Published weekly except when it isn't
Vol 1 Issue 10 Sunday - June 11, 2K
People Temporarily Return To Muck
SED Indirectly Reveals Sordid Plot
Nikon, tiny Squirrel, or Raccoon, revealed Morticon's 'Wanted' notice on her was an attempt to capture her for another evil SED plot. This nefarious scheme involved using Nikon's powers to shrink other folks to reduce the size of everyone on SpinDizzy. Morticon, alleged 'leader' of the SED claims this would make him '..the biggest Fur.' Nikon, wisely is laying low, and refraining from taking on her Raccoon form until the threat is lifted, or Morticon is distracted by another ridiculously inept plan.
As a side note, In a rash attempt, Morticon attempted to seize 'Charge' from Terra with whom he has become closely acquainted. When she queried him about what it was exactly he was to be in charge of, in a brilliant debate on Terra's part, it was discovered that Morticon really didn't know what 'charge' that Terra seems to have. He relinquished his claims, and Terra continues to be 'In Charge'.
Maxl Trapped In The Ark Of The Covenant
An object resembling the fabled Ark Of The Covenant appeared in the Rose Garden this week. Although most folks averted their eyes and refused to look inside due to fear of being melted in true Indiana Jones style. Maxl lifted the lid of the golden box and. rather than turning to mush, commented that there was nothing inside but some 'tablet dust'. As Maxl leaned into the ark to further examine it's contents, Terry 'accidentally' pushed Maxl into the box. As the lid fell, with Maxl inside, Terry took a seat on the top.
Maxl's muffled voice described excitedly what a valuable find he had made within the ark, Italian soda pop. In various flavors. Upon his attempt to open the lid and share his discovery with the folks present, he found Terry's weight upon the lid trapping him inside. Polite request by Maxl for Terry to release him turned to stringent demands and finally threats as Terry refused to budge.
Telling Terry that if he didn't let him out, Maxl was going to make sure Terry got "...all the Italian soda you can drink", Terry laughed and stayed put. Maxl, finding a small chink in the solid gold box which encased him, squirted Italian Soda through the opening, spraying Terry in what he considered a most unpalatable flavor of the beverage. Terry, reacting as the Wicked Witch of the West did when splashed with water, jumped off the Ark and urgently concentrated on removing the Italian Soda from his fur. With Terry's weight now off the lid, Maxl found his exit unblocked, and leapt to freedom.
As Maxl had actually occupied the golden box, and not been destroyed, it became apparent that this 'Ark of the Covenant' was in fact a very clever duplicate. Most convincing in it's appearance as the actual Ark of the Covenant, yet actually a powerless duplicate, it was sold to Morticon for 2 shinies only due to his apparent misconception that the golden box held powers as portrayed in some fantasy movie story that Morticon seemed to accept as fact. Correcting Morticon's misconception, strangely enough, did not occur to anyone.
Terra Bites Cheek - Conspiracy Suspected
Terra, not-quite-there-Minky, bit the inside of her own cheek. She claims that this has happened 3 times in the last two weeks. Although suspecting that no one is vitally interested in her inadvertent efforts to determine the taste of not-quite-there-Minky, she did reveal that she suspected it to be a mysterious and hidden conspiracy by 'The Government'. The reason she offered for this unusual effort by the conspirators, was to prevent her from "..living a fruitful and sour-apple eating life." Calls for a response or comment from 'The Government', had not been returned by press time.
Zoo Otter Kidnapped
Rubber Recall Affects Regulars
TugsBear Attempts to Make Flutterz A Pet - Flutterz Resists
TugsBear, ward of Tenderheart Bear but not a superhero, found Flutterz, the Wanna Be Dread Flower Fae quite to his liking, and being unaware of her abilities, thought she would make a cute pet. Flutterz, at first finding Tugs cute and worthy of an eargnawing, soon found that her liberty was endangered and headed quickly for the cover of a thorny rose bush. Threatening Tugs with a dose of Wigglebutt dust did not deter the determined Care Bear, who, using his Care Bear Tummy ray, turned the thorny rose bush into a tulip bush and reached in to grab Flutterz. Flutterz, seeking a safe haven took advantage of a cameo appearance by Theo Raccoon, and made for the sanctuary of his ear, and the open space within his head. TugsBear, after considering filling Theo's head with knowledge to fill it up and forcing Flutterz out, instead decided on the more foolproof approach of taking a hose and filling Theo's head with water through one ear, forcing Flutterz out the other.
Although this plan had the hoped for result of urging Flutterz out, it had the unforeseen effect of shorting out Theo's Cyber Raccoon circuitry. As Flutterz exited Theo's head, she flew out of reach of TugsBear, while Theo smoked, trembled, and at last collapsed on the ground. This turned TugsBear's attention to 'helping' Theo, as opposed to capturing Flutterz which gave the Dread Flower Fae an opportunity for escape which she wisely took.
TugsBear's attention wasn't the best thing for Theo, as he followed the suggestion of Austin to use a 'spare parts' hose to fix the damage. Unfortunately, Tugs pulled the hose through a Window, and as Theo operates on the Raccoon OS, the applications were incompatible. After removing his head, and connecting a microphone and TV camera, he was able to communicate through headphones he placed on Argon's head. Soon, realizing he had a spare head in his workshop, Theo picked up his ruined head and headed home to effect repairs.
"American Pie," "My Brown-Eyed Girl" To Merge
By Austin Dern
In a surprise announcement after the close of trading on Friday, Don McLean's song "American Pie" and Van Morrison's "Brown-Eyed Girl" announced they would be merging into a dominating force in nostalgic popular culture.
McLean brushed off the skepticism of industry analysts, pointing out that there were quite a few places in the refrains of "American Pie" that could be fed into the catchy refrain of "Brown-Eyed Girl," and vice-versa. "At several times in 'American Pie' the lyrics begin, 'And we were singing...' It's easy to splice that to the refrain 'Do you remember when/we used to sing/sha-la-la-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la-la-la' -- and for that matter, to go from a sha-la-la chorus to 'Bye, bye, miss American pie."
Cartoon Shortage Recalls
straight man or a villainous foil to any cartoon; licensing requirements
for these roles were eliminated in 1987.
Puppet Characters To Appear
Tiresta, Rhonda, and Darlene, collectively known as the Squirrelles, will be appearing RL at AnthroCon June 30 - July 2, along with their players. This will prove once and for all they are played by three different players, not one as some think. Come see them and say hi, and get ready for a tailswishing time. :
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