Suri (with thanks to Gratiot) Curious Facts of Science
     Asymptotic Time:  Many furs have noticed that time seems to pass more slowly toward the end of the workday, especially on a Friday.  What's not generally understood is that this effect is grounded in mathematical reality.  The end of the workday forms a limiting value to the day's length.  As is the case with limiting values in general, they can be approached, but not met.  Thus it is with the end of the day - as one draws closer to the limit, time begins to pass in an asymptotic fashion.  The closer one gets, the longer it takes.

   A similar effect can be observed with things such as file downloads, supermarket queues, and traffic jams.  The more astute among you will be wondering why it is that the end of the day can be reached at all if it's a limiting value.  The answer has to do with something called the observer principle.  Simply put, the concept of 'End of the Day' is a social construct, and not part of the natural universe. It only exists when the observer is actively thinking about it.  When the observer's mind is on something else, time passes at the normal rate (or even more rapidly in some cases, although that's a matter for another column).  Thus it is that the End of the Day is reached during those few moments when the observer's mind is on his job, food, sex, or something besides the clock.

Argon Argonizationing Exhibition To Be Held This Friday
     If you've read 'The Eye of Argon' by Jim Theis and recognize it's value as comedy, then you'll love this event.  The idea is to take common simple statements and re-word them as Jim would.  An example would be to make a statement such as 'The sun rose'  become 'The brilliant orb that will blind you if looked at too long, oozed above the edge of the world to cast it's weak, new born light upon the  face of the barren land', or worse. If you haven't read this masterpiece, check it out at: http://www.centaursite.com/eyeofargon.htm

   The Argonizationing Exhibition will be held this Friday, June 8th 2001 at 11:00pm Eastern Time (8:00pm Pacific) in Centaur Square (Enter cs to be teleported there).  Hope to see you there!

SED Press Release Morticon Not A Lemur Dispenser
     Morticon, leader of the SED, claims to have been falsely noted of possessing the ability to produce lemurs on demand.  "I was framed!" claimed Morticon, "It is not physically possible for me to produce a lemur from my pouch.  Somefur must have stuck that lemur in my pouch as another tried to put a quarter into my ear as a distraction!"  The event Morticon was referring to occurred in the park, when Vassily stuck a quarter into Morticon's ear after hearing of Morticon's supposed ability to dispense a Lemur. To everyone's surprise, a lemur appeared to come from his pouch!

   Morticon appears to be the only one who doubts his ability.  Others, however, believe that Morticon is a fully operational lemur dispensing wallaby. "Lemur dispensing isn't a crime, it's a way of life!" said Maxl, local badger.  Vassily, local sloth, proclaims, "Thanks to Morticon's new ability, we need never fear a lemur shortage.  Even with the economic downturn, Lemurs will continue to be available to the fur in the street"

   Morticon vehemently denies this ability, maintaining it was a cruel hoax.

Mouser Further News from Your Slithering Reporter
     28 May, the Village Waterhole:  I've made friends with a colony of otters who hang about this place.  Although we at first seemed to have little in common, they seemed a friendly sort.  Tonight I was invited for a game of water polo with them.  As luck and fursnake reflexes would have it, I ended up scoring the winning goal with a blind "behind the back" pass that ended up going straight into the opposing team's net.  I was hailed as MVP and believe I've become accepted as a member of their tribe despite my (to them) outlandish appearance.

   29 May, The Hunt:  I am getting better at finding places outside the Village. I managed to escape for a while to hunt game at a local market.  I've discovered that it is very important to time one's hunting here; there are periods during the day when the local holy folk forbid it and command everyone, locals and foreigners alike, to cease while the locals gather to pray. Luckily, I was able to snag some dinner at the first warning signal and thus managed to return to the Village with it before it could spoil.

   31 May, the Ruined City:  I joined an expedition by some of the Village residents.  We ended up in the ruins of an ancient city that once served as the capital for the locals.  We all marveled at the mud bricks and stone.  According to one of my friends here, the current capital was until recently very much like the ancient one, a testimony I guess to the very conservative nature of the locals.  I nearly collapsed of heat exhaustion during the tour; a reminder of how harsh the climate is here and how necessary water is for life.

   On the way back, we stopped by the local market for a quick hunt before the holy folk called prayer-time.  I found to my surprise a Kentucky Fried Critter outlet, a rare sign of civilization in this wilderness.    The dining customs in this land are quite peculiar, especially regarding females.  There is a particular taboo, apparently, that forbids females unaccompanied by their guardians or mates to eat in the presence of other males.  To accommodate that, the restaurant's dining area was divided by a wall splitting it, counter and all, in two.  One half was reserved for females and their mates and children, while the other half was for single males.

   I returned this evening to the water hole for a swim with the otters.  I find myself growing more and more attracted to this spot; it seems the only habitable place in the Village outside my den.

Boki The Doze Garden (Click for a larger image)
 10 Uses for Boki!
@Action News Info Guidelines and Procedure for Submitting Articles
  ## Procedure for submitting an article:

 *  The newspaper building is located at Role Play Central (rpc).  When you enter the building you will see a bulletin board.

 *  Go ahead and 'write' your story.  If you decide you don't want to  write one, hit .abort and forget about it.  Otherwise page 'newspaper'  alerting us that you wrote one when you finish pasting it in. 

 *  An alternative to this is to page #mail newspaper with your story OR  email it to newspaper@spindizzy.org

 *  If you wish to see the edited version before it is published, please note that somewhere before or after your article.

 * That's it!  It'll appear in the paper!

## Guidelines for writing articles:

When writing articles for the paper...

 * Try and do some proofreading before submission.  That means spell  check! However, if you're no good at that sort of stuff, just send it as-is  and the editors will try their best.

 * No articles whose sole purpose is to flame someone.  You can use the  SpinDizzy BB for that ;)

 * Please strive for accuracy.  If they have time, the editors may check  up on some of the quotes and perhaps the basic facts of the article.   Otherwise, it is assumed you did your best to write an accurate article.   If this is abused and inaccurate things are complained about, stricter  rules may be put in place.

 * Submitting your article anytime on Friday evening through the  normal publishing date (Saturday night) will usually waive your right to  review the edited version because of time constraints.  You will be  contacted and informed but if you cannot get on before the publishing  deadline to check your article it will be published regardless UNLESS  you specify otherwise.

 * The editors' decisions are final.  This is not a wiz ran paper so do not  complain to them.  We can be reached by paging 'newspaper'.

 * Just about anything is published, so be creative!  It can be IC views on  RL topics, RPs that occurred around the MUCK, or most other things  you can think of.  You have creative license when it comes to  documenting RPs, so feel free to expound on the action, etc.  If you  aren't sure if a story is acceptable, page 'newspaper' and find out! :)

 * The AUP applies, so keep language and content acceptable.

  The End