dark Tower is connected to everything by a beam. It isn't a tangable thing to those who are not beam-breakers. But it can be seen on the path. There is a place everywhere where the wind only blows one way, the trees, grass, and even people lean just slightly towards the beam. But there are those who would set out to break the beams, and fell the Dark Tower."
Argon asks, "So, this tower is kind of a crux of realities, where they meet and either combine or are kept seperate?"
Roland says, "They are kept seperate by their beams, the tower is their converging spot. Think of it as the staff the Gods use to hold up existance. Each world has a staff holding it up, and the staff that holds those worlds too has a staff. The dark tower can fall, if the beams are all broken."
Argon asks, "So, what happens if it falls?"
Roland says, "We stop being."
Argon asks, "So, who or what wants to destroy this tower?"
Roland says, "The walking man. R.F. is the one who controls those who would set out to destroy it. The Crimson King, is one of his minions. I know little about any of them, save that R.F. is afraid of my bullets, from my time."
Argon asks, "So why don't the armies of your world rise up and destroy him?"
Roland says, "My world is dead. Gilead fell, and the beam was broken. I am the army of my world."
Argon asks, "Will repairing the beams restore your world?"
Roland says, "The beams cannot be repaired, that I know of. Even so, it will not bring back what once was."
Argon nods, "So why do you bother? Why try and save other places that mean nothing to you?
Roland says, "I do not care about the other places. I care about the Dark Tower. Like I said, either knowledge or death waits for me there. Whatever I get, is what it should be. It's ka."
Argon asks, "So, tell me something about your travels. Where have you been?"
Argon asks, "You've mentioned New York, which is a place I am from."
Argon asks, "Well, a place in my world. Have you met any other centaurs in your travels?"
Roland says, "I have seen New York in the civil rights era, where I saw Susannah as a girl, before she lost her legs. And no, I have not met any centuars, before I wound up here, I knew none of the species, save Pixies and vampires, existed."
Argon nods, "I think we're pretty much a artifact of the myths of my world. Tell me about the land of Gilead, before things became dark there."
Roland says, "Gilead was the greatest kingdom in a time of great kingdoms, our way of life was with peace due to the nature and ability of the gunslingers, and it is said to be the home of Arthur Eld, the first gunslinger. Grandure and beauty permiated my home."
Argon asks, "It sounds very gallant and noble. And the destruction of its 'beam' brought it to ruin?"
Roland says, "The beam was bent and corrupted by minions of the crimson king, and then John Farson began to invade, the gunslingers fell in battle, Gilead fell, and the beam was broken. Bending the beam causes catastrophic events. Jake told me of the use of the 'a-bomb' during a war. That was a direct relation to a bent beam."
Argon asks, "How was it left to you then to save what remains of the worlds this Dark Tower keep in check? And are there other 'realities' with other 'beam convergences' of their own?"
Roland says, "You misunderstand me. I am not out to save the realities. I do not care if they all burn, as long as the Dark Tower stands. If ten of the eleven realities are lost, I will not be moved either way, as long as the Dark Tower stands. And yes, there are eleven other realities, all of which lead to the Dark Tower."
Argon asks, "So.. If you care not about any of the worlds or realities the tower supports, why bother? So what if the tower falls, if you don't care about what it supports?"
Roland says, "You are still too young to understand, Argon. For years I was told that all answers lie at the dark tower, year after year after year. Now all I think about is the Dark Tower. I will forge a path to the dark tower, even if it means destroying eleven of the twelve realities. I will find the Dark Tower."
Argon nods, "Well, I hope that you are able to at least save the reality of SpinDizzy, whether you mean to or not."
Roland says, "I am sorry Argon, but nothing will stand in the way of my quest. Nothing."
Argon asks, "I must say, it seems strange to be prepapred to destroy everything, including your own home, in order to reach this tower. Particularly when that is the purpose of the 'Crimson King', as you call him."
Roland says, "The Crimson King wishes to destroy the tower. He cares not that he has to destroy everything else to do it. The Crimson King stands in my way, so he too, will fall to my will."
Argon asks, "And what's so special about reaching the tower that it is worth destroying.. 12 did you say? Twelve worlds to get there?"
Roland says, "Eleven. One needs to stand for the tower. Once I find the tower, I'll tell you that."
Argon asks, "Well, I must say your story has raised more questions in my mind than it has answered."
Argon smiles.
Roland says, "All stories about the Dark Tower end up so."
Argon asks, "And considering the consequences, I'm not sure if I should wish you luck, or hope you fail, neither option seems hopeful."
Roland says, "If I fail, R.F. will destroy everything."
Argon asks, "Who is R. F.?"
Roland says, "The walking man. He is the one who controls the Crimson King. He is evil, pure and plain."
Argon asks, "What does R. F. stand for?"
Roland says, "I do not know."
Argon asks, "How do you know this name for him then?"
Roland says, "We met him in the Emerald Palace. We woke up, and he had made us picnic basket lunches, and left us a note. "Give up your quest for the Tower or die, gunslinger." And he signed it, 'R.F.'"
Argon asks, "I must say, your tale is quite interesting. Perhaps some day you can write a book about it."
Roland says, "I doubt so, Argon. I will most likely die once I find the tower. And even if I wanted to, I can't write left-handed."
Argon nods.
Argon says, "Well, let me conclude this interview by wishing you, and the realities, good fortune. I hope your quest ends with all surviving."
Roland says, "I will leave you with this, Argon. A witch once told me that Death followed me, because I was better at killing than he."
Argon nods.

With this, Roland scanned the sky and follwing a pattern only he could see walked purposefully to the north.

Editor's Note: Roland's player has based his character on the Dark Tower series of books by Stephen King. This is a series of (I believe) nine books that form the basis of what Roland has described in this interview. For more information, look at these sites, or better yet, read the books!

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.Welcome to latest edition of Bearing up, the advice column where Ba'ar (That's me!) has answers to your most challenging questions.

Dear Ba'ar:
What is Spindizzy's main export/import and its GNP? I feel citizens haven't been properly informed on this matter!

Dear Chainspot:
Spindizzy imports Boredom and exports tooniness. Its GNP is 5 trillion joules of tooniness per year. I hope this helps.

Dear Bearing Up,
If I were 50 feet tall, and a vixen, could I still get a waiver on my student loans?
Signed, Sally Student

Dear Sally Student:
You most certainly can. When you're 50 feet tall you can do and get pretty much anything you want.

Dear Bearing Up,
Last week a group of centaurs I had never seen before bullied their way into my yarn store and forced me out. They actually picked me up by the scruff of my neck and threw me out the door of my own shop! Now they are charging outragous prices for my yarn (My store, 'Knit Pick' has the widest selection and best quality yarn in all of Spindizzy,) and are leaving huge piles of poop in the street in front of it. These are the rudest, most uncivilized centaurs I have ever seen. Usually, equines and felines get along very well, but the centaurs who have taken over my shop are giving all centaurs a bad name. I am almost afraid to speak to Argon or Rown, or any of the other normal centaurs here. What should I do?
Signed, Fraidy Cat

Dear Fraidy Cat:
These miscreants are known as the TAURorist Group and want equal rights for taur kind. However, since they wish to receive those equal rights by force, they are not to be trusted. Because of their violent ways, they are not followers of the centaur philosophy. True centaurs have an open mind and work peacefully to bring about change. I happen to know that Argon and Rown are followers of centaur philosophy and will help you get your shop back. Good luck.

Dear Bearing Up, Have you seen Bear in the Blue House? Do you know Bear? Is he as nice in real life as he is in the show? Is he a guy inside a suit, or is he a real bear?
Signed, Skeptical

Dear Skeptical:
I've met Bear. The good news is that he is indeed a real bear. Further, he's just as friendly off the stage as he is in the show.

Remember possums (to steal a term from Dame Edna ;-D), if you have any questions, please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com. Thanks.

Weekly Survey

Fenris doing the survey.This week, Fenris asked folks, "If your character starred in a Music Video, what would the song be?

  • Gina_Doberman-"Material Girl" by Madonna
  • Ceralor-Illuminations-Reflections of Earth-Epcot
  • Mouser-Jethro Tull's "Bungle in the Jungle"
  • Jack-Anything by Kenny Chesny
  • Butterfluff-"I Don Quixote" from Man from La Mancha or "Follow me, Follow you" by Genesis.
  • Brenda-"Yoda" by Weird Al Yankovich
  • Lilahfae-"Black Magic Woman"
  • Fenris "Pts of Authority" by Linkin Park or "Groove me" by King Floyd
  • PatchO'Black-"Twilight" by E.L.O
  • Roland-"Turn the Page" by Bob Seager
  • Argon-Ludwig van Beethoven's 6th Symphony Op.68 "Pastoral"
  • Beth-"Eye of the Tiger" by Journey
  • Roxy-"Chop Suey" by System of a Down
  • Ba'ar-"Bare Necessities" by Baloo from the Jungle Book
  • Gilead-"Tonight and the Rest of my Life" by Nina Gordon
  • Riku-"One Last Breath" by Creed
  • Lance-"When Dove's Cry" by Prince
  • Slug-The Telefrancais themesong
  • Kevman-"Crawling in the Dark" by Hoobastank

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Monday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News