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Argon -- Editor

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NASA Baffled By Unexplained Objects

Young raccoon tries to buy beer.NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration has broken its silence concerning rumors of unauthorized launches.

For several days, the Jet Propulsion Laboratory has been receiving reports of communication satellite failures. After loss of signal from DEFSAT 5, the Pentagon ordered a complete investigation.

Using the Hubble Space Telescope, the inoperative satellite was viewed closely. As the results were, to be polite, questionable, other satellites and ground based observation equipment were put into play. The Hubble's results were confirmed, as other imaging equipment showed the same result. The DEFSAT 5 had a large dent in its side, and a can of corn over the lens.

Further investigation revealed that many other canned products were in orbit. Although none were on collision courses with any equipment, the mystery of the origin of these items is still unsolved.

General Colon Pyles, in a statement to the press, said, "The Pentagon has this situation completely under control. The cause and effect of these orbiting cans are under investigation, and will soon be known. You have nothing to fear. Your Government, and the Pentagon is on top of the situation, and the public is as safe as they have always been under our protection."

The General refused to take questions, citing 'National Security' preventing him from revealing additional information. NASA did release the accompanying image, after being edited by the Pentagon to preserve security.

Black Vanguard Beings Assault Colony Republic colony M-1.
Vanguard Militia declares War On The Republic.

Attack on M-1.

VC 1030811.0000 The Vanguard militia's elite unit, the Black Vanguard, sent the message of war throughout the Colony Republic today as it swiftly begins it's attack on the central colony cluster. It's target was M-1, one of the first colonies in space built by the Colony Republic.

Several of their advanced D-type mecha stormed the colony almost undetected and started to attack the major points of the city inside, destroying almost every important building including the Republic's capital building.

"All I can say is that they've been picking on us for years and they were looking for a chance to strike." Said one individual. "It was like...they came in all in black, zooming through the night sky and then...BOOM!"

"Explosions everywhere and everyone was running!" Said another bystander.

The M-1 defense force tried to stop the menace but to no avail due to their technologically superior weaponry consisting of a lance type launcher and a beam type launcher. Capabilities yet unknown.

An emergency meeting of the council has been called to try and put a stop to this war. "We believe that it's not their right to tell us what to do! The council has been selected by the people and we represent the people! So it's up to the people's decision on what's to be done about this menace!" Congressman Mikoyan stated in a speech to the press. "As for the Regis, because it is a time of war and she is not present...It has been decided by the council that war is the only way to go. And because she's still absent. We have taken direct control of the military. We will begin to mobilize our elite squadron Zeta to counteract this menace!"

The council has gone to an emergency meeting as this item goes o press.

Local Centaur At Odds With Bears

Rown watches for bears.A Centaur living in the backwoods of Pennsylvania generally has little to worry about. There is virtually no crime and all the room he needs to run around or to watch nature. Most of the time when he has nothing to do, he can create a garden or ponder life near a stream. I find these things really make life worth living, since I’m the Centaur I’m talking about.

Yes, life in the backwoods is great, that’s until something comes along to stir things up. That’s exactly what happened over the past week. Well, actually, it goes back a few weeks when a certain bear decided to raid my bird feeders and relieve them of their seeds. I approached Ba’ar, local bear and Spindizzy regular, to ask him if he had anything to do with the incident but he told me he wasn’t near my place to raid the feeders, besides, bird seeds are for the birds as he stated. I asked Joe and Grumpy, also local bears and Spindizzy regulars, if they were the bears raiding my feeders but neither would answer. I wrote the whole incident off as a one time thing and went on with life, after refilling the feeders.

I’ve occupied my time building a garden using rocks from my lower field so that it has a ‘stone henge’ sort of look to it. I was setting a dolman stone in place when I heard a snarling coming from the hill near me. I turned, digging bar in hand, and saw two dogs approaching me.

Now, a Centaur has little to fear from one dog but two can cause problems and these two were pretty big dogs too! I stood still with the digging bar ready to strike and as they were about to top the hill I got a very big shock. Ceilidh (pronounced ‘Kaylee’), my zucchini eating Gordon Setter, who’s usually more timid than a Chihuahua, attacked the lead dog! As they were engaged in a struggle I got my staff and faced down the second dog. It didn’t take very long until they both backed down and Ceilidh gained her first ever win in a dogfight.

After that little scare and shock when my normally timid pupster became a roaring lion, for a moment anyway, I went back to building my garden. I finished it then decided to clean up some old cars. With the help of a friend we stripped two of them but night fell and another shocker was about to happen. Ceilidh started sniffing around a magnolia tree acting very agitated. She doesn’t do that unless there’s something there that she doesn’t know what it is. We had just began picking up tools when we heard a loud crashing sound. Ceilidh had flushed another bear just a few feet from where we were cleaning up the old cars!

The bear waited a few minutes and I called Ceilidh back to me but no sooner was she back I heard it circling around the barn.

I had decided to try and catch a look at the bear just to see if it was either Ba’ar, Joe or Grumpy but it stayed out of sight effectively evading my flashlight beam. The last we heard of it some dogs were barking at it a mile from my home then even farther off after that. Guess I’ll never know who the bear was that raided my bird feeders but for a short time there was a little excitement in the backwoods for this Centaur. Just what he needed to spice up the summer.

Bearing Up

Ba'ar.This week marks the debut of a new column in the Spindizzy @Action News. Called 'Bearing Up', it's an advice column that will help you with your most challenging questions and problems. If you have any questions, and the more outrageous the better, please page mail me (Ba'ar) online or send mail to big_bear@operamail.com.

Dear Bearing up:
As a centaur, I enjoy a large meal. But when I go out with friends, they say I eat like a horse! I prefer to say that I eat as much as a horse. Which term do you think is correct?
Thank you,

Dear Argon.
You aren't a horse, you are a Taur. So I feel the correct thing to say is 'eat like a taur'.

Dear Bearing up:
I want a magical pot of beans. Where can I find some?

Dear Casimir.
You can find your beans in a magical bean field.

Dear Bearing up:
I have a problem: It seems every time salt is poured on my tail, it falls off! What can I
do about this problem?
- Salttail

Dear Salttail.
Learn to use another seasoning on your tail.

Dear Bearing Up:
I am fed up with my cable TV company. I only watch two channels, Cartoon Network and the Care-Bear channel. And now, they want to charge me extra for the Care-Bear channel! Yet they won't give me credit for all the crummy channels I don't watch! What should I do?
Channel not Surfing

Dear Channel Not Surfing:
Obviously your Cable TV company is being run by Professor Noheart, the Carebear nemesis. What I would recommend you do is gather a bunch of carebears and infiltrate your cable company and see what you can do to stop this.

New Arrivals

Newbie patpating Morticon.Every other week, I will be calling attention to the new members of our community. (Editor's Note; ...with the permission of each of the new folks featured, of course. Folks who don't want to be featured in this series, will of course, have that wish fufilled.) This is not to embarrass them, but rather I do it in the hopes that it will encourage everyone to give them a special welcome and friendship.

The following members are new to our community as of a week or two ago at most. Please give them a warm welcome and offer assistance if needed. Who knows, you might even make a new friend or two!

  • Sage - Female Panther/Demon with just a pinch of phoenix - "Randomly insane but harmless for the most part"
  • Lance - Male Dark Ninetales Morph
  • Sunshine - female porcupine archer - "*TWANG!*"
  • Garrison - male Scottish Fold Skunk
  • Kiyoshi - Toy Inflatable Wolf - "SD is really cool, but some people really don't like the idea of what I am. I think that some people should just accept others, even though they don't like the other person's form....*shrug*"

Weekly Survey

Argon doing the survey.This week, Argon asked folks, "I'm doing a survey for @Action News. The question this week is, 'What is your favorite frozen treat?'

  • Ba'ar smiles at Argon "No contest. Ice cream."
  • Terry -- An amaretto and cinnamon milkshake.
  • Joe says, "I'd do ALMOST anything for a Klondike Bar!"
  • Sage purrs, "freezy pops"
  • Fenris growls, "Ah, Black Walnut ice cream Argon, I love the stuff."
  • Gilead chirps, "Otter Pops! Otter Pops come in Strawberry Short Kook, Li'l Orphan Orange, Louie Bloo Raspberry, Sir Isaac Lime, and Pancho Punch."
  • Jack says, "Frozen treat Hmmmm, lesse Meat pops?"
  • KevMan says, "I'd have to say lemon ice."
  • Boki -- Boki's frozen treat is frozen shrimp!
  • Butterfluff says, "Ben and Jerry's rain Forest crunch ice cream, except I am not supposed to have coconut, brazil nuts or cashews, so I can't eat it, sob."
  • Leowulf says, "K, _Ben & Jerry's_ Ice Cream."
  • Brenda looks to Argon "ice cream!!" =^.^=
  • Bricket looks at Argon. "English Toffee!"
  • Chanspot says, "Chocolate amaretto milkshakes. With chunks of chocolate and whipped cream topping
  • BarterGarter hisses, "A garter snake's favorite frozen treat is hibernating frogs, Argon."
  • Rown says, "Okay, I'll try this one then. A winesickle. :-)"
  • Elissa yaps, "Klondike bars!"
  • Royce churrs, "Limeade concentrate."
  • PatchO'Black mews, "Chocolate and peanut butter shake!"
  • Syndy says, "Lime fruit bars."
  • Austin says, "I'd say ice cream, Argon."
  • Ark says, "Big Ed's Super Saucers."
  • Gina_Doberman says, "Ice cream sandwiches!"
  • Slug clicks, "It's not hot pockets, I know that much."
  • Vixie thinks Dove ice cream bars have to be near the top.
  • Carlos pages, "My survey answer is banana-nut ice cream.
  • Suri says, "I like Otter Pops, when they're almost but not quite frozen, so they're sorta slushy."
  • LAROU reconsiders,"Oh yeah, frozen Milky Ways."
  • Diamond softly purrs, "Oh.. Charelston chews, the strawberry ones."

Notices And Corrections

BarterGarter Moving to New Location

Starting monday, August 10, BarterGarter is moving her base of operations out of the Rose Garden, and into the Beach. (One Square East of the Rose Garden)

BarterGarter's player comments. "There are a couple of reasons for this: Wishing to comply with our wizards requests for exploring beyond the Rose Garden; Giving those who wish to abandon the sometimes tiring chatter of the Rose Garden a chance to have someone to go to when they want to roleplay; Most importantly, I wish to explore my other characters, which I've been neglecting, without having to quit using BG."

And BarterGarter's opinion? "Hmph! All I can make out of this verbal parade is that I'm gonna find myself with a lot less customers! Then again, there are worse fates than being stuck on a nice beach. Boki better behave himself, though!"

The Doze Garden

The Doze Garden Comic Strip

Guidelines and Procedures for Submitting Articles

Submitting a story or artwork for @Action News is easy! Just send it to newspaper@spindizzy.org or qmail or page Argon about it.
@Action News is published weekly on or after 12:01 AM Eastern Time on Monday. Most any type of story or article will be accepted. Generally, we'd prefer things that aren't out and out lies or flames about other folks, and have a basis in the reality of SpinDizzy. Things that occur in public areas are fair game. The things reported don't have to have actually happened, (any more than anything that happens here does) but make sure you don't overstep the social boundaries and rules of interaction that we have. These are pretty broad guidelines, but we expect good sense to apply.

Thanks! Argon, Editor @Action News