newsstand: 7378

BY: Chit

A group of terrorists assaulted Squirrel City early Monday morning, attempting to take control of the town hall. Despite an extended firefight and major damage to the structure of the city itself, no one was injured in the attack.

"They were trying to take the town hall", chittered Squirrel City Police Assault Squad Leader Zak Andersen nervously from his hospital bed where he lay with the rest of his men, recovering from the sleep gas the terrorists used to defeat the squirrels, "That's where we keep all of our weapons. It's also where the computers control the automatic defenses, although they'd never have gotten into those."

"I know it looks like we lost, but we drove them off without letting them get what they wanted, whatever that was. No one was hurt, although they did a lot of damage. If it wasn't for Councillor Oak's curfew it would have been a different story, as several of the shops were destroyed and part of the roof caved in," he continued, referring to the curfew put into place by the Squirrel City Council after the disturbance several months ago regarding a predator scare.

When asked what they'd learned from the attack, Andersen replied, "Obviously, we need more security. My squad is the best, but we were outnumbered and outgunned. We need to get rid of fluff like the museum project and concentrate on defense", referring to the ongoing project to renovate the Rocket Museum of Squirrel History.

"We should also shut down the drones. We don't need to help terrorists plan their assault or carry it out", continued Andersen, referring to the Public Drone Machine in Squirrel Park which several terrorists used during the assault.

A raccoon aiding the terrorists was identified as 'Bob', and has been linked with the SED. Andersen thought it was likely that this assault was the doing of the shadowy criminal organization due to the strange and powerful weapons technology used during the assault. SED was unavailable for comment.


Moriarty shows good-will torwards TTF
BY: Rocko Wallaby

In a gesture of good-will torwards TFF, Moriarty created the anti-twink task force. The task force, as named, will try and eliminate the twinks of TFF.


When asked how such an old monastery could be on TFF, he explained that The Great One used to live on a mountain top, and because of his advanced age, Mina and Argon built the temple for him.


The Great One's Temple Open to the Public BY: Rocko Wallaby ,p.

I was talking with Argon in the park, and he said he had something The Ferret might be interested in reporting. Unable to resist, I followed him to Twohart's Island (5 south, 6 west).

After wandering through the medieval themed island, he brought me to amassive monastery (you can get here right away by going to the Catapult). I asked him what was so special about it, and he mentioned "The Great One" lives in it.

I asked Argon who The Great One is, and he replied, "The Great One is a wizened priest that has studied for years to accumulate knowledge. No one really knows where he came from, as he was found wandering the monastery soon after strange noises started coming from the heartstone. His advice and wisdom is so great that many come great distances to bask in the glow of The Great One's wisdom."

There is a catch, however. You must pass three tests in order to see The Great One. "Giving the wrong answers can be an adventure in themselves," Argon adds, smiling.

Nervous, I enter the temple with him. As I gaze at my beautiful surroundings, Argon grins and gallops to the first test, shouting that he'll meet me in The Great One's chamber.

After several hours of decision making, I passed all the tests. I did not want to answer incorrectly, as I've heard one of the wrong answers leads to a pit that slowly fills up with water!

Finally, I came to witness The Great One for myself. He lives in a sanctuary-type room, surrounded with pillows and incense. He welcomes me, and I decide to ask a few questions. He happily agrees to the interview after I assist him in changing his Depends. Sometimes his answers were a bit nebulous, but Argon helped me decipher their meaning.

Rocko: How long have you been here?
TGO: I have been here all my life, after being orphaned and left on the steps many years ago.
Rocko: When can furs come to ask you questions?
TGO: I am always here, waiting to answer questions.
Rocko: What about Elvis?
TGO: The answer, Rocko, is within you my child.
Rocko: What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?
TGO: I need time to contemplate the answer Rocko. Leave me as I nap..err, meditate.
Rocko: Before you go off to meditate the answer, is there anything you wish to tell The Ferret readers?
TGO: My gift of wisdom was given to me to share. Everyfur that has a question may pass the tests and ask it.

After he began meditating Argon and I left for the park quietly. I will be sure to visit again if I have any questions that need deep answers.

[Special thanks to Mina and Argon, who created the temple!]


Netbunnies Invade Central Park
BY: Argon

Saturday night (April 18, 1998) in Central Park -- Furries were surprised as seemingly hundreds of netbunnies began appearing and hopping around the park. Although the furries found them amusing at first, the sheer numbers of netbunnies soon seemed as if they would overrun the area.

The number of netbunnies was reduced in part by Mouser and Rocko, who exhibited their positions in the food chain compared to the bunnies. Almost as soon as their meals were finished, the bunnies started to disappear. The relief of the furries in the park was displayed on their faces with the exception of Mouser and Rocko, who had discovered that netbunnies were quite tasty.

Blain and Bob seemed to exhibit some control over the bunnies, and a number of furries also claimed responsibility in their creation and disappearance. It was rumored that after some work, netbunnies may start to appear all over TF&F.